UN #16-15
St. Thomas versus Mt. Union at the 2015 Stagg Bowl —
Well, Gang...it’s official. The grand finale of the 2015 Division III football season ends tomorrow in the Championship game played in Salem, VA. Both Mt. Union and St. Thomas earned the right to bash in each others’ purple heads by handily defeating highly ranked UW-Whitewater (36-6) and Linfield (38-17) respectively in last weekend’s semifinals. Who will win? According to the latest on-going D3football.com poll, it’s Mt. Union by 8 or more by 52% of the poll participants. We’ll see about that.
Here’s the [almost] final bracket: http://www.ncaa.com/interactive-bracket/football/d3
How to follow the Stagg Bowl —
Unfortunately the NCAA has sold its soul to ESPN and the result certainly isn’t in the best interests of both the teams and the fans. First, after decades of playing at noon on Saturday, the game was moved to Friday night in recent years to free up the TV slots on Saturday for so-called “bigger” games. Second, ESPN has put this game on a special, little-watched channel (ESPNU) that few homes and bars subscribe to, rather than ESPN or ESPN 2, which have wide coverage. Then, to make matters worse, ESPN (along with its craven counterparts in the NCAA) refuses to (a) let a local station pick the broadcast up and (b) eve forbids live video streaming over the Internet. Audio is all that is allowed. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?! A pox on all of them.
So, what to do if you are at all interested?
Via TV: ESPNU (Game begins at 6 PM CST) — maybe you can subscribe to the channel for one game through your cable company; Or perhaps you can find a bar/restaurant that has ESPNU and will turn it on for you.)
Via Internet: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/football-division-iii-playoffs (audio only)
Via WCCO Radio in Minnesota coverage area — 830 AM
For over a decade a number of CSB-SJU faithful (between10 and 25 people) have come together to complete the Div III season with one another. We’ve hit venues all over the place but our favorite one is Johnny-owned Eden Avenue Grill (Brett Johnson ’09) in Edina but, alas, he’s fully booked this Friday. We sure didn’t want to go to a Tommy-frequented joint like O’Gara’s, Plum’s or Tiffany’s, so that has complicated the search. Over-served Tommies might not appreciate if some of our party cheer bits of Mt. Union success during the game. Other Johnnies supporters have said they are holding their noses about Caruso and his tactics and will be cheering on the Tommies.
After investigating at least a half dozen other possibilities to no avail, we’ve found that Manning’s Cafe & Bar in S.E. Minneapolis will accommodate us (at least as many as they can) in a back dining room. I’d say try to get there around 5:30 tomorrow night so we can save some places. The game’s at 6 pm. Wear red.
Manning’s is centrally-located in the middle of the Metro area about a mile west of Hwy 280 on Como Avenue, moving toward the U of M. They have good comfort food, lots of craft beer, wine and cocktails, free popcorn and in-lot and on-street parking. I’ve been going there for more than 50 years, thanks to Jim Marrin SJP ’60/SJU ’64 who in 1963 introduced me to the neighborhood place in our junior year in college. I’ve continued patronizing the cafe all this time and found there are a few people who still work there for most of these ensuing years. That’s incredible. Manning’s can be found at 2200 Como Avenue SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414. (Phone is 612-331-1053) Here is the map in case you’re not familiar with the area: http://manningscafe.com/index.php/location-hours/ I think coming in from Hwy 280 is the easiest entry.
* *
From Bernie Weber SJP ’63/SJU ’67, Minnetonka, MN —
Wick, Do you think we are on for Fri. night? It’s fun to get together with some other enthusiasts. MU by ten or more. See you Fri. I hope
* *
From Tim Ward ’78, Woodbury, MN —
Bob, Won't be able to make the Stagg viewing party this year. I have an all Tommie wedding to attend the 19th and the groom's dinner is taking place the same time as the game. Damn those Tommies. I'll be watching on my tablet. — Tim
* *
Quickie note after the Mt. Union/Whitewater game from Bob Neis ’65, St. Louis Park, MN —
I think they (UW-W) are suspect going into next year. Coaching was confused, especially head and offensive coaches. QB held ball and was not very mobile. Mount Union will be very hard to beat in the Championship game.
* *
From Thom Farnham ’72, St. Paul, MN —
Bob, thanks for all you do for Saint John’s and your fellow Johnnies. I hope you have a safe and joyous holiday season. Go Johnnies! — Thom
PS. As much as it pains me, we must support the MIAC and wish the Tommies good luck against Mount Union this Friday.
* *
From Steve Mayer (further info below)
Rob, Thanks for your blurbs, and yes, the Tommies are cheaters. Peace, even for them at this time, though it is hard. — Steve
(From Steve explaining who is is: Rob, Not a Johnny; went to St. Mary's, Winona in the seminary 1966, but know many from 1966 SJU - Tom Super, Pat Maxwell, Mucha, Hipwell — was at the 50th game this year with Tom Finnegan; my brother Dan is '70 grad, also know Sam McQuade and John Kapsner from '69. Am from Bismarck where I live in the summer, live in Washington, DC Oct - April, but make it back to one Johnny game a year. — Steve
(Editor's Comment: Now it's all coming back to me...two or three UUNs ago Tom Super told us about this non-SJU fella who hasn't missed a Homecoming game in several decades.
* *
From Colleen Lilly ’81, St. Louis Park, MN —
Wicker, I am pulling for a Mt. Union 38-17 win!! Go Mt. Union! — Colleen
* *
From Ron Tomczik ’65, Medicine Lake, MN —
I am pulling for Mount also. Would be nicer to pull for our Conference Champions -- but there are so many questionable "operations/coaching" issues with the Tommies resulting in making it very difficult to root for them. — Ron
* *
From Anonymous Contributor #1, St. Paul, MN —
As much as I don't want them [UST] to win I've got a bad feeling about this. They might have one of the best O-lines every seen in D3. Combine that with their tight ends they will be able to run the ball on MUC. If anybody can beat them it's Mount Union. I would give just about anything for them to lose a close game on some controversial calls and see Glenn have melt down. He might be capable of doing something really embarrassing to U$T and the MIAC.
I really think this game is too close to pick. Mount dominated UWW last week and has more athletes than $t. Thoma$ has seen this year. If Mount can get an early jump and U$T makes a couple mistakes, who knows?...but they [UST] really haven't had a bad game at all this year. Maybe the pressure gets to them.
* *
From Anonymous Contributor #2, Southern Minnesota —
Bob, Pursuant to our phone conversation on Monday evening and discussing how Patrick Reusse just can't seem to distance himself from SJU, I noticed in this AM's Star-Trib that what began as an article about the upcoming UST-Mount Union game ended with just as much ink given to the '03 game...it's the second time he's done this in his series covering UST's playoff wins. They are so damnably colorless — a faceless, plastic school that represents all that in deplorable in Catholic institutions — that he finds himself relying on John G. and the litany of SJU greats to prop up his articles about St. Thomas. Of course, I don't think Mount Union has much more going for itself in the color department other than its turnstyle process of using D-1 retreads to bolster its record. Have you ever looked into who their sugar daddy is who writes the checks that buy these "Ohio State castoffs"? Some rather serious money is coming from some source...we'll soon see how this drama unfolds.
http://www.startribune.com/cracking-mount-union-no-easy-task-for-st-thomas/362567321/ (Be sure to read the comments section...lots of SJU fans are leaning toward cheering for the Toms.)
http://www.startribune.com/chart-mount-union-vs-st-thomas-tale-of-the-tape/362567241/
* * * *
Gagliardi Trophy goes to Callahan —
Joe Callahan was named winner of the 2015 Gagliardi Trophy on Wednesday night, Dec. 16, in Salem, Va., as part of the festivities surrounding Stagg Bowl XLIII.
This season Callahan, a quarterback from Wesley, became the first Division III quarterback to throw for more than 5,000 yards in a season, leading the Wolverines to an 11-2 season and the national quarterfinals. He also threw 55 touchdown passes, the second-highest single-seaon total in Div. III history.
Callahan beat out other finalists in Guilford quarterback Matt Pawlowski, St. Thomas offensive tackle David Simmet and St. John's running back Sam Sura to take home the trophy. Sam, who rushed for 1,614 yards and 24 touchdowns this season, was the second-highest vote earner.
* * * *
Rajkowski column: Tommies' success good for MIAC —
By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
There are, no doubt, some St. John's University fans who will have a hard time pulling for St. Thomas (14-0) when the Tommies take on Mount Union (Ohio) (14-0) for the Division III national title at 6 p.m. Friday in Salem, Virginia.
That's just the nature of the passion produced by such long-running rivalries.
But one thing that can't be argued is that the Tommies' success this postseason is good for the MIAC's reputation. Just like it was back when St. John's University was making its runs to the national semifinals and finals in the early 2000s.
Deep playoff runs enhance a league's national exposure, and that helps when a conference's runner-up is on the board for a potential at-large postseason bid.
"There's no doubt about that," Johnnies coach Gary Fasching said.
"I'm sure there will be people on our side rooting against St. Thomas just because they're our rivals. But they're showing the level of football that's played in this league. When they play the way they have been, it makes the MIAC as a whole look good."
And while it may be small consolation to some members of the St. John's fanbase, the Johnnies do hold the distinction of playing the Tommies as tough as anyone so far. That may well be reflected in the final year-end national polls.
Consider:
The 19 points St. John's scored in a 38-19 second-round playoff loss at St. Thomas on Nov. 28 are the most the Tommies have allowed in a single game this season.
And the 19-point final margin in that game is the narrowest St. Thomas has had yet — followed only by the 21-point margin the Tommies beat the Johnnies by in a 35-14 win on Sept. 26 in Collegeville, and the 21-point victory they posted in a 38-7 win over Linfield (Oregon) in the national semifinals this past Saturday in St. Paul.
Which is not to suggest Fasching is claiming any moral victories.
"A loss is a loss, whether it's by two points or 30," Fasching said. "I guess the fact that we were more competitive against them than anybody else has been yet suggests we weren't too far off. But they have a great team. They've proven that.
"I just look at it this way. We beat them the past two seasons. And I'm sure they spent time this past offseason figuring out how to counter the things we were able to do. Now we have to go back and do the same thing."
The Johnnies get their chance next season. But the Tommies still have one more game in front of them this year. And it will be against the team that really is the gold standard when it comes to football at the Division III level.
The Purple Raiders have advanced to the national championship game 18 of the past 20 seasons, and 19 times since 1993. Over that span, they have won 11 national titles.
This year's team has been every bit as dominant over the course of its own schedule as the Tommies have been over theirs.
Mount Union is averaging 53.6 points per game and surrendering an average of 7.5. A 36-6 win over Wisconsin-Whitewater in the national semifinals Saturday marked just the second time all year the Purple Raiders have been held under 42 points.
But St. Thomas has experienced the Mount Union juggernaut once already, having fallen 28-10 to the Purple Raiders in the national championship game in 2012.
And Fasching thinks that could benefit them this time around.
"Mount Union is really good," said Fasching, who was an assistant coach on the Johnnies' teams that fell 10-7 to the Purple Raiders in the 2000 national title game and beat them 24-6 for the national championship in 2003.
"To stay at the level they have for 22 years now with everybody else gunning for them is just amazing. But I'm sure St. Thomas learned a few things from the last time. They still have some kids who were on that (2012) team. They'll have a better idea of what to expect. That always helps."
And no matter what happens, Fasching said the Tommies' success has already provided another reminder the MIAC is one of the nation's toughest Division III conferences.
"You just look over the past 20 years," Fasching said. "We've made our runs, Bethel has had a few too. Now you see what St. Thomas has done the past seven seasons. Concordia is always on the verge of being right there as well. It's just an extremely tough conference.
"St. Thomas had a great team this season, and they're a really good representative of the kind of talent you have in this league."
* * * *
Random Thoughts from Big Al —
(Contributed by Al Richie SJP ’60/UST ’64, Wayzata, MN)
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.
* *
Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage.
Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.
* *
Guns don’t kill people...
Husbands who come home early kill people.
* *
Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
* * * *
Wicker’s Health Rant —
Yoga For The Brain —
(Courtesy of CJ Ross ’64, San Diego, CA)
Hey, Wick, this was interesting --- thought you might check it out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSwhpF9iJSs (4:17 min.)
(Editor’s Further Note: Here’s some more on exactly how to do this simple exercise: “Fitness Hacks: Yoga For Your Brain!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhu5L8WVCqc [3:26 min.] Breathe IN on the way down, breathe OUT on the way; continue reps slowly 14 times — 2-3 minutes.)
* * * *
From Our Readers —
From Bob Neis ’65, St. Louis Park, MN ‚
Re your last issue: Excellent. Great balance in your overall tone. Happy Holidays!
The Caruso situation sounds possible. — Bob
(Editor’s Comment: I heard this week (Monday) from another close follower of the Johnnies who wrote: “I was just told by a friend who follows college football closely that Bob Nielson, former UMD coach and now at Western Illinois, has accepted the USD job...” So I guess we still have Glenn Caruso around to loathe a while longer.)
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/college/ct-bob-nielson-western-illinois-20151214-story.html
* * * *
From Jim Conn ’64, Alexandria, MN —
Rob – Incredible, insightful final UUN to cap off the 2015 football season! I especially enjoyed the UST game analysis, your effort at gathering and reporting intelligence for the 2016 season – (and sounds like a real possibility without Caruso at the UST helm) – and most of all your kudos to the team players for their exceptional performance giving us all great reason to turn out in 2016.
I am forwarding this UUN to an old Alexandria swimming buddy who is the Pastor at Peace Lutheran in Cold Spring and an avid Johnnie fan (except when we play the Cobbers). I think Mark will enjoy the UUN but if he signs up please try to go easy on the Luth’ran jokes – at least until he becomes a bit more familiar with your style. Mark Astrup is a regular swimmer and now takes his morning plunge in a pool at one of the local Catholic colleges. Now that’s ecumenism at its finest and maybe the Catholic pool water will result in an immaculate conversion! Best, — Jim
* * * *
From the Rev. Mark Astrup, Concordia ’86, Pastor, Peace Lutheran Church, Cold Spring, MN —
Hello Rob, Yes, please add me to the UUN. You are an astute collector and conveyor of Johnnie sports grist and I want in to your information and commentary.
I get to all Johnnie home football games (unless I have to conduct a wedding on a "home game" Saturday), plus this season I was able to get to the playoff game vs. the Tommies as well. Observing ESPN broadcast live from Clemens Field was fun; I especially liked the signs not fit for Sunday School Children [like, "Jesus was a Johnnie" & "Judas was a Tommie"]. I also like to take in a couple football masses each fall. This past Saturday I was at Sexton to watch the Johnnie B-Ball team defeat Bethel in OT.
Jim is spot on with his ecumenical commentary. For what its worth, I follow Pope Francis on Twitter and he too is in favor of ecumenism. BTW, Catholics and Lutherans (at least ELCA Lutherans] recognize one another's baptisms as being "valid and efficacious."
Oh, SJU AD Tom Stock was at Peace this fall to witness his nephew, Eli Anderson, confirm Christian faith in the Confirmation Worship Service. After the service, I had a great time visiting with Tom at Eli's confirmation party. Now when I walk through the Clemens Stadium gate I receive a friendly hello from Tom.
I am a Cobber '86, and I'm unrepentant and unashamed of this identity. Way back when I was applying to colleges I had to make a choice between Concordia and SJU, I was accepted to both. I'm the youngest in my family and each of my 4 siblings and both parents are Cobbers. I chose Concordia because I didn't want to be the "black sheep" of my family. In God's divine humor, He has called me to serve a congregation in the "back yard" of SJU-CSB.
Don't listen to Jim about censoring Lutheran jokes. Lake Wobegon is where we live and Garrison Keillor explains that folks from Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility Catholic Church get along pretty well with the Lake Wobegon Lutheran Church people. I'm hoping by reading UUN I can collect some jokes I've never heard before whatever the subject matter. Regards, — Mark
(Editor accepts the challenge/invitation.)
You Know You Might Be A Lutheran If...
- you only serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season.
- when someone mentions red and green (in terms of Christmas), you immediately think of a battle over hymnals.
- during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it.
- you think Garrison Keillor's stories are totally factual.
- a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.
- you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.
- the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.
- you don't know what was sooo funny about dat movie "Fargo" then.
- you pronounce the word Lutheran "Lutern."
- peas in your tuna noodle hotdish add too much color.
- you think butter is a spice.
- you have more than three friends whose first names have the letter "j" as the second letter.
- Ole and Lena are really the names of your relatives.
- you know what a Lutheran Church Basement Woman is.
- you think hotdish is one of the major food groups.
- you think anyone who says "casserole" instead of "hotdish" is trying to be uppity (or maybe even Episcopalian!)
- you think you're paying your pastor too much if he gets a new car for the first time in eight years.
- Bach is your favorite composer just because he was Lutheran, too.
- you hesitate to clap for the church choir or special music because "it just wasn't done that way in the old days."
- your house is a mess because you're "saved by Grace," not by works.
- you think the communion wafers are too spicy.
- you think that an ELCA Lutheran bride and an LCMS groom make for a "mixed marriage." (or any other two synods not in fellowship.)
- Folgers has you on their Christmas list.
- your congregation's first two operating rules are "Don't change" and "Don't spend."
- you're 57 years old and your parents still won't let you date a Catholic.
- you wonder why bread and wine are used for Communion instead of coffee and donuts.
- Commandment #11--If it's never been done that way before, don't do it.
- you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.
- it's 110 degrees outside and you still have coffee after services.
- every time something changes, the old one was better.
- you refer to your trip to Minneapolis as a pilgrimage.
- all your relatives graduated from a school named Concordia.
- you laugh out loud while reading this list, and relive your childhood at the same time.
* * * *
Why Ethel Changed Hotels —
Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday; she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce adime off his well-oiled buns .......
She figured, "What the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call."
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?”
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
* * * *
From Dave Steil ’64, Yardley, PA —
Rob, Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year. Thanks for the UUN and your passing on important health care info. Have just completed re-writing our PA Health Care Plan. It was introduced in the PA House two weeks ago as HB 1688.
Also am active in the National Institute of Civil Discourse, based at the University of Arizona. We work with State Legislatures to enhance legislators ability to hold civil conversations with other members of differing political philosophies. I have noted that there is an SJU/CSB chapter for the No Labels organization which promotes public policy development regardless of political party. I am the PA State Leader for the organization. Hope we have an opportunity to get together in the next year.
Next year I will have to relate my father’s experiences with Johnny Blood McNally who was a class mate of his in the middle 1920‘s. Again thanks for everything. — Dave
(Editor’s Comment: Francis Marrin SJP '22/SJU ’26, father of that multi-talented Marrin clan that attended SJP and SJU throughout the 1960s, had a number of memorable and colorful stories about his friendship with the legendary Johnny Blood McNally also, so it will be fun if Dave and some of the Marrins could relate their stories for UUN readers, while some of the footballers of the ‘50s might send some remembrances of Johnny Blood, the SJU coach immediately preceding John Gagliardi.)
* * * *
From Nell Zachman Klein ’60, St. Cloud, MN —
Wonderful [issue]...enjoyable year for your readers! Look forward to next year already! Is this your grand finale? Excellent year, Rob!!
(Editor’s Response: No, not quite yet, as evidenced by this issue.)
* * * *
From Paul Hamann ’63, Edina, MN —
Hi Bob, First thing, thanks for another great year for the UUN. Appreciate your efforts. Agree UST is just damn good this year. Just finished watching the UST/Linfield game. Also agree we had a very good team this year. Based on UST's performance in the play-offs are the Johnnies somewhere between number 4 - 8? Not that it matters all that much. I believe we would have been competitive with most of the teams that went deeper into the play-offs.
Merry Christmas and Best Wishes to you and Chris for the New Year. Go Johnnies! — Paul
* * * *
From Dana Buttenhoff, Maple Lake, MN —
Hi Bob, I have often thought about the potential for scholarship abuse at UST. How difficult would this be for the MIAC or NCAA to investigate and or bring penalties to UST if they are indeed doing what many say they are doing. I have heard similar stories about basketball and baseball players but without proof or an investigation it is just gossip.
Is this something that other MIAC coaches just don't say something to the league about because if they are not able to prove they (the accusing coaches) are then labeled as conspiracy theorist? It seems in the upper divisions there are investigations by the NCAA all the time and coaches lose their jobs and teams are barred from post season play,but I have never heard of this in D3. Your thoughts? Cheers, — Dana
* * * *
From Gary Kordosky ’64, Tucson, AZ —
I am impressed with the time your latest UUN arrived, 6 am Tucson time. You are to be highly commended for your dedication to the SJU/CSB community. This high praise and $2 will get you a cup of coffee.
The Tommies won today rather easily as did Mt. Union. Wick, I have heard it mentioned a number of times that UST can beat the best financial aid package SJU can come up with. Are there any NCAA rules governing financial aid for athletes? My understanding is that D3 athletes cannot get athletic scholarships so what does SJU or UST call significant aid given to athletes? Most schools offer aid based on need, but SJU does offer financial aid based on academics regardless of need.
I know D3 coaches do a lot of recruiting so they must have some idea of what kind of aid an athlete can get otherwise how can you successfully recruit. Also in the latest UUN you mention someone helping an athlete at UST. I am pretty sure that is not allowed, it certainly is not at D1 level so the same must be true for D3.
Thanks for a great past 4 months of UUN. It is a lifeline for us who are so far away. A blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and all those close to you. — Gary
* * * *
From Tom Melchior ’58, Shakopee, MN —
Every Tuesday I have coffee with a Tommie. [Ed’s Injection: That’s got to be hard duty! Hope he buys.] He claims that no "extra" money is used to entice players to St. Thomas.
You mention, If we could somehow match dollar-for-dollar the amount St. Thomas sneaks through in financial aid, some of UST’s outstanding players would have been with us. “We hear this every year — ‘I wanted to come to St. John’s but they couldn’t match what St. Thomas is offering me’; giving a young man $2,000-$3,000+ a year more than our best scholarship and aid package means a lot to a kid and his family over four years.” Is this just hearsay or do you know this as a fact?
Thanks. I enjoy the Underground News and marvel at the amount of time and effort it takes to keep us informed. — Tom
(Editor’s Attempt to Answer: Dana, Gary and Tom, my response is “yes and no.” I’d say it’s hearsay because I personally have not spoken with a UST student or his parent who has benefited from the questionable largesse of the University of St. Thomas, but it sounds pretty darn factual when I hear it from our coaches, including head coach Gary Fasching ’81 addressing a group of older Johnnies who questioned him about a losing a specific player and that was the reason he gave. He said that generally, when we lose a player wanted by both schools, it’s because we’re out-bid at the last moment, and the reason given to the student, who then had to tell SJU that he wasn’t coming here after all, is UST tapped a fund to help these players from money from "a generous alum." That is money above and beyond UST’s already more powerful aid package available to all students because of its deep pockets. On average, UST can offer students between $1,500-$3,000 more a year than we can; of course, it doesn’t mean they always do...just when it’s a matter of keeping a good prospective student there rather than escape to another MIAC school, particularly CSB and SJU...and probably St. Kate’s and St. Mary’s too.
Closer to you, Tom, one of your 1958 classmates has a top-notch scholar, first-year Bennie granddaughter who is so brilliant that she’s wrangled every scholarship, grant and other financial aid award available to the best incoming students and yet (YET!) she has to pay more for college than her UST sophomore football-playing Tommy boyfriend who, without trying to be dismissive, is certainly nowhere near her level of academic accomplishment. The lad says he really wanted to go to SJU but our school, offering him the best we could legally, ethically and sanely afford, couldn’t match what Glenn Caruso offered him, saying these magic little words, “An alumnus donated some money to the program for a needy student and we’re going to give it to you.” (I’m paraphrasing that from what I heard from the grandparents).
Whether that’s legal by MIAC and NCAA rules is not for me to say, but it seems to be pushing the boundaries of program propriety, just like Caruso pushes the boundaries of other elements, running a de facto Div. II program in regards to time mandated for practice, film study, weight-training and other facets expected by every student who has hopes of playing, much less starting. He also has demonstrated his poor sportsmanship and disdain for MIAC competitors by running up scores, especially on weaker teams, having his players seeming trying to physically intimidate and even hurt key players of the opposition (evidence our latest game and UST’s unremitting smashing of our quarterbacks until finally the refs began throwing flags), leaving in the starters far too long in order to impress the people running polls; he knows that showing such lopsided scoring impresses the standings people. That’s why seminarian Roberts was still in as late as the fourth quarter in some runaway games in Caruso’s quest to bolster Roberts’ chances to be named the top running back in Div III. I know some of this for a fact from talking with a young man from our parish who had to give up UST football because of the time demands of the program, his suffering grades and the fact that, as a younger player, he was fed as “raw meat” to the upperclassmen in brutal practices. He said that he had suffered a broken nose, cracked ribs, leg or knee problems, dislocated fingers/thumb and a concussion, all in practices. He said that their practices and other program time added up to about four, sometimes as much as five hours a day, when at SJU it’s probably two and a half hours a day max. Maybe some SJU players can give us a more accurate accounting of what is expected as a time commitment.
In newspaper quotes Caruso says he is impressed and humbled by the sacrifices and dedication that “his” players have made to reach their record performances, but he’s the one demanding the sacrifices as a price of playing. I can only assume that Mt. Union and UW-Whitewater coaches are doing the same...all three programs should be elevated to real, live Division II conferences, or made to adhere to the same restrictions that the rest of Div. III is toiling under.
Tom, whether your Purple coffee-drinking pal believes this or not, that’s what some of us following the situation closely have discerned. Now, having said all that, let me share some really good news about St. John’s and St. Ben’s as it relates to financial packages for academically-gifted, yet needy students — Jerry Howard ’56, Danbury, WI, sent this to a number of us on his mailing list yesterday — I’m very proud of our schools and their educational priorities and I’m sure you will be too; where UST seems to be “buying” athletes, CSB-SJU is doing all they can to open the doors for top students who need significant financial aid:
* * * *
Battle Between The Sexes (A Continuing Series) —
(Sent in by Kathleen Ziegler, wife of Frank ’62, Lino Lakes, MN)
In a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No" said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse andslowly reached down in her cleavage, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her, and smiled approvingly.
She then asked, "Haveyou ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No I haven't," he said with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, unzipped her skirt, letting It drop to the floor and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way!" he said, even more curious to what would happen next.
She replied: "Go look in the garage."
* * * *
From Jim Smith, recently-retired SJU basketball coach, Edina, MN —
Rob: Thanks for updates and information. Always fun to read. St. Thomas is obviously very strong this year and probably has a good shot at the National Championship. Wait til next year. Gary and his staff are doing a great job.
Pat McKenzie has his team off to a 8-1 start, one of the best in [SJU] basketball history. His team is fun to watch and has some very talented players. The senior group is great and some good young players. Have a wonderful Christmas. — Jim
* * * *
From Drake Dierkhising SJP ’59/SJU ’63, Sonoma, CA —
Madeline and I saw ‘Spotlight’ last night; it is very poignant — it’s about the Catholic sexual abuse issue, particularly highlighting the Boston situation.
Richard Sipe plays a prominent role in the movie (or his “voice” does). He is aka Fr. Aquinas Sipe OSB SJP ’50/SJU ’55/ brother of Tom SJP ’59, John SJP ’61/SJU ’65 and Mike SJP ’64/SJU ’68. The Boston Globe is very close to where Madeline grew up; she could see both the Globe and Boston College High from her house. BC High was also very key in the movie, many of the people went there, as did all my brother-in-laws!
We lived north of Boston from ’83-’88; I will say, even then, I was NOT a fan of Cardinal Law. This whole sexual abuse issue has caused more good Catholics, and borderline ones to leave the Church! It is a sad comment on how the Church manages it’s people and assets.
I am a fan of a married clergy, but it would not solve all of these problems. Years ago our parish had a seminar with two married pastors and wives, one Lutheran (a good friend) and an Episcopalian, an ex-Reformed Dutch, & ex-FBI Catholic priest (FBI - Foreign Born Irish); the wives had more negative things to say about married pastors than any one — you will raise your children alone, and the Hierarchy will ignore you. The ex-pastors had similar comments of being able to do things; one ex-pastor (recently divorced) said he was free to make his own decisions, whereas the ex-priest (now married) said he had to check with his wife first. The biggest thing is that the vocations are out there, the Roman Church just has to learn how to deal with it. The other seven or eight branches of the Roman Catholic Church have solved the issue. Why can’t Rome? I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas Season - Christ is with US! — Drake
(Editor’s Note: Here’s an interesting article about Richard Sipe that appeared in the San Diego Union Tribune; it was brought to my attention by Prep classmate Paul Carlson SJP ’60, Minnetonka, MN: http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/2015/nov/20/richard-sipe-spotlight-sex-abuse/ )
* * * *
‘Best Lines in a Movie Trailer’ Department —
In an upcoming comic release in the X-man superhero series, Deadpool, a character named Wade Wilson was subjected to an experiment that leaves him with accelerated healing powers, disfigured skin, an unstable mind and a "dark, twisted" sense of humor. The following lines in the trailer shows him talking with an old friend who has just discovered his new appearance:
"Your face looks like Freddy Krueger [procreated with] a topographical map of Utah."
"Exactly."
"You look like an avocado that had sex with an older avocado."
"Thank you."
* * * *
Trailer For The New Coen Brothers’ Movie, Hail, Caesar! —
(I can’t wait!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMqeoW3XRa0 (2:32 min.)
* * * *
School of Theology Corner, Sacrament of Reconciliation Division —
Bless Me, Father ...
(Ed’s Note: I saw the movie Brooklyn last weekend and loved it. Although the following doesn’t really relate to that movie per se, when I read this joke sent by Bill Healey, I could see this happening back in 1950s Brooklyn when and where the movie was set and in that same formerly heavily-Italian neighborhood where my daughter Caitlin now lives.)
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, Joey Savino?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.”
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I'll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You're very tight lipped, and I admire that, Joey. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Dominic slides over and whispers, “What'd you get?’
“Four months vacation and five good leads.”
* * * *
School of Theology Corner, Ecumenical Holidays Division —
The teacher was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas Eve. "Tell me, Patrick, what do you do on Christmas Eve?" she asked.
Patrick addressed the class. "Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
"Very nice Patrick, now Jimmy Brown, what do you do?"
"Well Miss, me and my sister go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
Remembering there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now Isaac Cohen, what do you do on Christmas Eve?"
"Well Miss, it's the same old thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside we look at all the empty shelves and sing, "What a friend we have in Jesus." Then we go to the Bahamas."
* * * *
The “I Don’t Know How Describe It, But You Gotta Watch It” Department —
(Contributed by Mike Gerbich ’63, Scottsdale, AZ)
http://diynetwork.us/they-dance-to-a-song-from-2015-but-watch-when-they-turn-around-incredible/#.Vk9Saa6Lx8s.email (4:53 min. and really worth the time)
* * * *
FINAL WORD —
Yes, Little Johnnies and Bennies, There IS a Santa Claus —
(Forwarded by Tom Varley ’65, Northfield, MN...and we all thought he was a grinch)
A Christmas Story
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on Christmas Eve to visit her. My big sister had just dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me.
"No Santa Claus?" she snorted..."Ridiculous! Don't you believe it! That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world famous cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything.
As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days.
"Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.
I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself.
The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.
I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.
I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker.
He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.
Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out at recess during the cold weather. His mother always wrote a note telling the teacher that he had a bad cough, but we kids knew Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, he didn't have a good coat.
I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.
"Yes ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."
The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat.
I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma clipped the little tag off the coat, and tucked it in her bible. She helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.
Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy.
Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept silently and hid in the bushes by his front walk.
Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.
I still remember his confusion when he found no one standing there, how he scanned back and forth before his eyes settled on the gift. He tentatively picked it up and read the tag. It was then that his eyes lit up and a smile spread clear across his face. He hugged the present to his chest and stepped back inside, closing the door behind him.
That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous.
Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
Bobby proudly wore that coat to school the following Monday. Every time he slipped his arms into the sleeves he would break into a wide smile and I would bite my lip to hide my matching grin. I don’t know who got more joy from that gift – Bobby or me.
I still have Grandma’s Bible, with the coat tag carefully tucked inside: $19.95.
* * * *
G O J O H N N I E S ! !
* * * *
Respectfully submitted,
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64, St. Paul, MN
* * * *
