Dear Cardinal and Blue Types,
A very Merry Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year to boot. This is a special edition, very quick UUN necessary to precede a longer upcoming recap of the season and other SJU material. The reason? Dated material.
First, this Friday evening, December 19 to no one’s particular surprise, Mt. Union College and UW-Whitewater square off once again to decide the NCAA Div. III Championship in Salem, VA. As has been the custom of a number of SJU and D3 football fans, a goodly number of us are meeting again to watch the game and enjoy each other’s company for one last time this football season.
As was done last year, we are meeting at the Eden Avenue Grill in Edina right off Hwy. 100 quite near the Our Lady of Grace Church and School campus. This fine restaurant is family-owned by the Johnson family, including Brett ’08, making it for all intents and purposes a Johnnie Joint (in the nicest possible connotation of the word).
So far seventeen who received early word are coming; the purpose of this message is to invite others who have the time, the inclination, would like to spend time with some of the Johnny faithful and put the Div III season to bed. Sorry for the rather late notice but such is life during the Christmas season. Other things going on, know what I mean?
Here’s who has signed on so far: Will Steinke ’93, Steve Thielen ’94, Jeff Norman ’78, Tim Ward ’78, Leroy ’55 and Colleen Lilly, Colleen Lilly, Jr. ’81, Tom ’60/’64 and Lynn McKasy, Ron ’65 and Sandy Tomczik, Wayne ’57 and Marge Hergott, Joe Mucha ’66, Bernie Weber ’63/’67 and Chris Scholl and me, Bob Wicker ’60/’64.
If you’d like to drop in for a bite to eat or even just a libation, please let me know so I can alert Brett to reserve enough space in his back dining room, the “Four Season Patio.” We have to share the room with other customers so RSVPing is a necessity. Here is my email: theowick@aol.com; and here is my home phone: 651-699-4697.
And here is Eden Avenue Grill’s website: http://edenavenuegrill.com/ In the site you can click on a map for directions. The game is on ESPN-U beginning at 7 pm EST, 6 pm CST here in Minnie-soda...so if you’re coming, try to get to the restaurant and settled in around 5:30.
I have to tip my hat to Jerry Howard ’56, St. Cloud, who reminded me (and several of us) of which station will be carrying the Stagg Bowl. For the past several years Whitewater has absolutely owned Mt. Union in this championship game, but I think that Purple Gang from Alliance, Ohio can be beat the Warhawks this year. In fact, Wartburg almost beat them, just as we almost beat Wartburg. It was a crucial injury to both Wartburg and, earlier, SJU that we’re not the ones facing Mt. Union. More on that later, but now to the next deadline:
Second, yesterday I received a nice note from Dan McDermott ’84, Plymouth, MN, who among other items wrote to tell us about a new product(s) produced by some of the brothers of Saint John’s Abbey for the Abbey Market — Brothers’ Candles. Good idea for a last-minute Christmas present.
Go here to check out the site and place an order in time for pre-Dec. 24th delivery: http://www.sjamarket.com/candles/ Just click (or maybe double click) on the appropriate aroma and read all about it — they come in packages of three for various Collegeville-oriented, memory-eliciting smells. You can order candles as well as other gifts through this website. GO MONKS!
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SJU Football: Live by the Sura, Die by the Sura
Wartburg ends Johnnies' season
by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times (Goodbye and thank you, Frank)
WAVERLY, Iowa — Two big ingredients went into the recipe the St. John’s offense has used successfully almost all this season.
Junior running back Sam Sura and converting in the red zone.
The Johnnies lost one of those early Saturday and th other largely deserted them late.
The end result was a season-ending 21-10 loss to Wartburg in the second round of the NCAA Division III playoffs before a crowd of 4,850 at a warm and sunny Walston-Hoover Stadium.
“You never want to put everything on one guy,” said senior tight end J.T. Ford, who caught a 15-yard touchdown ass from junior Nick Martin to tie the score at seven in the third quarter.
“But Sam has been such a dynamic player and such a workhorse for us this year. It was just a shock when he wasn’t out there and it almost took us the rest of the first half to find other things that would work. Once we did, we had a few mistakes that prevented us from closing out drives the way we wanted to. That turned out to be the difference.”
(Read more here:) http://www.sctimes.com/story/sports/college/2014/11/29/college-football-wartburg-ends-johnnies-season/19686253/
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(Editor’s Note: There are two attached items: a photo and a cartoon...click on them for enlargement. The photo is from Bill Marrin via John Sipe. It is a scene in the Fainting Goat Pub in Waverly, Iowa, meeting place for Johnnies down for the Round Two Playoff Game with Wartburg. I understand our red folks really packed the place. Michael Hemesath ’81 is pictured with three Prep/College 8-year Johnnies: from left Bill Marrin ’61/’65; Michael; Bernie Weber ’63/’67; and John Sipe ’61/’65. The Christmas-related cartoon is the humorous contribution by Bob/Rob Olsen ’64.
Also, for those interested, here is the link to the NCAA Division III Football Bracket:
http://www.ncaa.com/interactive-bracket/football/d3 This brings you right up to Friday’s night show-down. Please join us if you can.)
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I Keep Writing To Santa. . .
(Contributed by Official UUN Humorologist CJ Ross ’64, San Diego, CA)
Dear Santa, This year please bring me a BIG, FAT Bank Account and a SLIM body. Please don’t mix the two up like you did last year. Thanks.
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School of Theology, Ecumenical Holiday Season Awareness Department —
THE 8 NIGHTS OF HANUKKAH
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
A warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the second night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
2 matzah balls and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the third night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
3 golden latkes,
2 matzah balls,
And a warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the fourth night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
4 pounds of corned beef,
3 golden latkes,
2 matzah balls,
And a warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the fifth night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
5 kosher dills,
4 pounds of corned beef,
3 golden latkes,
2 matzah balls,
And a warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the sixth night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
6 grandmas cooking,
5 kosher dills,
4 pounds of corned beef,
3 golden latkes,
2 matzah balls,
And a warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the seventh night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
7 rabbis dancing,
6 grandmas cooking,
5 kosher dills,
4 pounds of corned beef,
3 golden latkes,
2 matzah balls,
And a warm bagel topped with cream cheese...
On the eight night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me,
8 fiddlers fiddling,
7 rabbis dancing,
6 grandmas cooking,
5 kosher dills,
4 pounds of corned beef,
3 golden latkes,
2 matzah balls,
And a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
Happy Hanukkah everyone!!!!
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U.S. Air Force Band Flash Mob at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum —
Watch This Video before the ACLU Sues Again...
https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=gIoSga7tZPg
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A Christmas Message from SJU President Michael Hemesath —
May you and your loved ones feel peace this Christmas season.
As we prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ, I hope you’ll enjoy the sights and sounds of Saint John's in this Christmas greeting.
(or go here: http://youtu.be/M_S05qRuTYI )
Blessings to one and all, Michael Hemesath ’81
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A Christmas Greeting from The Saint John's Bible Heritage Program —
(Forwarded by Sister Lois Wedl OSB ’53, Saint Benedict’s Monastery)
In these busy days leading up to Christmas, consider this video greeting a two-minute respite from the season’s hustle and bustle. We hope you enjoy the pages and faces of The Saint John’s Bible, presented with musical help from President Emeritus Fr. Robert Koopmann, OSB
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjDbXFVL5-o
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Battle Between the Sexes (A continuing series) —
AKA School of Theology’s Contemporary Version of the Parable of the Talents
(Contributed by Ev Weber ’67, St. Cloud, MN)
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
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Battle Between the Sexes (A continuing series) —
Top Nine Signs Your Girlfriend is About To Dump You:
9. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.
8. She's been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don't recall proposing to her.
7. She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week.
6. She says she has to tell you something... on Jerry Springer.
5. Whenever she introduces you it's always, "I would like you to meet an old friend of mine ..."
4. She leaves a message on your phone, identifying herself by both her first and last names.
3. Your other girlfriend told you so.
2. The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.
... and the Number One Sign Your Girlfriend is About To Dump You:
1. Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, "You haven't got a clue, do you?"
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
Six year old Annie Kreitinger returns home from her first grade class at Paynesville Elementary School on Mill Street.
Her mother, Carla, asks, "Oh, how did it go today, Dear?"
"I nearly died of shame, Mommy! Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says babies come from the hospital."
"But that's not anything to be ashamed about."
"How could I tell them that we're so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves?!?"
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Pre-Law Meets Theology Department Quickie —
A guy died and went to hell. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw his former attorney snuggling with a beautiful woman. "That's not fair!" he cried, "I have to roast for all eternity and that shyster gets to spend it with a beautiful woman!?!"
The devil barked, "Shut up! Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
* * * *
Spirit of Christmas Thought of the Season —
I may not agree with what you say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.
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Music Majors’ Quickie —
Note from a pianist's wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet."
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The Final Word (until next issue anyway) —
Leading Candidate For UUN’s Best Non-Stearns-County Minnesota Joke Of The Year —
(Submitted by Joe Mulheran ’64, Naples, FL)
A Mankato man met a beautiful blonde lady at Ruttger’s Bay Lake Lodge near Deerwood, MN during his annual two-week vacation. After some non-stop romancing, he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don'tknow anything about each other.”
He said, “That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, they were married by a J.P. in nearby Crosby-Ironton, and went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
One morning they were lying by the pool when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer; this was followed by a three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, “That was incredible!”
He said, “Thanks. I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along.” So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing very brisk laps using a combination of freestyle, breaststroke and butterfly strokes. After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
“No,” she said, “I was a hooker in Brainerd and I worked both sides of Lake Mille Lacs.”
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Hasta luego, my Red Companions. I’ll try hard to get the season’s wrap-up done before Christmas...if for no other reason than to clear my computer of a surfeit of jokes — some funny and some not-so-funny, some new and some very, very old. In the meantime, be good little Johnnies and Bennies because you know what?...
CHRISTMAS IS COMING!
GO JOHNNIES!!
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