We showed 'em Royally; Auggies are next. UUN #5-24
Dear True Believers —
It’s not just the fact that we beat Bethel 45-20 down in Arden Hills last Saturday, but rather it was how we beat them. We held them to one “legitimate” touchdown and gave them two bonus ones through miscues that shouldn’t have happened. It was complete mastery over our closest MIAC rival; the Royals were vastly over-matched despite having a couple of current D-Back All-Americans plus another (Joey Kidder) from last year, and starting mostly experienced seniors and fifth years.
If anyone still had doubts about this team compared to last year’s, our first three games should dispel them. There is a renewed spirit, greater depth, driving hunger, and contagious confidence in the team. The sky’s the limit with this group. Just pray there are no major injuries.
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How did we do it? Defensively Saint John’s forced five turnovers, including two interceptions from freshman cornerback #9 Westin Hoyt in his first collegiate start after senior starter Mateo Cisneros was injured in practice. Offensively we totaled 475 yards of offense to open MIAC play. Senior quarterback #6 Aaron Syverson, who can be named ‘Player of the Game’ every week, ended the day 28 of 38 passing for 362 yards and three touchdowns, while junior wide receiver #2 Dylan Wheeler caught nine of his passes for 113 yards and two scores. Junior #27 Caden Wheeler made his first start of the season at running back and had 20 impressive carries for 86 yards to lead the way on the ground only five weeks after preseason surgery that put a screw in his foot to repair his injury. Both D. Wheeler and C. Wheeler (no relation) could be named Most Valuable Player (other than Syverson, of course) but the MIAC actually gave Dylan the honor of Offensive Player of the Week.
Our lines, both O and D, once again looked dominant and well-prepared. The largest shadow on the team’s performance was the number of 15-yard penalties we drew again, in some cases pure selfishness by putting emotions ahead of the team, others were questionable calls. Do the coaches ever have the guys practice the “Walk Away Drill” anymore? We also drew a flag for our second sideline infraction in the game, showing a lack of discipline and awareness. On the positive side, after scoring their touchdowns and/or making big plays, our guys didn’t go crazy celebrating, most often just handing the ball to the ref. Nice to see that classy behavior. You can observe it in the videos below.
Freshman cornerback #9 Westin Hoyt snagged two interceptions— one in front of Bethel wide receiver star Joey Kidder and one from Kidder in the end zone to end the game — in his first collegiate start.
On the Bethel side, the former Johnnie/now Bethel sophomore quarterback #9 Cooper Drews didn’t look like he was ready for prime time at times, while during others he showed great promise. While only a soph and now starting for a pretty good team, he no doubt will grow into his job and perhaps we will see a different QB at the expected re-match-up in November. Grad student wide receiver #2 Joey Kidder didn’t exactly kill us, so it’s a pleasure to watch his great athletic ability in action. The Bethel star of the game had to be preseason All-American sophomore cornerback #8 Matt Jung. Young Jung scored two touchdowns, one a long 69-yard bomb on offense and the other an 80-yard pick six. In addition he had 14 tackles, 11 of them solo, two for a loss, as well as a forced fumble. Quite a day for that lad. This is after he was named to d3football.com's Team of the Week back-to-back before the SJU game; last year he had a string of three honors in a row. Only a sophomore, we’re going to have a love-hate relationship with this multi-talented kid in the years to come.
Summing up, the St. John’s football team improved to 3-0, and has outscored their opponents 129-33 in their first three games. You can find more specific information plus the box score here:
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Reusse: St. John’s again showcases its wealth of football talent in decisive victory over Bethel
(If you are unable to open this article without subscribing, let me know and I’ll email a print-out to you. Here’s another good Patrick Reusse column…same offer: https://www.startribune.com/aaron-syverson-cooper-drews-st-johns-bethel-miac-football/601152488 )
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Junior #27 Caden Wheeler made his first start of the season at running back since being injured inn preseason practice. He was champing at the bit to get going and his 86 of touch yards on 20 carries against Bethel's strong D-line showed he hasn't lost anything.
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Chris and I sat in the Bethel section, off to the south side in front of 1966 Classmates Joe Mucha and Pat Maxwell, his wife Molly, and a couple other older Johnnies. There were some Bethel old-timers, probably about my age or older, who were highly insulted that we sat in their section. "Why don't you sit on your own side?" one asked as we moved into a vacant row. Not exactly Benedictine hospitality. We told them to look across, all the seats were taken there. Anyway one of them was sort of bitching about Johnnies when a man in a Bethel shirt came and introduced himself as Ross Allen, welcomed us there, said he was the President of Bethel, and chatted us up for awhile most amiably. Very classy and it sure shut up the grouches until the game started and one of them complained that the refs were missing so many calls that they must be Catholic. I should have told them some of my Bethel jokes. To those guys' further distress a group of about eight or more rather boisterous younger Johnnies and Bennies arrived and sat a few rows behind them and kept continually yelling most loudly, "ESS...JAY...YOU! ESS...JAY...YOU!" Along with the Johnnies' manhandling their team and having to watch/listen in the company of red-clad visitors, the Bethel cranks must have thought they were sitting in a new Dantesque Circle of Hell.
After the game I received an email from Terry Fruth '60 who wrote: “Exciting. The Johnnies were impressive. Lots of confidence.” He also mentioned viewing the highlights. I asked where he found them and he said “Google St. John’s vs Bethel, Youtube.” Here is the remarkable video narrated by Bethel announcers: #24 Bethel vs. #5 St. John's Highlights | D3 College Football 2024 (9 minutes...and worth it!) Sure wish St. John's could do something similar with all the highlights of our home games, both as a service to far-flung Johnnie supporters who couldn't see the game and also for those of us who want to watch the game's big moments again. The SJU student-produced "Mini-Movie" recap (shown below) is always fun, colorful, and offers an on-the-field perspective, but isn't as informative or complete as the Bethel product. There should be room for both from St. John’s.
Some other friends chimed in:— Bob Christensen ’62, Minneapolis, wrote “Wick—Ziggy [Frank Ziegler ’62] & Ditz [John Ditzler ’58/’62] et al, and I also sat in the Bethel stands and we felt fortunate to have thought to bring umbrellas…The sun was brutal! The Johnnies’ line play on both sides of the ball was again dominant; and especially at the end showing better conditioning I surmised…A few miscues and stupid penalties; they have to have something to work on; but all in all a strong victory showing promise for a possible good run in the playoffs. But yes, more fish to fry between now and then. I went home and took a nap!”
Mike Murphy ’61, St. Paul, emailed “Yes, we gave gave up two TDs on two bonehead plays (one on defense, the other on offense), but you have to credit our team's poise and self-confidence against an underrated team playing at home. We seem to be discovering new horses each week, and we keep improving.”
Larry Haeg ’63/’67, St. Paul, said, “Very vigilant and classy, indeed, of Bethel’s president. Speaks volumes about the school’s integrity. Amazing Bethel could post video highlights on YouTube so quickly, especially after a Bethel loss. Here’s panorama of crowd, announced attendance 6,982.
Hank Gallagher '61, Washington, DC, added “Wick, The announcer on the streaming was more gracious about the visiting Johnnie fans. When the camera panned that bleacher section he (once or twice) said, ‘The Johnnies travel well.’”
Thom Woodward ’70, Sartell, MN, wrote: “Watching the game on my computer in the air-conditioned comfort of my living room yesterday, the radio commentary on The Bear was 20 seconds ahead of the Bethel stream. Thus, I heard the call of the play and then saw the action like it was instant replay. The two interceptions by freshman d-back Westin Hoyt starting in his first game, and that versus a tough rival, is reminiscent of Terry Geraghty '80 who provided an interception in his first ever start at corner at St. Thomas in the championship year of 1976.“
And finally from Bob Neis ’65, St. Louis Park, MN, “This was an opportunity for teaching that graduates of Benedictine Catholic Colleges are schooled in welcoming and showing gratitude. God invites all into His life.”
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Additional Quick Videos —
KSTP TV-5 — Some Highlights of Bethel game
https://kstp.com/minnesota-sports/no-5-st-johns-opens-miac-play-with-win-over-no-24-bethel/ (3:51 Min.)
SJU vs Bethel Highlights—The Mini-Movie, Sept. 28th, 2024
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jajrBG2Up7Y (1:55 min.)
The Most ELECTRIFYING D-III Football Team in the COUNTRY!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/uPRiFeuQMBs
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The family of senior running back #1 Marselio Mendez of West St. Paul, MN were out in force to cheer him on. Those with black shirts had "MENDEZ" printed on the back so all would know they were part of Team Mendez. Marselio gave them (and us) something to cheer about with his five catches for 82 yards and one touchdown; his longest reception was for 38 yards.
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Battle Between The Sexes, End-of-Life Goodbyes —
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several weeks, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What, dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
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View From The Field —
(By Ron Tomczik ’65, Medicine Lake, MN)
Why the Team will NOT become complacent with the remaining MIAC schedule:
— ”We have issues to settle with Augsburg and Gustavus because of our poor performance in 2023 at Augsburg and Gustavus —we have a sour taste in our mouths and plus those two games, and a respected Concordia team, will be at SJU!
“But, we will properly prepare for EVERY remaining game. We well know that we have a RED bullseye on our back as every team believes that if they can beat us, they will have had a successful season.”
— “We are Seniors, this our last chance to play football, make a positive impression in the playoffs and we have BIG GOALS.”
— Re the Bethel and Wartburg games: “In some ways Bethel seemed to have better play calling, coaching---but Wartburg had some very good players. We did not, in some instances, ‘wrap up’ their [Bethel] quarterback allowing him to evade sacks. We have to clean this up.”
— Re their second interception—“The ball came out of our receiver’s hands, bounced off his helmet into a Bethel defender’s hands.”
— Re their Johnnie transfer quarterback, Cooper Drews, “He was the third or fourth quarterback in last year’s depth chart.”
My brother spoke to a Bethel player’s father: “The second play of the game, a trick play, was practiced for a week with a defensive linebacker playing as a receiver. The dad said Bethel is not as good as last year, SJU was the better team today, with a super quarterback—but they hope to improve and be better in the expected conference title game later this Fall.”
Go Johnnies! — Ron T
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Dishearted Bethel fans seeing their dreams being dashed.
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Helpful Advice From AUGBURG’s Career Placement Department —
Things NOT to Say at a Job Interview
- Allow that you would have little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.
- Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.
- Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.
- Ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
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About Augsburg University —
Augsburg University is a private university in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It is affiliated with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. It was founded in 1869 as a Norwegian-American Lutheran seminary known as Augsburg Seminarium.
Today, the university enrolls approximately 2,500 undergraduate and 800 graduate students from 40 states, more than 40 foreign countries, and 24 tribal nations/reservations. The college is involved in providing services to students with physical or learning disabilities. StepUP is Augsburg's program for students in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse.
The on-campus diversity is enhanced by Augsburg's location in Cedar-Riverside, the Twin Cities’ most culturally diverse neighborhood, which has the nation's largest concentration of Somali immigrants. One of the largest urban Native American populations is within one mile. Augsburg is also in the heart of a major theater center. The university has been designated as a Minnesota Indian Teacher Training Program site. Augsburg is known for its emphasis on service learning; volunteering in the community is both an instructional strategy and a required part of a student's coursework.
The Auggies compete in the MIAC and NCAA Division III, where they pretty much own Wrestling, not only in Minnesota but in the nation; they have won fifteen D-III national championships: 1991, 1993, 1995, 1997, 1998, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2010, 2015, 2018, 2023, and 2024. The men's hockey team had won 3 NAIA national ice hockey championships in 1978, 1981 and 1982.
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About Auggie Football —
Derrin Lamker AUG ’97 enters his fifth season as head coach in 2024. An Augsburg University Athletic Hall of Fame member, Lamker aims to bring his prior success as one of the top high school football coaches in Minnesota to his collegiate alma mater.
Lamker was a two-time All-MIAC honoree as a three-year starting quarterback for the Auggie football team. He led the Auggies to the 1997 MIAC championship and a second-round NCAA Division III national tournament appearance -- just the second conference title and first NCAA tournament appearance in Augsburg football history. He was named MIAC Most Valuable Player in 1997, in addition to being a finalist for the Gagliardi Trophy, given to the top student-athlete in NCAA Division III football. He was a successful coach at Edina and Osseo High Schools.
For the Offense: Junior quarterback #3 Marcus Freeman is a D-1 transfer from South Carolina State who took over earlier this season when the starting quarterback was hurt. His main targets at wide receiver are junior #0 Tyrone Wilson and senior #13 Tyrique Givance. Featured running backs are junior #36 Lamar Webb, Jr. and sophomore # 25 Will Smith. The kicker is junior #91 Nathan Wangensteen. The offensive line is the biggest we’ve faced so far this year, averaging, at least from the roster, over 300 pounds with three or four real brutes….starters are probably less, with an average of 280-290.
For the Defense: Two active linebackers are senior #4 Hamsa Kahin and junior # 44 Rio Starr (another good name for a linebacker). Anchoring the D-Line are sophomore #99 Griffin Thom and junior #54 Dylan Owens (another former Johnnie), and in the secondary is defensive back standout junior #5 Jax Bokman. The defensive line averages under 250 pounds.
Miscellaneous Info: The Auggies, all 94 of them, are mostly from Minnesota, and most of them are from Minneapolis, St. Paul and suburban areas. I only counted three or four from out of state. It seems that the majority of starters are juniors. They lost a ton of good players from last year to graduation. Approximately two-thirds of the team are racial minorities, the majority being African-American with a smattering of Hispanic and Asian players. Coach Lamker, knowing he can’t compete for top notch athletes against St. John’s, Bethel, and Gustavus recruiters, has specialized in recruiting more inner-city and minority kids and has built his program around their success as a team and in academics. Gary Fasching has said previously that Lamker has the toughest coaching job in the state and he has a lot of respect for him.
Bottom Line: Last year Augsburg assembled an improved team, one that gave us all we could handle in our ugly 27-24 victory. The coaches suggest that the Auggies had a good game plan against us and implemented pretty well. Well, maybe, but we can’t unsee the constant and hurtful 15-yard penalties that either helped them or hindered us in various drives. Our team also, for whatever reason, just wasn’t firing on all cylinders as they did the next week against Concordia, a 42-23 win.
Augsburg did pretty well in the MIAC last year, but I don’t see them having as much success this season. They are 1-2 so far, losing to Valley City State 24-14, and to Gustavus 28-0. Their only win came from trouncing tiny Martin Luther College. Assuming there is no major Johnnie letdown in effort, attitude and drive to dominate, we should handle them decisively, reaching into the mid-50s before decelerating out of mercy, with little scoring allowed by our defense. Our boys may also want to accent the fact that last year’s close game was an anomaly. (The same thing will be said when we play Gustavus…especially Gustavus.) Parents, roommates and girlfriends love these kinds of games since the bench is often emptied in the late fourth quarter allowing new kids to show their stuff for a play or two.
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An Auggie Gets A New Job —
His supervisor tried to explain to a new hire, an Augsburg University graduate, why he couldn't help the Auggie with a project that was written in a program code that he didn't know.
"Let's say you're asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I'm fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don't understand Chinese, I'm not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?"
The Auggie said he did and thanked his manager.
The next morning, the supervisor got a call from a program developer asking, "Why is your new guy from Augsburg asking us if we're fluent in Chinese?"
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Battle Between The Sexes, On Dieting —
David is visiting his parents for dinner one Friday night.
While she is getting the table ready, his mother asks him to get the olives from the fridge. David opens the fridge to look for the olives and notices that taped to the inside of the door is a risqué photo of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but naked young woman.
“Mom, what’s the photo for?”
“Oh, I put that there to remind me not to eat too much."
“So, is it working, Mom?”
“Yes and no…I’ve lost 15 pounds but your father has gained 20 pounds.”
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2024 Football Schedule —
(All games begin at 1 p.m.)
Sep. 7 Carthage (WI) Collegeville W 49-0
Sep. 14 Wartburg (IA) Collegeville W 35-13
Sep. 21 Bye —
Sep. 28 Bethel Arden Hills W 45-20
Oct. 5 Augsburg Collegeville (Homecoming)
Oct. 12 Concordia Moorhead
Oct. 19 Carleton Northfield
Oct. 26 Gustavus Collegeville (Family Weekend)
Nov. 2 St. Scholastica Duluth
Nov. 9 St. Olaf Collegeville
Nov. 16 MIAC Week Collegeville
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, and KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, and Mike Carr ’77 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 26th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet (660wbhr.com).
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Listening via the Internet: https://www.660wbhr.com/wbhr-st-johns-sports
Viewing via live streaming: MIAC (Pay for View)
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Great ad placement! In the Sunday Sports section of the Star Tribune CSB-SJU's ad fit well with Patrick Reusse's column touting SJU's football win over Bethel.
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women in Minneapolis, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination up west of St. Cloud to rural St. Augusta, a little over an hour away from the big city. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor, unkempt manufacturing sites, and crowded suburbs turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farm’s owner, Arthur Voerding, who invited them to look him up should they have any questions.
Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw old Art walk by and hailed him – he sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: "Vell, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage mit dose horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down mit a hacksaw. Udder times we can fix up da young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where dere horns vould grow in, and dat stops 'em cold. Still, dere are some breeds of cattle dat never grow horns. But da reason dis cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse.”
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Around The MIAC, Week 3 — Sept. 28
St. Scholastica at Concordia — (This could be one of those 45-10 games, with the Cobbers winning, of course.) As it turned out, CC only won by 35-0.
Carleton at Hamline — (Based on their common foe, Morris, I’d say Carleton is just a bit better, so the Knights over the Pipers by 7 to 10 points.) OK, it was by 10 points that the Knights beat the Pipers, 24-14.
Gustavus at Augsburg — (This is a hard one to pick, but I think the Auggies may have a bit more in the tank than the Gusties.) WRONG! The Gusties shut out the Auggies 28-0, and that means a pretty dull game for us this Saturday.
St. Olaf at Macalester — (It’s a toss-up between Mac and St. Scholastica who will end up in the MIAC cellar, but it doesn’t matter here; the Oles will carve up Mac this Saturday.) And they used a sharp knife to do it too, winning by 29-0.
St. John’s at Bethel — (The Royals present our biggest challenge, for they have talent on both sides of the ball. They will come out revved up. However, we should be able to score if Eau Claire could get 30 points on them, and — if our defense is up to the job — will keep their stars under control. This could be a 35 to 14 game if St. John’s plays up to its abilities.) Actually, this game should have been a 52-7 game save for two faulty plays, that’s how much we controlled the game. Instead we had to settle for a still-outstanding 45-20 win.
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Upcoming Games, Week 5 — October 5 —
Macalester at St. Scholastica — (Oh, dear…how to pick this one? Let’s take the hapless Saints at home over their equally-hapless, terminally-woke foes.)
Hamline at St. Olaf — (I suspect this could be a fairly close game with the Oles emerging victorious.)
Bethel at Gustavus — (It’s doubtful that Bethel will lose another game in the MIAC until Championship week, but the Gusties may make it slightly interesting at least.)
Concordia at Carleton — (The Cobbers all the way.)
Augsburg at St. John’s — (Besides the revenge factor for our sub-par performance last year, there’s always the chance for the Johnnies’ 3rd and 4th stringers to get in.)
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2024 D3football.com Week 4 Top 25 —
The Top 8, including #5 St. John’s, remained in the same order, while #10 UW-Whitewater, who had a bye week, dropped a point to #11…go figure. Salisbury, also inactive, jumped two spots from #11 to #9…ditto on the go figure.
Of note, former #16 Alma and #24 Bethel dropped out of the Top 25, while UW-Platteville made it in at #24. This is notable for it means, for least this week, that five of the eight WIAC teams are now in the Top 25: #3 Eau Claire; #6 River Falls; #11 Whitewater; #17 Oshkosh; and #24 Platteville. This Saturday, when the WIAC begins its conference play and starts eating each other up, there will be lots of downward shifting and dropping out in the weeks to come. Here’s the WIAC schedule: 2024 Wisconsin Intercollegiate Athletic Conference football schedule
Top 25 through Sept. 28, 2024: D3football.com Top 25, 2024 Week 4
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This is what it's all about —
Last Year’s D-III National Championship Game
Cortland vs. North Central: 2023 DIII football Stagg Bowl highlights
Cortland vs. North Central: 2023 DIII football Stagg Bowl highlights
Possibly the most-exciting D-III Playoff game I’ve ever witnessed. Not the ‘best’; those were the four SJU championship wins, but really exciting. Here’s the spoiler — the score was 7-3 at the half, and 24-24 half way through the fourth quarter. With 1-1/2 minutes left and Cortland leading North Central by 38-31, the Cardinals scored to come within one point to tie. Instead they went for two to win and failed, losing 38-37. Just incredible.
These teams are ranked first and second in D-III this season, but despite Cortland beating them, North Central is #1. Good call by the rankers.
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Integration Table —
The woodworkers of St. John's Abbey Woodworking are well-tested in patience, but occasionally they receive a project that stretches timelines further than usual. For a recent commission by CSB-SJU President Brian Breuss the development of a concept, design and construction carried on for two years. The patience was rewarded by one of the largest tables they have made, and the first of many gatherings around a table that tells the story of collaboration. Read about the design, process and result here:
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Result of English Major switching to Pre-Med Major —
My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing. She's just having contractions."
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From Our Readers —
From Patrick Tomczik, the UUN’s Southern Minnesota Correspondent, Northfield, MN —
Hi, Bob. After the Bethel game, I went over and chatted with a couple of Bethel Players, thanking them for a good game. One of the players who was standing alongside his Dad, explained to me that the touchdown pass thrown by Cooper Drews to Matt Jung was a "trick play" that Bethel had been working on for a couple of weeks.
Matt Jung is normally a Defensive Back/Safety. Their thought was that the Johnnie defense would 'think' that Bethel made a mistake by putting a defensive player on offense, and then would not guard Matt Jung as they would normally an offensive player. And it worked for them. A 69 yard TD. Bethel coaches thought it would be a game changer and motivate the team. Fortunately, that motivation actually inspired the Johnnies, as we scored the next three touchdowns.
I asked the Bethel player, Jonathan Olsen, a sophomore defensive lineman from Mason City, IA, if this was a play set up just for St. John's, or if Bethel would try using it again in the season. He thought it was mostly for this game, because future opponents would probably be looking for it. He thought it was kind of a one and done.
Go Johnnies! — Patrick
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From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
Congratulations on another informative and scintillating UUN! I’m looking forward to reading all about the victory over Bethel! And here is this week’s Tommie joke. — Conrad
A Tommie is out shopping when a shiny object behind the counter catches his eye. He asks the clerk, "What is that?"
"It's a thermos."
"What does it do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
So the Tommie buys one.
The next day he shows up at work with his new thermos. His boss asks, "What's that thing?"
"It's a thermos."
"What's it for?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"So what do you have in there today?"
"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle."
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From Doug Dittbenner, GAC ’87, Mankato, MN
Good to meet you at Bethel in the Tailgate lot! I too was a class agent at Gustavus back in the day! By the way, it was back in that day that the Gusties pulled off a close 32-31 win over St. John’s after an irate John Gagliardi was flagged twice in a row for unsportsmanlike conduct on the sidelines allowing us to score the winning points.
(Editor’s Notes: First, Doug, aka “Ditt”, is the father of backup junior quarterback #3 Zander Dittbenner, a left-hander from Mankato West High School. And second, Doug and other parents will be selling shirts like the one shown below at the entrance to the tailgate area this Saturday. The proceeds go to the football team to help with incidental expenses, of which there are always a bunch. Please help if you can even if you don't want a shirt.)
Doug Dittbenner, father of number one backup quarterback, junior #3 Zander Dittbenner, is shown modeling one of the shirts player parents will be selling at the Tailgate to raise money for the football program. The back of the shirt features the Johnnie Rat. With Doug is Denise Wittenbach ’76 who visited with him at the Bethel tailgate. (Photo by Chris Scholl.)
Also at the tailgate were five young Bethel alums who happened upon a bunch of Johnnies extending Benedictine hospitality…and the young Royals quickly sampled Dave “Veek” Verkuilen’s famous brats, among other delights. They left thinking that SJU was pretty okay. Notice that three of the men are wearing a T-shirt commemorating "Rivalry Week" against SJU. It seems it's a bigger thing to them than to us. (Photo by John Sipe ’61/‘65.)
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From Paul Foley ’87, Twin Cities somewhere —
Hi Wick, I saw this in the news today and thought you might be interested.
I am thrilled to see that St. John’s Prep is rated so high, even above metro powerhouses of education like Breck, Blake, St. Thomas Academy and my alma mater Benilde-St. Margaret!
Congratulations to you as a very supportive alum. Cheers, — Paul
P.S. Once again, THANK YOU for your continued hard work on the UUN and keeping us Johnnies connected. See you at Homecoming.
(Editor’s Note: Paul kindly forwarded a link to a report that rated the best private high schools in Minnesota. From it I learned the following about St. John’s Prep compared to other private schools in the state: https://www.niche.com/k12/search/best-private-schools/s/minnesota/
- Best Catholic High School in Minnesota (#1 out of 26)
- Best Boarding High School in Minnesota (#2 out of 9)
- Best College Prep High School in Minnesota (#3 out of 77)
- Best Private School Teachers in Minnesota (#3 out of 25*)
- Best Private High School in Minnesota (#4 out of 25*)
- Best High School for STEM in Minnesota (#4 out of 25*)
= only number of schools shown.
Additionally, SJP graduates 100% of its students, 25% of whom are International. St. John’s Prep is ranked in the top 5% of the best private schools nationally. When I passed this info on to my friends at the Prep School I received these in reply:
From Jon McGee, Head of School: And we are so proud of our ranking! Prep is indeed a remarkable school – and has been for a very, very long time!
And from Aaron Miller, Vice President for Advancement: Thanks for spreading the good news! We are grateful for your continued support. Prep has been a great place for decades and we are proud to carry on that tradition of excellence today. For a small school in the middle of the woods, we hold our own against those metro powerhouses!
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Get Ready For Homecoming —
Practice the "SJU Alma Mater" before you come back with the Men’s Chorus. St. John's University "Alma Mater" (49 sec.)
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Five Signs You Need To Clean Your Pool —
- A new algae species attracts a Discovery Channel film crew to your backyard.
- Dr. Kervorkian was seen filling IV bottles at pool side.
- You haven’t seen that much scum since Mickey Rourke’s last movie.
- The amount of body hair found covering the drain gives Prince Albert a run for his money.
- The Grim Reaper shows up in his Speedo.
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
How Do You Like Your Eggs, Sigmund…Freud?
Behold the lowly egg. Eggs are among the healthiest and most nutritious foods you can eat. They’re relatively low in calories, with one large raw egg containing only about 71 calories. Despite being low in calories, they’re a balanced source of almost every nutrient you need. Just be sure to use organic, pasture-raised eggs from a credible egg farmer, preferably local, for the most health benefits.
Some of the top benefits of eggs include:
Reduce risk of heart disease
May help prevent disease
Enhance eye health
Increase weight loss
Support liver function
Keep skin healthy
Maintain brain health
New research shows eating more eggs might help keep your mind sharp. The study discussed in the following linked article suggests that eating eggs might be a good way to maintain cognitive function. Though eggs have had a bad rap due to their high cholesterol content—one large egg has approximately 200 milligrams of cholesterol—experts now say most people can eat one to two eggs a day without harming heart health. However, many other foods may offer cognitive support as well.
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(Compliments of Thom Woodward '70, Sartell, MN)
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The Final Word —
A doctor started an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she announced that she was pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount on money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out her pregnancy and have the baby over there.
"But, how will you know when our baby is born?" she asked.
"Well, he said, "after you've had the baby, just send me a post card and write 'sauerkraut' on the back."
Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.
Six months went by. Then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in the mail today," she explained. "I don't understand what it means!"
"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he replied. Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his post card which read:
"SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, TWO WITH WIENERS, ONE WITHOUT!!!”
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In the immortal words of Porky Pig, “Th-th-th-that’s all folks! See you next time.” And when you come up to Homecoming this Saturday to greet each other and to watch the Johnnies dismantle Augsburg, join in with this not-so-gentle refrain:
Grill The Augsburgers!
(Or Something Like That.)
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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697
Website: Unofficial Underground News
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