A Win’s a Win, But… UUN #6-23
Dear Questioning Fans —
Yes, we pulled out of Augsburg with a narrow win after being pushed around all afternoon. By all measurements we should have lost the game. We were out-played in everything but the final score.
One part of me says congrats to Augsburg for their persistent offense and tenacious defense, and welcome some new parity to the MIAC.
Another asks, “What the heck happened?” We should have won by two or three touchdowns, and maybe would have if it hadn’t been for a maddening series of costly 15-yard penalties after our defense had stopped some Auggie drives. The Augsburgers were awarded a first down via penalty six times. One can say, “Well, that’s sure not Johnnie Football,” but dammit, it’s becoming more so as the season proceeds. Gary has to hold a “Come to Jesus” meeting, particularly with the Defense, on this growing problem of indiscipline, inattention, wayward emotion, and just plain poor sportsmanship.
There was some good shown on Saturday. For one, senior quarterback #6 Aaron Syverson saved our bacon. The defensive alignments for the pesky Auggies pretty much eliminated a sustained running game, thus forcing us to pass…a lot. And, knowing that, Augsburg was blitzing from one way or another virtually every play. Nevertheless, Aaron connected for a career high of 376 yards and four aerial touchdowns on only eight offensive possessions; Augsburg had time-of-possession very close to double ours. On our last TD, the Augs were all-out blitzing and Aaron found junior #1 Marselio Mendez for a short pass that, thanks to the latter’s speed and maneuvering, went for 47 yards and the score. And Mark Lewandowski proclaimed from his booth to his radio and video listeners, “Live by the blitz—DIE by the blitz.” It was one of Aaron’s best days as a Johnnie. And each of our TDs was a work of passing/catching/and running art. The so-called “Johnnie magic” was definitely “Aaron magic” with superb play by wide receivers senior #7 Nate VanErp, sophomore #2 Dylan Wheeler (two TDs), and the aforementioned Marselio. And to its credit near the end of the game, the Defense, after being pushed to our own 6” line, held on for 2nd, 3rd and 4th down before taking over. Not only was that impressive and inspiring, it was game-saving.
Senior quarterback #6 Aaron Syverson hangs in against a ferocious Augsburg rush time after time.The 300+-yard passing game was the sixth of Syverson's SJU career and his first this fall. He has passed for four touchdowns in three of the Johnnies' four games this season (image courtesy of Graham Miller).
The attendance, in what was for AuggieTown a full house, was only a little over 1,400. Lots of RED on our half of the bleachers and standing behind a fence on the other side of the field, but what a cruddy venue. Poor parking and need to prepay with no cash allowed just makes it less inviting. I went to the game with classmate Leon Grahn ’64. We parked across the freeway and met with Vic Murphy ’92, Tim ward ’78 and his son Ryan for a quick pizza and beer before heading to the jammed “stadium.” Getting there 35 minutes before kick-off we were lucky to squeeze in seats on the 20-yard line. After baking for about two hours and becoming dehydrated in the searing sun and mid-80ºs heat, we said the heck with it and left at halftime to watch/listen at home—for free, I might add—on my computer and listening to Mark, Bryan, Mike and Charlie on 1570 am. Leon suggested rather than listen to the sub-par Augsburg announcers, we ask Alexa via my Echo, to tune in our broadcasting team. Reception ordinarily in the Cities is pretty spotty to almost nothing on that station, but Alexa really came through for us. I’ll never say never, but I’m thinking that this was my last time going to watch football over there. Having said that, there’s an exceedingly strong chance we will play Augsburg again this November for the MIAC championship, so I sure as heck hope the host Auggies find a better venue, like indoor US Bank Stadium for instance. Otherwise it’s going to be livestream watching again.
Another word or two about live-streaming and St. John’s being the only MIAC team to charge for viewing its home games: Most people understand, without particularly liking, the administration’s need to make up lost revenue by Johnnie fans watching instead of coming up to campus, cheering, adding to the color and especially spending money. But a couple issues keep coming up. First, if they’re paying $15 a game, the video quality must be drastically improved. Poor camera work and bad sight lines cause many plays to be missed.
Second, it’s frustrating that so many radio commercials need be mixed in during the game. Isn’t there a way, they ask, for the ads to be ganged up before the game, at half time and after so there aren’t so many interruptions? Or some very quick, creative way to get in a sponsor’s name, like “Another Lucky’s Bar first down. Remember Lucky’s after the game.”
Third, some season ticket holders, for one reason or another may not be able to make it up to Collegeville in person for a game but still want to view all or part of the game at home…can’t there be a way with a pass code or something that these people, who have already paid for the game, be able to watch the livestream for free?
Finally there is the oft-voiced criticism that the sounds of the men’s chorus singing the Alma Mater, Fight Song, and National Anthem isn’t loud or clear enough in person or via livestream, while often the rock music knocks you out of your seat. “Bush league” and “poor representation of St. John’s” are a couple of the gripes being passed on. For myself, I’ve wondered why the words of all the songs can’t be projected in large type on the video board to encourage group participation in the singing.
End of rant(s)…GO JOHNNIES! Play up to your abilities against the Cobbers.
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Sophomore wide receiver #2 Dylan Wheeler made this athletic over-the-shoulder catch for a 24-yard touchdown, his second of the day, in the third quarter (Photo by Graham Miller).
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Hansen 2023 D-III Football Resume Rankings
https://hansenratings.github.io/2023%20Resume%20Rankings.html
Here is a list, as of October 1, of all the D-III footballs teams (230 of them) ranked in order by some arcane method of computing schedule difficulty, wins/losses, and meeting expectations in performance and the like. This was sent to us by Paul Hamann '63, who says he doesn't know what all the numbers mean either.
Paul also passed on his observation that if it hadn't been for two impressive, gutsy goal-line stands [against Trinity and Augsburg] St. John's would no doubt be 1-3 instead of 3-1. So let's give some due credit and kudos to our oft-maligned Defense.
This list shows just how strong the WIAC is with #1 UW-Whitewater and #3 UW-River Falls, with six of their eight teams in the Top 45. Of course, they should be in Div-II due to their size and financial advantages — they know it, we know it, and the American people know it...but does the NCAA know it? Apparently not. Maybe St. Thomas can use their pull to get the top WIAC teams into the D-I Pioneer League with them.
For those of you not interested in perusing the list yourself, here is how the MIAC stands among the 230 teams: #8 St. John's; #46 Augsburg; #48 Bethel; #50 Carleton; #68 St. Olaf; #81 Gustavus; #98 Concordia; #130 Hamline; #160 Macalester; and #171 St. Scholastica. These rankings change weekly depending upon teams' results. For instance, because of their narrow loss to St. Scholastica, Macalester fell from #136 to #160, while conversely the Saints rose from #187 to #171. Interestingly (and somewhat confoundingly) St. John's remained the same after its too-narrow victory over Augsburg, while the Auggies actually fell from #35 to #46 after almost beating us. I just don't get it, but for those who say (or privately think) that SJU is over-rated—as do many on the D-III chat rooms—then the science/data manipulation here at least explains that by some measures the Johnnies really deserve to be considered a Top Ten program. We can live with that.
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Augsburg Game Summary and Box Score —
Cinematic Recap: #7 Saint John's (MN) defeats Augsburg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qWxVv3oMJY
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Team Bits & Pieces —
- Sophomore wideout Dylan Wheeler caught two of Syverson's four touchdown passes and finished with a career-high eight receptions for 85 yards.
- Senior wide receiver Nick VanErp posted the fourth 100-yard receiving game of his career – 108 yards on four catches – and had a 64-yard score.
- Junior wide receiver Marselio Mendez tallied three catches for 86 yards, including a 47-yard catch-and-run for what proved to be the game-winning score in the fourth quarter.
- Senior Linebacker Erik Bjork had to sit out the first half after being ejected from the Johnnies' win over Bethel for a targeting penalty. St. John's appealed the call to the MIAC, but the league office upheld the call. Bjork had eleven tackles, seven solo and 1.5 sacks in the 2nd half when he could play. Pretty awesome.
- Senior wide receiver Jimmy Buck will miss his third straight game with a knee injury. Fasching said Buck will sit out next week's game against Concordia as well.
- Defensive coordinator Jerry Haugen returned to practice last week after undergoing hip replacement surgery. Fasching, who also had hip replacement surgery, said Haugen is "getting better every day."
- SJU has outscored Augsburg 372-30 over their last eight meetings. The Johnnies are 35-4-2 in games at Augsburg.
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St. John's junior wide receiver #1 Marselio Mendez reacts after scoring on a 47-yard TD pass from senior quarterback #6 Aaron Syverson early in the fourth quarter of the Johnnies' MIAC game at Augsburg last Saturday at Edor Nelson Field in Minneapolis. (Photo by Graham Miller).
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The Persistent Cobber —
A Concordia alum who is flying to New York sits down in a first class seat. The flight attendant asks him to move, because his ticket is for coach.
He says, “I’m young, I’m handsome and I’m a graduate of THE Concordia College of Moorhead, Minnesota, so I’m going to New York in first class.”
Nothing the flight attendants can do will dissuade him, so they call for the captain. The captain comes out, whispers something in the Cobber’s ear and the Cobber moves to his seat in coach.
Afterwards the flight attendant asks, “What did you say to him?”
The captain says, “I just told him that the first class section isn’t going to New York.”
(Compliments of Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ)
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Cayden Saxon becoming shutdown cornerback St. John's can count on —
St. John's senior defensive back #24 Cayden Saxon returns a punt against Bethel in the second half Saturday, Sept. 23, 2023, at Clemens Stadium in Collegeville. (Photo by Jason Wachter, For St. Cloud Live).
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Andy’s Game Report —
Andy Rennecke, (with photos by Jason Wachter) with St. Cloud Live, gives us his excellent game report:
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Football Fans’ Song to the Johnnie Players —
I'll never find another you, The Seekers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBaO6ro1CUc
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The Uncasual Fan —
Did we almost get trapped?
September 30, SJU vs Augsburg in Minneapolis:
Last week I was concerned about getting trapped by Augsburg - by losing a game that we should win because:
1. We would let down emotionally to play a team that we should beat
2. Augsburg would play better than expected and play us tough on their home field
Guess what?
- Augsburg came to play and to make a statement.
- Augsburg is better than most people expected and is a good football team.
- They are a team that has taken the next step and is getting better and better.
- They are a team that should be on everyone’s radar going forward.
- Augsburg beat us in almost every statistic except final score.
OK – so we won 27-24 (remember we beat Bethel 27-7 the prior week when the defense dominated)
Game Summary – The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
The Good:
- We won and are now 3 -1 on the season, with a struggling Concordia coming to town (that lost to Carleton ????)
- Huge goal line stand at the 6 inch line
- 367 yards passing and 4 TD’s.
- The short passing game to wide open receivers may be a sign of future things to come.
- We ran out the clock the last 3 ½ minutes of the game by throwing short passes (where the up-and-coming MIAC teams are heading) and not trying to run the ball.
- We continue to be very “opportunistic.”
The Bad:
- We struggled to get off the field on defense.
- Augsburg dominated in almost all statistics except final score (Time of possession, and Total first downs and 4th down conversions and penalties do matter most of the time).
- We only had the ball 3 times in the 2nd half and one of those was in the final minutes of the game to run out the clock.
- We had the ball for 2-minute quick drive in the 4th quarter and for 3 minutes to run out the clock. Only 1 other possession in the 2nd half
- We were not able to run the ball and chew up some clock, but they were not giving us the run.
The Ugly:
- 10 Penalties for 83 yards and 3 of those were personal foul penalties that allowed Augsburg to continue drives that most likely would have stalled.
- Successful fake punt by Augsburg (20-yard pass play to a wide out) to keep a long drive resulting in a TD going.
In Summary:
We are 3-1 after four tough games and the sky is not falling and most players are healthy and available and headed towards the 2nd half of our season.
Go Johnnies!!!! — The Uncasual Fan
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Further Thoughts on Female Football Players —
(By John Chromy ’64, Washington, DC)
Wick, with the breakthrough made by that female safety at Shenandoah college, and the 31 miles per week covered by Benny soccer super star Amy Willenberg, a whole new possibility opens up for coach Gary F.
Only 4 miles down the road is a cluster of two thousand potential new recruits for the Johnnie football team. Amy Willenberg has the potential to be a terrific running back or a fleet wide receiver. I suspect in that group of two thousand there are at least 20 athletes that could make the football team. What say you???? [Editor’s Quick Reply: I wouldn’t touch that with a 20-foot pole.]
P.S. Suspect the student fan base at Clemens Field would at least double if some Bennies were playing in the Johnnie "Big Red" uniforms----and they and their enthusiasm would probably stay for the entire second half even in the walkover games. Other benefits of the "Blazer Johnnies" on the football team:
a) the subscription list to the UUN would probably double
b) Johnnie football players would have to up their "proper respect for women" game.
c) All current and former Johnnies would learn a new lesson in St. Benedict's admonition to cultivate the virtue of humility
d) Johnnie football team would breeze through the Division III play-offs, teaching Whitewater, Mary Hardin-Baylor, North Central, and Mount Union to also learn the Benedictine virtue of humility.
e) Publicity and public awareness of CSB-SJU would go wildly viral nationwide over the "Blazing Bennie/Johnnies".
f) ESPN would once again esconche itself at Clemen's field, probably joined by Tik Tok with its hundred million views.
Wick--I leave it in your all-wise and good hands. — John
(Editor’s Query: Has the marijuana ban been lifted in Washington, DC too? If it has, they seem to have a good customer in my classmate John.)
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About Concordia —
Concordia College is a private liberal arts college in Moorhead, Minnesota across the Red River from its larger neighbor, Fargo, North Dakota. Founded by some of dem Nor-vee-gan settlers in 1891, the school is associated with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Concordia is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission and has a total student enrollment of 2,531. It offers Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Music, Master of Education, and Master of Science in nutrition degrees.
Since Concordia was founded, it has articulated a Christian and global curriculum. Students are required to take courses in health, communication, religion, and culture. The university maintains athletic teams in 22 sports and carries 17 music ensembles, including The Concordia Orchestra, The Concordia Band, and The Concordia Choir.
Indeed, music is a big deal at Concordia; the college maintains five choirs, three bands, two orchestras, three jazz ensembles, two percussion ensembles, and two handbell choirs. Music education began with the college's 1891 formation, when piano and organ lessons were taught by one instructor. The college has since expanded to include a music department of 45 faculty that offers five Bachelor of Music degrees and two Bachelor of Arts degrees. Nevertheless, the most popular majors are business, education, and communication.
Additionally, Concordia College runs a very popular, mostly summer program named Concordia Language Villages, which teaches through immersion to help youngsters learn not only the foreign language itself but also the culture. Currently fifteen languages are taught in villages reflective of the languages being taught. The villages are located on 800 acres around Turtle River Lake near Bemidji, Minnesota.
Cobber Football —
The Cobbers could just have well been 4-0 going into their game with St. John's this Saturday instead of 2-2, since they lost heart-breakers in the final seconds of their two losses. They are not a bad team and belong in the middle of the MIAC with Augsburg and Carleton (St. Olaf and Gustavus are in that mix too). Now, ordinarily a ranked team, such as St. John's, should be able to dominate an unranked team, but that isn't always the case.
To illustrate the point, last week Wartburg narrowly got by Coe, Trinity had a mighty struggle against Berry, and -- lest we need mention it -- SJU just slipped by Augsburg. Was it a case of higher-ranked teams under-estimating their unranked foes? Or an example of highly-motivated underdogs taking it to their top-ranked competition? Or an increasing parity of talent among those schools? Maybe a bit of all three.
All this is to say that SJU should expect a real dogfight this Saturday. Concordia always points to us as their arch-rival game of the year, even if in the past St. John’s has looked at UST and Bethel as the teams to beat. They want us bad and will come with fire; if we just go about this game in our usual flat, unemotional manner, we could be in for a nasty surprise. To paraphrase the late John F. Kennedy, “We’ll have to play with great vigaaa.” We’ll also have to play smarter than we did the last couple games regarding costly penalties.
Concordia will be well-prepared by one of the nicest, classiest coaches in the MIAC, Terry Horan, a 1989 alum of Cobberville and entering his 23rd season as head coach. So far into this season he has a lifetime 140-78 coaching record at his school. His team has approximately 125 players, mostly from throughout Minnesota with a bunch from North Dakota and a surprising number from Arizona and Colorado. It’s to his and his coaches’ credit they have a team of that size since Concordia as a whole is down in enrollment like so many liberal arts schools; compounding matters, they are about 60% women-40% men (“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” to quote Jerry Seinfeld). Gustavus had the same percentage a few years ago and the administration panicked because they didn’t want to be know primarily as a “women’s” college, so they found a donor family who gifted $40 million to start an endowment to assist with financial aid for young men. Between St. Thomas and now Gustavus out-spending other state private colleges for financial aid, it sure has muddled recruiting, especially for an outstate institution like Concordia that also must face competition from UM-Moorhead, North Dakota State, and the University of North Dakota. But I digress…
Overall, on both sides of the ball, the Cobbers are more of a veteran team, much like SJU. The Offense centers around junior quarterback # 11 Cooper Mattern, who went to Fargo Shanley High, began at St. John’s, and then transferred back to Concordia. He has a bevy of wide receivers to toss to, but it seems most TD damage is done with senior #84 Dawson Schaffer. Mattern throws to a lot of different receivers though: senior #5 Ben Blancas; senior #6 Joey Headrick; junior #8 Owen Miller; and two sophomores #7 Jed Klang and #85 Eric Cockhill. It seems they throw a lot more than they run (again like us) but they have some young running backs to pound out short yardage when needed, including sophomores #27 Conlin Conteh and human bowling ball #26 Zavier Carroll at 5’9”, 225 lbs. We have to mention that it seems the biggest running threat is Mattern himself. The Cobbers also are blessed with a very accurate kicker, junior #30 Damien Silus. The O-line has a few 300+ pounders (including a number of freshmen) but otherwise doesn’t seem extraordinarily huge.
Defensively, other than sophomore D-lineman #99 Collin Thompson, most damage comes from the arms of their extensive linebacking crew and a few talented D-backs. Number one linebacker must be senior #45 PJ Parmalee, assisted by seniors #1 Quinn Miller and #10 Ty Moser. There are three or four other linebackers who will see action. The most active D-back is junior #24 Stuart DeMerit.
Last week I picked us to beat Augsburg running away, when in fact they “beat” us in nearly every stat there is except the final score. The truth of the matter is at least two of their scores were directly aided by maddening long penalties that gave the Auggies renewed life when our Defense had stopped them. If Gary and our coaches can’t get it through to our kids to stop those penalties, we’ll be in trouble again this week. We have the personnel to beat Concordia thoroughly, but after what I’ve seen the past couple of games, I’ll be darned if I’ll predict more than a needlessly close contest.
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Battle Between The Sexes, Gift Department —
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.
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MIAC Standings —
Northwoods Division
Carleton 4-0
Saint John’s 3-1
Saint Olaf 3-1
St. Scholastica 2-2
Gustavus 1-3
Skyline Division
Augsburg 3-1
Bethel 2-2
Concordia 2-2
Hamline 2-2
Macalester 2-2
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Football Schedule —
(All game 1 p.m.)
Sep. 2 Trinity (TX) Collegeville W 34-31
Sep. 9 UW-Whitewater Whitewater, WI L 56-28
Sep. 16 Bye — —
Sep. 23 Bethel Collegeville W 27-7
Sep. 30 Augsburg Minneapolis W 27-24
Oct. 7 Concordia Collegeville
Oct. 14 Carleton Collegeville
Oct. 21 Gustavus St. Peter
Oct. 28 St. Scholastica Collegeville
Nov. 4 St. Olaf Northfield
Nov. 11 MIAC Champ TBD
https://gojohnnies.com/sports/football/schedule
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, Mike Carr ’77, and Charlie Carr ’03 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 26th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet (660wbhr.com).
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Listening via the Internet: https://www.660wbhr.com/wbhr-st-johns-sports
Viewing via live streaming: https://miacsportsnetwork.com/saintjohns/?B=596747
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Health Note: Mixed greens are good for you ... especially the $20s, $50s and $100s.
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Meanwhile, Back at the La —
A Classics major walks in to the La Playette and says “I’ll have a martinus.”
The bartender says, “You mean a martini?”
The student replies, “No, if I wanted a double I would have asked for one.”
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Around The MIAC —
Week 5 Results — September 30
St. Scholastica at Macalester College — (As much as I’m pulling for the Saints, I gotta pick Mac.) Well, I’ll be darned…the Saints pulled it out 23-17!
St. Olaf at Hamline — (The Pipers showed some moxie against Carleton but I don’t think they have enough, even at home, to top the Oles.) St. Olaf pretty much romped all over the Pipers 49 to 25.
Carleton at Concordia — (This should be a good game with the Cobbers hanging on for a home field win.) There’s a dark cloud hanging over the Cobbers, who lost 36 to 35 when the Knights went for two points with 20 seconds left.
Gustavus at Bethel — (A gut-check game for the now 1-2 Royals; they should pound their frustrations out on the Gusties.) Bethel won 37 to 28 in a back & forth contest with the Gusties.
St. John’s at Augsburg — (The Auggies are improved and out to get the Johnnies, but I don’t think it will be enough if the Jays bring their “A” game.) The Johnnies didn’t bring their “A” game, and the Auggies were tough, but we eked out a win anyway, 27-24.
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Other Games of Interest —
St. Thomas at Univ of Dayton in Ohio. — (After Little Napoleon [er, we mean, Coach Caruso] haranguing on them all week after their poor showing against Morehead State, the Tommies should show more life against this so-so Pioneer League foe.) The Toms will hear more from Caruso after skipping out of Dayton with only a 20-14 win.
#1 North Central at #10 Wheaton — (I expect North Central to win, but at least they will face some competition for the first time this year.) Wheaton showed you can score on North Central, but you can’t stop ‘em, losing 54 to 35.
#3 Wartburg at Coe (who has received a few points) — (The Warthogs by a lot, but at least better competition than usual.) This was a shocker with Wartburg escaping by only 27-21…a la SJU at Augsburg.
#4 UW-Whitewater at #20 UW-Oshkosh — (Unfortunately there will be no upsets here, but go UW-O anyway.) The Warhawks’ 37 over Oshkosh’s 21.
#5 Trinity at Berry (who received 45 votes) — (So we’ll see how strong Trinity looks winning here.) Trinity won big, but gave up a lot of points in doing so, 46 to 37.
UW-Platteville (who received 14 votes) at #6 UW-River Falls — (Just a warm-up game for UW-RF.) River Falls continues to look strong, winning 27-16.
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Upcoming Games, Week 6 — October 7
St. Olaf at Carleton — (Really too close to call, but probably Carleton only because it’s more of a home game for them.)
Augsburg at Hamline — (This will be another ugly home loss for the Pipers.)
Gustavus at St. Scholastica — (The Gusties undoubtedly will show no mercy to the Saints in a rout.)
Bethel at Macalester— (Speaking of routs.…Bethel will have a field day against Mac.)
Concordia at St. John’s — (The Cobbers generally give us a good game, so this contest could be, might be, another close one, with SJU emerging as victor.)
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Other Game of Interest —
Butler at St. Thomas — (The Butler Bulldogs bring their 4-1 record to St. Paul to test the 3-2 Tommies. UST hasn’t been playing very well but eked out two close Pioneer League wins. Can they do it again this Saturday? In a larger sense, who cares? Certainly not the UST Div-I fans.)
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2023 D3football.com Week 4 Top 25 —
Things were pretty stable at d3football.com this past week. New #3 UW-Whitewater switched places with now #4 Wartburg, and UW-River Falls jumped up one spot to new #5 (that’s impressive…two WIAC team in the Top Five). #6 Trinity dropped one and St. John’s remained at #7. Bethel received some votes; surprisingly Augsburg did not.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2023/week5
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Ode to Deer Hunting Season, Part 1 —
Two Concordia football teammates were out in the woods hunting deer when one of them trips over an exposed tree root, falls heavy forward, and strikes his head on the tree.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other Cobber whips out his phone and calls the emergency services, gasping, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he is actually dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the Cobber says, "OK, now what?”
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Ode to Deer Hunting Season, Part 2 —
Three St. John’s friends/classmates now all living in St. Cloud decided to go deer hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a priest.
As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time, and the buck dropped immediately. The hunting party rushed to see how big it actually was.
Upon reaching the fallen deer, they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole. A debate followed concerning whose buck it was. When a game warden came by, he offered to help. A few moments later, he had the answer.
He said with much confidence, “The Reverend shot the buck!”
The friends were amazed that he could determine that so quickly and with so little examination.
The game warden just smiled. “It was easy to figure out. The bullet went in one ear and out the other.”
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
Hygiene Habits That Can Do More Harm Than Good
https://media.mercola.com/ImageServer/Public/2023/October/PDF/harmful-hygiene-habits-pdf.pdf
Dr. Joseph Mercola calls out 10 popular personal care habits he considers to be harmful.
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CSB/SJU Mankato Chapter Hosts Pre-Gustavus Social —
The CSB-SJU Mankato Alum Chapter is hosting a pre-game social before the Saint John's football team kicks off their 1 p.m. game against Gustavus on Saturday, October 21. (Now’s the time to plan your outing. And fan support.)
CSB and SJU alums and fans are invited to join the festivities beginning at 10:30 a.m. at Minnesota Wing King in St. Peter. Food specials and happy hour prices will be available.
Hosted by Steve Bennett 89 and Michael Cummings '89
RSVP preferred for planning purposes.
Please go to this site to register: https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/Mankato
Minnesota Wing King
43539 French Hill Rd
Saint Peter, MN 56082
(507) 519-1083
Map & Directions: https://www.menupix.com/minnesota/restaurants/map/32054772/Minnesota-Wing-King-Saint-Peter-MN/
P.S. -Michael Cummings added: I changed the times a bit this year and talked to the owner. He said he would be more prepared and will have simple drink and food specials. First email went out this week to alums within 30 miles.
Another piece of information: Stephen Bennett ’89 is one of the chapter leaders. He is the only current Johnnie alum to work at Gustavus and has been there for 26 years. He was a counselor, Dean of Students and currently a Gift Planner.
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S.T.E.M. Humor —
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
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Odds and Ends —
Hall of Honor Dinner/Program Reminder
The Hall of Honor class will be recognized as part of the Homecoming football game on October 14th but the main recognition event will be the Hall of Honor dinner and enshrinement that evening. The event is being held at Guild Hall (Old Gym) with a social at 4:30 p.m. followed by the dinner and program at 5:15 p.m. The cost for the event is $75 per person through Oct. 8 ($100 per person after) and includes dinner and beverages. Readers can register to attend online: https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/HoH23
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Loss of Two Important People in the LIfe of Saint John’s
Obituary: Adrienne (Ade) Smith
https://www.startribune.com/obituaries/detail/0000465862/
Mass of Christian Burial for Adrienne Joy Smith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea5dzXWGX6A
(Scroll along to the three moving eulogies before the Mass, and then to Fr. Tim Backous’ homily)
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Obituary: Thomas (Tom) McKeown
https://www.ohalloranmurphy.com/obituary/ThomasTom-McKeown
(Tom personified a layman living the Benedictine Values; and he was a super Johnnie to the end, which came at age 94.)
* *
She’s Just Incredible: Fiona Smith Honored Again
After setting her third straight course record, two-time cross country All-American Fiona Smith of the College of Saint Benedict has again been named the United States Track and Field/Cross Country Coaches Association (USTFCCCA) National Athlete of the Week for cross country.
Smith, a senior mathematics major from Dhahran, Saudi Arabia, continues to set a high standard as she earned her third USTFCCCA National Athlete of the Week for Cross Country after being named earlier this week. Two weeks ago, Smith was also honored on Sept. 18, 2022. She is the first student-athlete in CSB school history to earn the honor four times, including times in cross country (Oct. 2, 2023; Sept. 18, 2023; Sept. 22, 2022,) and once in track and field (May 2, 2023).
* *
John Stanton ’10 Still Playing, Still Starring in Semi-Pro Football in Japan
John, a tight end for Big Blue (IBM sponsored team) in Japan’s X League, had a great day against Elecom Kobe Finies with 8 catches, 101 yards and I TD on the same day SJU was beating Bethel. John is married and the father of two daughters.
* *
The Man Who Rode Thunder (3:16 min)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cqQzcChFG0&t=175s
* * * *
The Final Word —
New Airline Rules, in case you haven’t flown lately…
Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.
Passenger: No way!
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
* * * *
This issue’s quite late…too much material and too many other things to do with my life. If it wasn’t for the gracious generosity of daughter Caitlin in California, this wouldn’t get out at all. But that shouldn’t keep us from yelling, in a Norwegian accent —
Cornhole da Cobbers!
(Or somethin’ like dat.)
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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697
Website: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/