‘Homecoming R Us’ - Come On Up! UUN #7-23

Dear Relieved Fans —


To paraphrase my dearly departed mother, “If you think I’m going to talk about the 13 penalties against Concordia, you’ve got another think coming.”  (She also said to my sister and me, a lot, when we were messy little ingrates, “I work, and I slave, and I wear my fingers to the bone…”, but that’s for another newsletter.)


No, good readers, I want to accent the positive, eliminate the negative…at least for this week of Homecoming.


Accentuate The Positive — Perry Como

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EpUea6fmG4  (2:13 min.)


Our Johnnies are strong and getting stronger, good and getting better (except for that thing I’m not mentioning). These last two weeks senior quarterback Aaron Syverson has been just awesome — against Augsburg he was under tremendous pressure all game but hung in there and still came through in the pinch. Last week against Concordia our Offensive Line disallowed any sacks and Aaron broke three program records — 44 completions in 60 attempts for 498 passing yards — and threw for five touchdowns in the victory. Three of his receivers caught passes for more than 100 yards each; believe me, that’s a rarity…it’s been several years since we’ve done that. The result: 42 points, a crucial win over a motivated foe, we are 4-0 in the MIAC (4-1 overall), and Syverson was named the MIAC Offensive Player of the Week.

Senior quarterback #6 Aaron Syverson was given time to pick a myriad of receivers, thanks to a sturdy Offensive Line and effective running back blockers, such as senior RB #25 Devin Vouk. Also shown here are junior linemen #72 Charlie Folkens, and #63 Joe Vascellero (Photo by Graham Miller)

The Defense held its own as well, limiting a potent Cobber offense led by its former Johnnie quarterback Cooper Mattern to 23 points. The Johnnies’ defense forced two turnovers and totaled nine sacks, 12 tackles for loss, five pass breakups and four quarterback hurries. Actually, though, the game was closer than the score indicates. It was pretty much a nail biter for all the first half, as well as half way through the third quarter, then — BAM! — the Johnnies put their foot to the metal and won passing/running away.

Junior defensive tackle #97 Zach Frank recorded three quarterback sacks in Oct. 7's 42-23 win over Concordia-Moorhead (photo by Kevin Murphy).

* * * *

Okay, I’m not going to talk about it, but Gary Fasching '81 sure can because he’s the Head Coach. He was less than enthused about the fact that his team was penalized 13 times for 113 yards, especially after being penalized 10 times for 83 yards in a 27-24 win at Augsburg last week.


"All week long we talked about that," Fasching said. "Last week, we had 10 penalties, and we talked about playing a clean game. Then we go out and get 13 (penalties) today. 


"We have to fix that. That's on me. I have to make sure our guys are playing great football and we're playing aggressive, but that we're also playing smart.”


We’ll see this Saturday if our guys were listening to their coach. Our Jays will face another strong challenge — an Augsburg-like challenge — from Carleton who comes into Collegeville sporting a 5-0 record, albeit against a weaker schedule than ours. But they are good and must be respected. The game, to be played under cloudy skies, temps in the low 50ºs and probably no rain, should provide ample entertainment to alums coming home to greet each other and to check out this year’s version of the Cardinal and Blue.


We welcome our alumni back and trust there will be a lot of them.


* * * *

Major Drawbacks —

* * * *


Two Quickies from Terry Kotnour ’64 , our man in New Yawk City—



A wife yells to her older husband downstairs, “Marty, why don't you come up and make love to me?”

  

His response:  “I can do one or the other, but not both!”



* *



I'm from a mixed marriage. My father was Jewish and my mother was Catholic. I was raised Catholic, but when I go to confession I bring my attorney just in case.



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Concordia Game Summary and Box Score —

https://gojohnnies.com/news/2023/10/7/football-syversons-record-setting-day-lifts-no-7-sju-past-concordia.aspx



Cinematic Recap: #7 St. John's (MN) defeats Concordia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb5kJODUJ9U  (1:55 min)



Watch for Nick VanErp's sensational, over-the-shoulder, finger-tip grab for a TD at the very end of this brief video.

Here is photo proof of the awesome catch made by senior  WR #7 Nick VanErp for a golden TD, if watching the video highlights of the game is too onerous for you.

* * * *


Team Bits & Pieces —


 - SJU totaled 34 first downs against the Cobbers, the third-most in program history. Twenty-seven of the 34 first downs came through the air, which shattered the previous school record of 22 set in SJU's 40-20 home win over St. Thomas on Oct. 13, 2018.


- The last time three Johnnies recorded over 100 receiving yards in the game occurred Nov. 30, 2019, in SJU's 55-26 win at Chapman (Calif.) in the second round of the NCAA Division III Playoffs.


- Saturday’s nine quarterback sacks were the most by the Johnnies since they recorded nine in a 27-7 win at St. Thomas on Oct. 28, 2006.


- SJU’s air attack may receive a boost next week, as senior wide receiver Jimmy Buck, who has been out since suffering a knee injury in a season-opening 34-31 overtime win over Trinity on Sept. 2, is expected to return to the field against Carleton.


(Editor’s Note: I heard from Billy Kauffmann ’87 this week with some information regarding Jimmy Buck; it is as follows:)


Wicks, In the Concordia post game interview I heard Gary say that Jimmy was going to practice in 7 on 7's this week and that he might possibly be ready to go for the Carleton game. 


Would you consider putting a "Vote for Jimmy Buck" link in the UUN until the captain of the Allstate Good Works Team is selected? My good friend and Johnnie superfan, Lynn (Youso) Bormann SJP ’86 reminds me that you can vote once a day from multiple devices (phone, desktop, laptop, and whatever other devices exist out there).


Here's the link: https://promo.espn.com/espn/contests/allstate/2023/index    Go Johnnies! — Billy K ’87


(Editor’s Further Affirmation: It’s really east to do; just hit the link, find Jimmy’s name and press “Vote.” I’ve done it three times already.)


* * * *

* * * *


Battle Between The Sexes, Marital Generosity Division —

 

A wife arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.

 

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

 

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. While I was driving along the highway, I saw this young girl here, looking tired and bedraggled, So I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in the refrigerator.

 

"She had only some worn-out sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

 

"She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the colors didn't suit you.

 

"Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now.

 

"Then, as the young girl was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"



* * * *


The Uncasual Fan —


October 7, 2023 vs Concordia at Collegeville


To Quote from Aaron Rodgers - "Everyone just calm down a little bit"


The fact of the matter is that if you were to ask anyone - would you accept and be OK with a 4-1 record at this stage of the season with no losses in the MIAC and a solid win over rival Bethel, with the schedule we started with,  we would all answer that with a loud and boisterous "you betcha.” 

.

Add to that that we were relatively healthy last week and we are getting Jimmy Buck back this week and the immediate future looks pretty good.


It has not always been pretty and we have been very opportunistic. Some people may say we are lucky but good teams tend to make their own luck.


I feel like  we are creating our identity on offense. We are excelling at short high-percentage passes and getting the ball into the hands of our best playmakers. The short high-percentage passing game is basically a ground game that requires less physicality than the running game and keeps the pressure from the front 7 on defense from dominating the game.


With all that being said, let's not get overconfident about Carleton this week. They are 5-0 and have scored more than 30 points in each of their games. (Their schedule has been somewhat weaker than ours.)  They average almost 400 yards per game passing and run a short passing game. Sound familiar? Anyway, it should be a lot of fun. I am not sure what the over would be for total score and passing yards but could be interesting.


Our defense dictates which way this game goes. Last year we beat them 45-16 and they had a pick 6. We also had 5 passing TD's and 1 40 yard run by Henry T.


Last week's game vs Concordia


The Good

- Records for passing attempts, completions and yardage

- 4 Passing TD’s


The Bad

- Concordia scores on a blocked punt


The Ugly

Too many fricking penalties. Completely out of nature for the Johnnies


Go Johnnies!  The Uncasual Fan



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* * * *

Hansen 2023 D-III Football Resume Rankings

https://hansenratings.github.io/2023%20Resume%20Rankings.html


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Bad Break-Up —


 A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.

 

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others.”



* * * *

About Carleton —


Carleton College is a private liberal arts college in Northfield, Minnesota, a charming small town they share with arch-rival St. Olaf.  The school was founded in 1866, when the Minnesota Conference of Congregational Churches unanimously accepted a resolution to locate a college in Northfield. Two Northfield businessmen each donated 10 acres of land for the first campus.[ The first students enrolled at the preparatory unit of Northfield College in the fall of 1867. In 1870, the first college president, James Strong, traveled to the East Coast to raise funds for the college. On his way from visiting a potential donor, William Carleton of Charlestown, MA, Strong was badly injured in a collision between his carriage and a train. Impressed by Strong's survival of the accident, Carleton donated $50,000 to the fledgling institution in 1871. As a result, the Board of Trustees renamed the school, Carleton College, in his honor. A great story.  

In its early years under the presidency of James Strong, Carleton reflected the theological conservatism of its Minnesota Congregational founders, but as years went by modern religious influences were introduced. In 1916 Carleton began an official affiliation with the Minnesota Baptist Convention. That lasted until 1928 when the Baptists severed the relationship as a result of fundamentalist opposition to Carleton’s liberalism, including the college’s support for teaching evolution. Non-denominational for a number of years, in 1964 Carleton abolished its requirement for weekly attendance at some religious or spiritual meeting.

Today students can choose courses from 33 major programs and 38 minor programs and have the option to design their own major. Among liberal arts colleges, Carleton is one of the highest sources of undergraduate students pursuing doctorates per 100 students. Students and alumni of the college have included 122 National Science foundation Graduate Fellows, 112 Fulbright Scholars, 22 Watson Fellows, 20 NCAA Postgraduate Scholars, 13 Goldwater Scholars, and 18 Rhodes Scholars. 

Admission to Carleton has been categorized as "most selective" by U.S. News & Report. The class of 2027 admittance rate was 21.7% of all applicants, making Carleton the most selective college in Minnesota. They also have an endowment of $1.1 billion, as in BILLION. This is where CSB-SJU president Brian Breuss says we must grow to, so dig down deep, folks…we have a long way to match Carleton College.

Carleton has a strong history of enrolling students who are in theNational Merit Scholarship Program, often enrolling more than any other liberal arts college in the nation. The class of 2026 included 38 National Merit Scholars. Carleton typically enrolls about 2,000 students, of which 51% are women and 49% are men.

26.5% of the total student population are domestic students of color, 10.9% are among the first generation in their family to attend college, and 83.5% are U.S. citizens from out of state.

The Carleton athletic teams are called the Knights. The college is a member of the NCAA Division III ranks, primarily competing in the MIAC since the 1983–84 academic year; which they were a member on a previous stint from 1920–21 to 1924–25. The Knights previously competed in the MWC from 1925–26 to 1982–83; although Carleton had dual conference membership with the MWC and the MIAC between 1921–22 and 1924–25.

All students must participate in physical education or athletic activities to fulfill graduation requirements.



* *

Carleton Football —


The Knights, God bless ‘em, are riding high with a 5-0 record, the only undefeated team in the MIAC. They only have 75 players on the team, with about twice as many players coming from California as from Minnesota. The rest are from all over the nation, plus two from China. And they seem to be a pretty young team. I’m happy for their success and wish them well as they rise from perennial doormat status to a strong contender in the second tier of MIAC teams.


But to get real for a minute, we just have to look at who they’ve played: Pomona-Pitzer (W-45-24); UM-Morris (W 38-12); Hamline (W 31-27); Concordia (W 36-35); and St. Olaf (W 33-31 in front of 5,732 fans). Their last three games all have been nail-biters, each won in the final minutes or seconds, against other second tier or lower teams who’ve given them all they could handle. A win’s a win, and those were three very big wins — for them. After St. John’s this coming Saturday, they face St. Scholastica (a win), Bethel (most likely a big loss), and Gustavus (a probable loss). They haven’t faced Augsburg and will not unless it’s in the championship weekend series some how.


Carleton head coach is Tom Journell, who has been at the Knights’ helm since 2019 is now entering his fifth season. After so many dry earlier years for Carleton, Journell has led his team to back-to-back 7-win season in 2021 and 2022, a record that certainly helps recruiting.


We can expect more passing than running from the Knights. Their young quarterback, #3 sophomore Jack Curtis has been turning in Syverson-like results with short, quick passing routes, making up for his not-too-big O-line. Make no mistake…the Knights will move against us. Lately his largest, most effective target is junior tight end #0 Ntense Obono. This kid has been named to the d3football.com Team of the Week for two successive weeks, so watch for that connection a lot. Carleton has injuries to their too two best wide receivers and I don’t know if they will be back in the game; one of them is junior WR #11 Nathan Streiff, who will cause problems if he’s able to play; he also has been named to the d3football Team or the Week this year. Running doesn’t seem to be a major part of their game, but freshman RB #42 Antonio Barrera’s name comes up. Their kicker sophomore #49 Marcus Merkelbach is pretty good, winning some close games with his foot.


Defensively, I think the Knights will have more success in disturbing our quarterback than the Cobbers did last week. One D-lineman, senior #74 Michael Carey has been disruptive (made the d3football Team of the week), and fellow senior linebacker #55 Isaac Simons is very opportunistic as well. The rest of the defensive damage is done by their strong D-backs with senior #7 Henry Detmer and sophomore #4 Owen Detmer leading the way.


I expect a replay of last week’s game, with Carleton showing moxie and skill…until they are worn down, with about the same result and score as last week. Come on, Johnnies…don’t prove me wrong!



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* * * *

The Football Whisperer, regarding the first-ever deflated football —


Now the really BIG story for this week. As you know, the Whisperer lives in a cave near the St. John’s maple syrup production area. As the excavation for the cave was proceeding, the backhoe hit an object. The object was removed from the hole and it looked much like a strongbox. Upon opening the box, papers (papyrus like) were removed from the box and examined. Since, no one at the site could interpret the writings, experts from the Hill Museum & Manuscript Library were brought in to reveal what was written. Before they disclosed the contents, they deemed the papers the Lake Sagatagan Scrolls. The papers had the seal of Pope Linus (Papa, 2nd Pope). 


So, what sacred writings were on the scrolls? It was the final recap of a football game played in 76 AD, in the Coliseum, between the Roman Glads and the Pompeii Panthers of the REAC (Roman Empire Athletic Conference). The Panthers won the game XXI to XX. The Glads missed an extra point, the goat skin ball was mysteriously deflated on the sidelines before the kick. The first and last time that ever happened. The Glad got their revenge, when in 79 AD, Mount Vesuvius erupted and buried the entire Pompeii Panther team and facilities with 20 feet of volcanic ash. 


So now you ask, How did these papers get to St. John’s? Benedictine monks from Monte Cassino, in about the year 1050, were excavating the Pompeii site, discovered the box and transported the box to a monastery in Bavaria for safekeeping. The box was then transported to Latrobe, PA and on to St. John’s in 1856. The St. John’s monks were told never to open or reveal the contents, hence, the first opening was a few months ago. 


There were other papers in the box which documented church history in detail from 33 AD to 76 AD but we all felt the football story was more important to SJU fans. So we used those unimportant writings to start the brat roasting fire for the evening meal. I guess we will never know. 


Hope they have air in the footballs Saturday.  



* * * *

MIAC Standings —

Northwoods Division

Carleton         5-0

Saint John’s   4-1

Saint Olaf        3-2

Gustavus         2-3

St. Scholastica 2-3


Skyline Division

Augsburg  4-1

Bethel           3-2

Concordia  2-3

Hamline        2-3

Macalester    2-3


* * * *

Football Schedule —

(All game 1 p.m.)

Sep. 2     Trinity (TX)  Collegeville       W 34-31

Sep. 9      UW-Whitewater  Whitewater, WI       L  56-28

Sep. 16    Bye      —   —

Sep. 23    Bethel  Collegeville       W 27-7

Sep. 30    Augsburg  Minneapolis       W 27-24

Oct. 7       Concordia   Collegeville       W 42-23

Oct. 14     Carleton   Collegeville

Oct. 21     Gustavus   St. Peter

Oct. 28     St. Scholastica   Collegeville

Nov. 4       St. Olaf   Northfield

Nov. 11     MIAC Champ         TBD

https://gojohnnies.com/sports/football/schedule


* * * *

Johnnie Radio Network —

Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, Mike Carr ’77, and Charlie Carr ’03 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 26th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet (660wbhr.com).

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Listening via the Internet: https://www.660wbhr.com/wbhr-st-johns-sports 

Viewing via live streaming: https://miacsportsnetwork.com/saintjohns/?B=596747


* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —


(With thanks to Jim Conn ’64, Alexandria, MN)


Farmer Louie Henkemeyer’s favorite cow, Betsy, suddenly became cross-eyed. What was pretty concerning to old Louie is that the cross-eyedness was responsible for an alarming reduction in milk output by Betsy, so he called the vet in from Freeport to have a look at the cow. 


Sure enough, the vet’s diagnosis revealed a direct connection between Betsy’s crossed eyes and her low milk production. Knowing that the uncrossing procedure was simple and usually effective, the vet pulled a hollow tube from his satchel, inserted it into the cow’s rectum and blew hard. Upon finishing the procedure, the cow’s eyes immediately uncrossed and Betsy commenced producing milk well above her average. 


Two weeks later, at the morning milking, Louie was disappointed to find Betsy again in a cross-eyed state. Knowing that another vet call would be prohibitively expensive and having watched the uncrossing procedure closely, Lou called his best friend Auggie Spannbauer from a neighboring farm to help him with the insertion of the tube. 


After carefully positioning the tube into Betsy’s rectum, Louie began to blow as hard as he could, but to no avail. Betsy’s eyes simply would not uncross. Impatient and wanting to help, Auggie said, “Here, Louie, let me try.” He then retracted the tube, swapped ends and reinserted the tube into Betsy’s rectum. 


As Auggie bent down to blow into the tube, Louie incredulously asked him, “Why do you tink swappin’ ends of dat tube will make da procedure any more effective?”   


Auggie sheepishly replied, “Vell, Louie, I don't vant to get none of your spit on my lips.” 


* * * *

Around The MIAC —

Week 6 Results — October 7

St. Olaf at Carleton — (Really too close to call, but probably Carleton only because it’s more of a home game for them.)  And close it was, with Carleton only winning by a field goal with 23 seconds left in the game, 33-31.

Augsburg at Hamline — (This will be another ugly home loss for the Pipers.)  The Auggies beat up on the Pipers, 41 to 7.

Gustavus at St. Scholastica — (The Gusties undoubtedly will show no mercy to the Saints in a rout.) Yikes! It was a 62-12 massacre. No mercy, indeed.

Bethel at Macalester— (Speaking of routs.…Bethel will have a field day against Mac.) Bethel 40- Mac 14…it’s easy to see who the dregs of the MIAC are: Mac, Hamline and St. Scholastica.

Concordia at St. John’s — (The Cobbers generally give us a good game, so this contest could be, might be, another close one, with SJU emerging as victor.) And that’s exactly what happened, SJU 42-Cobbers 23. Concordia is better than their record, but that also means others are improving.

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Other Games of Interest —

Butler at St. Thomas — (The Butler Bulldogs bring their 4-1 record to St. Paul to test the 3-2 Tommies. UST hasn’t been playing very well but eked out two close Pioneer League wins. Can they do it again this Saturday? In a larger sense, who cares? Certainly not the UST Div-I fans.) Yes, UST eked out another close one, 17-10, in front of 4,855.

SHOCKER! #13 UW-LaCrosse upset #3 UW-Whitewater 37-34 in Whitewater with a 51-yard field goal on the final play of the game in front of a Div-III on-campus record crowd of 20,113. As Doug Lawrence ’79 pointed out as he monitored that game while watching the Jays with us last Saturday, “This is NOT good for SJU [in determining play-off seeds.]” True. With UWW killing us by five unanswered TDs in our game, and a lower-ranked team beating the Warhawks, it just pushes us down in several categories. If we make the play-offs, we’ll probably have to travel.

* *

Upcoming Games, Week 7 — October 14

Bethel at Augsburg — (Undoubtedly the MIAC game of the week. Pretty much a toss-up except the Auggies should scoot by at home.)

St. Olaf at St. Scholastica — (Oh, dear…the Oles give another shellacking to the poor old Saints in Duluth. You gotta feel for this have-not team up in the boonies.)

Hamline at Concordia — (The Pipers succumb to the frustrations of the Cobbers in a big way.)

Macalester at Gustavus — (The Gusties will make quick work of the Scots…unless they look past them toward their big game with SJU the following week.)

Carleton at St. John’s — (Look for another Cobberesque game where the visitors put up a good fight before finally being put away by the superior Jays.)

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Other Games of Interest —

St. Thomas at Drake — (Finally the Toms get a laugher; if they don’t completely handle them then UST has bigger problems than they think.)

Biggest games in the WIAC:

#4 UW-Whitewater at #5 UW-River Falls — (Oh, would that the heavily Minnesota-laden UWRF Falcons eat the Warhawks’ lunch.  Let’s say they will; it lessens our stats a bit more but it’s so satisfying.)

#7 UW-LaCrosse at UW-Platteville — (One would think the LaCrosse Eagles would easily take this one, but it should be fairly close with the Pioneers having a chance for their own upset.)


* * * *

The Excited Tommie —

(Contributed by Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ)

A Tommie was very excited about taking his first trip by airplane. He was so excited, in fact, that he kept bouncing from seat to seat all over the plane, all the time chanting “Boe-ing, Boe-ing, Boe-ing …” 


Nothing the flight attendants could say or do would get him to stop. So they called for the pilot. He came out in full uniform and said in his most stentorian voice, “Be SILENT!”


The Tommie kept bouncing all over the plane, chanting “Oe-ing, Oe-ing, Oe-ing …”


* * * *

2023 D3football.com Week 6 Top 25 —

UW-Whitewater slipped from #3 to #7, right ahead of #8 St. John’s, whom they creamed in the non-conference season. The reason for this demotion is their upset by formerly #14, now #6 UW-La Crosse. #3 Wartburg and #4 UW-River Falls each moved up a place. The fact that the UW System has three teams in the Top Seven is pretty sobering; then they have UW-Oshkosh and UW-Platteville each receiving points. The MIAC only has Bethel receiving points…and they play Augsburg this week, so who knows how long they will be there. This Saturday UW-W and UW-RF also play each other, and UW-LC plays UW-P, so prepare yourself for some possible big shifting next week.

https://www.d3football.com/top25/2023/week6


* * * *

Feature on Dylan Wheeler —

(By Andy Rennecke, St. Cloud Live, with photo by Jason Wachter)


https://www.stcloudlive.com/sports/college/dylan-wheeler-making-most-of-opportunity-with-johnnies

St. John's wide receiver #2 Dylan Wheeler is brought down by Bethel defensive back #10 Isaac Call in the first half Saturday, Sept. 23, 2023, at Clemens Stadium in Collegeville.


* * * *

Battle Between The Sexes, Marriage Surprises Department —



A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone.



Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister. “I’m really concerned about the secret I have been keeping from my fiancee,” the young man said. “I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”



“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.” The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.



Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife.



“I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day! My morning breath is so awful, I worry my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!’



“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.” The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.



For several months after the wedding, the couple managed to keep their issues to themselves. Then one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, making lots of noise.



His bride woke with a start and blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”



“I was looking for my sock,” the young man wailed. “But it seems that you’ve swallowed it!”



* * * *

Odds & Ends —


Bahamas Prime Minister To Speak Nov. 20 —

The Hon. Philip Davis KC, MP, the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of The Bahamas, will present the 2023 Eugene J. McCarthy Lecture at 7:30 p.m. Monday, Nov. 20, in the Stephen B. Humphrey Theater at Saint John’s University.

The lecture, sponsored by the Eugene J. McCarthy Center for Public Policy and Civic Engagement is free and open to the public. Prime Minister Davis will address the unique relationship between CSB and SJU as well as climate change, economics and other challenges and opportunities related to The Bahamas. CSB+SJU History Professor Brittany Merritt-Nash will facilitate a question and answer dialogue following the Prime Minister’s address.

Since May 2017, Davis has been leader of the Progressive Liberal Party in The Bahamas. In September 2021, he was elected the country’s fifth Prime Minister. He also serves as Minister of Finance. Davis is a Member of Parliament for Cat Island, Rum Cay and San Salvador. Professionally, he is known both locally and internationally as an acclaimed corporate and human rights lawyer, a highly distinguished legal educator and a passionate sports fan and sponsor.

Register for lecture: https://bene-internet.choicecrm.net/templates/BENE/?event_ids=1615&cts_legacy_app

Registration is required and attendees should be prepared to show identification when arriving. 



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The CSB-SJU Mankato Alum Chapter is hosting a pre-game social before the Saint John's football team kicks off their 1 p.m. game against Gustavus on Saturday, October 21. (Now’s the time to plan your outing. And fan support.)


CSB and SJU alums and fans are invited to join the festivities beginning at 10:30 a.m. at Minnesota Wing King in St. Peter. Food specials and happy hour prices will be available.


Hosted by Steve Bennett ‘89 and Michael Cummings '89


RSVP preferred for planning purposes. Please go to this site to register: https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/Mankato


Minnesota Wing King, 43539 French Hill Rd, Saint Peter, MN 56082

Map & Directions: https://www.menupix.com/minnesota/restaurants/map/32054772/Minnesota-Wing-King-Saint-Peter-MN/

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Last Call: Hall of Honor Dinner/Program —

The Hall of Honor class will be recognized as part of the Homecoming football game on October 14th but the main recognition event will be the Hall of Honor dinner and enshrinement that evening. The event is being held at Guild Hall (Old Gym) with a social at 4:30 p.m. followed by the dinner and program at 5:15 p.m. The cost now for the event is $100 per person and includes dinner and beverages. Readers can register to attend online: https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/HoH23



By the way, due to the summer drought there is very little color left up at St. John’s. Here are two photos around the Soccer Pitch taken by Chris Scholl before the Bethel game that captured some early fall changes. This will have to do for this drab season:

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Christmas is Coming…to the Basilica —


Christmas with Saint Ben's & Saint John's
Saturday, December 2, 2023 at 8:00 PM
The Basilica of Saint Mary, Minneapolis.


The time-honored tradition of Christmas with Saint Ben’s and Saint John’s (formerly Christmas at Saint John’s) returns to The Basilica of Saint Mary.  Participating Ensembles:
Chamber Choir and Men’s Chorus - Dr. Bradley Miller, conductor
Women’s Choir - Dr. Adam Kluck, conductor
The St. John’s Boys’ Choir - Aaron Carpenter, conductor
Brass Choir - Dr. Justin Zanchuk, conductor
Amadeus Chamber Symphony

Order your tickets and select your seats here:

https://bene-internet.choicecrm.net/ChoiceCRM.NET/templates/BENE/?cts_legacy_app


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From The Football Whisperer


I thought it was only me regarding the Augsburg venue, watching SJU streaming/internet and the defense. You are right on. Thanks for sharing your thinking! — FW

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From Scott Springman ’95, friend from St. Cecilia’s Parish, St. Paul —


Hi Rob - I saw you from afar today. We are in section 102, row G this year with Elise as a Bennie freshman on the Dance Team. I looked back to my friend in section 103 after a Johnnie TD and realized you were sitting right behind him. My college roommate is Andrew Kaus, the second youngest out of several Johnnie and Bennie grads originally from Browns Valley, MN.  He is a second grade teacher in the Wayzata district. Tall Redhead. He was there with his son today who is also a tall redhead. Say hi to Andrew next weekend!  We will have to miss Homecoming because of a wedding. So cheer extra loud!  Go Johnnies!  Good win today but I am worried about the defense. Giving up too many yards.— Scott


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From Jeff Norman ’78, New Brighton, MN —

Bob, A group of ‘78 classmates in Denver is pictured recently getting ready for a Twins vs Rockies game. We were a close bunch back in the day; playing together on some great intramural teams and partying together on some great dorm floors. 


We remain close by traveling periodically to visit different mates’ current hometowns. 



From left to right: Scott St. Claire, Doug Borys, Jeff Norman, John O’Donnell, Pat Baldwin, Kevin Palmer, Kevin Seggelke, Willie Dane, and Joe Minarovic. Gary Albrecht (not pictured).

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From Jim Herickhoff ’64, Ft. Collins, CO —


Good morning Bob; I was listening to some of the fellows mentioning that the Johnnies have had some defensive lapses in past games, and, after watching closely and reviewing rosters, these are my observations:


We have tenacious defensive lineman, but they are undersized compared to the offensive linemen of Concordia and possibly other teams (who I have not seen). Question: there are some big offensive guys (like the 270 to 290 lb) on the roster -- would/could some move to defense?  A 230 lb guy with quickness and ‘meanness’ versus a 290 lb guy works for a while, but by the 4th quarter…


The big tight end (#8) reputed to be looked at by pro scouts – if he is serious about a further football career, he must (a) put on 20 lbs of muscle, (b) become a more aggressive blocker, and (c) develop a ‘mean’ streak when being a primary receiver. In this league, he should be the ‘go to’ guy who can have any ball he wants!  I didn’t see that Saturday.

 

Anyway, it was great seeing you again, and catching up with lots of news. Thank you. All the best, —Jim


(Editor’s Comment: Jim was a member of SJU’s first National Championship Team in the 1963 season. He was back on campus to help celebrate the 60th anniversary of that landmark victory over Prairie View A & M. The night before the Concordia game a goodly number of us broke bread together at Anton’s Restaurant in Waite Park. In our day it was a somewhat notorious bar named Bricky’s. They still have an old sign to remind customers on their earlier life; the photo below was contributed by John Sipe ’61/’65.)

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Fleeting Scenes at the Tailgate —

John Young ’83 (right) is the master maker of tailgate Bloody Marys; John is shown with an appreciate recipient, John Sipe ’61/’65.

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Two members of the Class of 2003 surround a living Johnnie alum relic from many decades earlier. Taking the selfie is, from left, Kevin Manthie ’03, Rob/Bob Wicker ’60/’64, and Adam Sieve ’03. This tight group of friends from 2003 come up at least once a year to celebrate their Johnnie-Bennieness at a tailgate. Included this year were Jays & Bees Kevin and Casey (Caron) Manthie; Matt and Alicia Ali (Judkins) Pilon; and Adam Sieve with non-Bennie wife Micaiah (Kline) Sieve. They all had their children up there somewhere but I didn’t see them. My daughter Megan Wicker ’03 considers these folks among her best friends. And I have ties with them as well: Adam and Micaiah are fellow parishioners at St. Cecilia’s, where Adam uses his Hazel’s Restaurant expertise to manage all our parish meal celebrations/fund-raisers. Matt is the son of my late great dear friend Joe Pilon ’62/’66, who will forever be known as the perpetual Subscriptions Manager for the Unofficial Underground News (UUN). And Kevin and Casey are frequent visitors (and vice versa) to Megan and Dave Plourde, and their son Theo.

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Crisis Counseling —


A desperate-looking woman stood poised on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off.

An old homeless man who was wandering by stopped, looked at the distraught woman and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes and it won’t matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Get away from me, you filthy old bastard.”

He shrugged and turned away saying, “Okay then, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”

She didn’t jump…see how well effective counseling can work.

(Compliments—if that’s the right word for it—to Denny Bracco '75, Oak Park, IL)

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The Final Word —

(Editor’s Introduction: St. John’s Prep and University lost a tremendous alum earlier this past spring with the death of Judge Frank Knoll ’58/‘62. Celebrant at his huge funeral was Father Joe Gillespie OP, ’64, an old neighbor growing up as an “Inky” (a member of Incarnation Parish in South Minneapolis.) Father Joe invited Frank’s dear friend/classmate/roommate, Dr. Bob Christensen ’62, to give his eulogy before the Funeral Mass. In place of the typical tasteless humor in this space, we are privileged to read Bob’s eloquent words about this fine man. May Frank rest in peace.)

Franklin Jude Knoll Eulogy     May 26, 2023

We are here today to celebrate the life of Franklin Jude Knoll, born 83 years ago to Agnes and Franklin,

Brother to Mary, Elizabeth, Helen and John,

Husband to his loving companion, Margot Bussard,

Father of Elizabeth, Caroline and Jonathan,

Grandfather to Emma, Jemma, Liam, Evelyn, Mae, John, Ella, Mary and Tommy. 

Frank once asked me if I knew the definition of being a good grandparent. He said, it was the answer to the grandchild’s question “Can I have an ice cream cone?” And of course the correct answer was “How Many?”  “How Many!” That was Frank.

The grandkids nicknamed Frank “Saw Daddy” because he was always using a table saw in his basement wood shop creating numerous pieces of furniture: desks, tables, bed frames and picture frames, many of which are in the homes of family and friends. Frank won 10 State Fair blue ribbons along the way. Incredible!

David Flannery, who spent hours with Frank in his wood shop, would admonish Frank to tidy up his workspace or Frank might have to spend hours trying to find a tool when he needed it. Frank would shout back to David over the din of the saw, “You Lie!” Frank had a humorous way of making even his most maddening traits endearing to us. 

Frank Ziegler recalls a time when we were freshman at St. John’s University when Frank Knoll entered a Freshman Variety Talent Show and performed Lonnie Donegan’s song, The Rock Island Line

Picture Frank, with his imaginary Guitar, singing with a flourish:

      The Rock Island Line is a mighty fine line,

      We got pig iron, we got all pig iron

      We fool you! We Fool you

      The Rock Island Line, it’s the road to ride.

You can understand why Jim Conway came up with the name Rex Frenzy as Frank’s alter ego.

This is when I first met Frank and we became fast friends and eventually roommates for our last three years at St. John’s. We used to laugh that although we were each other’s first roomies, we knew we definitely needed to upgrade when we got married. And upgrade we did. 

One thing I’ll always remember about those days is Frank’s insistence on using a fountain pen for all his writing, including class notes, a practice he continued throughout his life.

From the start I saw Frank as a man of letters, and well-read. He could recite poetry including, according to David Flannery, the first 20 to 30 lines of the Aeneid in Latin as well as parts of the Latin mass, and always with a flair. Wow!

I was to learn that Frank fancied himself as something of a gourmet cook. He was known for his special Hollandaise sauce that he made for Eggs Benedict, and for his fabulous tuna salad that he gifted to family and friends who were recovering from an illness or operation. Frank insisted that his recipes were top secret. 

As Frank finished his education and became a lawyer he, along with Margot, exhibited a compassion for the downtrodden and poor and a passion to help correct our society’s inequalities. For example, he became in-house counsel for the Minneapolis Urban Coalition in the ‘60s and ‘70s, and for ten years, as a state legislator in both the Minnesota House and the Senate, he worked on housing issues for the homeless.

That brings us to Frank’s endeavors at running for political office that involved almost every one of his friends, neighbors and political cohorts.

Maureen Neerland recalled endless door knocking, telephone calls, envelope stuffing, lawn sign delivery, meetings, networking, which were all made enjoyable by a shared sense of purpose as led by Frank. “We knew we had the right man for the job,” she said. “We had so much fun, treats before door knocking, barbecues after, late night kibitzing and always Margot—on top of things, calm, hospitable and of good humor with that soft sweet chuckle.”

Chuck Neerland remembered how Frank parlayed his one year as a freshman at De La Salle high school into being a De La Salle graduate, which didn’t hurt Frank with the DFL in Minneapolis, dominated at the time with De La Salle alumni. Frank was not above letting the confusion persist to his political advantage.

Frank enjoyed being a legislator, and later a judge, and good friend John Ditzler, along with many of us, have memories of Frank entering a room, and with a sly grin, exhorting us to “All Rise” or maybe “Stay seated.” Or we were admonished  to “Watch out or I’ll call in the choppers to take you out,” his tongue planted firmly in his cheek.

In 1984 he was appointed a Hennepin County District Judge where he served for 18 years. He was deeply moved by so many hard luck cases that came before him. His developing interest in poetry served as an outlet for expressing his deep feelings for the troubled. 

As an example, Swift Yellow Bird was a 14-year-old sullen and angry truant who wouldn’t look up from the floor.  Frank said this in a poem about her:

But as you left the courtroom, unreasoned, I blurted, “You have a beautiful name” and you looked up, right at me, and smiled.

Poetry and woodworking weren’t his only artistic endeavors. For awhile in the 80s and 90s, Frank took up photography and like everything else, he mastered it—especially close-up portraits, some of which hang in the homes of his friends.

In his later years, Frank served the community by volunteering as a tutor to English Second Language students at San Miguel Middle School, Christo Rey High School and at Bannaker Elementary School with the Larry Brown Foundation, which Frank helped to start. 

Frank has always been a change agent, an initiator, a leader.  He initiated self-directed retreats at St. John’s Abbey with Father Don Talafous, a long-time St. John’s University chaplain.

A few years ago, he started a men’s Book Club and Dave Hanson recalls how, in earlier times, Frank organized many cross country ski trips in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area at Camp Du Nord where Frank once served on the Board.

In November of 2019, Frank’s doctors diagnosed him with an incurable tumor, which chemotherapy they said, could give him three to four years of remission. Through the stress, indignities and unpleasantness the chemotherapy treatment brought into his life, Frank’s true nature of being a caring, loving and gentle person never left him. 

Caroline, his daughter, saw this when she broke down in tears after the doctor recently explained to Caroline and Frank that no more treatment was possible. Caroline said her Dad, concerned to see her crying, went to her and hugged her, not comprehending that the source of her tears was his terminal condition. She felt, alone there with her dad, a grace-filled moment where his true nature of compassion, dignity and love shown through.

Let me close by quoting a few lines from the Mary Oliver’s

well-known poem, The Summer Day.

Tell me what else I should have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild 

And precious life?

I propose that Franklin Jude Knoll lived a full and meaningful life—wild and precious indeed—as a lawyer, legislator and judge,

As a photographer, poet and woodworker,

As a volunteer and compassionate fighter for the less privileged,—and, as importantly, as 

A husband, father, grandfather and friend.

So it’s time to say adieu dear friend, until we meet again. Adieu.


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This issue’s done, thank Goodness. Daughter Caitlin saves my bacon once again.  Happy Homecoming to one and all, but especially those of you who choose to come back and join in the throng who joyously yells out —


Lance The Knights!  

(Or something like that.)

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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64

2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116

theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697

Website: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/


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Caitlin Wicker