On to our next challenge… UUN #8-23
Dear Elated Red Followers —
Well, I don’t know anyone who thought THAT was how our Homecoming game was going to turn out.
Most of us thought we could eventually emerge as winner against the previously 5-0 Carleton Knights, but certainly anticipated some kind of a fight for, at least, some of the game.
Uh-uh…it was 63-7…and their 7 points were aided by a couple more of our ill-timed penalties to keep their only main drive alive. I’d say it was our most complete game of the year; hats off to the coaches, the game plan, the preparation, and the “fighting spirit” of the Johnnies throughout the entire game. Even the second and third stringers were amped. And who is this kid, junior running back #23 Quintcy Suggs? He came in near the end of the game and really fired up the crowd with his spirited, effective runs. We hope we don’t have to wait until another blow-out to see him handle the ball again.
As for passing/scoring on the over-whelmed Knights, I mentioned to seat mates that it was like shooting fish in a barrel. And that image leads us to our game-inspired song of the week, dedicated to the thoroughly-whipped Carleton team:
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen The Rain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4flAZEgtjs. (2:38 min.)
From Ryan Klinkner’s ’04 account for the Gustavus “Game Notes”:
Saint John’s opened its Northwoods Division competition by out-gaining previously unbeaten Carleton 587 yards to 146 in a 63-7 Homecoming win last Saturday in Collegeville. Senior quarterback Aaron Syverson finished 31 of 42 passing for 448 yards and six touchdowns. Sophomore wide receiver Dylan Wheeler caught 14 of Syverson's passes for 205 yards and three touchdowns. SJU's defense forced three turnovers and held the Knights to a 2-for-16 showing on third down.
For his efforts QB Aaron Syverson was named to d3football.com's Team of the Week. He also earned his second-consecutive MIAC Offensive Player of the Week honor Saturday for the performance and has a 185.5 pass-efficiency rating and .719 completion percentage (100-for-139) with 1,313 passing yards and 15 touchdowns (to one interception) over his last three games.
Aaron Syverson is currently tied for the NCAA Division III lead in passing touchdowns (26), is second in points responsible for (158), third in passing yards (2,121) and fifth in total offense (349.3 ypg.) (Photo by Ella Carlson).
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Carleton Game Summary and Box Score —
(This contains an embedded video with interviews with some key players and the coach.)
Cinematic Recap: #8 Saint John's Homecoming Win vs Carleton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG_GtqZ20zk (1:38 min.)
Andy Rennecke, St. Cloud Live:
St. John’s Toys With Previously Unbeaten Carleton
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Senior safety #18 Ethan Stark signals a first down for SJU following his interception on Carleton's opening drive (Photo by Dan Borgeson).
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St. Thomas Student Plays It Safe —
A UST student walks into Plum’s Bar carrying a door. The barkeeper asks, “What's with the door?”
The Tommie says, “It’s a safety precaution. Last night I lost my key. Now if that happens again I won’t have to worry because the door is right here with me.”
“So what happens if you lose the door?”
“No problem, I left the window open.”
(Compliments of Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ)
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The Uncasual Fan —
A homecoming game just like the old days.
October 14, 2023, vs Carleton at Collegeville (Homecoming)
Last week we were bracing for an improved Carleton team that was 5-0 and looking for a statement game to make a name for themselves and move up a rung or two in the MIAC hierarchy in football. None of that happened. Same old Carleton. Same old results. Not playing anyone of significance early in the season and beating a couple of teams that used to beat you on a regular basis only means you are getting better. It does not mean you are a giant killer. At least not this year anyway. 5-0 can be very misleading. Especially if you are reading the headlines.
I guess the most significant and disappointing thing about Carleton is that on their entire traveling roster there are only 5 players from Minnesota and only 1 starter in both their offensive and defensive lineups that call Minnesota home. Not sure how that will play out in the future but maybe they should play a schedule of California DIII teams.
About the game –what can be said about a dominating game like that? Basically, everything that could go right for the Johnnies did. The offense and defense were clicking better than last week. Syverson, who set school records last week against Concordia, would have shattered his own record if he had played more than one series in the second half. Nothing Carleton did to get going offensively or stop the Johnnies defensively seemed to work at all.
It was only in the second half when Coach Fasching did the gentlemanly thing and took the regulars out of the game early and then took the air out of the ball did the scoring onslaught stop and it became playable for the boys from Northfield.
The fact is that QB Syverson is really settling into his role and seeing everything, and our 5-wide set is finding its rhythm, and the multiple weapons are making it difficult to stop. The defense can then turn up the pressure and take some risks and make things difficult for the opponents especially if they are trying to play catch up.
Game Summary – The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
The Good
- Just about everything.
- We continue to be very “opportunistic.”
- We got to see a lot of players get some playing time that we had not yet seen this year. Good for moms and dads and recruiting.
The Bad
- Still, a few too many penalties but sometimes pushing the envelope and playing fast causes a few flags to be tossed around.
The Ugly
- Student attendance at the game – absolutely pathetic. I was going to rant about this but decided to focus on the positive.
In Summary
We are 4-1 after four tough games and Carleton. The offense is really starting to click. We are a short passing team with a lot of playmakers at our skill positions. Defense is coming together.
We are headed to play the Gusties. We need to keep our eye on the prize and make sure we play one game at a time.
Go Johnnies!! — The Uncasual Fan
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Great Concordia Game Photos by Libby Becker Auger —
(Editor’s Note: These were sent to me via Libby’s Facebook page, and they are too good not to share, even if a week late.)
Junior linebacker #43 Hayden Sanders is held on yet another non-call by the refs.
Yowie! Crunch time for the Cobber quarterback. Apparently not a lot of protection from his offensive line.
‘Breaking the plane' — Senior running back #25 Devin Vouk stretches out to insure the score.
Sophomore defensive back #11 Noah Arneson is shown a millisecond before intercepting a Concordia pass in front of Dawson Schaffer, a featured Cobber wide receiver.
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A UUN Classic: Spiritual Wagers —
A rabbi, a priest, and a preacher meet every Monday in a coffee shop to talk things over about their spiritual lives.
One day, the priest makes a bet with the other guys that he could convert a bear in the woods over to his religion. They all agree that the next time they meet, they'll share stories about how they were able to convert a bear.
They all end up in the hospital, but the priest is in the best shape of all of them. They decide to meet in the rabbi's room.
The priest has his arm in a sling and says, "Yeah, it was tough at first, but I was able to dash it with some holy water. The next thing I knew, it started saying Hail Mary. He's coming to mass this Sunday."
The preacher is in pretty bad shape. He's in a wheel chair, and he has a concussion, a broken leg, and a broken arm. He says, "Well, when I finally happened upon it, I wrestled that thing to the ground and started beating its head with a Bible. So he lunged at me, and we tumbled down this hill into the river, where I dunked him seven times. Finally, he came to faith. He'll be coming to church next Sunday."
Both men turn to the rabbi to hear his story. The rabbi looks like he got the worst of it. He's in a body cast, and there's no way he's getting out of bed any time soon. He looks at both men and says, "Well, I probably should've started with something different than circumcision.
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Hansen 2023 D-III Football Resume Rankings
https://hansenratings.github.io/2023%20Resume%20Rankings.html
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About Gustavus Adolphus —
Gustavus College is a private liberal arts college in St. Peter, Minnesota. It was founded in 1862 by Swedish Americans in Red Wing, Minnesota and, after going through a number of Lutheran iterations, is now affiliated with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Gustavus gets its name from Gustavus Adolphus, the King of Sweden from 1611 to 1632. In April 1873, the college was to be renamed Gustavus Adolphus Literary & Theological Institute in honor of King Gustavus of Sweden once the final location and buildings were secured.
A delegation of residents from St. Peter won favor from the founders to relocate as a result of an economic crisis and the town's offer of $10,000 and donation of acreage for a larger campus. Courses were initially to start in the fall of 1875 but slow progress on the construction of the first campus building, Old Main, delayed the opening. On October 16, 1876, Gustavus Adolphus College opened at the location that still stands today. It is the oldest of several Lutheran colleges founded in Minnesota.
Gustavus’ residential campus is on a hilltop overlooking the city of St. Peter. The handsome campus includes a 125-acre arboretum.
The college's first building in St. Peter, affectionately known as Old Main, originally housed the entire college. The campus, known as The Hill, comprises 340 landscaped acres and features science facilities, computer and language labs, and a large dining facility. The campus includes 33 sculptures by the late Minnesota sculptor Paul Granlund, an alumnus of the college who for many years was sculptor-in-residence. If you come to the campus early for the game, stroll around to see some of his 30+ sculptures; start at Christ Chapel where there are several pieces and then go to the nearby C. Charles Jackson Campus Center where there are some more inside. Both of these locales are near the football stadium.
Gustavus lists 2,450 students. Students and alumni of the college are known as Gusties. Most students live in 14 residence halls on campus or in college-owned houses/apartments. Students with permission from the college may choose to live off campus, in St. Peter or elsewhere. In the past (like when I was in college) Gustavus was considered by many to be a “country club” college, due to its excellence in tennis and golf, and from its high number of upper middle class kids of Scandinavian descent who went there. Now it seems to be educating the same kinds of people found at CSB-SJU from wherever they can get them. It’s a good school and they’re spending money to fill up their dorms. To increase student enrollment, Gustavus offers an expenses-paid "Gustavus Fly-In Program" to US citizens and permanent residents. In 2014, the school had an acceptance rate of 61.1%. In 2017, Gustavus expanded scholarship funding for high-achieving students with a cumulative high school grade point average of 3.9 or above and an average composite ACT score of 32–36.
The Gustavus Adolphus College curriculum aims to "prepare students for fulfilling lives of leadership and service in society. Students choose from over 70 programs of study with 75 majors in 25 academic departments and three interdisciplinary programs (including 17 honors majors), ranging from physics to religion to Scandinavian studies. In 2016, U.S. News & World Report classified Gustavus Adolphus College as more selective in its National Liberal Arts Ranking.
Here are a few examples of Granlund’s work at Christ Chapel.
https://gustavus.edu/chaplain/artwork.php
Here’s some background about Gustavus’ use of the St. John’s Bible https://gustavus.edu/chaplain/bible.php
Your Virtual Guided Tour of Gustavus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6mEzcQ4NOA (7:13 min)
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Gustavus Football —
The Golden Gusties—if you will—are really mostly junior quarterback #6 George Sandven and the NCAA Div.-III’s top receiver, senior WR #2 Jake Breitbach. He’s the real deal. The rest of the team just runs around out there.
Seriously, the 3-3 (2-2 in the MIAC) Gusties had much greater plans for the year. They’ve sandwiched huge wins over have-not teams, but
in-between got smeared by UW-Stout early on (44-7), and lost two heart-breakers to Augsburg (33-31) and Bethel (37-28). Now they host the Jays Saturday…what do you think their chances are for an upset?
The Gustavus team has 111 players, many of whom are senior starters. About 90 are Minnesotans, and a surprising number are from Catholic high schools (the old “buy the talent” gamut that is used so well by St. Thomas). There are also eight Texans, a couple Floridians and one fella from Japan who may play defense with a samurai sword for all we know.
The team is coached by Peter Haugen, a Bethel grad of 1991. This is his 15th year at GAC and he has a 70-60 record over 13 full seasons. We’ve heard he’s a nice guy and a good coach, but a couple seasons ago he allowed his team to play a chippy and pretty dirty game when we were down there last, when Aaron Syverson had his leg broken. The next time we played them, though, they were once again playing at a higher level of sportsmanship.
Besides the aforementioned highly effective combo of Sandven and Breitbach, the Gustie offense features two senior running backs, #1 Rohee Konde and #7 River Wood. Another receiver worth watching is senior #15 Matthew Carreon for when Breitbach is covered.
As far as the Gustavus defense, most of the action, with the exception of a freshman D-lineman #99 Max Olson, comes from the linebackers and D-backs. They’ve got two senior and one sophomore linebackers who are quite active: respectively they are #13 Carson DeKam, #4 Braden Black, and #48 MyShawn King. For the defensive backfield, GAC has three more seniors: #3 Isaiah Chambers; #8 Taylor Stroh; and #23 Andrew Denson.
What’s it all mean? My guess is that Coach Haugen will have his team fired up and they’ll come at us hard, on both offense (the Sandven/Breitbach connection) and defense (blitzing like crazy), using their best weapons to try to get us off our game. It may work, for awhile anyway, until Syverson and his fine array of receivers start taking the wind out of their black jerseys. One somewhat troubling bit of news is that both our starting center and a starting guard may not play after being injured in the Carleton game. We’ll see if that makes a difference. In the meantime our defense seems to be gelling at just the right time. You remember what we did to Concordia and especially Bethel? Well, that’s what we should do to the Soon-to-be-Tarnished Gusties if we come to St. Peter playing at the same high level we exhibited last week. And our line/backs protect Syverson.
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Gustie Faces Global Warming —
A recent Gustavus Adolphus grad made a Zoom call back to Minnesota to some of his former classmates from a small coastal town in Panama.
He announced, “Me and my new girlfriend Madison just built a beach house and recording studio a few miles outside Santa Catalina on the Pacific side.
“Now, I know that you’re probably thinking beachfront property could be impacted by rising sea levels.
“But so far it only rises twice a day — then it goes back out.”
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The Football Whisperer,
On The Gustavus Game —
To defeat Gustavus on Saturday, SJU must focus on Discipline, deal with Injuries and play with a high level of Energy.
Discipline - Hopefully, the coaching staff has communicated to the team that they must think about their style of play and the proper reaction to opposition player behavior. Style of play must fit what they have heard from coaches at daily practice, the fundamentals of the position they are playing and the play/set that has been called. This will lead to more effective outcomes and a reduction in penalties. Knowing how to react to opposition player behavior will reduce spontaneous actions that lead to penalties.
Injuries - A couple offensive linemen were injured in the Carleton game. The players may be ready to play, if not, their replacements must step up and provide aggressive support for the running and passing game. Most of the team is healthy and should be able to play at a high level.
Energy - The team must start out with high energy. We typically play at Gustavus with subdued energy in the first half and pick it up in the second half. Gustavus has an excellent passing game that could put us too far behind in the first half. Our sense of urgency must not be delayed.
As a fan, watch how the team does in these three areas, Discipline, Injuries and Energy. It is the key to the Gustavus game and the balance of our regular season. If qualified or invited to the NCAA D3 playoffs, these elements will enhance our overall success.
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Battle Between The Sexes, Helpful Advice Section —
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MIAC Standings —
Northwoods Division
Saint John’s 5-1
Carleton 5-1
Saint Olaf 4-2
Gustavus 3-3
St. Scholastica 2-4
Skyline Division
Bethel 4-2
Augsburg 4-2
Concordia 3-3
Hamline 2-4
Macalester 2-4
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Football Schedule —
(All game 1 p.m.)
Sep. 2 Trinity (TX) Collegeville W 34-31
Sep. 9 UW-Whitewater Whitewater, WI L 56-28
Sep. 16 Bye — —
Sep. 23 Bethel Collegeville W 27-7
Sep. 30 Augsburg Minneapolis W 27-24
Oct. 7 Concordia Collegeville W 42-23
Oct. 14 Carleton Collegeville W 63-7
Oct. 21 Gustavus St. Peter
Oct. 28 St. Scholastica Collegeville
Nov. 4 St. Olaf Northfield
Nov. 11 MIAC Champ TBD
https://gojohnnies.com/sports/football/schedule
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, Mike Carr ’77, and Charlie Carr ’03 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 26th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet (660wbhr.com).
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Listening via the Internet: https://www.660wbhr.com/wbhr-st-johns-sports
Viewing via live streaming: https://miacsportsnetwork.com/gustavus/
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Attention: If You’re Coming To Gustavus…
The CSB-SJU Mankato Alum Chapter is hosting a pre-game social before the Saint John's football team kicks off their 1 p.m. game against Gustavus on Saturday, October 21. (Now’s the time to plan your outing. And fan support.)
CSB and SJU alums and fans are invited to join the festivities beginning at 10:30 a.m. at Minnesota Wing King in St. Peter. Food specials and happy hour prices will be available.
Hosted by Steve Bennett ‘89 and Michael Cummings '89
RSVP preferred for planning purposes. Please go to this site to register: https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/Mankato
Minnesota Wing King, 43539 French Hill Rd, Saint Peter, MN 56082
Map & Directions: https://www.menupix.com/minnesota/restaurants/map/32054772/Minnesota-Wing-King-Saint-Peter-MN/
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The Top Ten Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker —
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down.
6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net."
4. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among hobbies.
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor I-Don’t-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"
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Around The MIAC —
Week 7 Results — October 14
Bethel at Augsburg — (Undoubtedly the MIAC game of the week. Pretty much a toss-up except the Auggies should scoot by at home.) Man!…Did your editor get that one wrong. However, I did not foresee the Auggies throwing four interceptions, and losing two fumbles. The Royals did to the Auggies what we should have done, winning big 38-7.
St. Olaf at St. Scholastica — (Oh, dear…the Oles give another shellacking to the poor old Saints in Duluth. You gotta feel for this have-not team up in the boonies.) The Oles did as expected, cruising to a 37 to 17 victory. Definitely an “Oh, dear.”
Hamline at Concordia — (The Pipers succumb to the frustrations of the Cobbers in a big way.) Uffda…dose Norvegans crushed da hapless Pipers 58-14.
Macalester at Gustavus — (The Gusties will make quick work of the Scots…unless they look past them toward their big game with SJU the following week.) Even if the Gusties were thinking about SJU next week, it had no bearing on this romp, where GAC won 55-18.
Carleton at St. John’s — (Look for another Cobberesque game where the visitors put up a good fight before finally being put away by the superior Jays.) We were superior all right…but who woulda thunk it — 63-7!?! As it turned out, the Knights didn’t even put up a good fight. Our Defense was the reason.
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Other Games of Interest —
St. Thomas at Drake — (Finally the Toms get a laugher; if they don’t completely handle them then UST has bigger problems than they think.) Well, well, well…it was a laugher, all right…but the laugh’s on the totally surprised Toms, 52-21. Back to the drawing board, Glenn.
Biggest games in the WIAC:
#4 UW-Whitewater at #5 UW-River Falls — (Oh, would that the heavily Minnesota-laden UWRF Falcons eat the Warhawks’ lunch. Let’s say they will; it lessens our stats a bit more but it’s so satisfying.) The Warhawks escaped the Falcons 21-14…darn it.
#7 UW-LaCrosse at UW-Platteville — (One would think the LaCrosse Eagles would easily take this one, but it should be fairly close with the Pioneers having a chance for their own upset.) The Eagles slipped by Platteville 21-17, making it much too close for UW-La Crosse.
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Upcoming Games, Week 8 — October 121
Macalester at Concordia — (Good Golly…look for another total mismatch, with the Cobbers running the Scots off the field.)
St. Scholastica at Carleton — (You just know it’s going to be bad…the embarrassed Knights will make the sorry Saints pay.)
Hamline at Bethel — (Here’s another game they needn’t play —50 points for sure, probably 60 and maybe even in the 70s.)
Augsburg at St. Olaf — (This is the MIAC game to watch. I’m guessing the Auggies will pull it together to win.)
St. John’s at Gustavus — (Much to the Gusties chagrin, this could be a lopsided win for the Jays, now that we know how to do it.)
Other Games of Interest —
St. Thomas at Stetson (FL) — (The Hatters [get it?] should give the swirling Toms all they can handle. Really a toss-up now that we’re seeing the Tommies’ weaknesses.)
UW-Oshkosh at UW-La Crosse — (In the man-eat-man WIAC this could be another close one, but I’m betting on the La Crosse Eagles.)
UW-Stout at UW-Whitewater — (Stout IS rather stout but just doesn’t have enough to top the Warhawks.)
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Gustavus Highway Worker —
A Gustavus football player landed a summer job with the Minnesota Highway Department. He was assigned to a crew of highway maintenance workers that was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, the Gustie looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
Turning to a co-worker he said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"
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2023 D3football.com Week 7 Top 25 —
It’s kind of fun watching the self-cannibalization of the WIAC with accompanying reshuffling of the Top 25 each week. In Week 7 we find the Top Three intact from last week, but with UW-La Crosse now #4, and UW-Whitewater now #5, both up two spaces from the previous poll. Trinity stayed at #6 but St. John’s hopped up a point to #7. Then, at #8, we find UW-River Falls, down from #4 last week. Nothing else very significant happened; UW-Oshkosh and Bethel both received votes. UW-Platteville should have.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2023/week7
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English Majors' Corner, Marital Communications Section —
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform in bed. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123'"
The guy then asks, "What happens when I want the effect to go away."
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his best shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." It works better than he thought.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
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Random Homecoming Scenes —
(Unless identified otherwise, all photos courtesy of Chris Scholl.)
Enjoying the camaraderie of the tailgate are (left) Aaron “Smitty” Smith ’93, C.J. Lyngen ’92, and Dan McDermott ’84.
Tom Hokr ’72 (left) and friend Tom Yencho ’68 spend some quality time together at Homecoming’s tailgate.
It’s never too early to introduce offspring to the glories of the SJU campus in the fall. Proving my point are (from left) Matt Spiczka ’14 with Charli in the buggy; Rob ’13 and Anna Spiczka ’12 with Rhett, Lindy and Tate; and Justin ’14 and Ellie ’13 Hochsprung with daughter Lettie.
Here’s a happy family of Yousos who do love gathering at St. John’s. From left, Peter Bormann, Lynn Youso Bormann SJP ’86, Mary Ann Youso, Ron Youso ’64, Kate Stone, Jill Youso Stone SJP ’90.
Classing up the tailgate with his new Ooni Pizza Oven is Doug Imholte ’87 (striped pants in rear). After that puppy was fired up it was turning out a pizza every 75 seconds. Admiring the event are (from left) a bunch of 1987 buddies: John Quinlan, Rick Gendreau, Billy Kauffman, Jeanne Kauffman, Nancy Gendreau (both Cobbers), Scott Fenske bending over in front, Doug Imholte, Graham Imholte (current sophomore), and Nancy Imholte.
Class of ’87 Johnnies enjoying the homecoming victory over Carleton, (from left) Doug “YDI” Imholte, John “Quinny” Quinlan, Tim “Galsy” Gallagher, Paul “Sweet Al” Foley, and Dave “Dawger” Lang. (Photo courtesy of Susan “Sweet Cheeks” Gallagher.)
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Religious Restrictions —
A couple preparing for a religious conversion meets with the orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they have any final questions.
The man asks, “Is it true that men and women don’t dance together?”
“Yes,” says the rabbi. “For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately.”
“So I can’t dance with my own wife?”
“No.”
“Well, okay,” says the man. “But what about sex?”
“Fine,” says the rabbi. “A mitzvah within the marriage!”
“What about different positions?” the man asks.
“No problem,” says the rabbi.
“Missionary?” the man asks.
“Of course,” replies the rabbi.
“Woman on top?”
“Why not.”
“Well, what about standing up?”
“No!” says the rabbi.
“Why not?” asks the man.
“Could lead to dancing!”
* * * *
Odds & Ends —
Bahamas Prime Minister Talk Cancelled For Now —
The Hon. Philip Davis KC, MP, the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of The Bahamas, had to cancel the 2023 Eugene J. McCarthy Lecture previously scheduled Nov. 20, due to pressing governmental matters in the Bahamas. The lecture is planned to be rescheduled.
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Sophomore Dylan Wheeler becoming featured receiver
Sophomore wide receiver #2 Dylan Wheeler (photo by Rachel Gross)
According to the Football Whisperer, who studies these things faithfully from his cave-home near the Abbey’s sugar shack, Dylan Wheeler has slowly but steadily become one of Aaron Syverson’s most sought-after pass receivers since Jimmy Buck was injured in the first game. In that Trinity game Wheeler caught one pass; since then he has become the leading receiver with 43 receptions for a huge 583 yards and seven touchdowns. In the last three contests we’ve seen more opportunities for the youngster, probably a combination of his excellent route-running and our quarterback’s growing confidence in him: against Augsburg he had eight catches for 85 yards and two TDs; against Concordia he was ten for 109 yards; and against Carleton he was 14 receptions for 205 yards and three TDs. With Buck getting ready to resume his place in the line-up, it will be interesting to see how Wheeler fares against Gustavus this Saturday. The bottom line is that SJU is blessed with a cadre of superb receivers and they all can cause havoc against our competition.
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Eyes on Linfield University
The UUN hasn’t paid much attention to Linfield this year, other than showing, via the d3football poll, that they have been one spot behind St. John’s thus far this season, except in Week Two when they were a point over us, and currently where we are two points over them, with SJU #7 and Linfield #9. (They are ranked #4 by the AFCA, over #9 SJU…and what do those guys know, anyway?) In other words, pretty much dead even, and this is notable since there is a good chance we could face them in the post-season. Yet again.
Last week the Wildcats defeated George Fox U., 41-13, thus securing its 67th consecutive winning season, the longest in college football history, no matter the level…in fact, no other school is within 24 years of that record. They may be pretty good each year, but it also says a lot about their conference.
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Gagliardi Trophy announces new sponsor
The Saint John’s University J-Club is proud to announce Stearns Bank as the new presenting sponsor of the Gagliardi Trophy, an award handed out each season to the most outstanding player in NCAA Division III football.
Legendary former SJU football coach John Gagliardi (the namesake of the trophy) and Stearns Bank’s longtime CEO Norm Skalicky were long-time friends and admirers of one another. Both became legends in their respective fields - not just because of their success, but because of how they looked uniquely upon their work. (Read rest of the story here:)
https://www.d3football.com/notables/2023/10/gagliardi-trophy-gets-new-sponsor
(Editor’s Query: Wonder why, after 30 years of sponsorship, Jostens was not publicly thanked for their participation in this iconic award?)
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J-Club's annual Hall of Honor induction ceremony event
This year's dinner and ceremony was held last Saturday night in Guild Hall as part of Homecoming festivities on the SJU campus. The 2023 class was made up of 10 individuals and one team.
The 2023 inductees to the St. John’s Hall of Honor (Photo by Frank Rajkowski).
It marked the fourth full class to enter the hall, which was started in 2018 when legendary longtime head coaches John Gagliardi and Jim Smith were honored as the first two inductees in separate ceremonies. The first full class was inducted in the fall of 2019, then after a one-year pause brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, the second full class was inducted in 2021. The third followed last year.
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Christmas is Coming…to St. John’s Campus, and then the Basilica —
Christmas with Saint Ben's & Saint John’s:
Great Hall, Saint John’s Campus - 7:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 1 and 2:00 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 2
Saturday, December 2, 2023 at 8:00 PM
The Basilica of Saint Mary, Minneapolis.
The time-honored tradition of Christmas with Saint Ben’s and Saint John’s (formerly Christmas at Saint John’s) returns to The Basilica of Saint Mary. Participating Ensembles:
Chamber Choir and Men’s Chorus - Dr. Bradley Miller, conductor
Women’s Choir - Dr. Adam Kluck, conductor
The St. John’s Boys’ Choir - Aaron Carpenter, conductor
Brass Choir - Dr. Justin Zanchuk, conductor
Amadeus Chamber Symphony
Order your tickets and select your seats here:
https://bene-internet.choicecrm.net/ChoiceCRM.NET/templates/BENE/?cts_legacy_app
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Give SJU Day is on Wednesday, November 15
Once again we ask for your generosity to help deliver a record-setting Give SJU Day! — Ted Kain ’12, SJU Director of Annual Giving
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Jimmy Buck for Allstate Good Works Team Captain?
Will you readers take a couple of seconds each day until November 22 to "Vote for Jimmy Buck" via the following link until the captain of the Allstate Good Works Team is selected?
Here's the link: https://promo.espn.com/espn/contests/allstate/2023/index
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No. 12 SJU Golf Ties for Sixth at Golfweek's October Classic
Saint John's golf tied for sixth out of 25 teams at the elite Golfweek October Classic on Tuesday, Oct. 17, at the Sandestin Golf & Beach Resort's Raven G.C. (par 71).
The 25-team field consisted of 15 other nationally ranked programs, including eight in the top 10.
No. 2 Methodist (N.C.) won the tournament by 17 shots. No. 6 Illinois Wesleyan was second, followed by No. 16 Lynchburg (Va.) and top-ranked Emory (Ga.) in fourth. No. 5 Carnegie Mellon, the defending NCAA Division III champions, placed fifth, two shots ahead of the tie between SJU and No. 15 Sewanee (Tenn.). Go here for more information: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2023/10/17/no-12-sju-golf-ties-for-sixth-at-golfweek-october-classic.aspx
Senior Nate Loxtercamp (photo by Jimmy Naprstek)
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Fiona Does It Again
What can we say—about—a runner—like Fiona (with apologies to The Sound of Music). Bennie senior track phenom Fiona Smith won the Connecticut College XC Invitational last weekend. She finished almost one minute ahead of the 2nd place runners. There were 308 participants.
She turned in another dominating effort in winning her fourth consecutive race at the Connecticut College Invite on Saturday (Oct. 14.). She became the first CSB runner ever to crack 20 minutes in the 6K with a clocking of 19:51.1 at the meet in Waterford, Conn.
Smith shattered the course record by over a minute (1:01) while also surpassing her own school record of 20:12.7 which she set at the Carleton Invite. Based on information available, Smith is the first-ever in the MIAC and just the second runner at the NCAA DIII level to record a sub-20 minute 6K. Three-time DIII national champion (2002-04) Missy Buttry of Wartburg clocked a 19:28 at Grinnell, Iowa, in 2003. (Ed’s Quick Observation: Yeah, but it was all downhill.)
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Tupa Studio Open in New Woodworking Building
Father Jerome Tupa, OSB, has set up his studio on the second floor of the newly-completed Woodworking Building. Currently Fr. Jerome is displaying a recently finished body of work based on his trip to Asia last year, where his paintings were influenced by colors and architecture found around temples, pagodas and shrines. Jerome traveled to Bangkok, Seoul, and Kyoto in his latest “pilgrimage” that he explains in a brief, but very interesting video found here: https://www.tupa.art/
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
A steak fanatic, Alphonse Untereiner drove all the way into Waite Park from Meier Grove on Saturday night just to dine at Anton’s, ordering their biggest steak, the 12-oz T-bone.
Big Al always picked out cuts that included a bone because he loved to nibble on it. That night at Anton’s Al and his wife Delia were finishing their dinners, and Delia could tell Al wanted to start gnawing on the bone. But he couldn't bear to do so in the crowded restaurant.
"Excuse me," Al said, calling the waitress over, "Would you please wrap dis here bone up for my dog?" Alphonse had never owned a dog in his life, but the little white lie seemed a tactful solution to his dilemma.
A few minutes later the waitress returned to their table. "Here's your bone, sir," she said, handing over a large package. "And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few more out of the scrap bucket."
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From Our Readers —
From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
The Johnnies are on a roll! But, still, ten penalties for 75 yards is a lot. That’s the number one area for improvement, as I see it. Here’s a bonus Tommie joke: — Conrad
Tommies Face Infidelity —
Three Tommies are talking at a bar. The first one says, “I think my girlfriend is cheating on me with an electrician. The other day I found wire cutters under the bed and they weren't mine.”
The second Tommie says, “I think my girlfriend is cheating with a plumber. I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.”
The third Tommie says, “I think my girlfriend is cheating on me with a horse.”
The other two look at him with utter disbelief.
“No, I’m serious. The other day I found a jockey under the bed.”
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From Peg Marrin ’65, Dallas, TX —
What a wonderful edition. Your writing is top notch as usual. Jim Conn’s joke was really funny, and Bob Christensen‘s eulogy made me wish I had known that accomplished Johnnie, Frank Knoll. Love to Chris and you. — Peg
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From Paul Foley ’87, somewhere in Colorado —
Hi Wick - It was great to finally meet you this past weekend in Collegeville. Thank you again for all you do to produce the UUN, and especially to keep distanced Johnnies like myself connected to SJU.
Although the score of the game was not as close as I expected, it was still great to share closeness with my fellow alums and dear friends. All the best, — Paul
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From Tom Larkin ’64, Denver, CO —
Bob, Nice job of "cobbing" together the game recap. I sent it to a golfing friend and Concordia alum who said it was "great" except for "poor Concordia" on the field. — Tom
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From Stephen Bennett ’89, St. Peter, MN —
Greetings Bob, I am looking forward to hosting you and the Johnnie football Faithful down in St. Peter at the Wing Kings, my neighborhood bar. The owner Sean is a great guy and is looking forward to opening his doors early to accommodate us. He learned from his experience two years ago that the Johnnies show up. He will be fully staffed and ready for us.
With the passing of my long time friend and colleague Dick Martin ‘64, I think I'm the last remaining Johnnie working at Gustavus. I am a 1989 graduate of SJU. I majored in Philosophy and played center midfield for some of those championship SJU Soccer Teams back in the late 80's! We had a lot of fun back in the day--we are still close teammates to this day.
I have worked at Gustavus for 26 years. I am a clinical psychologist by training and I was recruited to work in our student counseling center in the fall of 1997. I was the Director of Counseling for 10 years, taught and supervised student interns through the Psychology Department where I got to know Dick Martin. He was a well respected and gentle soul who embodied the best of St. John's and our shared Benedictine traditions. I went on to work as Dean of Students for 11 years before moving into the Advancement Office as a major gift officer where I have worked for the past 6 years. If I can be helpful in any way leading up to and during our event on October 21 please don't hesitate to reach out. All the best, — Stephen
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From Dan McDermott ’84, Plymouth, MN —
Bob - great to see you at the tailgate, and then again outside the guesthouse after the game to exchange pleasantries on a fine 63-7 win!
Last week you wrote: "St. Thomas at Drake — (Finally the Toms get a laugher; if they don’t completely handle them then UST has bigger problems than they think.)" It was fun to see that the Bulldogs shut down the Tommies and put 52 points up on them (52-21) when Drake entered the game averaging <15 points on offense! Drake also came into the game with a meager 2-3 record and yet rolled up 30 first downs and 553 yards on offense while holding the Tommies to 183 total yards.
In the Carleton game program I noticed that in the interviews with a few players (page 22) they asked them about their favorite song/musical artist. I gave a listen to all the 4-5 they mentioned and was impressed with their choices. Maybe we should let the players suggest the game-day music?! — Dan
(Editor’s Response: I investigated the artists favored by two of the players mentioning their favorite music. Shouldn’t be a surprise I wasn’t familiar with any of them; guess they don’t show up on MPR too often. But for your listening pleasure, here is what I found:)
Joe Jaeger, senior OL —
Zach Bryan - Deep Satin (w/Lyrics)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcI2dq7NYps (3:31 min.)
Tyler Childers - All Your'n (Official Video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrHd3nkCIz4&t=2s (3:40 min.)
Aaron Syverson, senior QB —
Tyler Hubbard - Dancing In The Country (Official Video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ma3L7xWB_1U (3:20 min.)
Dua Lipa - Dance The Night (From Barbie The Album)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiC1rgCPmUQ&list=PLNrotoZZ8BaoXT_LJuwEyESQlctWNDCwD&index=1 (3:31 min.)
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Kissing In The Dark —
A random woman, a manager, and his assistant are sitting together in a train. Suddenly, the train goes through a tunnel, and as luck would have it, the lights go out and it’s completely dark.
Then there’s this kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the woman and the assistant are sitting as if nothing has happened, and the manager has his hand against his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
The manager is thinking, “My assistant must have kissed the woman, and she missed him and slapped me instead.”
The woman is thinking, “The manager must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed his assistant and got slapped for it.”
And the assistant is thinking, “This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap my boss again.”
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The Final Word —
The Real Story
Our story is not complete without telling of a man who could not give a convincing explanation about his broken arm. He kept muttering something about trying to stick his arm through his car window that he thought was down.
That was the public version, in private, he confessed that it happened when his wife brought some potted plants indoors after they had been out on the patio all day. A friendly garter snake had hidden in one of the pots and later slithered out across the floor and the wife spotted it.
"I was in the bathtub when I heard her scream," he related. "I thought she was being murdered, so I jumped out of the tub and ran to help her. I didn't even grab a towel. When I ran into the living room, she yelled that a snake was under the couch. I got down on all fours to look for it and just then my dog came up from behind and 'cold-nosed' me. I guess I thought it was the snake and I fainted dead away."
"My wife thought I'd had a heart-attack and called for an ambulance. I was still groggy when the medics arrived and lifted me onto a stretcher. Just as they were carrying me out, the snake came out from under the couch and obviously frightened one of the medics. He dropped his end of the stretcher ... and that is when I broke my arm.
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That’s it, good folks! It’s now time for all Johnnie supporters to think good thoughts about our team, composed of fine young men filled with dreams of excellence and fulfillment and…yadda, yadda, yadda. Just go down to Gustavus, support the team and vociferously holler:
Make A Smörgåsbord Out Of The Gusties!
(Or something Swedish like that.)
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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697
Website: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/
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