UGH! Reality Bites…. UUN #9-23
(Publisher’s Announcement: As mentioned earlier, this 25th UUN season we have been facing both new monetary charges we’ve never had, as well technical difficulties in producing the Unofficial Underground News. My already terribly-busy daughter Caitlin has jumped in this year to actually reformat the copy and photos I send her during her precious spare time, and then she emails to our list. All of us are indebted to her for that support and I hope that a new solution for that part can be found sooner than later.
Daughter’s Note: It’s my pleasure to help!
On the financing side, I have been touched by offers of contributions from many, including a few who actually sent me checks or tried to hand me money toward these charges and I’m most grateful for that support, however, for this season, a benefactor representing the 1976 National Championship Team has handled this season’s publishing expenses. The ’76 D-III Champs are our sponsors this year and we all thank them sincerely.)
Dear Shattered Fans —
What’ll we do now? Let’s pick ourselves out of this cellar of disappointment and try to remember how badly our team, especially the seniors, feel. If we’re in the troughs of despair you can only imagine what is going on with them.
That said, the results of this unexpected, and yet fully deserved loss to a hard-fighting, multi-talented Gustavus crew, lies within the team itself, with maybe a hardy dollop of some questionable coaching/play-calling. As Coach Gary Fasching said afterward, “We just didn’t execute.” No kidding.
Elsewhere in this issue you will read some of the raw emotions our loss engendered among some of the long-time faithful. But those remarks came immediately after our unexpected defeat and by now some of the harshness may have dissipated. I came across a quote by Cardinal Cupich of Chicago in one of Father Don’s Daily Reflections this week that perfectly fits our situation: “Beneath the anger (is) also a sadness in the hearts of many people that they know we can do better.”
So how did we lose the 38-35 game? Two lucky plays involving, first, a successful “Hail Mary” pass as the final play of the half that (a) wouldn’t have been thrown if we had used the clock with situational awareness and (b) had at least one of our pass defense people in position in front of the Gustavus receiver; and second, a pass which was completed when our defender unsuccessfully went for an interception instead of just knocking the pass down, which allowed the Gustie an unmolested catch-n-run for a 49-yard TD. But, to use an oft-quoted cliche, “One makes his own luck.” So you have to hand it to the two Gusties that made those plays (and “hand it” to them we did.”)
Yet there were two other times when we made decisions, probably based on the conceit that “we can do whatever we want to these guys.” Both involved going for either a first down or TD around the ten-yard line instead of taking a field goal. Well, if either of those plays worked we wouldn’t be feeling this way right now, but they didn’t so all the second-guessers are having a field day.
However, the irony of those two decisions was made all the more manifest when, as Chris and I were driving back home with Tom and Lynn McKasy, we listened to Mark and Bryan conduct a painful post-game interview with Fasching. Gary said those decisions were on him, but he felt he had to trust his coaches. That wasn’t a particularly satisfying explanation. Neither was the fact that we only had five penalties this time after three games with ten or more but, as Gary pointed out, two of the most recent five occurred on a Gustavus TD drive, thus enabling their score. He’s said repeatedly that all these penalties have been on him too, because he’s the coach. In defense of the coach, since we have an experienced team made of up many fifth-year seniors, this apparent lack of discipline, leadership and concentration reflects more on the players than on the coaches.
Back to the irony: after listening to the end of the postgame broadcast we tuned in to the Gopher-Iowa game, where we trailed 10-3, then 10-6, then 10-9 and finally went up 12-10. Guess what? Four friggin’ field goals won that game. Then the next day, during the upset of the 49ers by the Vikings, we won that game by twice going for field goals on fourth down instead of trying to push it in while very close. Arrrgghh!
What bothers most everybody — from coaches and players to parents and rabid fans — is that this loss snatched away our chance to win the MIAC Championship, thus giving us an automatic qualifier seat in the playoffs and host at least one and perhaps two games at home. There is still the slimmest chance — due to our early strength of schedule — that we will receive an invite to only one of four at-large openings, a very long shot when one considers the plethora of WIAC teams now way ahead of us in the Top 25. And if we somehow did get an invite, we’d have to travel. It’s out of our hands now. We could heartily thrash both St. Scholastica and St. Olaf during our final two games and it won’t raise the needle a bit, because those teams are both pretty pathetic and we would be expected to defeat them decisively.
So the bottom line, according to some former players and other long-time loyal supporters/close observers summarizing the team’s fortunes at the last Lunch Bunch meeting a week or so ago, is that, although we have a good team with some fine skill players, we are not a great team and our O- and D-lines lack what is needed to dominate games. Some thought we’ve been over-rated. This conclusion became all the more evident last Saturday.
While the diehard Johnnie faithful packed Clemens Stadium to the tune of 9,000, 11,000, and 10,000 for three big home games, and traveled en masse to away games, I sure don’t expect many to show up for the St. Scholastica game. The weather is changing for the worse (Brrrr), and the quality of the competition is dreadful…but the real reason is that many fans are thinking, “What’s the use…why even bother…we’re toast this year.” While the official attendance will include disingenuously-counted season-ticket no-shows, I’d be surprised to see more than 1,000 actual fans watch this upcoming sacrifice.
While the new CSB-SJU president is fond of observing, “Football is a thing at SJU,” everyone up there must realize that the “thing,” with all its income from over-priced tickets, over-priced concessions, over-priced clothing, and over-priced live-streaming, will be jeopardized by mediocrity; it’s heavily-dependent upon us fielding not a “good” team, but a “great” team every year. These prices, especially when compared to other MIAC schools, are ridiculously high, embarrassingly high, un-Benedictine rapaciously high.
While some voluble program critics suggest that this growing mediocrity is now in its third year, due to our inability to get past the second game in the previous playoffs, other fans are satisfied with a winning season and seeing our boys get to play. They enjoy visiting the campus in the fall and like all the pageantry of the tailgate and red in the stands and on the field. They will write off this loss as unfortunate, but choose to rally around our team, wanting especially now to support them in the team’s disappointment. I see both sides; guess it boils down to expectations.
Patrick Tomczik, of Northfield, MN, is a life-time Johnnie fan who actually never attended the school yet hardly ever misses a game; he wrote in with some soothing words that help us put this all into perspective:
“Please remember that we are cheering on and for 18-, 19-, 20- and 21-year-old young fellows, who are playing as hard as they can to win a game for their school, family, friends and themselves. On the other side of the field, there are a bunch of 18-, 19-, 20- and 21-year-old fellows who are playing as hard as they can to win a game for their school, family, friends and themselves. Let us not blame them for how and what the coaches are doing, or how and what the coaches are not doing well. “
The only thing to say now is…GO JOHNNIES! We’re still with you.
(Here’s this week’s sort-of-related song to our love affair with SJU football: Blue Moon, by the Marcels (2:14 min.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2xG2QVKlas
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Senior wide receiver #7 Nick VanErp caught seven of quarterback Aaron Syverson's passes for 105 yards—his third 100-yard receiving game of the season — and two touchdowns against Gustavus (Photo by Libby Auger.)
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Gustavus Game Summary and Box Score —
Recap and Box Score
Frank Rajkowski, for St. Cloud Live:
Missed opportunities sink SJU in 38-35 loss at Gustavus
https://www.stcloudlive.com/sports/college/missed-opportunities-sink-sju-in-38-35-loss-at-gustavus
Cinematic Recap: St. John's vs Gustavus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLR-OYBb3LE (1:24 min.)
(If you can bear it, here is the Gustavus highlight video of the same game.)
2023 Gustavus Football vs. Saint John's Highlights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZHeLSwluWI
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The Uncasual Fan —
Lost Opportunity and maybe lost playoff chance
Date: October 14, 2023, vs Gustavus at St. Peter
A couple of games ago we were bracing for an improved Carleton team that was 5-0 and looking for a statement game to make a name for themselves and move up a rung or two in the MIAC hierarchy in football. None of that happened. Same old Carleton. Same old results. SJU 63 – Carleton 7
Surely a Gustavus team, that was unranked, that had lost to both Bethel and Augsburg (whom we beat) would not play the role of giant killer against our beloved Johnnies. Especially since we were just finding our groove with two big offensive games in a row and an opportunistic defense.
Well, after jumping to a 14-0 lead in the 1st seven minutes we basically ended up snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Going into the weekend, if you would have told me SJU was going to lose, and the Gophers were going to beat Iowa, and the Vikings were going to be victorious against San Francisco I think I would have bet a substantial amount of money against that combination.
Game summary:
Gustavus kept going to what was working and just kept fighting and fighting. They kept going to their best player (and the best player on the field) in their most crucial situations and he kept rewarding them for their diligence. SJU made too many mistakes and could not deliver in critical situations. End score Gustavus 38 – SJU 35.
There were too many killer plays and situations that were our downfall and we could not recover from them:
· A long kickoff return immediately after our pick-6 that lead to the Gusties’ first TD
· Getting stopped the first on 4th and 1.
· Getting stopped again later in the game on 4th and 1.
· A Hail Mary TD pass by the Gusties to end the first half.
· Too many wide-open short passes to the flats and slants over the middle by the Gusties
· 49-yard TD pass by the Gusties that should have been an interception or pick 6 for us but our defender mysteriously stopped and watched the receiver catch the ball and turn and run 20 more yards for the score
The fact is that after all of that we still had a chance to win and were driving for a score and threw an interception with about 2 Minutes to go.
Time to regroup and move forward. SJU needs to take care of business for the next couple of games and hope that by some miracle we get invited to the tourney but is really hard to do with two losses. Maybe the Gusties will lose to Bethel in the MIAC playoff and have 3 losses, and the committee picks SJU (over the Gusties) to play somewhere. Stranger things have happened
Game Summary – The good, the Bad and the Ugly
The Good
· We had an opportunity to win in the last couple of minutes
· We started fast
The Bad
· Our last few offensive plays were pretty ugly
· Lost opportunities
· We got stopped twice on 4th and short
The Ugly
· It is so hard to stop a short passing game when it is operating efficiently and you have a wide receiver that wants the ball and you go to him on critical downs
Time to re-group and learn from last week mistakes, play our game and hope that the committee will take a 2 loss team from the MIAC
GO JOHNNIES! — The Uncasual Fan
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
Hugo Faulhaber doesn't have a lot of money but occasionally, maybe once every four or five months, he'll drive into St. Cloud from his modest home in rural Belgrade to dine at a fine restaurant. One of his favorites is Cafe Renaissance in Waite Park on account of the care and pride the staff take in preparing and presenting food and drink to their customers.
On this particular day Hugo selected the Renaissance for his dining pleasure. He was politely seated and ordered the Soup of the Day to start. The waiter proudly set the bowl down in front of Hugo and stood back because he wanted to see him enjoy it as it is one of the chef's specialties. However Hugo just sat there.
"Is there something wrong?" the waiter asks.
"I can't eat dis soup," replied Hugo.
"Is it too hot?" "No." "Is it too cold?" "No." "Too salty?" "No."
The waiter calls for the maître d' and the chef, and each ask the same questions: "Too hot?" "Too cold?" "Too salty?" "No, no, no."
Finally, at his wit's end, the chef says, "I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?"
"Ah-ha!" said Hugo.
(Editor's Note: With apologies to Cafe Renaissance, which really is a fine place: https://thecaferenaissance.com/ )
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Super Fan Reactions to Gustavus Loss —
(Mostly kept anonymous so as not embarrass them after they calm down.)
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Pathetic…out-played and out-coached…embarrassing!
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Gustavus 38 Saint John’s 35 — I will not make negative comments. (This space is blank intentionally)
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Then i will…embarrassing, pathetic.Two seasons of being a top 4 seed and losing in the second round followed by this disaster of a season. We’ve not just plateaued, we have taken steps back. Haven’t felt this despondent since the Tommies laid 60 on us. We were soft in the trenches and that’s where games are won and lost. Gary and his coaches have their work cut out for them. I’m not at all surprised by the loss today, but still extremely disappointed.
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Either our players are bad or the coaching is bad…coaches need to figure it out!
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We led 14-0…we lost 38-35. Our defense is our biggest issue…Dumo and Novak need to find guys that can play and be coached.
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I don’t know if it’s a lack of talent or if we’ve got a bunch of dumb asses. We are definitely regressing. I think we have some talented kids that believe because they’re at SJU they will win because of our reputation. I think we’re lazy and lacking talent on the D and O line.
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From Colleen Lilly ’81, Edina, MN —
I think it’s safe to say that we will be using the Park Tavern room in December! This team could never make the national championship game. Sad to say. — Colleen
(Editor’s Explanation: Colleen is referring to our group of Johnnies and Bennies who for more than 25 years have gathered somewhere to watch the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl together somewhere to cap off another season of D-III football. This year we’re meeting at the Park Tavern party room in St. Louis Park.)
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Nice seeing you guys today...the results of the game sucked...so did the Johnnies! It's hard to grasp the fact that the season is already over for us loyal fans.
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WickMeister, it has become very clear that we suck on the road
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Consider this…the MIAC might not have a football team in the top 20 this week. I checked the end of season basketball rankings from last season and the MIAC did not have a top 25 team at the end of last season…Carleton received some votes. What does that say about the direction of the conference in football and basketball?
(Editor’s Note: Actually we did remain in the Top 25 at #18.)
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From Mike Murphy ’61, St. Paul, MN —
Hi Bob -- just what you need —more mail about the game. I drove down to St. Peter with Tom Joyce ('61) and Frank Ziegler ('62). Having gone to the same high school (Cretin) and college together, the three of us had lots to talk and laugh about on the way down. Lots to talk about on the way back too, but fewer laughs. We agreed the Gusties were good and were ready for us. But pity our poor offense: No matter how many points we score, the other guys (if they're any good, like the Gusties) are going to score as many or more. The line from W. H. Auden (with an edit here) keeps coming back: "Defenseless under the night, our team in stupor lies."
(Editor’s Note: Mike Murphy, a published poet and retired attorney, can really class up the UUN.)
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"We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."
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Regarding our drop from #7 to #18 in the d3football.com poll: Yes, we deserve #18 with our unpredictable defense. Sad but true.
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From Tony Sandeen ’97, Hong Kong SAR, China —
What the?
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Killing the Golden Goose?
One of the possible effects of our football team not capitalizing on the 2021, 2022 Top Seeds, losing in the 2nd Round playoffs; and now the dismal 2023 Season when we had 18 returning starters, plus D1/D2 Player Transfers, with positive coaches expectations, are we ushering in the possible diminishing of the SJU Football Economic Engine?
With so many diehard football fans disgusted and disappointed with especially the last 3 seasons will they:
• Be unwilling to pay $15 admission and more for setback seats when available?
• Pay $15 for live streaming?
• Attend games, with past attendances often in the five digits? And those fans also supported the concession stands, the bookstore, tailgate facilities, campus food choices, etc.?
• With currently about 200 players on the team (over 10% of enrollment) paying tuition, board and room, will there now be a reduction in football enrollment?
• Football fans provided most of the money needed to build the dome, which is used by the baseball, soccer and other sports teams as well as intramural squads.
• Raise/donate/contribute thousands of dollars annually to pay football coaches salaries?
• The football program has economically supported SJU sports and in so many other ways, e.g. positive publicity, what will fill the gap if football game day attendance suffers?
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Penalties
Wow! Every week in his post game with Bryan and Mark, Gary bemoans the penalties. He tells the announcers that he's got to correct those critical and stupid penalties. Every week he says he's going to correct that. Going back to the TD at the end of the first half, GAC threw a first down strike that picked up 17 yards, and then were able to add 15 more due to a roughing the passer, which put them into position for the TD. In the post game yesterday, Gary told Mark they're going to correct those stupid penalties again this week.
A few years ago, after Gary took over, I was talking with a former player who told me that under John, if a player made a personal foul, hitting out of bounds, roughing the passer, late hit, etc. after the flag was thrown and he was named the perpetrator, he would just run right off the field and head directly to the field house, for two reasons: first, he didn't want to catch the wrath of John for doing such a stupid thing and second, he knew he wouldn't be playing again that game. A couple weeks ago, a former player from the 2007-2010 seasons was sitting in front of me. We had a really nice chat. I mentioned the conversation I'd had with the other player about personal fouls. He agreed with the former player, but what was not mentioned he told me, was what would happen at practice Monday.
John would be watching replays after the game, through the night and into Sunday night. First thing at practice on Monday, any player who had a stupid penalty on Saturday, had to go the front and stand along side the screen and watch his mistake played out on video. Then he'd have to tell the team why he did it, and further what steps he would make to ensure he wouldn't do it again. Very humbling he told me. I thought probably humiliating as well. After that the whole team would watch the game video, with John pointing out things. After that, John would have video snippets of really good plays, by various players. Those players then got called up to stand by the screen, while John would praise them for their great plays or efforts. This former player told me it didn't take very long to know that you wanted to make sure you were with the second group of players to get called up on Monday afternoon.
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A Saint Learns His Lesson —
A St. Scholastica football linebacker was talking with a teammate in the locker room about his part time job. “I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.”
“What happened?” asked his friend.
“Oh, I didn't get pulled over or anything...I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.”
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The Football Whisperer —
The Football Whisperer had to pull out all stops to reflect on the state of the SJU football team. Had to journey to the tallest cross in the USA and the deepest caverns to try ascertain what might be the issues with the team. John went to a cave on Patmos Island to write Revelations. That might have been an easier task.
Defense, seems like a couple players are carrying the load. The line and defensive backs seem to be confused at times and/or are trying to do too much instead of just doing their job. At Gustavus, they started OK but as the game progressed they seemed to be late or assignments were abandoned. Maybe simplification and discipline might be the answer.
Offense, started out great. Offensive line play was some of the best of the year. Later in the game, plays just took too long. This put too much pressure on the line and forced unsuccessful long pass plays.
Quick hitting plays were not used or could not be executed.
SJU schedule is favorable but the team is not in control of its MIAC and NCAA D3 fate.
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French for Beginners —
When I was a child, my parents used to always say "Pardon my French" after a swear word.
I'll never forget the first day of French class, when my teacher asked us if any of us knew any French.
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Hansen 2023 D-III Football Resume Rankings
https://hansenratings.github.io/2023%20Resume%20Rankings.html
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About St. Scholastica —
The College of St. Scholastica (CSS) is a private Benedictine college in Duluth, Minnesota, founded in 1912 by a group of pioneering Benedictine Sisters. Today St. Scholastica educates almost 4,000 students annually and has graduated more than 29,000 alumni.
The College of St. Scholastica offers a liberal arts education and is located on 186 wooded acres overlooking Lake Superior.
The College of St. Scholastica owes its existence to the combining of two forces: Benedictine missionaries and the settlement of Duluth. In 1892, Mother Scholastica Kerst and 28 sisters arrived from St. Joseph, Minnesota to spearhead the establishment of a Benedictine motherhouse and an academy in Duluth. The school and convent were in two prior locations before Duluth’s and the school’s growth required a third move in 1909 to its present location. The school expanded its course offerings in 1912 to include a junior college and changed its name to The College of St. Scholastica.
In 1924, the college became a four-year liberal arts institute with an enrollment of 68. The school's first baccalaureate degrees were granted in 1926. In 1969, it became a fully coeducational institution. As a Benedictine institution, the college is affiliated with the Order of St. Benedict. Its endowment stands at more than $89.9 million, which (I believe) is a lot more than the College of St. Benedict.
The college awards Bachelor’s, Baster’s, and Doctoral degrees, and has a student to faculty ratio of 14:1. Undergraduate majors include liberal arts and science programs as well as pre-professional programs. Graduate degrees are offered in health professions, education, technology, business, and social work. There are approximately 2,500 undergraduates and 1,500 postgraduates.
Since CSS is a sister school to CSB-SJU, here is a quick look at the place in the event you’re curious how we and they are similar and different:
Tour St. Scholastica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HSX1nHiQJc. (3:13 min.)
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Saints Football —
The College of St. Scholastica football team is not the worst in the MIAC, but you can see the bottom from there; I mean they beat Macalester 23-17. This team is pretty young, starting a lot of sophomores and juniors. It’s also not a big team with only around 75 players. Probably 70 of them are from Minnesota and NW Wisconsin, while they boast four lads up from the same high school in Tampa, Florida. Hats off to that recruiter. They sport a 2-5 record, 1-4 in the conference.
Their coach is Mike Heffernan, who is into his fifth year as head coach and sports a discouraging 12-23 record. He has six members to his coaching staff, as opposed to thirteen at St. John’s. Hmmm? But two or more of our coaches are volunteers and a few other receive only a small stipend. But still… The CSS’ two lines are not huge but seem in many ways about average for the lesser teams in the MIAC. What impresses me is the large number of bigger O-and D-linemen who are freshmen and sophomores. With sufficient strength training and weight gain, plus experience, we might see the Saints begin to climb out of the cellar in the next couple of years to more middle-of-the-pack status. In the meantime, as in this Saturday, it’s not going to be pretty.
And that brings us to Gary Fasching’s dilemma — does he unloose the Cardinal & Blue on the hapless Saints to try to influence the NCAA pollsters…or show mercy and class, keep the score way down, like in the mid-50s, in order to give extensive playing time in the first and second half to as many players as he can get into the game? We could easily beat them 75+ to 0 if we wanted to…but why? Our only real opportunity for a bit of redemption and a chance for one of four open play-off spots is to beat Augsburg (assuming that’s who we play in the MIAC finals) by a whopping score; otherwise it’s just a frustrating year of lost opportunities.
We will face a team of young men this Saturday who come into the game knowing they’ll get wiped, but still they want to play for the love of the game, and I, for one, salute them. Go Saints! Keep your eyes on sophomore quarterback #3 Donald West and his main receivers: junior #87 Ricky Weber, senior #1 Wyatt Lahr, and sophomore #80 Conor Donovan. They have others, too, but these seem to be West’s main targets. Running chores are mainly handled by junior RB #21 Nick Schlender. And their speedy kick and punt returner is sophomore #7 Andrew Burgess.
As opposed to some of the teams we’ve played this year, where most of the tackling is done by linebackers and defensive backs, the Saints have some D-linemen who have been right in the action: juniors #55 Henry Eilefson and #13 Simon Randorf; sophomore #93 Nathan Miller; and freshman #98 Adrian Martin. Backing them up at linebacker are two juniors — # 27 John Bonner and #11 Anthony Vo, and sophomore #41 Austin Mundt. I don’t much about their secondary, but I imagine all our QBs will light them up at will. Too bad I’ll miss this show because I’ll be at a funeral.
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
Norbert Schreiner was fishing in Brown’s Lake south of Cold Spring one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him.
The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
Norbert smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.
The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.” Norbert smiled again and kept on fishing.
When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!”
Norbert just smiled and said, “Miss Frog, I’m sorry to tell you dis, but at my age, I’d rather have a talkin’ frog den a beautiful princess!”
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Player Feature:
Brock Humbert embraces backup role for St. John's football team —
The ROCORI High School graduate hasn't played a lot on Saturdays, but he's making a difference during the practice week and hopes to coach in the future.
By Andy Rennecke, St. Cloud Live
St. John’s linebacker #43 Brock Humbert on the sideline against Carleton in the first half Saturday, Oct. 14, at Clemens Stadium in Collegeville. (Photo by Jason Wachter / For St. Cloud LIVE)
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The Tardy Employee —
When a man showed up at work an hour late for the second time in a week, his boss called him into her office. She asked, “What’s your excuse this time?”
He shrugged and said, “I overslept.”
“Damn it,” she yelled. “At least tell me something I haven’t heard before!”
He replied, “My, you’re looking lovely today”
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MIAC Standings —
Division Record Overall
Northwoods Division
Gustavus 2-0 4-3
Carleton 2-1 6-1
Saint John’s 1-1 5-2
Saint Olaf 1-1 4-3
St. Scholastica 0-3 2-5
Skyline Division
Bethel 3-0 5-2
Concordia 2-0 4-3
Augsburg 1-1 5-2
Macalester 0-2 2-5
Hamline 0-3 2-5
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Football Schedule —
(All game 1 p.m.)
Sep. 2 Trinity (TX) Collegeville W 34-31
Sep. 9 UW-Whitewater Whitewater, WI L 56-28
Sep. 16 Bye — —
Sep. 23 Bethel Collegeville W 27-7
Sep. 30 Augsburg Minneapolis W 27-24
Oct. 7 Concordia Collegeville W 42-23
Oct. 14 Carleton Collegeville W 63-7
Oct. 21 Gustavus St. Peter L 38-35
Oct. 28 St. Scholastica Collegeville
Nov. 4 St. Olaf Northfield
Nov. 11 MIAC Champ TBD
https://gojohnnies.com/sports/football/schedule
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, Mike Carr ’77, and Charlie Carr ’03 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 26th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet (660wbhr.com).
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Listening via the Internet: https://www.660wbhr.com/wbhr-st-johns-sports
Viewing via live streaming: https://miacsportsnetwork.com/saintjohns/?B=596750
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Top Five Signs Your Pastor Needs A Vacation —
5. His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are ,”All right, listen up, you heathens..."
4. He falls asleep during his own sermon.
3. He shows up for Sunday Mass wearing Bermuda shorts and a tank top under his vestments.
2. You go to his office for counseling, pour your heart out to him and he says, "Sounds like a personal problem to me."
1. For the past two months he has preached the same sermon every Sunday.
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Around The MIAC —
Week 8 Results — October 21
Macalester at Concordia — (Good Golly…look for another total mismatch, with the Cobbers running the Scots off the field.) It’s true…the Cobbers made quick work of the Mac team, 49-8.
St. Scholastica at Carleton — (You just know it’s going to be bad…the embarrassed Knights will make the sorry Saints pay.) Wasn’t as bad as I thought, with the Knights winning just by 42-21.
Hamline at Bethel — (Here’s another game they needn’t play —50 points for sure, probably 60 and maybe even in the 70s.) The Royals didn’t even quite make it to 50, clobbering the Pipers only 49-7.
Augsburg at St. Olaf — (This is the MIAC game to watch. I’m guessing the Auggies will pull it together to win.) Well, well…the Auggies won going away in a kind of a shoot-out, 56-36.
St. John’s at Gustavus — (Much to the Gusties chagrin, this could be a lopsided win for the Jays, now that we know how to do it.) If we knew “how” to do it, we sure forgot in a hurry, losing to a revved-up Gustie team, 38-35.
Other Games of Interest —
St. Thomas at Stetson (FL) — (The Hatters [get it?] should give the swirling Toms all they can handle. Really a toss-up now that we’re seeing the Tommies’ weaknesses.) Caruso’s week-long rants paid off handsomely with the Toms leaving Stetson with a 38-6 victory.
UW-Oshkosh at UW-La Crosse — (In the man-eat-man WIAC this could be another close one, but I’m betting on the La Crosse Eagles.) It was as close as 31-28 with La Crosse eking out the home win.
UW-Stout at UW-Whitewater — (Stout IS rather stout but just doesn’t have enough to top the Warhawks.) Stout put up a fight but ultimately lost to the Warhawks, 37-20.
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Upcoming Games, Week 9 — October 28
Concordia at Augsburg — (Although I’m pulling for the Cobbers, reality says the Auggies will prevail.)
Bethel at Carleton — (The Knights might not get beat as badly as by St. John’s, but they’ll still get beat bad enough.)
Gustavus at St. Olaf — (Should be a pretty one-sided win for the Gusties.)
Macalester at Hamline — (In this exciting “Battle for the Skyline Bottom” I’m pulling for Hamline to survive as victor.)
St. Scholastica at St. John’s — (Whoever cares, raise your hands…other than 3rd and 4th stringers and their parents, that is…)
Other Games of Interest —
Marist at St. Thomas — (This will be a tighter game than last week against Stetson, but one the Tommies should win going away at home.)
UW-Platteville at #5 UW-Whitewater— (Platteville’s not a bad team but they don’t stand a chance against the Warhawks.)
#7 UW-River Falls at UW-Stout — (Stout should give River Falls a good, tough game, but in the end it won’t be enough.)
#23 Mary Hardin-Baylor at #20 Hardin-Simmons — (Now, THAT’s going to be a battle! But, like SJU, they’re both so far down in the Top 25 that it really won’t matter much in the standings. I have no idea who will win this one, but UMHB could have a bit more in the end.)
Central at #3 Wartburg — (Wartburg should pull it out but it will be tougher than they think.)
* * * *
Saint Co-ed’s First Plane Ride —
Judy, a junior at St. Scholastica, had never been on an airplane before. A family matter mandated she make her first plane trip from Duluth to Chicago.
Boarding the aircraft she settled into a window seat in the quietest part of the plane.
A man came over and politely said, "Ma'am, you're in my seat."
"Go away and find another seat!" Judy replied.
He said, "Okay, fine, you fly the plane.
* *
St. Scholastica Quickie —
So a SCC student walks into the bar with his hands full of dog turds and says, “Look what I almost stepped in.”
* * * *
2023 D3football.com Week 8 Top 25 —
Other than St. John’s’ shocking fall from the rarified air of #7 to our new place at #18 nothing much of significance happened in the Top 25 poll this past week.
Our loss by three points to the Gusties, their first win over SJU since 2013 and the third against the Johnnies in the last 35 years, was apparently bad enough for the bottom to drop out. When UW-Whitewater lost by three points to La Crosse they didn’t fall like that. On the other hand, Gustavus isn’t anything like UW-LC. No, we’d have to look at Mary Hardin-Baylor’s fall from #3 to #12 to current #23. But even that’s screwy because UMHB’s three losses were all to Top-Rated Teams, and one was a very close loss. I guess our fall is the most legitimate.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2023/week8
P.S. The Gusties are just 4-3 overall and 3-2 in the MIAC, but 2-0 against Northwoods Division opponents, which is the record which determines MIAC title game matchups. Gustavus finishes the conference slate with St. Olaf and Carleton, and can clinch the berth with a win against Carleton and any loss by St. Olaf.
* * * *
Scenes At Gustavus Pre-Game Social —
(With thanks to John Sipe ’61/’65 for sending over some photos he randomly took; we’ll do without captions this time. Our thanks to the Mankato Alum Group for hosting this fun get-together. )
* * * *
Odds & Ends —
Bahamas Prime Minister Talk Cancelled For Now —
The Hon. Philip Davis KC, MP, the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of The Bahamas, had to cancel the 2023 Eugene J. McCarthy Lecture previously scheduled Nov. 20, due to pressing governmental matters in the Bahamas. The lecture is planned to be rescheduled.
* *
Christmas is Coming…to St. John’s Campus, and then the Basilica —
Christmas with Saint Ben's & Saint John’s:
— Great Hall, Saint John’s Campus - 7:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 1 and 2:00 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 2
— The Basilica of Saint Mary, Minneapolis.
Saturday, December 2, 2023 at 8:00 PM
Order your tickets and select your seats here:
https://bene-internet.choicecrm.net/ChoiceCRM.NET/templates/BENE/?cts_legacy_app
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Give SJU Day is on Wednesday, November 15
Once again we ask for your generosity to help deliver a record-setting Give SJU Day! — Ted Kain ’12, SJU Director of Annual Giving
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Keep Voting: Jimmy Buck for Allstate Good Works Team Captain
Will you readers take a couple of seconds each day until November 22 to "Vote for Jimmy Buck" via the following link until the captain of the Allstate Good Works Team is selected?
Here's the link: https://promo.espn.com/espn/contests/allstate/2023/index
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The Decluttering Course - Online course to organize your life!
In the 4-week Decluttering Course, Dana White will share actionable mindset shifts that will free you to make fast decluttering progress using minimal emotional energy. This course starts November 13. There is no charge and it’s open to all Bennies andJohnnies and their friends:
Register here: https://alumlc.thinkific.com/courses/decluttering-CSBSJU
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Accounting Majors' Department, Gains & Losses Section —
A Johnnie-Bennie couple had three children, all girls. Each weighed about seven pounds at birth. When their fourth child arrived, he was much larger.
After delivery, the medical team began testing and measuring their new son. The last reading came from a nurse, who seemed impressed as she read, "Weight, nine pounds, eight ounces."
The husband, a CPA in corporate finance who'd been quiet up to that point, could contain himself no longer.
"How about that!" the Johnnie exclaimed happily. "It's 36.5 percent more baby!"
* * * *
Wicker’s Health Rant —
Dr. Peter Attia: The Secret to Long Life
https://youtu.be/tvapAJ4rwnE?si=HbAj40UNWMFDYrL7 (5:48 min.)
It's good that people in their later years will listen to this, but it's absolutely mandatory that 25-, 30-, and especially 40 year-olds do. It takes 25, 30 years and sometime even longer for avoidable stuff that's going to kill you in your late 50s, 60s and early-to-mid 70s to get that bad. And by the time you find out you've got some bad crap in you, it's really often too late, as Attia points out in this video.
Dr. Attia also has a best-selling book called Outlive: The Science & Art of Longevity. Here is a paragraph from the end of the first chapter that describes his thesis on how to live longer and live better:
“…longevity demands a paradigm-shifting approach to medicine, one that directs our efforts toward preventing chronic diseases and improving our health span—and doing it now, rather than waiting until disease has taken hold or until our cognitive and physical function has already declined. It’s not “preventive” medicine; it’s proactive medicine, and I believe it has the potential not only to change the lives of individuals but also to relieve vast amounts of suffering in our society as a whole. This change is not coming from the medical establishment, either; it will happen only if and when patients and physicians demand it.”
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* * * *
From Our Readers —
From Paul Carlson SJP ‘60, Minnetonka, MN—
Bob, I'm sending this article to you as one of the Chinese bishops at the Synod studied at St John's. Another unexpected Johnnie connection:
“Bishop Anthony Yao Shun is the 57-year-old leader of the Diocese of Jining in China’s Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region. He studied liturgy at Saint John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota, in the 1990s.”
https://www.pillarcatholic.com/p/chinese-bishops-overstayed-exit-visas
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From Tom Bauer ‘61/’65, Madison, WI —
Greetings from Mad Town. I just got through the latest edition of the illustrious UUN. It may be that I missed it, but it seems that for the first time in years there were no pictures or mention of Chris Scholl, Eileen Myles, or John Sipe. Despite that it was once again a great read. If things work out I may drive over for the Gustavus game.
Go Johnnies, — Tom
(Editor’s Comment: Tom did, in fact, drive over for the Gustavus game and sat there until the miserable end like the rest of us. He sent over some quickies from Garrison Keillor, my favorites being printed below:)
1 - The old man who buys two dozen condoms every week in the drugstore and when the clerk finally inquires what he needs them for, he says he feeds them to his dog so she poops in plastic bags
2 - The man walking past the insane asylum who hears the inmates shouting, “Twenty-one, twenty-one” and puts his eye to a hole in the fence and is poked in the eye with a sharp stick as they shout, “Twenty-two, twenty-two”
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From Gary Kordosky ’64, Tucson, AZ —
Great UUN. Many good pictures, great info on the Gusties, good reporting on the Carlton game and of course humor. It is greatly appreciated!!!! — Gary
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* * * *
Loss of Two More Great Johnnies —
Tom Arth ’66
https://www.startribune.com/obituaries/detail/0000471131/
Thom Farnham ‘72
https://www.ohalloranmurphy.com/obituary/Thomas-Farnham
* * * *
Player Feature: Mendez Thriving in First Season at SJU —
By Frank Rajkowski
Junior wide receiver #1 Marselio Mendez caught his seventh touchdown of the season with 52 seconds left in the first half of Oct. 14's Homecoming win over Carleton (Photo by Libby Auger).
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
Loretta Glomminger was driving on St. Germain Street in St. Cloud in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space among the limited ones available.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination. The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”
* * * *
The Final Word —
From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
I won’t say anything about last week’s game vs. the Gusties, other than that it was very disappointing. To assuage a (minuscule) part of the pain, here’s a Halloween-themed Tommie joke:
Two Tommies were hiking in the woods when there was a sudden thunderstorm. They ran for about ten minutes in the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain let up.
They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after another. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window and he tapped lightly on the window!
The Tommie on the passenger side screamed out. "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window! There's a ghost!"
The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits. "What do you want?"
The old man softly replied. "You got a cigarette?"
The passenger, terrified, said to the driver, "He wants a cigarette!"
"Well, offer him one! HURRY!"
So he fumbled around with the pack and handed the old man a cigarette. Then he yelled, "Step on it," rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calmed down and started laughing. The passenger said, "What do you think about that?"
"I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."
Then all of a sudden came ANOTHER knock, and there was the old man at the window"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!"
"Well, see what he wants now."
He rolled down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?"
The Tommie threw a lighter out the window at him, rolled up the window and yelled "GET US THE EFF OUTTA HERE!"
At this point they were now going about 100 miles an hour, still guzzling beer and trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again they heard more knocking! "OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"
The Tommie rolled down the window and screamed out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" In stark fear.
The old man said quietly, "Do you need some help getting out of the mud?"
* * * *
You’ve reached the end of this issue. It’s been a hard week, but we need to pick up the pieces and carry on for the rest of the season. The first order of business is to support our Johnnies as they take on St. Scholastica. Let’s hear this refrain loudly and clearly:
Tarnish the Saints
(Or something like that.)
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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697
Website: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/
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