Back in the Saddle Again (UUN #1-21)
Dear Patient Readers (and some impatient ones; you know who you are) —
This first issue of the upcoming season comes to you compliments of Bob Neis ’65 and his wife Joanne. In my last regular Unofficial Underground News two seasons ago I mentioned that it was being sent via my companion Chris’ 10-year old Dell PC because my 12-year-old iMac had completely given up the ghost, and that it was a miserable experience creating the UUN using “foreign” technology.
Sensing my angst, Bob called to offer his wife’s aunt’s used-but-not-as-my-old iMac if I could use it; I jumped at their kind offer.
So — not only is the UUN now republishing, but we’re going to have a football season too and it starts on Saturday, September 4 at St. John’s versus Aurora University of Aurora, IL. (See the schedule below.)
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SJU 2021 Football Schedule
(All games are played on Saturdays, beginning at 1 pm)
Date Opponent Venue
Sep. 4 Aurora Collegeville
Sep. 11 Bye
Sep. 18 Martin Luther Collegeville
Sep. 25 Bethel Collegeville
Oct. 2 Concordia Moorhead, MN
Oct. 9 Augsburg Collegeville (Homecoming)
Oct. 16 St. Olaf* Collegeville (Family Weekend)
Oct. 23 Gustavus* St. Peter, MN
Oct. 30 St. Scholastica* Collegeville
Nov. 6 Carleton* Northfield, MN
Nov. 13 MIAC Championship TBD
Week
(* With St. John’s, these teams are also part of the MIAC’s new Northwoods Division.)
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Look at all those home games. What a treat after a year of nada. And I’m sure that SJU Football and the Athletic Department as a whole are pleased as well, the home games possibly helping to replenish diminished athletic funds and budgets.
Of the teams we’ll be hosting, two — Aurora and Bethel — will be very important games from tough opponents; we will have to perform at our very best to emerge victorious. The other home games against Martin Luther, Augsburg, St. Olaf and St. Scholastica fall into the category of usually “over-matched”, although St. Olaf has been feisty in recent years and Augsburg is said to be on a track to be more competitive in the next few years with a new coach, ambitious recruiting and an institutional attitude for improvement. Martin Luther — God bless ‘em — has a coed student body of under 900 souls, and St. Scholastica is just entering the MIAC and will probably only be competitive with Macalester, Carleton and Hamline for a few years. One huge problem for these latter schools has been their inability to field large enough teams; they have some talent and fighting spirit each year but with little depth behind them they just get worn down after a while.
Of our three away games, two of them will be against quite challenging foes, as they normally are. Always tough against us, Concordia — who beat us last time we played in Collegeville — will host us on their home turf in Moorhead wanting an encore, and Gustavus in St. Peter is dropping the gauntlet against SJU, saying that they are pointing everything to dethrone us for supremacy in the newly-formed Northwoods Division of the MIAC…and they have raised money for male scholarships and newly-renovated and expanded athletic facilities to back their threat to the combined tune of $100 million. The final away game of the regular season will be in Cannon Falls against the perennially cellar-dwelling Knights of Carleton. They certainly have the money for program development, recruiting and academic scholarships for promising intelligent players, but there is no will from the administration and faculty to become a competitive force in the MIAC. Ditto for Macalester.
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MIAC creates two divisions —
Here’s a look at the new MIAC Divisional model excerpted from their website:
Along with the addition of St. Scholastica to the conference, the 2021 football season will also signal the return of Macalester College to the MIAC. The Scots have competed independently and as part of the Midwest Conference in the sport over the last two decades after departing the MIAC in 2002.
With St. Scholastica and Macalester in the fold, the MIAC will transition to a two-division model for football beginning in 2021. The division names will stem from two of the MIAC's primary colors, Northwoods Green and Skyline Silver. The Northwoods Division will consist of Carleton College, Gustavus Adolphus College, Saint John's University, St. Olaf College, and The College of St. Scholastica. The Skyline Division will consist of Augsburg University, Bethel University, Concordia College, Hamline University, and Macalester College.
Each MIAC team will play eight conference games, including four "in-division" games, three "crossover" games, and one "playoff" game. The final week of the regular season will function as "Championship Week," wherein teams will be ranked 1-5 in each division based on the current season's in-division games only. Each team will then match up with the corresponding seed in the other division for a "playoff" game. The winner of the contest between the two divisional leaders will receive the MIAC's automatic qualifier to the NCAA Division III Football Playoffs.
(Editor’s Comments: With this system SJU, assuming we win our Northwoods Division, can expect to play either Bethel or Concordia in a play-off game to decide the MIAC representative to the NCAA D-III play-offs…meaning we could possibly and probably will face one of these teams twice in a year, unless Gustavus messes with our plans. That could provide a lot of drama, especially when both teams are evenly matched. Another question/thought/point is why Concordia, one of the two most northern and far-distant teams in the league, was put in the metro area Skyline Division? However, in looking at the other teams in the Northwoods I guess it makes sense for a number of reasons: first is to balance the power teams between divisions; and second, which of Gustavus, Carleton and St. Olaf would we switch for Concordia? With this new system, although we will play annually weak St. Olaf and Carleton, we won’t ever play Hamline and Macalester again in football until their fortunes improve enough that they rise in the Skyline Division, something I don’t see happening for a long time, if ever. All this is made possible with St. Thomas leaving and being replaced by Macalester and St. Scholastica. These moves also deflate my annual rantings and jokes about the bullying University of St. Thomas and the effete Macalester College. However, all is not lost…see below.)
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The Angry Confrontation —
This guy walked into a bar on South Snelling Avenue in St. Paul and announced in a very loud voice, "All Tommies are a**holes."
Everyone immediately quieted down and stared at the guy. Finally, after a few moments, a large fellow down at the end of the bar stood up and said, "Hey! I resent that."
The first guy sneered, "Why? Are you a Tommie?"
And the second man replied angrily, "No, I'm an a**hole.”
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SJU Football Team, 2021 Edition —
Many friends/subscribers have asked, “What kind of a team will we have this year?”
Of course, until we field the starting team and face a potent offense like Aurora, we won’t know for sure. However, SJU is ranked 6th in the nation in a pre-season poll and Aurora is ranked 28th…that’s close to the same difference when we faced them in an NCAA play-off game in Collegeville where we only narrowly defeated them 51-47 in the darnedest, most scary but entertaining game I’ve ever seen up there.
First, the negatives or question marks: we lost to graduation an incredibly talented and experienced offensive line, linebacking crew and much of the secondary. We also no longer have quarterback Jackson Erdmann, who redefined success at that position during his four years a the helm of the offense.
According to head coach Gary Fasching ’81, we have talented, but inexperienced people filling all those spots, although the O-Line remains a question mark. The quarterback position seems to have a few promising contenders, but they need to be tested under fire for the coaches to discover who will emerge as the leader from those competing as starter. We also have some promising replacements on the offensive line (no monsters this year, only four in the 280 range), but — once again — they need experience to gel into a smooth-functioning unit; same with replacements at linebacker. Our secondary might be a weakness, at least for a while. Kicking, an embarrassment and Achilles heel in recent years, is still another position that needs improvement.
On the positive side, we are loaded with wide receivers, tight ends and running backs, and our defensive line continues to look awesome. Going into the season, Gary suggests we have every reason to be cautiously optimistic for another winning season, although we won’t be as explosive this season as in previous seasons. In an interview before the Spring intra-squad game he said that St. John’s has its largest team ever, with nearly 220 students out for football. This in the face of an overall smaller class of freshmen (or first-year students, if you prefer) with fifty out of some 480 new Johnnies opting to try out for the team. The usual number of frosh coming out for football is between 70 and 80.
Gary said that, due to the large number of people on the team, including 5th-year players who have an extra year of eligibility due to the Covid shut-down, they made the decision to go after quality over quantity in recruiting. The goal was to identify and recruit frosh players who could make an immediate impact on the team, and continue to grow over their four years at the school. According to Gary, Recruiting Coordinator Damien Dumonceaux ’06 (SJP ’02) targeted a number of prime prospects and landed every one he went after. Incredible work, Dumo. Earlier this summer St. John’s hosted the Annual Minnesota North-South All-Star game. From both All-Star teams, SJU led all other colleges by far, whether in the MIAC or beyond, with six players coming to St. John’s. Bethel had two, and Augsburg, Gustavus, Hamline and St. Thomas each had one. Additionally, we have two North Dakota All-Stars coming to the squad too. Finally, we picked up six D-II transfer students from St. Cloud State after that school dropped football due to Title IX pressures. All this demonstrates St. John’s commitment to continue to represent the MIAC at a top level in NCAA D-III play nationally.
Wow! Check out this group of beefy frosh, all Minnesota All-Staters who have chosen St. John's. Their new coach, Gary Fasching '81, is a pretty tall, good-sized man, but these guys!...well, you get the idea. While each of these youngsters looked good during the All-Star game, the two fellows on the left — #43 and #44 — really put on a defensive show. Go Johnnies!
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D-I Insecurity —
Did you hear about the Tommie offensive line coach who was so insecure that every time his players went into a huddle he thought they were talking about him.
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SJU Kick-Off Luncheon This Friday —
What: Johnnie Football Kick-Off Luncheon
When: Friday, August 20, 2021
Where: PepsiCo Dining Room, Sexton Commons
Time: 11:30 am
Cost: $20
For fans and Johnnie football supporters, this highly-anticipated annual event marks the official start of the season. Here Gary Fasching previews the coming year in broad strokes and then introduces his coaches, some of whom will detail finer points of their areas of responsibility.
Besides the season preview, the occasion is notable for its energy and excitement, with long-time friends, classmates and former team members gathering together after a long separation.
There is still time to register; go this link:
Or email Leila Utsch for any questions or concerns: lutsch@csbsju.edu
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New Video Scoreboard Installed in Clemens Stadium —
A new, state-of-the-art Formetco video scoreboard has been installed at Saint John's University's Clemens Stadium.
The high-definition, LED scoreboard – which is situated just in front of the southeast hillside - can display live footage from the football field and stands, as well as replays and recorded content.
The approximately 30 feet by 50 feet (1,400 square feet) scoreboard is a gift from the Sexton Family Foundation in recognition of legendary SJU head coach John Gagliardi, the winningest coach in college football history with 489 career victories.
The new scoreboard features a single-point sound system on top and is slightly larger than the videoboard at CHS Field in St. Paul (home of the St. Paul Saints), which is slightly under 27 feet by 49 feet (1,300 square feet).
The task of operating the scoreboard will be part of the new Go Johnnies Network, which oversees live video streaming, the mobile app and more.
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More Scenes From Stearns County --
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Father" an embarrassed Iola Kleinschmidt said after Sunday Mass, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," Fr. Aloys Kapsner, the venerable pastor, replied.
"It's not a reflection on you, Father," insisted the parishioner.
"It's not?" Fr. Kapsner replied. "How can that be?"
The woman answered, "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
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Alums Begin New Efforts to Boost the Gagliardi Legacy Fund —
All SJU Football Fans Urged to Support Fund-Raising Program
The Gagliardi Legacy Fund finances all football operations…and, due to missing a season and especially the final St. Thomas game with a pay-day of $500,000, the fund is quite depleted. To continue to be a leader on a national scale in D-III football, your financial assistance is urgently needed to replenish the fund.
An alumni group of more than 40 solicitors, led by Tom Wicka ’90, Tim Healy ’87, Mike Magnuson ’90, Blake Elliot ’03, Brian Crevoiserat ’81, and Bernie Weber ’67 (SJP ’63), are appealing to all former Johnnie football players as well as alumni/fans of the team to help with this funding. The stated goal — an ambitious but attainable one — is at least $5 million over five years.
To quote Bernie Weber, a spokesman for the all-out effort, “All contributions — say $25 to a couple hundred — are deeply appreciated, but make no mistake…to reach our goal of providing for the continued success of SJU football, we’re going to need much larger contributions, perhaps multi-year pledges. Already we have had a few donations of $20,000 or more and that’s the scale of what we’ll need, hopefully larger than those. The thing everyone must remember is that this effort is greater than simply seeking donations to the Gagliardi Legacy Fund; it’s more an investment in the continued strength and primacy of St John’s football.”
What does the Fund pay for? It’s a very long, very important list; some highlights are here:
Uniforms (it costs $1,200 to outfit a player; helmets alone cost $350 each);
Travel (especially for trips out-state and for play-off expenses not covered by the NCAA);
Coaches’ salaries (SJU only covers three coaches);
Facilities improvement/renovations (ours are now 50 years old);
Feeding the players before school starts in the fall (that two weeks costs $32,000 alone, two-thirds of the current football budget);
Hiring a diversity coach for minority student players (we now have 31 POC players and eight are ineligible due to academic struggles); and
Programming costs for the new video board.
And that’s just for starters. Do you get the sense of urgency here? Gary Fasching has said that the goal for SJU football each year is to win the MIAC title and be counted in the Top Ten of D-III teams nationally. To do that, we true-blue Johnnie fans all have to pony up. Growing the fund to over $5 million will allow a substantial amount to be used each year while maintaining the Fund’s integrity.
Here’s how you can help: If you’d like to make a generous one-time donation, please send a check to St. John’s University in care of St. John’s University, PO Box 7222, Collegeville, MN 56321. Be sure to note in the check memo that your contribution is for the Gagliardi Legacy Fund.
If you would prefer to make your contribution via a credit card, please call 320-492-0851. If you’d rather make a pledge up to five years, you can notify John Young at jyoung@csbsju.edu and request a pledge form be sent to you. Or perhaps you can pick up a form at a home game. Thank you in advance for your serious consideration of this urgent need.
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John Gagliardi Humor Revisited –
Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says,”I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.
The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say…’Look, He’s Moving!’”
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UUN Marriage Tip of the Week --
Never ask your wife what's for dinner when she's mowing the lawn.
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From Our Readers —
From Thom Woodward ’70, Sartell, MN —
I am pleased that a tribute to Lee Hanley ‘58 finally adorns a wall in the entrance of the Institutional Advancement suite in Luke Hall at Saint John's. Lee's handsome face (and the legend below) are just down the way from the Bela Petheo portraits of Fr. Walter Reger and Fr. Don LeMay. It's most fitting that Lee joins the other two remarkable men who did so much for SJU over the years.
Lee A. Hanley, 1936-2016
Saint John’s University, Class of 1958
Wearing different hats during a lifetime of service to his alma mater, Lee was a communicator - - as a student photographer, English instructor, publicist, founding editor of Saint John’s Magazine and coordinator of grant proposals that reaped millions of dollars for Saint John's.
Lee's savvy for public relations was evident in coordinating the popular Swayed Pines Folk Festival and in his wise counseling offered to abbots and presidents. Lee’s biggest impact may have come as mentor to generations of students and members of his staff, a role he cherished.
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From Paul Hamann ’63, Edina, MN —
Hi, Bob — Was visiting my home town, New Ulm, recently with Mary, my son Marc and granddaughter Emma. I took this out of interest to see the home field of the Johnnies’ second opponent. Thought it might be of interest to UUN readers. — Paul
(Editor’s Reply: Well, they’ll never accuse Martin Luther College of being a "football school.” I suppose we are to bring our own folding chairs…if we ever have a home-and-home series with them.)
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From Jim Mahoney ’64, Laguna Niguel, CA —
Bob, Hope you can pass this info and status update on to our ’64 classmates as a reminder of the current push to bolster our 1964 Class Endowment and Scholarship Fund while we are still around to do in preparation for our final school-sponsored 60th reunion in two years.
Thanks and best regards, Jim
Phase I. In 2014 we formed the 1964 Class Endowment and Scholarship Fund. Our initial funds in June of 2014 were $23,418. With steady contributions and good returns on our investments, we hit $317,114 by June of 2020.
Phase II. In early 2021 a group of our classmates put up $150,000 as a Challenge to the remaining classmates to match the funds dollar for dollar. The goal was to collect $300,000 and add to our Phase 1 total.
Phase III. In June of 2021 the committee sent a letter to all classmates explaining Phase I and II and launched Phase III for a goal of $1.0 million by our 60th reunion in 2024. This will be the Last Hurrah as no class at SJU has ever had a reunion past the 60th.
Progress to date: As of June 30, 2021 our Fund total is $518,313. (This is after providing 4.5% of the core fund each year to scholarships.)
We have had a great response from the Challenge group and now are receiving funds for the Match. We ask all our classmates (and any others readers so moved) to consider making a contribution to The 1964 Class Endowment and Scholarship Fund. It is a worthy cause offering scholarships to select students each year. If you have a need for a required minimum distribution or wish to make a Qualified Charitable Deduction this is great place to contribute.
Funds or checks should be labelled to the 1964 Class Endowment and Scholarship Fund and sent to: St. John's University, PO Box 7222,
Collegeville, MN 56321. Our SJU contact person for the 1964 Class fund is Jim Kuhn, phone 612-940-2972.
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Last Saturday Tony Sandeen '91 (right), a full-time resident of Hong Kong visiting his home state for a couple months this summer, hosted a party of his late father's La Playette backroom companions after Johnnie football games. Tony's dad, Ron "Sid" Sandeen '57 died a few years ago and this get-together was to celebrate his memory and also to talk about all things St. John's. We gathered at Maynard's, an iconic restaurant on Excelsior Bay on Lake Minnetonka, owned by Jack Stevens '08 (left) and his family. Standing (from left) next to Jack are Ron Tomczik '65, Jeff Norman '78, Bob Wicker '60/64 and John Sipe '61/'65. Unfortunately Jim Kuhn '02, representing St. John's, had to leave just prior to this photo.
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Selective Hearing in St. Joseph—
Because it was her son’s 21st birthday, his mom wanted to do something special. She called his rental house in St. Joe and said she wanted to bring a cake to help celebrate this landmark birthday. The young Johnnie — one of her son’s several roommates — who took the call was very excited. “Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer," he said, "that would be great!"
The next day she drove over to the house and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said ‘Keg.’"
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The Generous Gift (A UUN Classic) --
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock, brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said. The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.
“I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds. I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
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The Three Wishes —
Way back, about a year and a half ago, when the Covid-19 pandemic was really starting up across the U.S., three friends — recent graduates of Gustavus, St. Thomas and St. John’s — decided to get together outdoors in a socially-responsible manner. They opted to go fishing while standing six-feet apart along the shore of the Mississippi River in Hidden Falls Park in St. Paul.
While casting out into the current and visiting together, they spotted an uprooted tree floating downstream on their side of the river bank. And nestled in the roots of the tree they spotted what looked like an antique oil lamp. Together they cast out to the tree, snagged it with their three stout lines, and began pulling the tree to shore.
As the tree came close, the Gustie jumped into the river about knee deep and snatched the odd-looking lamp from the roots. Huddled together on the shore, the three lads were examining the lamp and brushing off some mud when — all of a sudden — there was a POOF! and a cloud of smoke issued from the lamp. And in the cloud was floating a genie, complete with turban, baggy pajama bottoms and slippers that curled up in front.
He spoke to the young men thusly, “You have freed me and I am eternally grateful. Normally in this situation I grant three wishes to my rescuer, but since there are three of you equally responsible, I’d like to grant you each one wish…who will be first?”
The Gustavus grad said, “I’d like to go first. I’m very worried about this pandemic and how it might affect my college and the surrounding town of St. Peter, so my wish is for them all to be protected from the worst of this coronavirus.”
“Granted,” said the genie, “and I might add that was a most unselfish wish.”
Now the Tommie, who had just been thinking of asking for a Ferrari or a couple million cold cash or maybe even a hot girlfriend, was chagrined and thought he now had to one-up this do-gooder Gustie. So he said to the genie, “My alma mater, St. Thomas, along with its students and faculty, are of utmost importance to the city of St. Paul, the Metro area and, in fact, the entire state of Minnesota, so my wish is that the school, with its campus and all those going there, be protected from the Covid virus by building a huge wall around the whole place.”
The genie said, “A most interesting wish, but I grant it to you…a wall will be erected that will restrict infectious persons from getting in and keep the inhabitants safe.”
Then, turning to the Johnnie, he said, “And for you, what is my final wish to grant?”
Our Johnnie replied, “Before I tell you my wish, will you please tell me some more about this wall at St. Thomas?”
“Of course,” said the genie. “It is 50 feet high and 5 feet thick, and completely surrounds the campus.”
“Thank you,” said the Johnnie. “For my wish, I’d like you to fill it up with water.”
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And that’s it for this first UUN of the season. It’s my hope to shorten future issues considerably in consideration of your time and also due to the amount of time its preparation takes.
In the meantime, always remember —
G O J O H N N I E S !
Don't let that ol' Covid get you down.
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Hurriedly submitted (as always),
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64
St. Paul, MN
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697
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