Great Year, Team, and Memories (UUN # 17-19)
Dear 'Forever Red' Fans —
All those who already know about the outcome of the Saint John's versus Whitewater game last Saturday please click your mouse...or wiggle your pointer finger if reading on your iPhone. Yes, that's what I thought — that's just about all of you.
But for those few who somehow missed it, and the UUN is your primary way of staying connected to SJU and Johnnie Football, the semifinal result was not good — we lost a heart-breaker in the closing minute 35-32 after an unlikely interception that sucked the air out of the lungs of players, coaches and Johnnie fans around the globe.
Although we dropped enough passes and missed enough tackles and left enough UWW receivers undefended and gave ourselves poor field position all afternoon through less than satisfactory kicking and punting, we still were in the game and looking to win in on a last-minute drive before that darn stolen ball interception that will cause team members to cringe all off-season when they think about what could have been. But, as coach Gary Fasching said so nobly afterward, it was nothing we did wrong; rather it was a great play by a Whitewater player who wrestled the ball away from our receiver while defending.
Now here's the deal, and this was pointed out by Wayne Hergott '57 today at a monthly luncheon for very senior alums — Yes, most fans are very bummed that we didn't get to go on to the championship and perhaps win that. But we didn't. Rather we lost to a very strong team — against whom we played toe to toe, dead even — that may win the Stagg Bowl. Or, if they lose, they will be Number 2 in the nation. So what's that make us? Well, Number 3...IN THE NATION! That is Wayne's point and one that is so obvious that most of us, in our grief and disappointment, very well may miss. Saint John's is Number 3 out of hundreds of Div. III teams in the country. So be proud, thank our team and coaches, and wait until next year.
* *
The 2019 Division III season ends tomorrow after the Stagg Bowl winner is determined. The game, arcanely televised over hard-to-find ESPNU, begins tomorrow at 7 pm Central from Shenandoah, (Houston) TX. The combatants — UW-Whitewater, Wisconsin and North Central of Naperville, Illinois — had to beat the formerly Number 1 and 2 teams (Mount Union and Mary Hardin-Baylor) to get there. I like both teams, but I'm leaning toward North Central to win, primarily because they've never been there, whereas Whitewater was a regular in the Stagg Bowl in recent years. It promises to be a good game.
For close to twenty years a group of Twin Cities Johnnies/Div. III followers, usually numbering from 15 to 20 diehards, meet to watch the game and close the season together; our last hurrah and final time to be with each other for the year watching small college football. We've met all over the Cities, trying to find a venue that will cater to our needs. Things became more difficult a few years ago when the NCAA folks moved the title game to Friday evening at rush hour just before Christmas from a more convenient Saturday noonish time from previous years. It was then also televised on easier-to-access ESPN2 or 3.
After locating a suitable spot that will host us at the last minute, we have selected a St. Paul watering hole in the city's Highland Park neighborhood named Tiffany's Sports Bar. It is located on Ford Parkway just east of Cleveland Avenue. All fans are invited to join us for some or all of the game; many of us will begin gathering around 6:30 tomorrow (Friday) night. Besides adult beverages, the establishment boasts pretty good grub. The bar management is reserving a spot for us, which can be enlarged to an adjacent section if a larger than expected group shows up. Be sure to wear red.
* * * *
A Christmas Prayer From Saint John's Abbey —
Lord Jesus,
born in humility,
exalted in majesty,
returning in glory,
let your grace and peace fill every heart.
— The monks of Saint John's Abbey
* * * *
Seasonal Thought of the Week —
Christmas is just like a day at the office: you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
(Associated Thought)
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Rolls Royce.
“Wow,” I said. “That’s an amazing car.”
He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year!”
* * * *
Saint John’s - Saint Ben’s Christmas Concert Selections —
In the event you missed the live streaming of this year’s CSB-SJU Christmas Concert (and you no doubt did because it was held at the same time as the SJU-Wheaton game), here is a link to four wonderful pieces of classical music that were performed by the Choirs of St Benedict and St. John's University with the Amadeus Chamber Symphony:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr43cfI3QBq8XGp1C2TcLwQZDO4VAYUo0
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
One mid-morning elderly Wilma Lodemeier rushed out of her house to put some last-minute garbage in the trash container before the collectors serving Paynesville came by. Heading back to the house she noted that she forgot her keys and found herself locked out. There was nothing she could do but wait for her retired-farmer husband Valentine to come home from the hardware store. Wilma noticed her neighbor, Reinhard Hartmann, was outside shoveling some snow off his back steps, and she walked over to say hello.
"You locked yourself out, huh?" he asked.
"Yah, dis is da second time since we moved in. After dat first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar, den stuck it in a potted plant on da deck.
"So what's da problem?"
"I took dem plants in for da winter."
* * * *
About the SJU-Whitewater Game —
SJU Ends Season With Heartbreaking Loss in NCAA Semifinals
WHITEWATER, Wis. - Time and time again, throughout the course of what has been a magical season, senior quarterback Jackson Erdmann and the Saint John's University offense have found a way to make plays when they needed them.
On Saturday, the Johnnies came up one play short.
Trailing by three points after a Wisconsin-Whitewater field goal, Erdmann and No. 8 SJU took over on their own 42-yard line with 2:04 left to play.
But on the drive's opening play, Wisconsin-Whitewater linebacker Matt Anderson wrestled the ball away from senior running back Kai Barber for an interception to seal a 35-32 Warhawks' victory in the NCAA Division III semifinals before a crowd of 2,830 at a chilly Perkins Stadium.
The seventh-ranked Warhawks (13-1 overall) advance to face No. 5 North Central (Ill.) next Friday, Dec. 20, in the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl in Shenandoah, Texas. The Cardinals (13-1 overall) defeated No. 4 Muhlenberg (Pa.) 45-14 in Saturday's other semifinal. The Johnnies, who advanced to the semifinals for the first time since winning the national championship in 2003, finished with a 12-2 record. (Read more:)
* * * *
SJU Press Conference:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03b1S3EsObY&feature=youtu.be (8:32 min.)
* * * *
Embedded video highlights: SJU-Whitewater and North Central-Muhlenberg games (NC vs. Mules follows our game on the video.)
* * * *
(Written before the Whitewater game)
Cretin-Derham Hall grad Dan Greenheck
anchors St. John’s stellar offensive line —
By Jace Frederick, Pioneer Press sports writer
Members of the St. John’s football scout team flip a coin at practice to see who doesn’t have to take on a certain Johnnies offensive lineman.
No, not Ben Bartch, the NFL prospect who received an invite to the 2020 Senior Bowl, but Dan Greenheck, the two-time All-American who is likely to earn a third such honor.
“He has that personality that he knows when to be serious and he knows when to have fun,” offensive line coach Mike Magnuson said. “But I’ll tell you what, when he’s serious for practice, you better watch out.”
Greenheck brings the heat. (Read more:)
https://www.twincities.com/2019/12/13/cretin-derham-hall-grad-dan-greenheck-anchors-st-johns-stellar-offensive-line/
* * * *
(Also written before the Whitewater game)
Jackson Erdmann might be the best of all the great quarterbacks at St. John's —
The Johnnies QB club has had some good ones, too.
By Kent Youngblood, Minneapolis StarTribune
Jackson Erdmann was a freshman at St. John’s, his college football career ahead of him, when he got a text from assistant coach Brandon Novak.
I’m going to hook you up with this guy, Tom Linnemann, it said. Former quarterback here. He’d like to meet you.
Erdmann, a quarterback who was about to take over the reins of the Johnnies offense, was intrigued.
“Coach said, ‘Well, he’s a bit eccentric,’ ” Erdmann recalled this week. “I was like, ‘OK?’ He got me on the phone and the first thing he said was, ‘What’s up, young buck?’ Weeks later, he came up and took me out to lunch.”
Welcome to the club. (Read more:)
http://www.startribune.com/jackson-erdmann-might-be-the-best-of-all-the-great-quarterbacks-at-st-john-s/566195801/
* * * *
Battle for Stearns County football supremacy has ended, with St. John's the victor
The Johnnies remain a college football force while St. Cloud State has decided to pack up the program.
By Patrick Reusse, Minneapolis StarTribune
Husky Stadium on the campus of St. Cloud State and Clemens Stadium at St. John's University in Collegeville are separated by 20 miles. St. Cloud State is Division I in hockey, Division II in other sports and has 11,000 undergraduates. St. John's is Division III in athletics and has 1,750 male undergraduates.
No matter the disparities in size and classification, the Huskies mostly have been the poor cousins to the Johnnies when it comes to football interest in the area, and this week, the battle for the hearts and minds of Stearns County fandom came to a decisive conclusion.
St. Cloud State, as it tried and failed to do at the start of this decade, announced Tuesday it was dropping football — effective for the 2020 season. U.S. District Judge John Tunheim had provided a wide opening for this anti-football move by the St. Cloud State administration with his rulings against the university on a Title IX lawsuit.
As this was taking place, coach Gary Fasching, his staff and the Johnnies were 20 minutes away in Collegeville, preparing for the daunting task of traveling to Wisconsin-Whitewater to take on the mighty Warhawks in the national semifinals on Saturday. (Read more:)
http://www.startribune.com/battle-for-stearns-county-supremacy-has-ended-with-st-john-s-the-victor/566196111/
* * * *
Collegeville Aerial Photos —
(Sent in by Raj Chaphalkar ’08)
Here are three desktop pictures you can download to keep Saint John’s close by no matter where you are:
https://www.csbsju.edu/sjualum/givesju/givedaypictures/giveday2019advocate
* * * *
Scenes of SJU Fans watching
the Whitewater game —
A portion of the SJU side of the UW-Whitewater's Perkins Stadium. Despite the cold temps and steady wind, they stayed loud and engaged until the last minute when their hearts were suddenly ripped out.
Fans in St. Joseph watched in a room at Bad Habit Brewing, located across from the La Playette, in a tweet posted across Johnnie Nation.
The first of two photos sent in by John Sipe '61/'65, taken at Union 32 Craft House in Eagan, MN. Jays and Bees ranging from recent grads to senior alums were present to support the Johnnies.
As you can see, the place was packed with about 200 Johnnies and Bennies. Union 32 is owned by Dan Redpath '90 who hosted Red fans the week before as well.
* * * *
The UnCasual Fan —
Review of the 35-32 Loss vs Whitewater on Saturday, December 14, 2019
So close and yet so far. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Pick whatever sports figure of speech that you want.
It looked like another miraculous moment and then just as quickly it was gone.
Our Johnnies made another run at the title and we fell just a few seconds and a few points short. Another season for the archives ( and for the record books).
One more shot at the title would have been nice but we are going to have to wait for next year or the one after that or the one after that.
No matter how good you are or how good you think you are it is really hard to make it all the way to the final game and win it all. Just ask Mount Union or Mary Hardin Baylor. I bet they both had different goals for this year than getting knocked out in earlier rounds.
Whitewater is a very good and talented team. The game looked to be pretty even. Kind of a toss-up going in. Maybe even a slight edge to Whitewater on paper.
A simple analysis was that we were going to have to play well in all areas of the game (Offense and defense, running and passing, run defense and pass defense, special teams) in order to win.
Unfortunately, we fell short in a couple of areas. I am not going to call out those areas publicly because just about anyone who understands football knows where the biggest breakdowns occurred. Seems like some basic focused recruiting would be able to address the areas of concern.
Thanks to all the seniors on the team and good luck as you move forward from St. John’s.
I also want to wish all the players, coaches and other team members and their families a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year
Sincerely, The UnCasual Fan
* * * *
Three phrases that sum up Christmas —
Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.
* * * *
Battle Between The Sexes,
Long-Married Division —
John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately.
"My goodness," said Peter, "and how long have you been married?"
"42 years," replied John.
"You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years."
"Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."
* * * *
St. John's Prep is in Good Hands —
(Contributed by Dan McDermott '84, Plymouth, MN)
Bob, It was good to see you today at the SJU Lunch Bunch meetup at Park Tavern...and an honor to sit next to you! As noted by Jim Bassett, '58, this group has been meeting now for 10 years...and today's lunch started the second decade.
It was great to have Jim Smith in attendance...and meet Johnnies from Wayne Hergott '57 and his "Spiritual Quickie" memories of the defunct Regina High School, and SJU Alumni Board President Joe Housman '04.
Somewhere in between those graduation years were me (1984) and my classmate and our speaker, current Head of School at Saint John's Preparatory School, Jon McGee.
I love how Jon has some great lines; like the change in role title from 'Headmaster' to 'Head of School' as "...an attempt to make it vaguely less Medieval." Very endearing! As typical when hearing Jon speak, I learned a lot...but only noted a few tidbits:
- that there was a St. Benedict's Academy at St. Ben's which closed...and then the St. John's Prep School began admitting female students in 1973
- that there are about 280 students enrolled at Prep and about 55 of those are resident students
- that the focus Jon is bringing is #1 Purpose, #2 Service and #3 Achievement
- that there's a sense of urgency in making Prep's "Next better than our Now" - with the mantra from the Rule of St. Benedict being, "Run while you have the light of life..."
And my biggest learning (and memory trick) is that 53% of the students at Prep are non-Catholic. And that coincidentally it is Chapter 53 of the Rule that says that, "...ALL guests are to be welcomed as Christ..." — Dan
* * * *
From Our Readers —
(Before the Whitewater game)
From John Chromy ’64, Washington, DC —
As the Washington Nationals proved in the World Series---to win a national championship you have to not only be skilled, well-coached and good----you also have to be "lucky". In sports, in a playoff setting, it is valuable to occasionally get a "good bounce" or a good ref call, etc. We shall see if it lasts for two more games.
Thanks for the UUN and all your energy and effort it takes to assemble and edit. All good cheer — John
* *
From a well-placed Anonymous Source —
Rob: Thought you might be interested in this bit of scuttlebutt: Should the University of St. Thomas be granted an unprecedented waiver from the NCAA to jump from Division III to Division I, UST would obviously have to greatly upgrade its athletic facilities. It’s rumored that a group of extremely wealthy alumni is prepared to make that happen by buying Town & County Club so UST could build top-flight football and soccer stadiums and hockey and basketball arenas there.
You heard it first here, true or not. Just don’t say where you got it.
(Editor’s Brief Skeptical Retort: Yeah, like that’s going to happen!)
* *
From Mike Healey ’64, Yankton, SD —
Thought you’d like to know that our classmate Mike Fullenkamp ’64 died last week. His funeral was Wednesday, Dec. 18 in Hartford, SD. St. John’s will be sending his obituary to our class and those on each side of us soon, but figured you and other UUN readers would like to read this excerpt taken from the obituary:
Francis Michael Fullenkamp was born April 13, 1942, in Hudson, South Dakota to Bernard and Mary (Mattes) Fullenkamp. He graduated from Hudson High School in 1960. After graduation, he went to St. John’s University where he excelled in music as drum major, bass vocal soloist, and first chair trombone. Traveling with the St. John’s Choir, they toured Europe. They won numerous awards and were named the most successful choir of a choral festival. They were chosen to give the encore performance in the farewell concert at Llangollen, Wales. Another highlight of his time in the choir was singing for the lighting of the National Christmas tree in Washington, DC for President John F. Kennedy. Mike graduated from St John’s University in 1964. After graduation, he started his teaching career in Cambria-Corydon, Iowa Schools. He then taught in Missouri Valley, Iowa, O’Gorman High School, and finally West Central Schools in Hartford, South Dakota.
* *
From Kent Howe ’56, Wayzata, MN —
Hey Bob, thanks for the footnote in your email. A minor correction. The first half of "my" email was actually mine while the last half was from Kevin. I know you have problems telling us apart but I did not think you would have trouble with our writing! — Kent, not Kevin!
(Editor’s Embarrassed Response: So sorry, Kent and Kevin. I guess I happened to see “Howe” and just put the two emails together. Never dawned on me that both brothers would write me independently at the same time. For the uninitiated, Kevin and Kent are identical twins of the Class of 1956 originally from Bemidji, MN. Kevin is the one who wrote last issue of the sausage-making time together during our Wheaton game with his Johnnie son and Johnnie grandson, and his Bennie granddaughter who would have made it but was at another school function. Still, they are all related to Kent, so I guess it all works out in the end.)
* *
What’s Your Security Blanket? —
(Fire Up for Christmas)
http://contentz.mkt7316.com/mson/2018/12/17/qgxJXYduWzEJ/index.html
(Brought to our attention by Joe Mulheran ’64)
* *
(After the Whitewater game)
From Denny Bracco ’75, Oak Park, IL —
Wick...great season...what can you say about yesterday?
Other than leaving my car running in the UWW parking lot (3 blocks from the Stadium) for what turned out to be 4 hours...and only after having first driven to the Hotel in downtown Madison that the Alumni Office indicated in their e-mail to us (because I was oblivious to the next paragraph, telling us what Bar in downtown Whitewater was the actual meeting point for pre-game drinks)...I guess it wasn't such a bad day...until the damn game ended!
Needless to say, the Bourbon tasted great when I finally got home.
I suggested to the GOAT Student Manager, Tim McNamara '77 (Uncle of good ol' #12, Sam McNamara '20) that we Alums send a note/letter/ whatever of congratulations to the Team, c/o Coach Fasching, on such a great season.
He's all for it. Maybe it can be a new tradition for us old Alums to express our Johnnie pride. Let me know what you think. Thanks for an entertaining year as the UUN Official Scribe-ola! The best... — Denny
(Editor’s Response: Great, timely idea, Denny. See Michael Dady’s email to Gary below. Gary’s email is gfasching@csbsju.edu )
* *
From Michael Dady SJP ‘67/SJU ’71 to Football Coach Gary Fasching ’81 —
Subj: Congratulations on a terrific season!
Dear Gary — Congratulations to you, your fellow coaches, and all of your St. John’s football team members, on a terrific season. You all brought so much joy, pride, and sometimes even exciting suspense, for your terrific St. John’s football season, start to finish! You all have strengthened our longstanding pride in being Johnnies! Gratefully — Michael
P.S. Gary, while painful to talk about, and relive, I am certain, your classy comment in the Star Tribune about the last offensive play our Johnnies got to run this year (which reminded me a lot about the painful last play our Johnnies got to run last year) was so “right on,” evidencing once again how fortunate all of us Johnnies are to have you as our head man of our always exciting St. John’s football program. J.M.
* *
From Bill Kauffmann ‘87, Plymouth, MN —
Wicks - Every morning I wake up and for a split second I am deliriously excited to watch the Johnnies play North Central in the championship game...and then I “come to.”
Throughout the week I have been prompted to go to my favorite media outlets for Johnnie football coverage and my Johnnie network to “talk” Johnnie football and I “come to” that there is no game this week. I feel for the guys and coaches who have worked so hard. For the season to end the way it did, one game short of expectations, on an amazingly great and lucky interception is excruciating. The script for a storybook ending was there and I thought it was our destiny. I’m sure Aurora and Wheaton feel similarly.
Despite the excruciating pain, I can’t describe how grateful I am for another spectacular season in 2019, how proud I am of this team, and how thankful I am to be a Johnnie. This is two magical years in a row. The Johnnies are back! I have earmarked Friday to watch the DIII Championship game and I need to be with other Johnnies and Bennies. See you Friday. — Billy
(Editor’s Confession: My thoughts exactly. Thanks for articulating them for me...and undoubtedly scores and scores of other Johnnie fans.)
* *
From Greg Heymans ’84, Minneapolis, MN —
Thanks for putting together this great Johnnie website! Our lack of a kicking game gave Whitewater great field position all game but a fine showing by our team. It was a fun season! — Greg
* *
From Conrad Macina, Honorary Johnnie, Landing, NJ —
Ugh! Sorry; I was tied up all weekend and didn’t have time for any kind of sports. I didn’t see the outcome of the game until I checked it this morning. What a heartbreaking loss! Three points in a game where 67 points were scored. And that last interception…what can I say?
Still, the Johnnies had a magical season and did a lot better than anyone could’ve expected. Congrats to them and the entire Johnnie/Bennie family!! — Conrad
* *
From John Diffley ’64, Stewartville, MN —
Bob, A word of thanks is in order for all the UUNs which so brightened the past weeks of autumn. Your sweat equity is very much appreciated. I hope the “agony of defeat” does not overshadow the highs of the past season in that there are hundreds of D-lll schools that would love to have Collegeville’s problems. On another note, l see TPT2 is doing a documentary on Minnesota 13 tomorrow night (last Monday) at 9 PM. Given the amount of attention that the monks garnered in the book by Elaine Davis, l wonder if they will receive the same attention in the program. In any event, there should be plenty of “Scenes from Stearns County.” All the best for Christmas and 2020. — John
(Editor’s Note: Here is a link to a brief preview of Minnesota 13: From Grain to Glass, sent up by Bill Healey ’65, Lake City, CO. Watch on the PBS App: http://twincitiespbs.genoo.com/website_redirect.jsp?exlid=3444623&ebid=18623260&ebslid=1425706&upid=14817605&lid=156 Incidentally, in the newest Abbey Banner (Winter 2019-20) received today, there is an article written by Br. Aaron Raverty, OSB entitled "Minnesota 13". In it, Br. Aaron briefly reports on the moonshining activities occurring in Stearns County between 1920 and 1933, often with the sympathetic assistance of some St. John's monks.
* *
From Tom Borak '64, Ft. Collins, CO —
Bob, It has been a disappointment to miss our opportunity to celebrate the Winter Solstice in Houston this weekend. It was, however, an exciting, clean and entertaining contest between the Johnnies and Warhawks. They both were well-coached and the last team on offense clinched the victory. As it always plays out, 31 out of 32 teams in the playoffs will lose their last game of the season.
There was a similarity in the closing moments for SJU in both 2018 and 2019. In both cases the Johnnies needed a score to stay alive with the clock winding down: Against MHB, the final offensive play for SJU was a short pass up the middle with considerable congestion around the intended receiver. Against UWW, the final offensive play for SJU was a short pass up the middle with considerable congestion around the intended receiver. We lost both times.
But there has to be gratification in the sense that you cannot win, or lose a game like that unless you have earned the right to be there in the first place. It’s all Good! Best wishes to you and your family for a Blessed Holiday Season. — Tom
* * * *
A Musical Christmas Card From St. John’s —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EXSQm1nMbE&feature=youtu.be
* * * *
School of Theology Corner,
Eternal Choices Department —
A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors.
Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."
So, the man opened the first door and saw a room full of people, standing on their heads on a concrete floor. Not very nice, he thought.
Opening the second door, he saw a room full of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, he thought, but best to check the last door.
Upon opening the last door, he saw a room full of people, standing waist-deep in excrement and sipping coffee.
"Of the three, this one looks best," he said and waded in to get something to drink while Satan closed the door.
A few minutes later the door opened, Satan stuck his head in and said, "Ok, coffee break`s over, back on your heads!"
* * * *
Joe Mailander ’08 and Okee Dokee Brothers nominated for fourth Grammy Award —
It’s unlikely that many Grammy Award nominees hold neighborhood sing-alongs next to a meandering creek.
After all, could you really see Beyoncé or Taylor Swift leading their neighbors in folk songs around a campfire?
But Joe Mailander ’08 occasionally does that whenever he has some free time at his home in Minneapolis. And, in a sense, that continues the Benedictine values of community, hospitality, and sharing that were instilled in him at Saint John’s University and the College of Saint Benedict. (Read more: https://www.csbsju.edu/news/joe-mailander-2019
(Watch three videos from The Okee Dokee Brothers’ album “Winterland” – “Blankets of Snow,” “Howl” and “Ice Fishin’ Shack.”)
https://www.okeedokee.org/music/
(Our thanks to Sister Lois Wedl for bringing this news to our attention.)
* * * *
The St. John’s Experience —
Part 1 — Neither Brace Hemmelgarn ’12 nor Michael Pineda ’21 came to Saint John’s University expecting to pursue careers in the visual arts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeIaVMFbe1Y (3:58 min.)
Part 2 — Owyn Ferguson calls Saint John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota “the greatest university on Earth,” and not just because the SJU senior is president of the Student Senate. Hear his inspiring address as 2019 Convocation student speaker and see the community, character, leadership, and beauty that are hallmarks of the Saint John’s experience.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDcZ-jexi5Y (3:18 min.)
* * * *
* * * *
Human Resources Made Easy —
Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
- If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.
- If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.
- If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.
- If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.
- If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.
- If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the help desk.
- If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.
- If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.
- If they are sleeping, they are management material.
- If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical writing team.
- If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.
- If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.
* * * *
Wicker’s Health Rant —
(Editor’s Foreword: I have no doubt that this UUN feature is the least read in the issues in which it appears. No problem. If just a handful of the hundreds who receive it scan through the information, then it’s worth it to me.)
All about Canola Oil? It’s everywhere, but is it good for us...or bad? Read this and judge for yourself:
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/is-canola-oil-healthy
Bonus article:
Canola oil is not a health food.
https://www.foodrenegade.com/why-canola-oil-not-health-food/
Excerpt:
Despite the lusty red lipstick, she’s still a pig. Canola oil is not a healthy fat. It has been processed, heated to a point that has destroyed most of its beneficial properties, and then deodorized in order to make it taste and smell fresh and clean. Coconut oil, butter, lard, olive oil, and many more oils are a safe and healthy alternative.
* * * *
The Last Word —
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he sputtered.
"On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's done me a world of good."
"But you threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.
"Yes." The man replied. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"
* * * *
OK, so we're out of it. We had a helluva run and we're all so proud of our boys. That should be enough for you all to shout, lustily of course:
G O J O H N N I E S !! Wait 'til next year...
(Or something like that.)
* * * *
Goodbye, Merry Christmas and all that other good stuff —
R.L. Wicker SJP '60/SJU '64, St. Paul, MN —
651-699-4697; theowick@aol.com
* * * *