Come on up for the playoffs tune-up game (UUN #12-19)
Dear Relieved and Newly-Inspired Fans —
Junior Colin Kummer kicks the first of ten PATs. Hallelujah, hallelujah! (This photo and others of the Hamline game are by Libby Auger)
What was most notable about the game with Hamline last Saturday was not that we won, or even that we won really big (70-0), but — with the exception of another lost fumbled kick-off and still too many penalties (6) — we seemed to have played a nearly flawless game, rebounding completely from the puzzling disappointment against Concordia. The Johnnies averaged 9.5 yards per play and 8.4 yards per carry (294 yards on 35 carries and 550 total yards). Our blocking, tackling, passing, running, scoring in the red zone, and especially our kicks after TDs were all superb. And people were asking: Who is this new kicker and where has he been all season? All I know is what SJU released in the game report, linked farther below in the newsletter:
“Junior kicker Colin Kummer made his 2019 debut and made all 10 of his extra-point attempts, the second-most in program history. He was a quarterback on the roster as a freshman in 2017 and moved to defensive back last fall before leaving the team at the end of the season.” Well, extra rations of grog for the man or men who convinced Colin to rejoin the team.
I was away up north last weekend; John Sipe ’61/’65 faithfully texted the results of the slaughter by quarter for which we give him public thanks. Our hosts had us working outside for a while, then we moved to their TV to watch the last part of the thrilling Gopher upset over Penn State. At that point I asked if I could watch the rest of the Johnnies, where we tuned in via Hamline live streaming in mid-third quarter. Jackson Erdmann was still in, the Piper announcers wondering why and then answering themselves by surmising that SJU was trying to let our QB reach his record-setting number of 300-yard games. But Jackson came out right after that, some 50 yards short of the record but with the score already in the 50s. I saw two of the ten successful extra points and one blocked field goal attempt on third and ten from around the Piper 30, SJU trying desperately not to run up the score further. Finally, even with SJU trying to keep it on the ground and run off the clock, I saw sophomore RB Dylan Cerney slash down the left side for a 47-yard TD.
Teammates greet senior cornerback Chris Harris (9) in the end zone following his 100-yard interception return for a touchdown Nov. 9 at Hamline.
Alas, poor, pathetic Hamline is no Concordia. They’re not a Gustavus or even St. Olaf either. If you choose to watch the highlights video farther below you can see for yourself that, compared to the Jays, they are neither very big nor particularly fast. I want more than anything in the MIAC for Hamline, Carleton, Augsburg and St. Olaf to get better somehow, to close the gap with the top five in the conference. Chances are slim however. Demographics and administration priorities are working against them. Fewer college-ready kids are available, fewer are playing football in high school, and those that do want to go to schools with winning programs.
In the video I noticed one other thing. After reading that the announced attendance was 500 and change, it appeared that probably 400 of those present were in the SJU camp. And who can blame the Piper fans for not showing up for an expected bloodbath when the temperature’s in the 40s.
Last week I mentioned that Hamline was winless. And that is so in the MIAC, but Mark Lewandowski reminded me that they had one non-conference win over Macalester, a close win. Macalester also lost very big to Carleton in the preseason. That begs the question: How bad must Mac be this year? On the other hand, Mac did beat Beloit College last week, so the answer is: Better than Beloit, Grinnell, Cornell, and Lawrence. They are 4-5 (1-4 at home! Way to get the students excited) and play Cornell again this Saturday in Mount Vernon, IA. The president of Macalester is quoting as saying they would come back to the MIAC for football if St. Thomas left. I’m sure the coaches of Augsburg, Carleton and Hamline like that idea.
* *
So now it’s on to our next opponent, Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology (RHIT) of Terre Haute, IN, aka the Fighting Engineers. These lads are making the long trip up to Collegeville after losing their own Heartland Collegiate Athletic Conference (HCAC) championship game last Saturday by a humbling score of 42-13 to Hanover. That leaves them with a 6-3 record, 5-2 HCAC. The team, by my figuring, seems to be somewhere between Gustavus and St. Olaf. Thus I foresee ultimately a frustrating afternoon for our visitors, especially if the Johnnies bring their “Let’s get ready for the playoffs” game to the field. But I’m sure that the Fighting Engineers aren’t coming all this way just to lie down. It’ll be a game, for awhile, maybe even close in the first half before we pull away. (You realize…this is all wishful thinking by me, of course.)
This season RHIT has played some schools I’ve heard of — Mount Union, Franklin and Hanover — and lost all those, in two cases very decisively. Still, I credit the coach and his team for taking on challenging teams like Mount Union and Saint John’s. For our part I think we’re fortunate that they are giving us a game to fill out our schedule. Other than the final score I hope they have a good time up here and find our team and fans hospitable and respectful.
* *
Class Discipline at Rose-Hulman —
At a freshman “Introduction to Engineering” class, the teacher firmly told her students on the first day of class, “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is ‘gross’ and the other is ‘cool.’”
“Okay,” nodded several of her students. After a moment, one new Fighting Engineer asked, “Yeah? So, what are the words?”
* *
About Rose-Hulman
Rose-Hulman sounds like a pretty neat school. They have around 2,240 undergraduate students and are a private coeducational school specializing in teaching engineering, mathematics and science. I’m sure the student body is not all nerds but I bet being one helps in feeling at home there. The school was founded by Chauncey Rose, an entrepreneur and later railroad magnate, in Terre Haute in 1874 to provide technical training after encountering difficulties in local engineer availability during construction of his railroads.
Rose contributed enough money to build and endow the Rose Polytechnic Institute (now the Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology). The cornerstone for the college was laid on September 11, 1875 but it did not begin operations until March 5, 1883, long after Rose's death. It remains to this day one of the few colleges solely dedicated to science and engineering. Rose organized it as the Terre Haute School of Industrial Sciences with an initial endowment of $500,000, so that “this institution has a productive capital, exclusive of buildings”. He didn’t want his name as part of the college; that happened after his death. The Hulman family later became involved by donating property for the institute’s expansion. In recognition of the Hulman family's significant contributions and continued financial support, Rose Polytechnic was renamed Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology in 1971.
During the 1960s and 70s, growth accelerated. Five new residence halls, a new student union, library, and a student recreation center were all constructed between 1963 and 1976. Permission was sought and received to increase the student population to 1,000.
For most of its history, Rose-Hulman was a men's only institution. It voted to become coeducational in 1991, with the first full-time women students starting in 1995. Also in 1995, the college required all incoming freshmen to purchase laptop computers, becoming one of the first schools to do so. The student body tends to come mostly from the Midwest, though as the school has gained prominence it has gradually attracted a more geographically and ethnically diverse applicant pool. 39% of students hail from the state of Indiana with large numbers of students from the nearby states of Illinois, Ohio, Michigan and Minnesota.
As of 2018, the institute has been ranked #1 among engineering colleges that do not offer a doctorate degree by U.S. News & World Report for 21 consecutive years. Each individual program assessed has also been ranked first since the magazine has published individual rankings. These programs are the Chemical, Civil, Computer, Electrical, Mechanical, and Biomedical Engineering programs. Of note is that RHIT graduates enjoy a 97% placement rate at commencement and find employment compensated at an average of over $73,000.
Here is their website: https://www.rose-hulman.edu and here’s a link to a short video entitled “The Rose-Hulman Culture” (3:23 min) that gives you a sense of their place and people: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ-yRMHNl50
* *
Operator Assistance in Terre Haute —
A member of the Rose-Hulman football team was hungry for crab cakes after practice and wanted to order some food to be picked up after he showered and changed. He called directory assistance and politely asked, “I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please.”
The operator checked and a few moments later said, “I’m sorry, there’s no such listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?”
The RHIT player replied, “Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off their sign.”
* * * *
Interim Report: Give SJU Day - 2019 —
1,548 Donors (goal was 1,300)
$647,981 Donated (goal was $500,000)
This campaign ended on November 13, 2019, but you can still make a gift to Saint John's University by going here:
https://www.givecampus.com/campaigns/5235/donations/new?donation_type=general
* * * *
Aerial Tour of St. John’s —
Yesterday the School of Theology was also participating in the Give SJU Day. In one of their emails they had a number of very brief videos talking about the campus, the beauty of nature, and the St. John’s SOT community. Here are links to two of them, courtesy of Mary (Kessler) Wolff ’99:
This is so lovely; feels me with pride and gratitude to see the place from this perspective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4FqnbvTwag (3:52min.)
Here’s another entitled “The Beauty of the Land”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYuNV0BDfAA (1:27 min.)
* * * *
Pre-Med Majors’ Corner,
Diagnostics Department —
A man goes into the doctor. He says, “Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something’s wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you’ll hear it!”
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man’s thigh only to hear, “Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks.”
“I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?” the doctor asked.
“That’s nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee.”
The doctor put his ear to the man’s knee and heard it say, “Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!”
“Sir, I really don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never seen anything like this.” The doctor was dumbfounded.
“Wait Doc, that’s not it. There’s more, just put your ear up to my ankle,” the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, “Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks please if you will.”
“I have no idea what to tell you,” the doctor said. “There’s nothing about it in my books,” he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
“I can make a well-educated guess though,” the doctor continued. “Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places.”
* * * *
UUN Quote of the Week —
The whole world is a series of miracles,
but we’re so used to them that we call them everyday things.
— Hans Christian Andersen
* * * *
About the Johnnie-Hamline Game —
Game Report and Box Score:
Johnnies Earn NCAA Berth, Share of MIAC Title With 70-0 Shutout —
No. 8 Saint John's football won a share of its MIAC-record 34th conference championship and earned the league's automatic bid to the NCAA Division III Playoffs with a 70-0 victory at Hamline on Saturday, Nov. 9, in St. Paul.
SJU (8-1, 7-1 MIAC) out-gained Hamline (1-8, 0-7 MIAC) by a 550-121 margin and scored touchdowns on its first six offensive possessions. The Johnnies averaged 9.5 yards per play and 8.4 yards per carry (294 yards on 35 carries).
A Playoff Regular
The NCAA berth is SJU's 30th postseason appearance in program history and the 26th at the Division III level. The bid is also the sixth consecutive in seven seasons under the direction of head coach Gary Fasching, which ties the MIAC record held by former head coach John Gagliardi.
(Read more here: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2019/11/9/football-johnnies-earn-ncaa-berth-share-of-miac-title-with-70-0-shutout.aspx )
Sophomore wide receiver Ravi Alston made this catch for a 10-yard touchdown in the third quarter.
* * * *
Video Highlights:
Hamline game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gbF443UVIQ (2:35 min.)
Bonus Highlights from Concordia game: (wasn’t available last week)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv1ilEA6m_0 (3:03 min.)
* *
Johnnie Question of the Week S2 E11 — Celebrity Crush (before Hamline game):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwqGJWCaX0I (5:03 min.)
Johnnie Question of the Week S2 E12 — Season Finale: Who Can/Can’t Date Your Sister?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Za7l9jVZwjI (9:44 min.)
* * * *
A Battle Between The Sexes Quickie —
This woman was suing a local hospital because after her husband’s surgery, he lost all interest in having sex with her.
The hospital spokesperson replied, “Ma’am, all we did was restore his vision with cataract surgery."
(Badda Boom…With thanks to Tommy Cebulla ’58, Andover, MN)
* * * *
2019 SJU Football Schedule
(All remaining games start at 1 pm.)
Date Opponent Location
September 7 UW-Stout Menomonie, WI W - 14-7
September 14 Bye —
September 21 Gustavus Collegeville W - 33-21
September 28 Carleton Northfield W - 56-10
October 5 Augsburg Collegeville W - 61-6
October 12 Bethel Collegeville W - 19-0
October 19 St. Thomas St. Paul W - 38-20
October 26 St. Olaf Northfield W - 54-17
November 2 Concordia Collegeville L - 19-18
November 9 Hamline St. Paul W - 70-0
November 16 Rose-Hulman Collegeville
* * * *
MIAC Standings, After Week 10 —
SCHOOLS MIAC ALL
Saint John’s 7-1 8-1
Bethel 6-1 8-1
St. Thomas 6-1 7-2
Concordia 4-3 4-5
Gustavus 4-3 6-3
St. Olaf 3-4 5-4
Carleton 2-5 4-5
Augsburg 0-7 1-8
Hamline 0-7 1-8
* * * *
Wick’s Picks for Week Ten —
Results From Saturday, November 9
Augsburg 6 - at Bethel 62 (My pick: Royals 65-10…that was a good pick!)
St. Olaf 0 - Concordia 14 (My pick: Cobbers 44-13…sure blew that one.)
Gustavus 36 - St. Thomas 57 (My pick: Tommies 65-10…good showing by the Gusties.)
St. John’s 70 - Hamline 0 (My pick: Johnnies big, but didn’t venture a score.)
Augsburg bye.
Bottom Line: Four-for-four…
* * * *
Around the MIAC —
11th Saturday, November 16
St. Olaf at Gustavus — Gusties in a solid win, 49-24…and the Oles go back to the drawing board at 5-5.
Concordia at Carleton — The Cobbers will win running away, 54-12.
Augsburg at Hamline — For some reason this is now a night game at Concordia-St. Paul. Should be a pretty good game as the two bottom feeders fight for next to last. The Auggies should prevail, slightly: 32-26.
Bethel at St. Thomas — Definitely the game of the week with so much for both teams riding on its outcome. I’ve been going back and forth all week, but right this moment I’m saying its Bethel in a close one 24-17…but wouldn’t be a bit surprised if that score flips. I’d rather see that than our game, truth be told.
Rose-Hulman at St. John’s — Seemingly RHIT is around Gustavus and St. Olaf in strength and ability, so I look to our games with those MIAC teams to pick the Johnnies 44-14.
* * * *
d3Football Top 25 —
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2019/week10
Saint John's University stayed at No. 8 in the latest D3football.com (Nov. 10) poll and moved up one spot to No. 11 in the American Football Coaches' Association (Nov. 11) rankings.
Nine teams in the West region, including SJU, were ranked in D3football.com's top 25: Wisconsin-Whitewater (No. 3), Bethel (No. 9), Chapman (No. 13), St. Thomas (No. 17), Redlands (No. 18), Linfield (No. 19), Wartburg (No. 24) and Central (No. 25). Wisconsin-La Crosse (50 points), Wisconsin-Platteville (47) and Wisconsin-Oshkosh (42) received votes.
(Note: Larry Haeg ’63/’67 just sent this in: https://www.d3football.com/playoffs/2019/second-regional-ranking )
* * * *
About The Rose-Hulman Game —
Listening To/Watching The Game:
Radio Network:
The Bear 660 AM WBHR
-Sauk Rapids
*Covering central and northern Minnesota
KDIZ-1570 AM
*Covering the Twin Cities and western Wisconsin
1170 AM KOWZ
-Waseca
*Covering southern Minnesota and northern Iowa
Listening via Internet:
https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
(Coverage begins at 11 am)
Live Streaming:
https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
(There is a $10 fee for streaming this event. Coverage begins at 1pm)
* *
Tailgating Info:
Saturday, November 16 - SJU versus Rose-Hulman
(Go here for the tailgating blog from Adam Herbst ‘99:
https://www.sjujohnnietailgatingblog.com )
Please note that the lot doesn’t open until 9 am and will receive space renters until 11 am.
* * * *
Let’s talk Johnnie Football —
From Jeff Norman ’78, New Brighton, MN —
Just want to let everyone know that we had another good time and great discussion at this week’s TC Johnnie Weekly - “Red Talks”. We will continue these informal get-togethers through the SJU football season.
Let’s talk Johnnie football. (Note: time and location change)
Everyone is invited to socialize and talk Johnnie Football at this week’s TC Johnnie Weekly. This week’s gathering is back to BUNNY’S.
Wednesday 11/20 @ 6:00
Bunny’s Bar & Grill
5916 Excelsior Boulevard
St. Louis Park, MN 55416
Topics for next Wednesday:
- Review/discuss playoff games!
- Others.
One of many topics we discussed this week:
How good is this team?
We discussed team strengths and weaknesses. And the did the same for the other top teams in the nation. The general consensus was that this team can beat anybody! We just need to play our game with no turnovers.
Our defense is very solid and getting better, offense is a difference maker and can get even better by using our great running backs a little early in the game. And of course our PAT game has improved.
The group is fired up! Go Johnnies!
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
This dude needed to get away from his high-pressure job in the Cities earlier this fall for some outdoor recreation. He decided on a long weekend fishing get-away up north in Stearns County, fishing on Cedar Island Lake not too far from Cold Spring. He rented a small boat, rowed to a likely spot and dropped anchor. He was out an hour or so and not having any luck.
He noticed an elderly man in another nearby small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror, which he used to reflect the sun’s rays onto the lake’s surface. Being curious, the man raised his anchor, rowed over and inquired, "What is the mirror for?"
"Dat's my secret way to catch da fish," replied the old man. "I shine da mirror on toppa da water. Da fish notice da spot of sun on da water above and dey swim up to da surface. Den I just reach down, net’em and pull dem into da boat."
"Wow!?? Does that really work?" exclaimed the city slicker.
"You bet it does." was the response.
"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $50 for it." offered the big city gent.
"Well, okay." said the country guy. After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many did you catch this week?"
"You're da sixth."
* * * *
Prayers of Supplication —
Every week, I entered the state lottery hoping to win; I never did.
Finally, I prayed vigorously and, hoping for God's message, as I walked around the local fairground. A flash of lightning struck as I was passing by Nadine the Contortionist's carnival stall.
She was bending over and I saw she was not wearing panties. I could see the number 7 tattooed on each of her butt cheeks. I bet on 77, as I thought God had given me a sign.
Sadly, I lost again. The winning number was 707.
Moral of the story :
Never underestimate the importance of a-holes in your life.
(Compliments of Bob Malby '64, Edina, MN)
* * * *
MIAC Honors Hunter Weiss and
Three Volleyball Teammates —
Hunter Weiss, junior, is named MIAC
Player of the Year.
Junior Hunter Weiss has been a nightmare for opposing coaches in all facets of the game this season. After the MIAC Quarterfinals, Hunter was in the top five in the MIAC in total kills, total blocks, hitting percentage, kills per set and blocks per set. For her dominance at the net, she is this 2019 MIAC Player of the Year.
Hunter is the third Saint Benedict volleyball athlete to earn MIAC Player of the Year honors, and the first in nearly three decades. Niki Denne and Amy Hagen won the prestigious honor in back-to-back years in 1989 and 1990, and Hunter joins the impressive list in 2019.
Joining Hunter on the All-MIAC First Team are her twin sister Madison Weiss and Katie Koch. This marks the third straight first-team honors for the Weiss twins, and the second straight for Koch. Senior libero Haley LaValle is the team's All-MIAC Sportsmanship Team honoree.
* * * *
Bennie Soccer Team Members
Receive MIAC Honors —
Megan Thompson, junior forward,
is named MIAC Offensive Player of
the Year.
The College of Saint Benedict soccer team won 11 games this season – the most since 2014. Of those 11 wins, nine came directly off the foot of junior forward Megan Thompson. After putting together impressive seasons as a first year and sophomore, Thompson had a breakout year in 2019. She finished at the top of the MIAC in points and goals, and in the top 40 in the NCAA in the same categories. After an impressive season and some big numbers, Thompson is the 2019 MIAC Offensive Player of the Year.
Joining Thompson on the All-MIAC First Team is senior defender Meghan Verkinderen. Junior defender Abby Worthington earned All-MIAC Honorable Mention accolades, and senior Abby Welsch was named to the MIAC Sportsmanship Team.
Saint Benedict finished 2019 11-6-2 overall and 7-3-1 and in fourth in the MIAC. CSB made the MIAC Tournament for the third straight season, and picked up its first tournament win since 2013 after beating Carleton 3-2 on Nov. 5. The team graduates 11 seniors in May.
* * * *
English Majors' Corner —
Grammar walks into a bar - Part 2
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
(Compliments of our man in New Yawk City, Terry Kotnour '64)
* * * *
Response from Last Week's Issue —
Dear Readers,
I was absolutely overwhelmed and gratified — still am, as a matter of fact — by the outpouring of support for the UUN and my efforts in the face of criticism by some elements of the greater St. John's community. I received over 40 emails, three phone calls and a couple of people coming up to me to express solidarity and support. I've reread all the email and have decided it's too much to include here, but there were four main themes or threads that kept recurring throughout them:
1. Readers feel continuously connected to SJU through the newsletter. They expressed thanks for it. Most said they love the UUN.
2. Many expressed how much they appreciate all the hard work and loyalty to St. John's that is evident in each UUN and hope that it continues for many more years. One person did ask if there are any successors in mind.
3. Many other readers expressed appreciation for the honesty, passion, independence and transparency found here, and don't want anything changed, including candid opinions about sports and various SJU-oriented items of interest.
4. Some expressed their sorrow that the UUN, its editor and contributors have come under criticism. Uniformly, they stated strongly that if persons don't like things in the newsletter, they should stop reading the UUN, and unsubscribe.
My personal and heart-felt thanks to those who felt moved to write in support of this effort. They include: Frank Boese '60/UST '64, Las Vegas, NV; Peg Marrin '65, Dallas, TX; Terry Kotnour '64, our man in New Yawk City; Steve Holupchinski '78, North St. Paul, MN; Fr. Joe Gillespie, OP, Minneapolis, MN; Paul Foley '87, Golden, CO; Neil Olson '58, Faribault, MN; Mike Laliberte '69, Wausau, WI; Ev Weber '68, St. Cloud, MN; Thom Woodward '70, Sartell, MN; Nancy Cronin, wife of the late Tim '64; Bill Vitt '87, St. Paul, MN; Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ; Bob Neis '65, St. Louis Park, MN; Scott Edstrom '77, Edina, MN; Thom Farnham '72, St. Paul, MN; Tony "Addy" Bombich, Clinton, MS; Jim Conway '58/'62, Wayzata, MN; Chris Ditton '86, Grayslake, IL; Don Hall '55/'59, Minneapolis, MN; Jane and Pete Greenheck '95, parents of Dan '20, St. Paul, MN; Terry Fruth '60, Minneapolis, MN; Jim Conn '64, Alexandria, MN; Bill "The Chill" Smoley '68, Sartell, MN; Bernie Weber ’63/‘67, Minnetonka, MN; Mike Obler '64, Hastings, MN; Wayne Hergott '57, Edina, MN; Tony Biebl '71, Brule, WI; John Maas ’58, Hudson, WI; Gene Kiffmeyer ‘67, Sartell, MN; Ernie '59 and Mary Stelzer, Minnetonka, MN; Tom Arth ’66, Shakopee, MN; Bob Sutherland, son-in-law of late Jerry Donovan '53; Glenn Rother ’61/’65, Williamsburg, VA; John Brandt ’58/’62, St. Paul, MN; Rick Ahles '64, St. Cloud, MN; Michael '67/'71 and Kim Dady, St. Paul, MN; Patti Good, mother of Jason '06, Excelsior, MN; Mike Zahler '78, Port Orchard, WA;, Tony Sandeen '94, Hong Kong SAR; Dave Steil '64, Bristol, PA; and Bill Blake '65, Detroit Lakes, MN.
* * * *
From Our Readers —
From Dan Danahey ’84, Wheaton IL —
Greetings! Any chance I can get added to your Email list? I am a Johnnie from the class of ‘84, and since I live in Chicago, its a bit harder to keep up with what’s happening up in God’s Country…Thanks. — Dan
(Editor’s Addition: Mike Fiala ’69, Crystal, MN, also asked to be added to the list.)
* *
From Ev Weber ’68, St. Cloud, MN —
Hi Rob, Could you please add Joe Weber ‘80 to the UUN mail list. Joe is the Senior Account Manager for Bernick’s and has SJU as one of his major accounts. Joe’s son Christopher ’07 was one of SJU’s student athletic trainers. Thanks. — Ev
* *
From Mike Sharkey ’64, Lincoln, NE —
Hi Wick, This fall, I joined a group of 16 people who meet every Monday to conduct the same selection process as the real CFP selection committee. As it turns out, the originator and moderator of the group is Jim Cunningham, SJU ‘71. He received a law degree from the University of Nebraska and has spent the last 30+ years working for the Catholic Church. He’s a really good guy and would liked to be added to your mailing address. Keep up the good work ... it is very much appreciated. — Mike
(Editor’s Continuing Remarks: For those not familiar with with the above-mentioned committee, CFP stands for College Football Playoff and I’d venture that Jim and Mike’s weekly meetings primarily are an opportunity to gather for a couple beers and mostly male bonding as is Jeff Norman et al’s similar Wednesday confabs to discuss Johnnie football, the MIAC race, and the NCAA playoff possibilities. Here is a link discussing the real CFP committee’s thought processes, i.e., where should the Minnesota Gophers actually be ranked? If they win two out of three, the U of M’ll go up and may even make the Rose Bowl; if they lose two or maybe all three they’ll no doubt get a crummy bowl bid: https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2862204-college-football-playoff-sorting-out-the-georgia-alabama-and-minnesota-mess )
* *
From Gene Kiffmeyer ’67, St. Cloud, MN —
Regarding this week’s game [at Hamline], I recall a banner on Frank Hall (I think it was in 1966), a homecoming banner contest. The banner showed a Johnny football player sitting on a toilet. The tagline said: The Pipes can’t take the Johns! You do great work — Gene
* *
From Mike Murphy ’61, St. Paul, MN —
Bob -- I bailed at half time at the Hamline game today. Looked like we were okay. I told my classmate Dave Sieben '61 I was leaving it with him, not to blow our lead. Got a kick (as it were) out of the explosive applause when our new kicker hit his first extra point-- way more cheering from our fans than when we'd scored the touchdown, or any touchdown we'd scored that day. Way too funny! I had to leave at half time to get to a grandson's hockey game.
On the way, I heard the SJU radio broadcasters say we'll have won the MIAC again with today's victory over Hamline; team photo to follow the game, they said. But if we end up with the same conference record as UST or Bethel (a certainty), how are we MIAC champs "again." (But maybe they meant by being co-champs we are champs, even though sharing the title with another team?) I can't wait for your next great (as always) UUN to get an explanation! I bet you have one.
(Editor’s Reply: We’d have to check with the radio guys to know for sure but I’m assuming it’s because we’ve defeated both St. Thomas and Bethel. So even though we’ll share the championship because of identical records with one of those two — TBD after those two teams’ face-off this Saturday — we're “more equal” because of our head-to-head victory over each of them, thus receiving the automatic NCAA Div. III bid to the playoffs. Go Johnnies! Keep on Truckin’ — er, I mean, Keep on Kickin’.)
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From Conrad Macina, UUN Humorologist, Landing, NJ —
Looks like the Johnnies heard the wake-up call loud and clear. Most impressive: Ten — count ‘ em — Ten PATs! "Pointing" in the right direction!
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From Denny Bracco '75, Oak Park, IL —
As I used to referee College ball for 35 years, I have a story about working a game at Rose-Hulman (maybe 25 years ago).
In addition to driving to the game in Terre Haute, IN (a 3-hour tour!) from Chicago while suffering from stomach flu (couldn't cancel on the Coordinator of Officials at the last minute), I decided to tough it out and go, sometimes a good sweat helps make you feel better.
I decided to bring a case of Pepto-Bismol along, which "stemmed the tide" eventually...while hanging in the locker room during pre-game...(didn't go out for warm-ups as normal, just told my partners to go) just in case. But I finally had to get out there for the starting line-ups and to get the game started.
So they announce the starters for the Visitors, as usual, then they turn out the lights, crank up the loud music, initiate the dry ice to start the "smoke" for the Home starters to run through, and then...shoot off a small cannon to bring everyone to a fever pitch before announcing the 5 starting Engineers.
However, the damn Cannon was set up right behind me at the scorer's table....which I didn't notice until its blast scared the living (leftover?) crap out of me. Needless to say, I hope we kick the CRAP out of Rose-Hulman on Saturday! Now go bring us a Home-field playoff game. — Denny
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From the Football Whisperer ——
SJU gets big help! Central (IA) 57 over Undefeated Wartburg 56 in OT. Also, it was a notable day for Johnnie non-seniors at the Hamline game: Running backs soph Dylan Cerney, soph Henry Trost, and junior Kenneth Udoibok each scored two TDs. And the big news is that junior kicker Colin Kummer made all ten of his extra-point attempts at his 2019 debut.
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Kummer Named MIAC Special Teams
Athlete of the Week —
Saint John's junior kicker Colin Kummer (pronounced coomer) was named the MIAC Special Teams Athlete of the Week on Monday, Nov. 11. The lad made all 10 of his extra-point attempts, the second-most in program history, in the Johnnies' 70-0 win Nov. 9 at Hamline. SJU entered the contest having made only eight of its last 16 PAT attempts, including 0-for-3 the previous week in the 19-18 overtime loss to Concordia.
(Read more:) https://gojohnnies.com/news/2019/11/11/football-kummer-named-miac-special-teams-athlete-of-the-week.aspx
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St. Ben's Volleyball Team Makes
The Regionals —
CSB Volleyball Bennies take the stage at Nationals today (Thursday) vs the Bluegolds from Eau Claire. (U of St. Thomas is hosting.) (Just in at "press" time: the Bennies defeated UW-Eau Claire 3-1 to move on to the second round on the NCAA tournament where they will face the Northwestern Eagles on Friday afternoon.)
CSB's latest NCAA Tournament berth is an exclamation point on an incredible season thus far. The team got off to its best start since 2013, and picked up wins over several ranked teams – including the then-No. 4 Blugolds. Along the way, junior Hunter Weiss reached the 1,000-kill milestone, Katie Koch notched the 1,000th assist of her career and Weiss became the first MIAC Player of the Year since 1990 for the Bennies. Hunter and her twin sister, Madison Weiss, are in the top five in the MIAC in nearly ever offensive and blocking statistical category, and Madison leads the nation in both hitting percentage and total blocks.
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More Scenes From Stearns County,
La Playette Division —
A University of St. Thomas senior wearing his school’s purple sweatshirt walked into the La Payette late one Wednesday afternoon to the amazement of the St. John’s student bartender and chagrin of the gathered Johnnies and Bennies.
The UST man ordered a martini. Every other customer was drinking beer.
When the Johnnie bartender gave the St. Thomas man his martini, he noticed that the young Tom was holding up a $20 bill.
The Johnnie took the $20, then he decided to see just how smart the Tommie is, so he handed the guy $1 change.
The Tommie quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.
“We don’t get too many Tommies in here,” he said.
The Tommie replied, “At $19 a drink, I’m not surprised.”
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Johnnies Hockey Update—
A weekly message from SJU Hockey Coach Doug Schueller
MIAC Operner
http://www.sjujohnnieshockeyblog.com
Senior forward Brady Heppner.
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Johnnies Basketball Update —
No. 12 SJU Continues Non-Conference Tour at Morris
Junior wing Oakley Baker (courtesy of Sierra Lammi)
Saint John's basketball continues non-conference play with a trip to Minnesota-Morris at 7 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 13. No. 12 SJU went 1-1 last weekend at the season-opening Merrill Thompson Classic, hosted by Wisconsin-Superior.
SJU suffered a 78-56 loss to No. 8 Nebraska Wesleyan in the 2019-20 season opener for both teams last Friday (Nov. 8) in Superior, Wis.
SJU led 25-22 at halftime, but the Prairie Wolves opened the second half with a 23-5 run and shot 63.6 percent (21-for-33) from the field in the game's final 20 minutes. NWU shot 33.3 percent (8-for-24) in the first half.
The Johnnies bounced back from Friday's season-opening loss with a 71-43 win over Marian (Wis.) on Saturday (Nov. 9). SJU shot 43.5 percent (10-for-23) from three-point range and out-rebounded the Sabres by a 40-25 margin. SJU led by eight (34-26) at halftime and started the second half with a 9-0 run. Defensively, SJU held MU to just 25 percent (6-for-24) from the floor in the second half.
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Wicker's Health Rant —
“Skip the chemicals and just go with organic.”
Only Organic have just launched a new campaign, skipthechemicals.com, that highlights the more than 700 chemicals prohibited from use in organic food, farming, and products.
The concept behind the campaign is simple: Rather than reading a long list of unpronounceable chemicals that may or may not pose potential health risks, consumers can have the peace of mind of buying products with the USDA organic seal and skip the chemicals altogether.
“Skip the chemicals and just go with organic.”
So, they have created “The World’s Most Skippable Ad,” a 30-minute video featuring two parents washing dishes while singing the names of more than 700 chemicals found in conventional farming and food manufacturing. BUT they don’t want you to watch the whole video. They would rather you just skip it and go with organic!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO1pAW_Gv7Y&feature=youtu.be
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Battle Between The Sexes,
Husband Manipulation Department —
(Contributed by Glen Rother SJP ’61/SJU ’65, Williamsburg, VA )
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in very seductive voice, have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse,
and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra,
and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill. He took the crumpled bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her panties...... and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
He took the crumpled fifty dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
Now," she said, "have you ever seen fifty thousand dollars all crumpled up?!?”
He said, "No!," trying to contain his excitement.
She said, "Check the garage."
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The Last Word —
Honeymoon Night
Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian girl, she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t-a worry, Maria. Tony’s a good-a man. Go upstairs and he’ll take-a good care of you.”
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big-a hairy chest.”
“Don’t-a worry, Maria,” said the mother, “all good-a men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take-a good care of you.”
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Tony took-a off his pants and he’s got-a hairy legs!”
“Don’t-a worry. All good-a men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good-a man. Go upstairs and he’ll take-a good care of you.”
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got-a a foot and a half!”
“Stay-a here and stir-a the pasta,” says the mother. “This is a job-a for Mama.”
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If you cannot/will not come up to support the Johnnies in person, a couple other options are to listen to the game or pay to watch it. However the one constant is to yell this loudly, whether in the stands, at your radio or to your computer:
GO JOHNNIES! Derail the Engineers! (Or something like that.)
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Sincerely yours, we remain certifiably “unofficial”:
R. L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64
theowick@aol.com ; 651-699-4697
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