Time for Bethel to get royally zapped (UUN #7-19)
Dear Almost Believers —
(Beginning Note: For best viewing it has been recommended that you view this email in your browser...that means click on the link that says that at the top of the page. Also, if you've missed an issue or two try looking for it/them in your spam file,)
We’re on the eve of the first of two make-or-break games for St. John’s this season. Each week since our rather inauspicious debut at UW-Stout, our Johnnies have shown improvement. Still, our two greatly one-sided wins over woeful Carleton and even woefuller Augsburg haven’t completely shown what we really can do against top competition and what we must do even better from here on.
As for me, I trust our coaches’ experience along the desire, talent and skill of our players, to bring everything they have in our contest with No. 6 Bethel, who are bigger, faster and more skilled than any team we faced previously. It will be a challenge for sure, even discounting Bethel’s questionable climb in the polls in the face of merely a so-so, albeit winning season thus far. To me, the Tommies’ complete mastery over Concordia last week suggests that they should be ranked as high or higher than the Royals, despite the Toms’ quirky loss to UW-Eau Claire, which was playing so far over their heads the BluGold all should have had nose bleeds.
Bethel, 2019 version, remains strong on offense, but lost some excellent people on defense to graduation last year. They are well balanced between passing and running, but really depend on the ground game for ball control. Look for some of that to keep Mr. Erdmann off the field. The key of the offense is No. 9, Jaran Roste, a highly touted sophomore quarterback. In the backfield watch for the RB tandem of junior Sam Gibas (No. 25) and Sid Boros (No. 28), a sophomore.
Defensively, they are very tough against the run, but less so against the pass (hence the real reason for my optimism at this point). Two of their Dee stalwarts are sophomore linebacker No. 22 Mike Delich and senior safety Cale Ferrin, No. 24. They may win the time-of-possession stat but ultimately lose because of the Jays’ lightning quick scoring ability and equally tough defense (secondary skills and inexperience excepted; compared to last year, that’s our biggest question mark).
This Saturday is supposed to be meh; after all, it’s Fall with our schizophrenic Minnesota weather. Still, one could have hoped for a pristine autumn day with bright sun, temps in the high 50s and little wind. What we’ll get are wintry cold temps in the high 30s, windy conditions, and maybe even a bit of light snow, which I’ll take every day over the mist and light rain we experienced last Saturday at Homecoming. I say this every year, directly quoting Harry Burns SJP ’74/SJU ’78: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.” So dress correctly for winter (even though it’s only mid-October), come on up and cheer our guys on to victory. Oh, and bring some blankets and/or hand warmers.
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An extra note about the Bethel game: It’s SJU’s Tackle Cancer game to benefit the Randy Shaver Cancer Research and Community Fund. 90% of all contributions from the game go directly to fund cancer research, prevention, treatment and other programs relating to the cancer community's needs. Please be prepared to contribute to this worthy cause.
SJU's Tackle Cancer game has grown from raising $1,500 in 2013 to nearly $21,000 in 2018. The Johnnies have raised $57,000 for Tackle Cancer over the last four seasons.
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The Homecoming game was, despite being played in annoying conditions in the first quarter and then again in the last, was fun: it was a powerful showcase of both our offense and defense, even if it was against a sadly uncompetitive Augsburg team. (See the game report with its embedded interview with coach Gary Fasching ‘81 a little farther below).
The contest was wrapped up by the end of the first quarter and Jackson Erdmann took a seat after playing one series in the second quarter. Striving mightily not to embarrass our visitors by running up the score a la the Purple Predators, Gary played just about everyone on the bench earlier than usual, keeping the ball on the ground mostly. And the Auggies repaid that sportsmanlike gesture by getting chippier as the game wore on, seemingly going after the heads and particularly the faces of our players when blocking or tackling. I saw several of these unfortunate infractions but only one — an obvious face mask penalty — was called by the otherwise inattentive refs. We also observed, in front of our bench, a St. John’s player turning away from an egregious late push to the head, seemingly trying to goad him into retribution. This was great learning example for our younger players and an ongoing tribute to Gag’s “walk away” drill.
At half time, the 2019 Bob Basten Excellence in Leadership Award was presented one of Bob’s former teammates, Lou Raiola ’82. Lou was an All-MIAC running back in 1980 and is now dedicated to uniting individuals and groups together to promote the greater good through a company he started in 1986, Force Multiply. Lou was a pioneer of what today is known as cause marketing. I recommend UUN readers take the time to read Frank Rajkowski’s linked article below about Lou: https://www.csbsju.edu/news/bob-basten-award-2019
I also recommend that our same readers hit the link to Frank’s article about the St. John’s men inducted into the first class of the SJU Hall of Honor, pictured below, who were individually and, for the 1963 National Championship team, collectively, introduced and interviewed by the “Voice of the Johnnies”, Mark Lewandowski, at the banquet following the game.
https://gojohnnies.com/news/2019/10/6/general-thirteen-inducted-into-j-club-hall-of-honor.aspx
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The Royal Speeders —
There were two Bethel University students in a car. The girl was in the passenger's seat and the guy was the one driving the car. They were on I-694 heading back to their campus in Arden Hills when all of the sudden the young Royal felt like he needed to speed up.
So he sped to 65 mph and asked the Royalette, "Is there a cop behind us?" and then she looks back and says, “No, there isn't."
He kept on going and when he reached 70 mph and asked the girl, "Is there a cop behind us?"
And she said, “No, there still isn't."
So he figured, “Now that I have gone this fast I might as well go as fast as I can.”
So he continually increased his speed past 75 mph until he was over 80 mph. The Bethel kid asked his girlfriend the same question, "Now is there a cop behind us?"
She turns around and finally sees the cop.
She says, “YES, HE IS CATCHING UP TO US!!"
Then he said, "Well then are his lights on?!"
And she says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes ..."
* * * *
No. 4 Johnnie Football Rolls to 61-6 Homecoming Win —
No. 4 Saint John's jumped out to a 33-0 first-quarter lead en route to a 61-6 Homecoming win over Augsburg on Saturday, Oct. 5, in Clemens Stadium.
The Johnnies (4-0, 3-0 MIAC) scored touchdowns on their first six offensive possessions and out-gained the Auggies (1-4, 0-3 MIAC) by a 533-108 margin.
Senior quarterback Jackson Erdmann finished 14 of 21 passing for 255 yards and five touchdowns, his sixth game of five or more passing touchdowns in his career. He directed the Johnnies on their first drive of the second quarter, and sixth consecutive score, before taking a seat. (Note that, Mr. Caruso!)
(Read more here:) https://gojohnnies.com/news/2019/10/5/no-4-johnnie-football-rolls-to-61-6-homecoming-win.aspx?path=football
Sophomore wide receiver Ravi Alston made this terrific catch for a 32-yard gain in
the first quarter (Photo by Rafael Alvarez).
* * * *
Video Highlights, Augsburg game —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oeNOyWGM4U (2:08 min.)
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Johnnie Question of the Week, S 2, E 7 —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm-32JdKRRQ (6:38 min.)
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John Gagliardi: The Man Behind The Trophy —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2JqeD7EtIw (5:09 min.)
* * * *
Bethel Final Exam —
Two burly Bethel football players were taking an important final exam in their remedial course. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game against Saint John’s the following Saturday. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _______."
Eric Johnson was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped his fellow lineman Calvin Jones on the shoulder. "Pssst. Cal. What's the answer to the last question?"
Cal laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed, then he turned to his fellow Royal and whispered, "Eric, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."
"Oh yeah," said the other. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping his teammate's shoulder again, he asked softly, "Cal, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Eric. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."
* * * *
Bethel Game Details —
Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes, Mike Carr and Charlie Carr will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 23rd season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet.
(Note: KDIZ-1570 AM is a new affiliate serving the Twin Cities Metro area this year.)
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Listening via the Internet: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
Viewing via live streaming: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
(Note: There is a $10 charge for Live Streaming this game.)
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Battle Between The Sexes, Eternal Rewards Department —
* * * *
2019 SJU Football Schedule
(All games start at 1 pm, except the St. Thomas game, naturally, which starts at 1:10 pm.)
Date Opponent Location
September 7 UW-Stout Menomonie, WI W - 14-7
September 14 Bye —
September 21 Gustavus Collegeville W - 33-21
September 28 Carleton Northfield W - 56-10
October 5 Augsburg Collegeville W - 61-6
October 12 Bethel Collegeville
October 19 St. Thomas St. Paul (Allianz Field)
October 26 St. Olaf Northfield
November 2 Concordia Collegeville
November 9 Hamline St. Paul
November 16 Rose-Hulman Collegeville
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MIAC Standings, After Week 5 —
SCHOOLS MIAC ALL
Saint John's 3-0 4-0
St. Olaf 3-0 5-0
Bethel 2-0 4-0
St. Thomas 2-0 3-1
Concordia 2-1 2-3
Gustavus 0-2 2-2
Augsburg 0-3 1-4
Carleton 0-3 2-3
Hamline 0-3 1-4
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Wick’s Picks for Week Four —
Results From Saturday, October 5
Bethel 42 - Carleton 13 (My pick: Royals 49-17 - Right on!)
St. Olaf 29 - Hamline 2 (My pick: STO 50-14 - Ole, where’s the beef?)
St. Thomas 51 - Concordia 6 (My pick: Toms 29-27 - Didn’t see a blow-out)
St. John’s 61 - Augsburg 6 (My pick: Jays 58-7 - Right on!)
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Around the MIAC —
6th Saturday, October 12
Carleton vs Hamline — An interesting match-up between two of the three worst teams in the MIAC. I have to go with Carleton 34-20 from what they showed when we played them.
Gustavus vs Concordia — Before the Cobbers were decimated by the Tommies last week, I would have thought this would be a crucial game for each; now I’m saying the Gusties will take ‘em big, 36-17 and the Cobbers will continue their uncharacteristic slide.
St. Thomas vs Augsburg — Because it’s still Glenn Caruso with his particular football pathology, he will push his team to a very high score just to show the pollsters that he can beat the hapless Auggies by more than we did. U$T 83-0.
Bethel vs St. John’s — The Royals are very good, but we’re a bit better. SJU 38-24.
St. Olaf is in their bye week.
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d3Football Top 25 —
Exciting times in small college football after Week Five, especially in the MIAC: St. John’s remains at No. 4 but Bethel rose again a point to No. 6 (inexplicably unless there are a bunch of Baptist coaches on the voting panel) by beating (ahem) Carleton, while St. Thomas recovered nicely by their most impressive victory over Concordia and moved back up to No. 11 from No. 14. Ithaca is No. 10 while their bosom enemy SUNY-Cortland is No. 22. (These are the two teams that will dethrone the Johnnie-Tommie game as holder of the largest D-III crowd for a football game later this November.)
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2019/week5
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Ithaca-Cortland To Set New Div. III Football Attendance Record —
(From Bill Kauffmann ’86: Wicks, I thought this might be something you would find interesting. I'm sure there will be plenty of news about it come game day Saturday. — Billy)
Excerpt:
“NEW YORK (October 3, 2019) The National Football Foundation New York City Chapter announced today that it has helped set a ticket sale record for a NCAA Division III football game as the host of the 2019 Cortaca Jug game between Ithaca College and SUNY Cortland on November 16 at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. With six weeks remaining, ticket sales have exceeded 39,000, eclipsing the previous Division III record of 37,355, which was set in 2017 during the Saint John's and St. Thomas game at Target Field in Minneapolis.”
(Editor’s Note: The Cortaca Jug is the trophy given to the annual college football game played between the Red Dragons of the State University of New York at Cortland and the Bombers of Ithaca College; the trophy’s name is a play off letters from each college’s name. The schools are 21 miles apart in the eastern end of the Finger Lakes region of New York.)
“The match-up is one of the most prominent in Division III football. The Cortaca game typically sells out, with thousands of fans packed into the stadium. In 2015—when Cortland topped Ithaca 11–8 on the Bombers home field—over 10,000 people [Ed’s Snarky and Derisive Retort: Well, Whoopee Ding!] attended the game, which is incredibly unusual for a typical Division III football game.”
[More From Your Ed: Actually, in looking back over the last seven or eight years, they had a couple games with 11,000 and a couple more with 12,000…no slouch for D-III but no biggie compared with St. John’s-St. Thomas, along with some others against MIAC teams. For the rest of the season Ithaca averages 1,750 while Cortland averages a more respectable 3,728; by comparison SJU averages 5,912. Top recorded single-game attendance in Division III games:
https://www.d3football.com/notables/top-single-game-attendance ]
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New Flynntown apartments to debut in August 2021 —
According to SJU interim President Eugene McAllister, tentative plans to renovate the Seton Apartments have just been finalized. The SJU Board of Trustees will soon submit plans for the new Flynntown apartment complex for bids by builders.
“It would be a total of about 94 beds being built, mostly 6-person apartments with a few singles as well,” Br. Dan Morgan, OSB, Residential Life Director said. The new complex will replace the current 4-bed Seton apartments currently located along Stumpf Lake, as well as Joe Hall, which was taken offline this year in preparation for the new building project.
The current unnamed project is slated to begin in May 2020, just after commencement. (Read more here:)
http://csbsjurecord.com/2019/09/new-flynntown-apartments-to-debut-in-august-2021/
* * * *
The Bethel Hypochondriac —
A young man, fresh out of Bethel University, went to see his doctor one day.
"Doc, there's something wrong with me,” the Royal explained to the physician.
“Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?"
"Sure!" The doctor said.
“What is it?” anxiously asked the Royal.
"You have way too much time on your hands!"
* * * *
Last week Fr. Eric Hollas, OSB SOT/Sem ’75 hosted four supporters
of the Immokalee Scholarship Program at St. John’s University for a
three-day stay. The highlight of the visit was the evening when these generous
benefactors were able to meet and join our nine students, pictured above,
from Immokalee (FL) for dinner. These young men are the first in their families
to attend college, and are doing so at St. John's through this innovative
program.
* * * *
Battle Between the Sexes —
A man rushes home and from the door bellows, “Guess what I heard in the bar today?”
The wife smiles and replies, “Some new gossip from your buddies?”
The man nods excitedly and says, “They said the mailman has slept with every woman on our block except one.” Here he gives his wife a proud smile.
The wife frowns, thinks about it for a moment and replies, “I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis, second house from the corner. She hates blue collar workers.”
* * * *
The Saint John’s Pottery Lighting Ceremony and Kiln Firing Set for Oct. 18 —
The public is invited to the 2019 lighting ceremony and firing of the Johanna Kiln at the Saint John’s Pottery. The lighting event begins at 4 p.m. Friday, Oct. 18, and the kiln firing continues through Sunday, Oct. 27.
The Johanna Kiln is the largest wood-burning kiln in North America. Firing a kiln of this scale is the result of two years of planning; local clay and glaze materials are prepared, and Forest Stewardship Council certified firewood is gathered from the Saint John’s Abbey Arboretum.
Designed and built by Master Potter and Artist-in-Residence Richard Bresnahan SJP ‘72/SJU ‘76, the Johanna Kiln can hold up to 12,000 works of pottery and sculpture. The event marks the 40th year of the Saint John’s Pottery, and the 15th firing of the Johanna Kiln.
(Editor’s Note: Dave DeLand has written an excellent piece on Richard entitled “Bresnahan carries rich legacy of The Saint John’s Pottery into the future” that can be found here: https://www.csbsju.edu/news/richard-bresnahan-2019 )
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From Our Readers —
From Josh Rebholz ’15, St. Paul, MN —
Bob, Thanks for adding me to the distribution list this past spring. Getting the UUN has made me feel a lot more ‘plugged in’ than I’ve felt since graduating! Such great part of the week.
Taylor and I are hoping to find a weekend to check out St. Cecilia’s soon – we’ve been going to Assumption as of late given that we were married there on September 21st. Father Paul Treacy (a Tommie) managed to sneak in a SJU jab during his homily! [Ed’s Quick Question: A Tommie priest! Are you sure that your wedding is valid?] Hope you’re well and enjoying the changing of the seasons and another good year of SJU football. Go Johnnies! — Josh
(Editor’s Addendum: Speaking of St. Cecilia’s, after attending the Carleton game in Northfield we returned to St. Paul to enjoy the parish’s Oktoberfest in a nearby park. At the end of the evening several of us gathered near the beer truck after having helped clean up the event. To my surprise and pleasure, nearly everyone there was a Johnnie: Adam Sieve ’03; Scott Springman ‘95 and son Leo (who may himself be a Johnnie soon); Bill Vitt '87; Mike Weber SJP ’72; and myself.)
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From John Chromy ’64, Washington, DC —
Bob----some thoughts after today's UUN:
a) Where and to what conference is St. Thomas going? Do they have something lined up? (Ed’s Note: Answers below a bit.)
b) Football is a very important element (actually almost a pillar of) of the St. John's family, spirit, legacy, et al. Do you remember how in the early 1960s history Prof. Joe Heininger used to grumble about football, proudly trumpet that he never attended a game, presided defiantly on Saturday afternoons in his record shop over a small court of his followers, intellectuals all who also expressed their disdain for football?)
c) Important as SJU's football aura is, it apparently is not filling the seats in the freshman ranks these past several years--and those of us who donate to and raise funds for St. John's have not been given any explanation for the empty seats nor have we received any indication of a strategy to resolve the situation. A fifty-student shortfall is about $1.25 million (50 X $25,000) revenue not coming in.
d) Grinnell's dropping football is not really a surprise. in 1936 the University of Chicago (then a national football powerhouse competing with the Bernie Bierman's Golden Gophers, Notre Dame and Southern Cal for the mythical national championship) decided to drop interscholastic football. The University President announced that football was too corrupt, costly and not at all consistent with the academic aspirations of his great University. Alas, the University of Chicago survived and remains one of our country's great academic universities.
e) A friend of mine was President of Colorado College about 15 years ago when that school decided to drop football and concentrate on hockey as the schools sport identity. He said being in Colorado [meant] most of their competitors were such a long distance away that they had to charter flights for the team to more than half the games — way too costly and it generated little revenue--CC has also survived as a well-regarded college as has Macalester.
Just random thoughts for no overt purpose — John
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From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
About the UUN getting sent to people’s spam folders, my go-to source for all things PC- and Windows-related is Leo Notenboom at askleo.com. He has an article on the topic: http://ask-leo.com/how_do_i_stop_legitimate_email_from_going_to_my_spam_folder.html
Good luck and GO JOHNNIES (but not to the spam folder)!! — Conrad
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From Tom Borak ‘64, Ft. Collins, CO
Marie-Louise and I reconnected with Wilfred [Fr. Wilfred Theisen SJP ‘47/SJU ‘52] for lunch on Monday and had a preview for his induction into the Hall of Honor. It was nice to visit with all of you in Northfield. — Tom
Tom Borak '64 (left) stands next to his favorite Physics prof,
Fr. Wilfred Theisen. Of course, Fr. Wilfred might have been Tom's
only Physics prof.
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From Teresa Trost, Lindstrom, MN —
Hi - I love your emails. Look forward every week. My family is a first generation Johnnie. I have elderly parents that want to experience Johnnie Nation! Their grandson is a sophomore running back, Henry Trost. My questions are: is Brother Willie’s Pub open on game days? [Yes.] And if so is the game broadcast there!? [No, but the manager Julie Neuwirth said they are looking into getting the game audio streamed in the pub.] And if so is the general public welcome, such as grandparents of players? [Absolutely YES.] I ask because my parents want to be involved. Please advise.. Respectfully, -- Teresa
(Editor's Photographic Answers: See the spaces below. Photos compliments of Chris Scholl.)
Sexton Commons dining area before the Homecoming game.
Br. Willie's Pub in action for an indoor "tailgate."
Meanwhile, over at the Bookstore, Fr. Don Talafous poses with (from left)
John Silver '66 and wife Cathy, with Barb Hassing '68 and her husband
Bill '66 sitting with Fr. Don.
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From Paul Liemandt ’71, Backus, MN —
If possible I’d like to start receiving the Unofficial Underground News. I graduated from St. John’s (1971), was Tony Biebl’s (’71) roommate and hunt with Tony and Andy Biebl, Brian ’79 and Dan Mulrennan, and fish w/ Jeff Norman ‘78. I really enjoy your writing when Tony forwards them to me and I’d like to start getting them sent directly to me. Hope you can add one more. — Paul
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From Maggie Weber Utsch ’00, Director of Annual Giving, CSB —
GIVE CSB DAY a smashing success
Dear Bob, We started Give CSB Day yesterday feeling optimistic and we moved into today feeling speechless. We’re still tallying the final numbers, but because of so many generous donors we were able to raise over a HALF MILLION DOLLARS to support Bennies!
As a Saint Ben’s community, we rallied around scholarships, athletics, student groups, fine arts programming and more. We’re so proud and we’re so thankful!
We also want to give another special shout out to our amazing Challenge Fund Donors who generously gave $250K. Thank you for standing up for CSB! — Maggie
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From An Anonymous Johnnie, Class of 1960 —
Wick, please no more stories about elderly Johnnies. I laughed so hard I wet my pants.
(And then seconds later I received another note from Anonymous:)
Please do not publish my last under my name. My family does not know.
(Editor’s Follow-Up: At the Hall of Honor Banquet I ran into Ron Youso ’64, along with his daughter and son-in-law, Lynn SJP ’86 and Peter Bormann. Ron said about that same ‘elderly Johnnies’ joke, “I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants.” Practically the same quote but apparently Ron’s family does know, so it’s okay to use his name. So here’s another one for Ron, Anonymous and all the other Old Pharz who get the UUN.)
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Vagaries of Old Age —
This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, “Where are you going ?”
He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”
And she said, “Why? Are you sick?”
“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said,
“Where are you going?”
She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”
He said, “Why?”
She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”
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From Larry Haeg SJP ’63/SJU ’67, St. Paul, MN —
Looking forward to homecoming, rain or shine. Many thanks for alert on Father Don’s book signing; I’ll join the line and ask him to sign multiple copies.
Prediction: Hamline, Carleton, Saint Olaf, Augsburg all either drop football in less than five years or they join Upper Midwest Athletic Conference for football. — Larry
(Editor’s Comment: You could probably throw in Macalester, too, since they’ve said they’d come back to the MIAC if the Tommies left. Wouldn’t that be ironic…that after those schools’ presidents led the charge to remove U$T by threatening to leave the conference if St. Thomas stayed, then they left anyway a few years later? That will surely leave a mess for SJU, Bethel, Concordia and Gustavus. Would be a mighty short season, even if U$T came back just for football. Do any readers have some ideas for keeping SJU in football if half the league goes away?)
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
A motorist in eastern Stearns County got twisted around on some back roads outside of Opole. At a four-way stop in the middle of nowhere, the driver realized he was clearly lost. Noticing a farmer over in a field not too far from the road, he got out of his car and approached the man asking, “What’s the quickest way to Freeport?”
The local, scratched his head. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger.
“I’m driving,” said the traveler.
“Well, that’s the quickest way.”
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When Is A Tommie Joke Not A Tommie Joke? —
Sometimes it’s just too easy. Take this current case of junior U$T student Ray Glansham Persaud who was cited in federal court in late September for calling in fake bomb threats to the University of St. Thomas where he is a ”day hop.” He is facing one felony count for making the threats over the internet and a phone, which are considered instruments of interstate commerce.
The young Tom made the threats not once, not twice, but three times — on April 17, August 20, and September 7. The university evacuated each of the buildings Persaud specifically mentioned and cancelled classes but no bombs were found.
What was the Tommie’s reason for this disruption? Reportedly those were the days he had an exam, was supposed to make a presentation, or had not finished his homework. He was caught when investigators traced the third call to his home in Blaine, MN.
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St. Thomas Receives Invite To Join D-1 Summit League —
(With thanks to Mary Nord ’74, Paul Hamann ’63 and Leon Grahn ’64, UUN readers are fully up-to-date in the latest news of the continuing U$T drama.)
Last Friday (Oct. 4), St. Thomas president Julie Sullivan, announced that the university has been invited to join the Division I Summit League. In the 2020-21 school year, the conference will involve these nine schools: North Dakota, North Dakota State, South Dakota, South Dakota State, Omaha, Denver, Oral Roberts, Western Illinois and UMKC (MO). Two current members of the conference are private schools — Oral Roberts and Denver. Two additional private institutions — St. Thomas and D-II Augustana (SD) seek to join the Summit as soon as 2021-22. But this will not happen, particularly with St. Thomas, unless it gets an historic waiver from the NCAA allowing a D-III school to make the jump to D-1 without first spending several years at the D-II level. It’s to the Tommies advantage, then, to publicly play up its victim status as “bering penalized for being too good and forcibly removed from a conference they helped start a century ago.”
So that’s one giant hoop for U$T to jump through. The other is that the Summit League does not offer football or men’s and women's hockey. Thus U$T would need to find additional conferences for those sports.
For football both the Tommies and Augustana share aspirations to compete in the non-scholarship Pioneer Football League: Butler, Davidson, Dayton, Drake, Jacksonville [FL], Marist, Morehead State [KY], San Diego, Stetson, Valparaiso, with Presbyterian to be added in 2021. If that happens, St. Thomas will have to spend heavily on commercial air travel; either that or ask one of U$T’s deep-pocketed benefactors to buy the school it’s own jet — certainly doable. They also will eventually face the same charges in the Pioneer League as they have in the MIAC — of cheating on the non-athletic scholarship rules. It would be better for the Toms to bite the moral bullet — for “The Common Good”, of course — and join a smaller D-I conference and go out to honestly and openly pay for their players.
And then there’s hockey: For the Tommettes they could opt for membership in the Women’s WCHA: Minnesota, Ohio State, Bemidji State, Minnesota Duluth, Wisconsin, Minnesota State Mankato, St. Cloud State.
The Tommies could ask to join the Men’s post-WCHA for 2021-22: MSU Mankato, Bemidji State, Ferris State, Bowling Green, Lake Superior State, Northern Michigan, Michigan Tech. I assume that each of these schools, for both the men’s and women’s hockey teams, fully utilize athletic scholarships.
Lots of people, in and out of St. Thomas, have questions about what all this means, so here is a link to the school’s FAQ site:
https://www.stthomas.edu/athletics/oct-4-2019-announcement/index.html
Although it’s a very exciting time for St. Thomas sports, it’s going to be costly in many ways. Here’s a link to an article about the financial costs of moving up to Div. I: http://www.startribune.com/move-to-division-i-will-cost-st-thomas-stability/562294522/
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CSB volleyball matches best-ever national ranking – 5th in the Nation! —
The College of Saint Benedict is off to a historic start to the 2019 season, and Tuesday afternoon, the team was rewarded with a historic national ranking.
For the second time in program history and first time since 1993, Saint Benedict cracked the top five in the AVCA Division III Coaches Top 25 Poll. In the sixth poll of 2019, CSB came in ranked at No. 5, up two spots from its previous ranking of No. 7.
The top-five ranking comes nearly 26 years to the day since the last time Saint Benedict earned the No. 5 ranking. The last – and only other – time CSB was ranked that highly in Division III was Oct. 5, 1993.
CSB's jump into the top five nationally comes after a big conference and regional sweep of then-No. 11 Augsburg Saturday afternoon. The win marked the team's 17th of the season, and pushed CSB's current win streak to 14 matches. After a pair of MIAC sweeps last week, CSB is 17-1 overall and, along with St. Thomas, one of two 4-0 teams in the conference.
Saint Ben’s is on the road Friday and Saturday, Oct. 11-12, for a pair of key MIAC matches. The team takes on Saint Mary's Friday in Winona, then heads to Northfield Saturday for a match against St. Olaf, which is one of the top teams receiving votes in the latest AVCA poll. CSB is back at home Wednesday, Oct. 16, against Hamline.
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Two English Majors’ Department Quickies —
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
There, their, they’re.
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Rules for creative writing —
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
Should Health Insurance Be Sold By The Pound?
Health spending is soaring all across the developed world — even in countries with socialized medicine. The No. 1 reason health costs are soaring: obesity and obesity-linked diseases. An obese adult uses 42% more health care than a healthy-weight adult. A morbidly obese adult uses 81% more. Never mind that you watch what you eat and take care of yourself. Health insurance isn't sold by the pound.
When co-workers and their family members under a employee plan need huge amounts of health care, their extra costs are shifted onto the healthy employees; for the unemployed and under-insured, these same costs fall to the taxpayers. The average American consumes $11,000 a year in health care. But averages obscure the truth. A tiny 5% of the population consumes 50% of the health care. Charging everyone the same for health care coverage discriminates financially against the healthy.
Everywhere, obesity and obesity-related diseases are largely to blame. Nothing will tame costs that doesn't address this issue. But it’s difficult to get this point across to the general public in the U.S. because so many in government, politics and health policy do not want to get accused of “fat shaming.”
But it will take something other than politically-correct “dancing around the problem” to change this current national health and financial crisis from sinking our entire healthcare system. Obesity is linked to heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, colon and breast cancer and the disease that's busting the health care piggy bank, Type 2 diabetes. Diabetes costs shot up from $21 billion to $90 billion in the last 20 years. Heart disease still costs more, but diabetes is growing faster and will soon overtake it — unless Americans change their behavior.
This nation educated the public about smoking and convinced millions to stop. We can do it again to combat reckless, self-destructive eating. Some people are obese due to genetic reasons, lack access to healthy food or other underlying conditions. But for most, it's poor eating choices. That’s where education and positive governmental/legislative actions and directives can help alleviate this (pardon) huge national problem.
(Editor’s Note: Facts and figures for this “rant” were gleaned from an article on the subject authored by Betsy McCaughey, former Lieutenant Governor of New York.)
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On Learning Tact —
A bachelor kept a cat for companionship, and loved his cat more than life. He was planning a trip to England and entrusted the cat to his brother's care. As soon as he arrived in England he called his brother.
"How is my cat?" he asked. "Your cat is dead," came the reply.
"Oh my," he exclaimed. "Did you have to tell me that way?"
"How else can I tell you your cat's dead?" inquired the brother.
"You should have led me up to it gradually," said the bachelor. "For an example, when I called tonight you could have told me my cat was on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting it down. When I called tomorrow night, you could have told me that they dropped him and broke his back, but a fine surgeon is doing all he can for him. Then, when I called the third night, you could have told me the surgeon did all he could but my cat passed away. That way it wouldn't have been such a shock.
"By the way," he continued, "how's Mother?"
"Mother?" came the reply. "Oh, she's up on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting her down."
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The Last Word —
(Contributed by Chris Kennedy, Chicago SJU fan)
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom, Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner."
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Goodbye for now, Faithful Readers (and you have to be faithful to read down this far). We have a tough game ahead of us on Saturday, so I urge you all to holler out “royally”:
GO JOHNNIES! Supplant the Royals! (Or something like that.)
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Submitted by your loyal and obedient editor:
R. L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN
theowick@aol.com ; 651-699-4697
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