The UUN welcomes all alums back for Homecoming (UUN #6-19)
Greetings, O Faithful and Patient Subscribers —
This sudden move to MailChimp has proved problematical for many readers (and pretty maddening for your editor, who doesn’t have the technical expertise to even know what the problems are to fix them). I may have to hire a fifth grade neighbor kid to come over and straighten things out. I have no idea why people have fallen off the list, or why their issues sometime end up in their spam filters if they even show up at all; and then there are the complaints about legibility. AOL was a pain but I didn’t have these problems. But it does help to read it on your computer rather than smart phone. When all else fails, try the emerging UUN website, at least for back issues for now: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/news
All these things are a distraction from the celebration of our expected one-sided victory over a game but completely over-matched Carleton Knights 56-10 last Saturday in Northfield. The game was played in absolutely pristine fall weather. The crowd was estimated at 710 and it was readily (Red-ily?) apparent that at least 600 of those were Johnnie fans and family. We were sitting up high on the 40-yard line with Julia and Olivia, two young granddaughters of Chris, so as not to bother people with their antsy antics, but also to get a good look at all the action unfolding below us on the field. Throughout the game various people joined us: Michael ’67/’71 and Kim Dady, who struck up an interesting South Dakota-centered conversation with John Diffley ’64, up from Stewartville; Dick Wilke, another loyal fan who adopted SJU and who suggested that the crowd was about an 80-20 split in SJU’s favor; Jeff Norman ’78 who observed that while the Knights appeared to be well-coached, intelligent, and played their positions well, it was painfully obvious they were smaller, slower and not as deep as the Johnnies; John Sipe ’61/’65 and his granddaughter Maddy — his grandson Finn elected to stay down closer to the field next to Tom ’60/’64 and Lynn McKasy; and Patrick Tomczik of Northfield who was all over the stadium. Before the game many of us lunched together at the impressive Johnnie co-owned Reunion Restaurant, home to an absolutely splendid house hamburger. While there we ran into Tom Borak ’64 and his wife, daughter and her family, over from Ft. Collins, CO for a family reunion in New Prague. Tom wanted badly to say hello to Fr. Wilfred Theisen if he came to the game. Fr. Wilfred did and Tom had a good visit through half time.
We all were impressed with the moxie and skill of Carleton’s freshman quarterback Jonathan Singleton of San Martin, CA. He entered the game pretty quickly after the listed starter, sophomore Beau Nelson, suddenly wasn’t playing. Singleton was quick, shifty, throwing a lot of good fakes and completing some nifty passes. The best was a clever end-around that turned into a flea flicker to another back who flicked it back to the quarterback who lofted it downfield and very near a TD. Singleton ran it in a bit later for their only touchdown. To the Johnnie fans’ credit, quite a few clapped in appreciation for the creativity and smoothness of that play, which you can now see down below in a KSTP-produced account of the game; the play is seen at the four-minute mark. Colleen Lilly ’81 later said the young QB was doing to us the same thing that we did against the Tommies last year to beat their rush — three seconds and throw.
Although we won big and saw some important St. John’s and MIAC passing records fall through Jackson Erdmann’s prowess (read more below), the big news of the day was Concordia’s near defeat of then No. 8-ranked Bethel, and then later in the evening the upset victory by UW-Eau Claire over then No 6-ranked St. Thomas. I recall the Football Whisperer telling some of us that he predicted trouble for U$T due to their their inexperienced quarterback. It was quite apparent watching junior Tommy Dolan during the final part of that game via Live Stream that he was not ready for prime time; he was missing open receivers all over the field. Perhaps nerves in a big contest? By the way, the Football Whisperer has been unable to contribute his news and views this season due to travel and time constraints.
About our upcoming Homecoming game, there’s not too much to say. The Auggies may be in even rougher shape than Carleton but maybe on par with Hamline. I foresee some passing in the first half to insure Erdmann another 300-yard passing game and to wow the Homecoming crowd; then we’ll start to roll on the ground to eat up the clock and bring in lots of players. Parents (and scrubs themselves) will love it. I worry, though, about the longevity of undermanned MIAC teams such as Augsburg, Hamline, Carleton, Macalester (if they come back in the fold), and even St. Olaf. Just this morning Larry Haeg ’63/‘67sent me a link to an announcement by Grinnell College that they are suspending football due to a small squad and mounting injuries. [ https://www.d3football.com/notables/2019/10/grinnell-suspending-2019-campaign ]. It could be that the sacrifice of U$T will all be for naught if some of our schools drop football; it’s hard to have a five-team conference.
Anyway, after the game I’m looking forward to seeing my two Prep and college classmates, Tom McKasy and John McCormick, get inducted into the Hall of Honor with the rest of the 1963 National Championship team, including other 1964 classmates Craig Muyres, Ken Roering, Bob Spinner, Bernie Beckman, Jim Herickhoff, Jim Mahoney and especially John McDowell, whom I haven’t seen since graduation.
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Carleton Game Report —
Erdmann Breaks MIAC, School Record in 56-10 Win at Carleton
No. 4 Saint John's football scored touchdowns on its first five possessions and totaled 615 yards of offense in a 56-10 road win at Carleton on Saturday, Sept. 28, in Northfield.
Senior quarterback Jackson Erdmann broke the conference and SJU record for career touchdown passes in the victory. He entered the game needing two touchdown passes to tie the record of 100 held by Alex Kofoed (2004-07) and finished 17 of 20 passing for 330 yards and four touchdowns for the Johnnies (3-0, 2-0 MIAC). The reigning Gagliardi Trophy winner and D3football.com National Offensive Player of the Year only played the game's first two quarters.
The List
The MIAC's top-10 list for all-time touchdown passes (in all games) is below.
102 - Jackson Erdmann, Saint John's (2016-current)
100 - Alex Kofoed, Saint John's (2004-07)
97 - Ayrton Scott, Augsburg (2012-15)
87 - Kurt Ramler, Saint John's (1993-96)
79 - Tom Linnemann, Saint John's (1996-00)
77 - Mitch Hendricks, Gustavus/Saint John's (2012-15)
72 - Jordan Berg, Augsburg (2006-08)
71 - Chris Esterley, St. Thomas (1993-96)
68 - Ryan Keating, Saint John's (2000-03)
67 - Dan Dobson, St. Olaf (2010-12)
(Read more about the game here: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2019/9/28/football-erdmann-breaks-miac-school-record-in-56-10-win-at-carleton.aspx )
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Carleton Game Video Highlights —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vkuwdG7zW8 (2:12)
KSTP -5 coverage, including Carleton’s end-around, “double-flea-flicker” pass for a large gain beginning at 4 min:
https://kstp.com/sports/st-johns-football-rolls-past-carleton/5509343/ (5 min.)
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Johnnie Question of the Week, S 2, E 6 —
Premieres at noon on Thursday, Oct. 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De75X7MtBqM
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An Auggie On Trial —
After a trial had been going on for three days, Bradley Johnson, a former Augsburg football player accused of committing a number of crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
The Auggie looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
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Homecoming 2019 —
SJU vs Augsburg for Saturday October 5th, 2019
Come home, Johnnie and Bennie Faithful. See your pals, reconnect with the magic of your ‘glory days’. Feel the gravitational pull of the Cardinal and Blue! Buy some Johnnie and Bennie Bread. Bring a raincoat or umbrella just to be sure; rain is 50-50.
Here are a few UUN highlights of the day:
Tailgate down at the Athletic Fields Lot or the Sexton Commons get-together in and around Bro. Willie’s Pub
Fr. Don signing his newest book at the Bookstore 10:30 to Noon
Football SJU vs. Augsburg at 1 pm
Half-Time Bennie Alumnae Dance Team Reunion Spectacular
Celebration on the Tundra - 2 to 5 pm (Note to parents: This event opens well before the game is completed so bring your bored kids over to play on the inflatables while you down a brew and mingle with friends.
CSB Volleyball vs. Augsburg at 3 pm (a huge game - #7 vs #11)
Hall of Honor Banquet - 5 pm.
Go here for rest of Homecoming details:
https://www.csbsju.edu/alums-and-friends/homecoming-2019
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Johnnie Tailgating Blog —
We have a couple reminders for this coming weekend. Please help us spread the word to those you know who plan to join the tailgate lot festivities as well:
ENTRANCE INTO THE TAILGATE LOT IS FROM 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. PLEASE MAKE YOUR PLANS TO PARK IN YOUR SPOT BY 10 a.m. ALL SPACES ARE RESERVED
THERE IS NO EXITING THE TAILGATE LOT IN YOUR VEHICLE UNTIL AT LEAST 1:30 p.m. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. If you need to leave before then, do not park in the tailgate lot.
Please read the rest of the information, policies and rules by hitting the blog link:
https://www.sjujohnnietailgatingblog.com
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The UnCasual Fan —
SJU 56 Carleton 10
I was not able to attend the game in person last Saturday. I attempted to watch via Live Stream. Was a joke that is. I have a super fast internet connection. I would get 10 seconds of streaming (usually of the teams huddling) and then 30 seconds of frozen picture. Maybe the MIAC needs a better service provider. There are plenty out there. Thanks to the radio crew at least I could listen to the game and they are always on top of it.
Just one more comment about the game with Gustavus. Wasn't it nice to go through the game without non-football-related (commercial) interruptions to look at your game program?
Regarding the game with Carleton. You rarely can tell anything about the stuff you do well in games like this. However your weaknesses tend to jump out at you a little.
The offense looked good and some career passing records were set. Our receivers (Hodge, Alston and VanErp) are looking better. Trost got to touch the ball a little more which is also a good thing.
There are still a couple areas of concern. We need to clean up our pass defense a little and kicking (for points and punting) may cost us in a tough game.
We probably will not get much of a test against the Auggies this week at homecoming. Let’s hope the kicking and punting does not let us down against Bethel or at Allianz Field in a few weeks. Go Johnnies - see you Saturday.
(Editor’s Addendum: And speaking of Allianz Field where SJU meets the Tommies on October 19, the latest word is that the field’s grass surface is so bad that soccer players/teams around the league are complaining about pitch conditions and their safety, with sod giving way and large divots coming up after quick stops and turns. Minnesota United management investigated the problem and found defective drainage and irrigation pipes beneath the grass surface, so now the entire field is being torn up and redone in time for our game and then the soccer club’s play-off game the following day. How the field will look after a football game, particularly between the hash marks, remains to be seen. The soccer club, also known as the Loons, didn’t know the play-off schedule when they booked the SJU-U$T game a year ago. Given the shameful and exorbitant price for Div. III football game tickets there, I’m pleased that some of their profit will be eaten up by field repair…of course, that may be all charged back to the original sub-contractor who messed up the initial construction so their greed will remain unabated…not to mention U$T’s own avarice on the backs of loyal Johnnies and Bennies who will once again no doubt outnumber the purple people 2 to 1.)
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An Auggie Appetite —
An Augsburg student calls to order a pizza. The clerk asks, "Do you want that cut in six or 12 pieces?"
The Auggie answers, "Oh just six - I could never eat 12 pieces of pizza!”
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
Four Dangers of Sugar Consumption
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Three Elderly Johnnies —
Three senior St. John’s men, back for Homecoming, met at the beer tent on the Tunda after the Augsburg game. While standing in a long line to place their order they began talking about some of the rigors of aging.
“The sixties are the worst age to be,” said the 1979 grad. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothing’,” said the 1969 alum. “When you’re in your seventies, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 1959 alumnus, “The eighties are the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing, too?” asked the ’79 grad.
“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock.
No problem at all.”
“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”
“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
Exasperated, the ’69 alum said, “You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00!!
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CSB volleyball efficient in sweep of Simpson, moves up
to No. 7 —
INDIANOLA, Iowa – For the third time this season, the College of Saint Benedict volleyball team heads home undefeated in tournament play after a weekend road trip to Iowa. This continued success has led the AVCA to move CSB up a place to No. 7 in its Division III poll. [ https://on.ncaa.com/lal99 ]
After picking up a 3-1 win over UW-River Falls Friday night, CSB swept host-school Simpson Saturday morning at the Simpson Invitational in Indianola, Iowa. The team was also scheduled to play Principia, but Principia didn't have enough players, so that match was declared a no contest by the NCAA.
Saturday's win pushes CSB's overall record to 15-1. This is the team's best start since at least the 1994 season. CSB's 12-match winning streak is the longest since 2012, when it went on a 15-0 streak from mid-season heading into the MIAC title game.
CSB returns to Minnesota and gets back to MIAC play Wednesday, Oct. 2, when it travels to St. Paul to take on Macalester. The team is at home for the first time in a month Saturday, Oct. 5, when it hosts No. 11 Augsburg at 3 p.m. in a key MIAC matchup. GO BENNIES!
(Editor’s Flash: Just in: Seventh-ranked Saint Benedict is now 16-1 overall, 3-0 in the MIAC and riding a 13-match winning streak into Saturday's top-25 home match against No. 11 Augsburg. CSB won 25-20, 25-15 and 25-15 Wednesday evening. Seventh-ranked Saint Benedict is now 16-1 overall, 3-0 in the MIAC and riding a 13-match winning streak into Saturday's top-25 home match against No. 11 Augsburg, which lost a 3-2 thriller at St. Olaf Wednesday night in Northfield, marking their first MIAC loss of the season.)
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes, Mike Carr and Charlie Carr will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 23rd season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet.
(Note: KDIZ-1570 AM is a new affiliate serving the Twin Cities Metro area this year.)
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Listening via the Internet: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
Viewing via Live Streaming: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
(Note: There is a $10 charge for Live Streaming this game.)
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2019 SJU Football Schedule
(All games start at 1 pm, except the St. Thomas game, naturally, which starts at 1:10 pm.)
Date Opponent Location
September 7 UW-Stout Menomonie, WI W - 14-7
September 14 Bye —
September 21 Gustavus Collegeville W - 33-21
September 28 Carleton Northfield W - 56-10
October 5 Augsburg Collegeville
October 12 Bethel Collegeville
October 19 St. Thomas St. Paul (Allianz Field)
October 26 St. Olaf Northfield
November 2 Concordia Collegeville
November 9 Hamline St. Paul
November 16 Rose-Hulman Collegeville
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Wick’s Picks for Week Four —
Results From Saturday, September 28
Bethel vs Gustavus — 35-33 (My pick: Royals 38-24…but GO GUSTIES!)
Concordia vs Hamline — 51-0 (My pick: Cobbers 52-17)
St. Olaf vs Augsburg — 48-26 (My pick: Oles 42-0)
U$T vs Eau Claire -— 19-21 (My pick: Tommies 48-12…glad to be wrong)
St. John’s vs Carleton — 56-10 (My pick: Johnnies 54-6)
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Around the MIAC —
5th Saturday, October 5
Carleton at Bethel — Royals will have an easy romp over the poor Knights, 49-17
Hamline at St. Olaf — The Oles still undefeated with a 50-14 win over Pipers
Concordia at St. Thomas — Another close one for the Tommies, with a 29-27 win
Augsburg at St. John’s — Lots of scrubs get in and SJU still rules 58-7
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d3Football Top 25 —
The Week Four shocker in the Top 10 is the upset by UW-Eau Claire of formerly No. 6 St. Thomas. Holy Moly! The Toms fell all the way to No. 14. Inexplicably, Bethel moved up from No. 8 to No. 7, after narrowly beating a hard-charging but unranked Gustavus, who later received voting points, as did UW-Eau Claire for its upset of U$T. (You may recall that SJU dropped a point after its own close call…so what gives, coaches?) The Top 5 remained the same with St. John’s still at No. 4 going into another laughter against Augsburg.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2019/week4
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Excommunicated: St. Thomas proved too good at sports — and building a college —
City Pages article (pretty long but well-written and quite objective by our own John Rosengren ’86, a Minneapolis-based freelance journalist):
Excerpts:
The scoreboard also shows the final score, 69-3, digits that still manage to understate the depth of the blowout. While the losers slouch toward their bus, the victors revel in the spoils.
This is why you hate the Tommies. Or why you love them.
You hate them for delighting in a win equivalent to dunking on an eight-year-old. Or you love them for how they rack up Ws like Twins home runs.
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UST tried to win enough support to stay in the conference. St. John’s, St. Ben’s, and Bethel stood by it. Gustavus and Concordia teetered on the fence. But seeing that the conference would collapse if the other seven schools followed through on their threat to walk out, they opted to spare the conference at the expense of UST.
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(A slightly differing account of the exit vote sent by Patrick Tomczik, Northfield, MN, great admirer and supporter of St. John’s Abbey and University)
Hi Bob, Very nice meeting up with you and Chris and her grandchildren before and during the Carleton game Saturday. After the game I introduced my brother Ron and John Sipe to a friend of mine, Gerald Young, the Athletic Director at Carleton. Ron and John told the AD how they admired the work he does at Carleton; after all, as we know, athletics is not a real high priority at Carleton.
But then Mr. Young stunned us. When the topic of St. Thomas being voted out of the MIAC came up, Mr. Young told us there had been NO VOTE. St. Thomas simply told the MIAC they were withdrawing from the MIAC on their own free will. They were NOT voted out: they withdrew from the MIAC. NO VOTE, he assured us. However, St. Thomas did not object to the STORY that they were voted out. Caruso and Sullivan, what a crew.
By the way, one last thing. After 25 years of hosting Benedictine Hospitality at our home after Carleton and St. Olaf games, we are bringing it to a close. (I always thought Abbot John would give us at least honorable mention with the Pax Christi Award. But sadly, nothing from the good Abbot. However, I still love him anyway!)
I drive the instrument truck for the St. Olaf Orchestra. (Now you know the other reason why I wear my St. Olaf jacket!) We’ll be finishing our Fall Tour to Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana and Iowa and won’t complete it in time for me to get things ready. So Dee and I thought this would be a proper time to put a good thing to bed. 25 years. It’s been a good run. We’re blessed with many good memories and many good friends met. I hope St. Benedict will be proud of us. Take great care, and Go Johnnies!! — Patrick
(Editor’s Comment: It may have happened that way because U$T, seeing the writing on the wall, decided not to wait for the vote and preemptively left…something they should have done several years ago when it was obvious they were growing in another, much larger and, it seems from the article, greatly successful direction.)
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Johnnie-Bennie ‘Earth Mother’ Dies —
At her memorial Mass last Monday in Cannon Falls, MN, the celebrant, Fr. Timothy Backous, OSB (Timo) ’76 said in his homily that if you looked up the dictionary definition of “Mother” there would be the picture and name of Mary Leonard Bassett as the ideal. He said the same would be found under “Wife” and under “Generosity”, “Welcoming” and various other attributes that described this wonderful woman. He said he had been instructed by Jim and their children that this liturgy was not to be a sad occasion but rather a joyful celebration of Mary’s well-lived life and in recognition and appreciation of where she was going.
Wife of Jim Bassett ’58, and mother of eight, mother-in-law to four Johnnies and Bennies and four (so far) Johnnie and Bennie grandchildren, Mary deserves the honor, gratitude and praise of St. John’s and St. Ben’s, professors, coaches, monks, sisters and classmates throughout the years. Although a graduate in nursing from the College of St. Teresa in Winona, Mary became as thoroughly a Johnnie and Bennie as one could be. In fact, in his eulogy, Jim displayed a small “Johnnie Rat” plush toy, saying that was the last thing he brought her from St. John’s to cheer her in those final days.
Jim described their meeting in Bemidji on a blind date in 1959 as she and other nursing students from St. Teresa’s came to town for a few week’s internship. They married in 1960 and enjoyed nearly 60 years of marriage. “She loved having babies around,” Jim said. “Hence our ten kids.” They are: Chris (who is deceased); Tony ’84 (and wife Kathy Garrett ’84); Tim; Tom ’92; Kevin ’91 (and wife Suzie Santwire ’91); Larry ’92; Luke ’94; Maren Bassett ’96 (and husband Bill Farniok ’94); Daniel ‘98; and Margo Bassett ‘00 (and husband Andy Dvoracek ‘00). Grandchildren include: Garrett ’12 and Shannon ’13, children of Tony and Kathy); and Austin ’16 and McKinley ’21 (sons of Kevin and Suzie).
Besides Timo, representing St. John’s were the peripatetic Fr. Don Talafous, OSB 48; Tom Stock; Pete Amann ’90’; and now retired Thom Woodward ’70 and wife Jeanne DuBois Woodward ’70. Classmates or of that era of Jim’s attending the celebration of Mary’s life were: Roger Scherer ’58 and wife Irma; Neil Olson ’58; twins Kevin ’56 and Kent Howe ’56 (and spouses Mary Ann and Marylyn); Vince (Robert) Hunt ‘56; Dave Pfeffer ‘57; Don Hall ’55/‘59 and wife Marion; Cyril Paul ‘59 who beautifully sang a number of songs before and after the Mass; Wayne Hergott ’57 and wife Marge; John Ditzler ’58/’62 and wife Julie; John Sipe ’61/’65; Dave Thorman ’65/69; Gene Dvoracek ’65/’70; Bernie ’63/’67 and Barb Weber; Tom Keul ’71 and wife Pam Ramsey Keul ’72; Ryan Heining ’91 and Michelle Miller Heining ’92; and Bob Wicker ’60/’64 and companion Chris Scholl.
Mary’s obituary is here: https://www.lundbergfuneral.com/notices/Mary-Bassett
(Editor’s Further Note: Monday’s Today’s Reflection, written by Fr. Don Talafous, touched on our deepest hopes of overcoming death, along with many “lesser deaths of illness, disappointments, heartbreaks and bereavement.” With years and years of faith that we hope will become deeply rooted, we put our trust in God’s power over all life’s hardships and pains. Don ended by including a passage from Psalm 16, 8-11: “Since you are at my right hand, I shall stand firm. And so my heart rejoices, my soul is glad; even my body shall rest in safety. You will show me the path of life, the fullness of joy in your presence.” This reflection and the Psalm cited just perfectly sums up Mary and Jim’s 60-year walk of faith together that has now been transmitted to their children. “Alleluia!” — Incidentally, readers can subscribe for free to Fr. Don’s Daily Reflection by going here and scrolling down to the sign-in bar: http://www.saintjohnsabbey.org/your-visit/praying-us/todays-reflection/ )
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More Scenes From Stearns County Meets The School of Theology, Homiletics Department —
On a miserably cold, quite snowy Sunday, the new young associate pastor arrived at a mission church in a very rural part of the county for a 8 am Mass. To his disappointment Fr. Dale Schulte found only an old retired farmer, Delbert Pfannenstein, had shown up.
After waiting a while, the disappointed young cleric remarked to Delbert, "Well, Mr. Pfannenstein, it appears no one else is coming, so we should probably cancel Mass today.”
Delbert, dressed in his Sunday best, looked at the young priest and said, "Well Fadda, I don't know much 'bout preachin’ and da Sacraments, but I do know sumtin’ ‘bout farmin' and if I went out in da field and found only one cow, I'd still feed her.”
This excited Fr. Schulte who began the Mass and then preached for 30 minutes a fierce fire and brimstone sermon. After Mass concluded the young associate asked the old farmer what he thought.
Delbert pondered a few seconds and then remarked, "Well Fadda, I don't know much ‘bout preachin’ and da Sacraments, but I do know sumtin' 'bout farmin' and if I went out in da field and found only one cow, I wouldn't give her da whole bale."
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For Homecoming —
From Ann Jonas, General Book Buyer, CSB-SJU Bookstores —
Hi Rob, Another interesting, informative issue of the UUN – thank you! I know you had a little “blurb” about the SJU Bookstore’s Homecoming book signing with Fr. Don Talafous in last week’s issue; can you include the information in next week’s column as well?
The SJU Bookstore will host a book signing on Saturday, October 5, from 10:30 am to noon in the SJU Bookstore. Don Talafous OSB will be signing copies of "Musings: A Benedictine on Christian Life" a collection of his internet reflections offering hope and encouragement in the face of the sadness and suffering of our world. Fr. Don serves as the Alumni Chaplain at SJU. All are welcome!
Our bookstore link is: https://www.csbsju.edu/bookstore
Thanks, Rob and GO JOHNNIES!
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The Silver-Tongued Johnnie —
Jessica, a junior Bennie, was being slowly walked back to her apartment in Centennial Commons by her senior boyfriend, Josh, after a night at Sal’s.
“Do you think my hair is soft and shiny?” Jessica asked Josh as her hair seemed gorgeously backlit in the bright moonlight.
Josh answered, “Yes.”
“And are my eyes bright and beautiful?” she continued.
“Yep,” he replied.
After a few minutes Jessica forged ahead, “Josh, do you think my skin is smooth and clear?”
“Yeah.”
At this, Jessica smiled brightly and declared, “Oh, Josh, you say the sweetest things!”
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From Our Readers —
From Rick Ahles ’64, St. Cloud, MN —
Wick, thanks for putting out the 2019 edition of the SJU UUN. Always enjoy the football analyses and, of course, the jokes as well as Wick's Picks.
I have one slight cavil, however. I like to read the UUN on my cell phone while sitting in my recliner chair. But the print is extremely small, making it difficult to read. Putting it in browser format is worse, as the type is so big it doesn't all fit on the page. Has anyone else commented on this, and is there a fix? If not I'll probably just read it on the computer. — Rick
(Editor’s Reply to Rick and all readers having problems: Sorry. Those problems are beyond my ability to solve, at least thus far in working with MailChimp; maybe some professions within our readership have some hints for us.. The UUN is best read on a computer, but I realize most people don’t.)
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From Joe Mucha ’66, Golden Valley, MN —
Bob, sorry I couldn’t make it to the Carleton game. Bob Sexton’s ‘66 wife, Sandy [Fuchs ’68], passed away and her funeral was at 11:00 am in Sartell.
I must have dropped off your mailing list for your weekly letter to loyal SJU fans. I used to get two in one week, but now I get none…..really miss it !!!! Hope all is well. — Joe
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From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Is U$T trying to lose their way back into MIAC?
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From Michael “Dusty” Wagner ’83, Eden Prairie, MN to the SJU webmaster —
Greetings SJU: A bit sad as I look at the school website. Nothing front and center announcing SJU Homecoming ’19. You've got to search to find the one page with information. Bums me out.
In an age where student admissions are at a premium, our Johnnie website is woefully short. Why wouldn't a school attempting to attract students in the age of the internet make their beautiful campus front and center? Thanks. — Michael
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From Wayne Hergott ’57, Edina, MN —
Thanks for another information-filled UUN. I'm amazed at the work you put in on our behalf. It must take you many hours each week and I for one, and I think all of us, are very grateful for your effort and your product.
We had a pretty good game against hapless Carleton, especially considering Jackson Erdmann played only the first half. Chris Backes did a GREAT job QBing the second half. However, I fear that if we do not improve our pass defense and kicking game they will cost us dearly. Let's hope for the best in those two areas. — Wayne
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From Tony Sandeen ’94, Hong Kong, SAR —
Wick, Eau Claire was always a tough game for us and normally fields a good club, something St. Thomas just found out. The following stats from the Johnnie website are noteworthy. With 9 SJU wins against 6 UW-EC losses, Eau Claire would have played us better than most teams over the years. Cheers. — Tony
https://gojohnnies.com/sports/football/opponent-history/university-of-wisconsin-eau-claire/20
(Editor’s Comment: I always thought that our home ‘n home series against UW-Eau Claire was a good one with entertaining, mostly close games that continued for many years — 15 out of 17 years — until five years ago. Yes, we won 50% more, but win or lose, that game annually took its toll on our team. I can’t recall a single game where SJU didn’t suffer at least one serious injury to our guys. It was normally our first game of the season and, having practiced without tackling, we weren’t always ready for the sudden real-time intensity. WIAC players seemed bigger, often chippy but seldom faster, than our guys. So preventing injuries was one reason for stopping. Another is that, given the difficulty in securing a post-season bid with one non-conference loss and then having to win-out through our conference, it was thought that it made sense to play a patsy or two to get ready for the MIAC (enter St. Scholastica and Northwestern); also we found back then that the national rankings folks didn’t really care about the difficulty factor as much as wins and losses. So we dropped UW-EC five years ago for the easier route. Now the ranking folks do consider difficulty, so last year and this season we did pick up a home and home with a more formidable UW-Stout, but after this year Stout doesn’t want to play us any more either…they opted to play St. Olaf in the preseason. So no patsies will play us and we can no longer find a match with the WIAC…and the curse of WIAC injuries occurred again this year with starting soph D-lineman Michael Wozniak incurring a possible season-ending hand injury.)
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From Paul Hamann ’63, Edina, MN —
Hi Bob, Look forward to every issue. Thanks for all you do for Johnnie Nation. Travel has kept me following games on my phone. Plan to be there for Bethel. Starting to feel a little sorry for Gustavus. So close against UST last year and now Bethel.
Don't know if the attached is UUN worthy. Best regards to you and Chris. Go Johnnies — Paul
The Sound of Water vs. Beer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euB9I18PF0U
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From Jim Keul ’65, Tracy, MN —
Some questions to challenge your thoughts. — Jim
(Editor’s Intro: Always the deep thinker down there in southern Minnesota, Jim sent a longer list of “ponderisms” that have been keeping him awake at night. I’ve whittled down the list so the same thing doesn’t happen to us.)
How important does a person have to be before they are considered "assassinated" instead of just "murdered"?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
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From Gerry Faust ’64, San Diego, CA —
Wick—Really do love your UUN. Can’t wait to see it each week. I bought the season pass to watch the games live and it has been wonderful. Last week [Gustavus game] the sound was off about two plays for a while and the beer break caused by lightning was too long a break. Could cause over-drinking. Wanted desperately to make the big Hall of Honor event this weekend. I truly cherish the opportunities to reconnect with some great OLD friends. But a couple of family events (including the birth of my 12th grandchild and a Strategic Planning session with a long term client have made it impossible. I send my best to the class of ’64 and my teammates on that ’63 team. I will be watching that game live again though. Goooooooo Johnnies!. And keep up the good work on the UUN. — Gerry
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From Roger Young ‘68, St. Cloud, MN —
Rob: Will you add John Grobe ’72 to your mailing list? He's an alum who used to work with me in admissions. His son, Fr. Lou Grobe '06, is a priest in the Abbey. Thanks. — Roger
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From Jeff Rathmanner ‘83, Blaine, MN—
Wick--- Will you add Keith Ebensteiner to your distribution list. His son, Jack, is a Freshman this year from Totino. Looks like he is already getting playing time! Thanks — Jeff
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From Steve May, longtime SJU fan, St. Louis Park, MN —
Yah, your jokes will have to change to pick on other members of the conference with St. Thomas getting the boot. Nothing is easy. Hope all is well. — Steve
(Editor’s Reassuring Reply: Well, that’s not going to happen anytime soon!)
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The Romantic Tommie —
This Tommie walks into a gift shop looking for a special Valentine card. He says as much to the man behind the counter. "Show me something really special," he says.
"How about this one?" suggests the clerk. "On the front it has a picture of a pretty heart and four angels, one in each corner. When you open it up, it says, "My Dearest Darling, you are and will always be my one and only True Love. Happy Valentine's Day."
"Perfect!" our smooth Tom says. "Just what I was looking for. I'll take three of those."
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A Coach Called John —
By John McDowell ’64,
I loved Gag [John Gagliardi] and wrote this about my coach after his death last year off of ”Twas the night before Christmas.” — John
’Twas the night before Christmas and no one was tardy,
‘Cause they now had a coach whose name was Gagliardi.
It was the birth of a legion that very first day and
if you told of his future all would say, ‘No way!’
He was still in high school when he got his start;
Not only a great coach, he had a great heart.
He guided his team to win each and every game
And that was just the beginning, the start of his fame.
The following year he won every game too.
He couldn't lose a game and people asked, ‘Who?’
Who was this coach and how did he win?
His fellow coaches thought it was a sin.
But now at Carroll college he would have a fight,
The college coaches would lower his height.
They said,’No way he could ever beat us,
We'd put him down without a big fuss.’
Yet the legion continued losing once in four years,
All the other coaches had to down all their tears.
Now on to St John's where he would stay
For 60 years and his great teams would play.
He did not answer to ‘coach’, ‘Its John’, he would say
And always taught teams that it was their day.
Then he met Peggy who was sweet and kind;
The greatest lady that anyone could find.
She was supportive in each and all of his quests
Knowing his decisions were always the best.
So that was the start of his great career;
He always looked forward and not to the rear.
Now for 60 years, he was the best there ever will be
And the teams he played tried to do what they see.
But it wasn't winning games that made him so great;
It's how he taught his players to love and not hate.
It's the lessons he gave about what to do in this life:
How to be honest, fair and take care of your wife.
To bring up your kids so they are always alert
And no matter what happens don't let them get hurt.
Well, Gag did that for over sixty years,
He's taught and given others the cheers.
He's a coach and called ‘John’ but more like a dad
Who always makes you happy and never sad.
When Gag left coaching he left a big gape
But after 60 years he put away his cape.
You can believe this tribute because I don't con,
There’s only one Gag and only one John.
(Editor’s Note: John McDowell will be honored collectively as part of the 1963 National Championship team, and individually as a first-year inductee into St. John’s Hall of Honor this Saturday evening after the Homecoming game. He was one of the few Johnnies — the legendary Johnny Blood McNally is another — who enjoyed a long career in professional football after leaving St. John’s.)
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Pre-Law Majors’ Corner, Business Development Department —
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate:
1.
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Pre-Med Majors’ Department, Correct Dosage Division —
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
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Battle Between The Sexes —
(Contributed by John Danielson SJP ’60/SJU ’64, Maple Grove, MN & Denver, CO —
A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
“My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a stinking mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night.
“Can't you see I'm still in my friggin’ pajamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
“And why in the [heck] did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid jerk?"
The husband replied, "Because he's thinking of getting married."
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English Majors’ Corner, 'Too Much Knowledge' Department —
(Compliments of Sue Rodwell)
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The Last Word —
Dr. Malcolm Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his medical degree in St. Paul, his home town, and left for Manhattan. Soon he was invited to give a speech back at the U. of M. As he placed his papers on the lectern they slid off onto the floor and when he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he passed a gigantic fart and the microphone amplified it throughout the room.
He was embarrassed but regained his composure to deliver his paper. After he concluded, he raced out the stage door, never to be seen in St. Paul until decades later.
His return those many years later was to visit his ailing, elderly mother. He reserved a hotel room under a false name, Morris Levy, and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here but then I moved away."
"Why haven't you visited?" asked the clerk.
"I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him, "Sir, while I don't have your life experiences, one thing I've learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I'll bet that's true of your incident, too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I hope that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
"Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
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GO JOHNNIES ! ! Grill the Augsburgers (Or something like that!)
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R. L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
651-699-4697; theowick@aol.com
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