UNN #16-16
Dear Faithful Red Horde —
It was a helluva ride this year — 10 & 2 record. Lots of thrills. Lots of talent. And, but for a missed Fourth and One last week, we may have continued playing another week and been awarded further with our long-awaited grudge match against those purple a-holes of Summit Avenue.
This Saturday should be a good game, at least on paper. It will be #3 U$T hosting #4 UW-Oshkosh in one of four semifinals. Many SJU fans, disheartened as they may be, have emailed (most requesting anonymity) that they think that the Tommies will take UWO by two or three TDs. I don’t think so…but if they do, then I will be dutifully impressed. Chris and I are going to the game, dressed in red weather permitting, and will sit with the Oshkosh Titans fans. Because we want to be there if the Titans hand it to the Tommies. That would be nearly as sweet as us doing it, because we became fans of UWO last week. Let me tell you how that happened:
It started two Saturdays ago, after our dramatic, close-shave victory over UW-Platteville (the game that I left early from — I know, I know!), at the La Playette sitting with Jim and Anita Conn. Over a beer or two Jim asked us if we’d like to fly over to Oshkosh with them for the game provided the weather was conducive. “Hell, yes,” we replied. So last Saturday morning the Conns flew down to St. Paul from Alex and picked us up at Holman Field across from downtown St. Paul. (See photo #1— from left is Anita, Jim, Chris and me, posing in front of a very special collector’s aircraft, the Cessna Cardinal Classic, in which Jim has been building equity with the plane’s owner). It’s a two-hour flight and we had a rental car waiting for us there. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cessna_177_Cardinal]
We made a beeline for the SJU pregame festivities at a nice place downtown called Mahoney’s, all arranged by John Young ’83. And it was really hopping. How gratifying that was to see the support and all that red. We got there at 11 am and John said that several parties had already just left. Of course, a few partiers reminded me of my too- early departure from the OW-P contest — one being Mike Laliberte ’69 and his wife Nancy (a UW-Oshkosh grad of all things) sitting in the back dining room. I wasn’t taking notes of everyone there but it sure was a lot of the same folks — parents and alums — I’ve been with before the games all season. We’re all family by now. However, there were some locals present, proud Johnnies that they are, and John pointed them out and took this picture for the UUN (See photo #2); Dr. Roger Herold (red hat) and Marlene Herold are the parents in the center of the picture. Roger was a professor and administrator at the University of Oshkosh for over 35 years. In fact, he served as the Registrar for many years. He wanted his children to go away to college so three of his boys made SJU their home: Mark Herold ’84 (not pictured); Paul Herold ’89 (holding the little girl) and Craig Herold ’90 (in the ball cap far left). Several grandchildren are also pictured.
Everything is very, very close in Oshkosh and we made the game with plenty of time to spare, sitting on the 40 yard line with Julie and Scott Becker ’77, behind the entire family of Hemmesches and in front of Ron Tomczik ’65 and Max Stein ’04 who had come down that morning, leaving very early. Max introduced me to two faithful Johnnies who he sees all the time at these games: Steve Behm ’90 and Brice Johannes ’90. Elsewhere in this issue there are enough recounts of the game so I’ll pass that by except to say that we were very much in it until the start of the fourth quarter, trailing 17-14 and on the move. We were playing them even. But they held us on downs, and two plays later one of their backs broke through and ran for one l-o-n-g TD; then not too much later it happened again; and finally, with very little time on the clock and with the Titans on our five, they took a merciful knee a couple times, otherwise the score would have been 38-14. We all agreed that if it had been the Tommies, Caruso would have gone for the TD, even calling time out if he had to, and then gone for a two-point conversion. Because that’s the kind of guy he is.
I had heard from Tom ’60/‘64 and Lynn McKasy, whose daughter had attended UWO, that the Fox River Brewing Company Tap Room was a nice place to go, so I suggested to Ron and Max they should join us for a beer in which to cry before they headed back. We met them there a bit later and promptly found ourselves completely surrounded by black and gold Titan fans, parents, players and later coaches jammed in the place. We all stuck out with our red sweatshirts, but everybody was cool. At some point the head UWO coach, Pat Cerroni, took over a microphone by the bar and thanked all the fans and mentioned how buses would be available to take fans to St. Paul.
Shortly after he finished his remarks, Jim Conn stood up and yelled, “Hey!…Hey!…Hey!” The room immediately quieted as about 200 hundred people looked over at this red-clad guy. “We’re from St. John’s and we want you to know — the Tommies suck! Beat the hell out of them! Go Oskhosh!” The room went crazy and shortly thereafter the coach came over smiling, introduced himself and said, “I was wondering w-t-f you were.” In talking with Jim and Ron, the coach said that he’d been there nine seasons and played UST a few years ago in a game they lost and where, he thought, they had been mighty disrespected by Caruso and Company, a very chippy game on UST’s part. “The hate valve is wide open,” he said about this game. “We don’t like those Tommies and we don’t like that Caruso. Just because we’re both Italian he comes on like we’re big buddies, but no way.”
After that it seemed like all kinds of Titan fans had to come over to chat. One was an older woman who wanted to know why we were called the “Johnnies.” They even Googled it, she said. Facetiously I told her that it was because the “Saints” was already taken. So she asked, “Don’t you have a mascot?” I told her to Google the St. John’s Rats, but admitted that wouldn’t be a very good team name. Later the coach’s wife came over to visit. She also didn’t have much good to say about their competitor for next week. “He’s an arrogant son-of-a-gun; he comes on like he’s your best buddy but he’s all fake.”
GO TITANS!
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Meanwhile, back in St. Paul —
From Vic Murphy ’92, St. Paul, MN —
60-70+ at O’Gara's wasn't enough to get the win...so proud to be a Johnnie and to see the support we have for our team! (See photos #3 & 4) We are closer then we have been in ten years...next year is our year...write it down! Here are the names of those that signed in or pre-registered:
Vic Murphy ’92, Tim Ward ’78, Colleen Lilly ’81, Dave Lutz ’89, James Sexton ’81, Jeff Norman ’78, Mike Fahey ’75, Jerry and Leila Utsch, PatMcDonnell ’67 and Pam Johnson, Jeff Tallman ’93, George Baboila ‘79, John ‘79 and Mary Flynn Worley ‘79, Tim Ward ’78, Joe and Liz Marinol (?) ’05, Bruce Stone ’93, Dick Wilke (huge SJU fan who is the vendor at home games), Michael Humbert ’14, Matt Bauer ’93, John Stromgren ("Just a Johnnie fan” he wrote), Merle and Claire Bauer from St. Joe, Alex Siebenaler ’02, Sam Pokorney ’05, Peter Allen ’06, Dan Murphy ’05, Kyle Johnson ’06, Brad Riebel ’83, John Riebel ’17, Michael Riebel, Gretchen Mach ’13, Chuck Martin ’79, Dan Johnson ‘01, Tim Schleicher, Rob Kost ’79, Anthony Wieneke ‘14, Luke Sanusnewski '14 (?), Jacob Saffert ’14, Joseph Dick ’14, Tom Peterson '76 (from D.C.), Greg ‘80 and Julie Juba, Harry Burns ’78, Mike Koalska ‘90, Nathan Jones ’96, Jim Fuschetto ’99, Joseph Fuschetto ’06, Jim Gillach ’90, Pete Amann ’90, John Sipe ’65, and Alex Conzemius ’05.
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From Jeff Norman ’78, New Brighton, MN —
All UUN Readers — Vic did a hell of a great job pulling the viewing party together. THANKS,VIC.
The room was perfect. Right size, good TVs, and Vic worked hard to keep the feed streaming properly (a very hard task). I was proud of all the people that showed, talked to many of them....all great people! The team had a great year, don't you agree? 2nd round, etc. Already looking forward to next year. Go Johnnies! — Jeff
* * * *
The Streaker —
(From Jim Conn ’64)
Three ladies are playing the fourth hole at a very private golf club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.
The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, "He is definitely not my husband.”
The second lady gazes at his manhood and says, "He's not my husband either!”
After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says, "He's not even a member of this club."
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Here’s the full Div. III Playoff Bracket —
http://www.ncaa.com/interactive-bracket/football/d3/
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Live Streaming Audio and Video for the U$T - UW-Oshkosh Game —
The audio stream can be heard from WCCO beginning at 10 am CST here:
AM 830 WCCO or via the Internet: http://player.radio.com/listen/station/830-wcco
The video stream, produced by U$T, begins at 12 pm CST here:
http://tommiesports.com/broadcast/w7vf6i
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d3football.com on the UST-UWO game Saturday —
http://www.d3football.com/playoffs/2016/uwo-ust-old-school-showdown
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Oshkosh Game Reports —
From GoJohnnies.com:
From Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times:
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From Larry Schultz ’76, Vadnais Height, MN —
Stats from today’s [last Saturday] game. Nice layout. See you in the fall. Damn.
http://www.d3football.com/seasons/2016/boxscores/20161126_8c7r.xml
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UST Mistaken Identity —
Ben, a University of St. Thomas junior, had been drinking at O’Gara's for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went out to the parking lot to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk Tommie's UST roommate, Pete, with Ben’s girlfriend pitching woo in the back-seat.
The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the St. Thomas student that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The Tommie staggered outside to the car, saw the spectacle, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That dumb Pete!” our Tom chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
(Editor's Note: In an attempt to diminish to rampant drunkenness of its students, UST has begun a survey of Tommies returning from a night out. Here is a sample of the survey: [See attachment #5].)
* * * *
The Football Whisperer —
ONE and OUT!
Excerpts from St. Cloud Times…
"We just didn't make the plays we needed to in the fourth quarter to have a shot to win," Johnnies coach Gary Fasching said. "We didn't execute when we had the opportunity."
The biggest opportunity of all came to start the fourth quarter. After senior Zack Sundly hauled in his second touchdown catch of the day to trim the Titans' lead to just 17-14, St. John's was again on the march with the wind at its back late in the third quarter.
But after reaching the Wisconsin-Oshkosh 27 as time expired in the period, the Johnnies faced a 4th-and-one. And junior Dusty Krueger was thrown for a 1-yard loss when action resumed.
The Oshkosh coaches/players figured it out. “They kept hitting the same spot," linebacker Branden Lloyd said. "But Coach (Pat) Cerroni changed up a little thing for us and it worked out.”
In this loss to Oshkosh, and our most recent losses to St. Thomas, we have shown little or no Creativity, Ingenuity, Originality or Resourcefulness on offense. Same offensive game plan, which every opponent and the fans know what is going to happen next. Running into the same hole time after time just isn’t going to do it. Especially when playing against large and well coached defensive teams. Oshkosh may have one of the best run defenses in the country. Four LB’s and backfield players on the WIAC first team. SJU’s only response was long passes against double and triple coverages into the wind. Why not use short and intermediate pass plays to our great TEs. In fact, why not use three TEs for many of our running plays. We had to run, only to keep them honest, but the team has to execute in the passing game. Our QBs were 9 for 17, 56 yards, and two interceptions. Just not going to do it.
SJU has to figure this out or we will not win against top teams in NCAA Division III. The Dream ended on the Oshkosh JJ Keller stadium field. No second shot at St. Thomas is forthcoming. The Whisperer can now go back to the hills north of Clemens Stadium, crawl into his cave and hibernate until the start of spring practice.
The Football Whisperer recommends that St. John's Abbey follow their Benedictine Italian brothers and look into starting a brewery operation to generate revenues for the Abbey. The Whisperer would like to see St. John's Banner and St. John's Pine Curtain be the first two brews. The Italian monastery exports their beer to the U.S.
(Editor’s Comment: SJU Abbey beer…I’ll drink to that! How about Johnnie Red Ale? Maybe we can get 3rd Street Brewhouse [Cold Spring Brewing Company] to make it for us. They brewed Olde Johnnie Ale for the Prep School for several years and currently they are crafting a seasonal offering named Sugar Shack Stout, made with St. John’s Abbey-produced maple syrup. Go here to read about it: http://www.thirdstreetbrewhouse.com/the-beers/seasonal-beers/ . Jim Dwyer ’75 serves on the CSBC board of trustees. Harry Froehle ’63 also sent us the link to the Italian Benedictine brewery story.
* * * *
The Harassed Golfer —
(Contributed by Conrad Macina)
It was a little before 8:00 AM on a sunny Saturday morning, on the first hole of a busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot. Just then a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker, “Would the gentleman on the women’s tee kindly back up to the men’s tee.”
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, this time a bit louder, “Would the man on the women’s tee back up to the men’s tee, please!”
I ignored the guy and kept concentrating when once more he shouted, “Men are not permitted to play from the women’s tee. Please back up to the men’s tee!”
I finally stopped, turned toward the clubhouse, cupped my hands and shouted back, “Would the a**hole with the microphone kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?”
* * * *
2016 SJU Football Schedule — Season Final
Sept. 3 St. Scholastica Collegeville W 49-7
Sept. 10 Buena Vista Univ. Storm Lake, IA W 40-17
Sept. 17 St. Olaf - Homecoming Collegeville W 44-0
Sept. 24 St. Thomas Collegeville L 21-33
Oct. 1 Bethel Arden Hills W 42-21
Oct. 8 Augsburg Minneapolis W 49-0
Oct. 15 Carleton - Fam Wknd Collegeville W 62-0
Oct. 22 Gustavus St. Peter W 56-10
Oct. 29 Bye Week — —
Nov. 5 Hamline Collegeville W 42-6
Nov. 12 Concordia MoorheadW 31-7
Nov. 19 UW-Platteville Collegeville W 32-31
Nov. 26 UW-Oshkosh Oshkosh L 14-31
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NCAA Div. III Playoffs, Results and Quarterfinal Pairings —
John Carroll 20 - Wesley 17 — These two good teams produced quite a tight battle, especially since Wesley is ranked #18. John Carroll University #6, a Jesuit college in Cleveland, is known this year for beating once invincible Mt. Union 31-28. They now get to face UW-Whitewater #2 — Yikes. On paper it’s gotta be UWW, but I can always hope JCU can pull off another miracle.
St. Thomas 55 - Coe (IA) 6 — I figured the Tommies #3 would win and handily at that, but I sure thought they’d have a more difficult time with Coe #16 than they did with Northwestern (totally unranked). Maybe the Toms are better than I’ve given them credit for. Or the IIAC ain’t worth a bucket of dried spit this year. We’ll see what UST does against UW-Oshkosh #4 Saturday. (On paper U$T should win by only 3-7 points.)
Mary Hardin-Baylor 27 - Linfield 10 — I guess #1 MH-B is for real, because Linfield #8 was pretty highly ranked itself. Saturday MH-B faces Wheaton #13 and shouldn’t have too much trouble dispatching them.
Alfred 30 - Western New England 24 — Two teams I’ve never heard of before this year. And the winner (Big Alfie) #14 gets to play Mt. Union #7 this Saturday…shudder.
Mount Union 28 - Johns Hopkins 21 — Y’know, the Mount sure isn’t the impressive juggernaut they have been for the past decade, barely getting by #10 Johns Hopkins. Maybe Big Alfie will give them a battle after all.
* * * *
An Anxious Tommie —
It’s pretty well known that — due to the obsessive Division II-like intensity of coach Glenn Caruso — University of St. Thomas student athletes tend pick up some of their coach’s traits and focus too much on football. Glenn demands it. This was evidenced recently by one such player, an offensive lineman, who called Caruso at home one night.
When Mrs. Caruso informed the kid that Glenn wasn't home, the young UST player became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away.
"Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife told him. "What's your number?"
The flustered Tommie replied, “Seventy-four.”
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Debits and Credits with Boz —
(By Boz Bostrom ’95, Associate Professor of Accounting)
SJU punter Griffin Toomey walked into class on Monday morning, ten minutes early as always, and slumped down into his chair. Some may say he is “just” a punter, but he really loved playing football for the Johnnies and was definitely down in the dumps. He is the lone senior in a class full of largely first year students, so he is their de facto student leader. Normally I start class by asking for announcements, but this time we started class by giving Griffin a round of applause on an excellent career – the 2nd best career average behind only Phil Barry, ’00. Elsewhere on campus, the attitude of the seniors is predictably different than that of the other players. While Griffin and other seniors were more melancholy, I also chatted with cornerback Leonard Gutierrez and running back Dusty Krueger — while both of them were bummed, their focus is on getting better for next year. And sophomore offensive lineman Wyatt Russek was hitting the weights bright and early Monday AM, not taking any time off.
It was a very interesting game, for three quarters at least. Our defense largely held Oshkosh in check with the exception of four big runs. Of course, those four runs totaled about 225 yards and were the difference in the game. But it wasn’t like Oshkosh was moving the ball on us at will. And on offense we ran into an exceptionally strong Oshkosh defense. Oshkosh was great against the pass and on the perimeters, so while some Johnnie fans may have questioned the number of runs up the middle, that is really the only thing that was working. And I know some will question the 4th and 1 call, but pounding Krueger off the right side is our bread and better, and if we had blocked it a tad better, we may be playing in Saint Paul this Saturday instead of Oshkosh. The bottom line is the guys played hard and we ran into a strong team which made more plays than we did. Sometimes that happens – hopefully the Johnnie faithful can reflect and be thankful for a strong overall year.
I must say that I am a bit apprehensive about the Tommies this year. Whitewater seems a bit down and Mt. Union is definitely down. Mary Hardin Baylor seems to be the only team that is up, but they won’t intimidate the Tommies the way Mt. Union would. I think the Tommies match up very well against Oshkosh in that the Tommies have a devastating power rushing game, which is the Achilles heel of Oshkosh’s otherwise stout defense. I’ve got the Tommies winning by 2 or 3 touchdowns, and I’m starting to get a bit nervous that this could be their year – they aren’t as good as they were last year, but neither is the rest of the nation.
As far as next year is concerned for the Johnnies, there will be a lot of question marks. We lose a lot of our defensive stars and most of our offensive line. All skill position players will be back with the exception of Zack Sundly, who has been referred to by the coaches as a blocking back who is as good as Saint John’s has ever produced. Assuming we can replace the offensive linemen, we should see an even more exciting Johnnies team next year which puts up even more points, but probably gives up just a few more. The players, coaches, and fans will all expect us to battle the Tommies for the conference championship again, because at St John’s we somehow replace irreplaceable guys year in and year out.
Classes wrap-up on Dec 13th and finals finish on December 20th. We have nearly a full four weeks off before starting up again on Jan 16th. As much as I love now living in Saint Joe, I’m sure I will go a bit stir crazy and be ready to roll when the spring semester starts. John Gagliardi and I are slated to teach Leadership Lessons again, so plenty of fun lies ahead.
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Battle of the Sexes, Geriatric Division —
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
* * * *
Tommie Hard Luck Story —
This Tommie walks into Tiffany’s and, with the sorriest look on his face, pleads to the bartender, "Look, my girlfriend has left me, I’ve been put on probation at school, I’ve just been mugged for all my money, and I’m desperate for a drink. Can you help me out?"
"Of course," said the bartender, "The door is behind you. Do you want to be pushed or carried?"
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From Our Readers —
From Patty Weiler Sullivan ’65, Woodbury —
More about those North Dakota Sinners: What I also neglected to mention [last week] is that our Grandson Patrick Sullivan '15 is going to Luxembourg next month. While there, he will be finishing up his year long project and will become a dual citizen with Luxembourg and USA. He was able to do this because of his direct lineage to my Gramma Susie. He worked hard and got birth, wedding, death certificates from all his ancestors and was approved for the citizenship this past summer. He is now a banker and hopes this will help his career! Also, my mistake--my grandmother's brother who first came to USA was Nick Robe, not John Robe. John was his son!
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From Terry Fruth ’60, Minneapolis, MN —
Wick, I sent this issue to my sister-in-law Leslie Sinner McEvoy---CSB circa 1980. She is from Casselton, No. Dak. — Terry
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From Wayne Hergott ’57, Edina, MN —
Bob, Once again, you did a great job!!!! We Johnnies and Johnnie fans owe you A LOT. As to your comment about my effort to listen to the end of the game at the cemetery, I should have thought of what you did: Our dear, life-long friend was a Bennie! She went to CSB only one year, 1953-54, so would be class of 57, same as me. Her name: Milly Foley OBrien. Yes, she's from Le Sueur and she, Marge and I were classmates from the 4th grade through high school.
I'm concerned about Oshkosh but this might be our year, Bernie Weber thinks so. Are you going to Oshkosh? — Wayne
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From Thom Woodward ’70, Sartell, MN —
Thanks for keeping these coming, Bob. It looks like the 2016 Jay footballers have found the way to win like SJU teams of old. Hopefully they --and you --will have a few more additions/editions yet this fall. Happy Thanksgiving. — Thom
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A Thanksgiving Message from old roomie, Jim Senden ’64, New Brighton, MN —
At the airport on the way to Amsterdam, Berlin, Basel, Cologne, Bad Krueznach, Aachen, Heerlen. Celebrating 50th Anniversary where we were married. Meeting with Christel, our bridesmaid. — Jim
(Editor’s Note: Jim, who participated in the ROTC program back in the day, went to Germany as a newly-minted officer and gentleman in the U.S. Army after graduation. One of the most memorable parts of his two-year stint abroad — besides helping to defend western Europe from the Commie threat — was meeting, wooing and marrying the former Leslie Hutson of York, England, who was employed by the Army at the time.)
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From Frank Ziegler ’62, Lino Lakes, MN —
Dear RW — I had my annual physical today (reasonably satisfactory results at my age) and my capable and caring physician, Dr Joseph Moriarity (‘??), and I got to discussing Johnny football. He quarterbacked on John's teams in his first two years at our alma mater and has fond memories of Gags. He also has a HS junior son among his children who is feeling the Call of Collegeville.
Anyway, I promised to forward him your latest UUN issue with prognostications for Oshkosh (which I've done) and to alert you to add him to your list for future commentary. May there be many more issues this season!!!!! We have a family birthday to celebrate at our house tomorrow but we hope to webcast the Oshkosh game and the ensuing hockey game vs Marian during the afternoon. Thanks for your attention. — Frank
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From Joe Sacquitne, Far-Away Johnnie Fan and Tomczik cousin, Seattle, WA —
Bob, Thank you for this update. I hope you and Chris are well – thank you so much for the weekly UUN report – I know how much work this takes and the dedication it takes to delivery this to the faithful. Unfortunately, due to work and my son’s wedding, I was not able to attend a game this year for the first time in about 6-7 years. My goal is always 2-3 per year…Happy Holidays, Wick. — Joe
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From Max Stein ’04, UUN’s SW Florida Hurricane Correspondent —
Theo, Please add my friend Bobby Teigen '04. He is a patent attorney in Madison. Cheers. — Max
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From John Chromy ’64, Washington, D.C. —
And thus endeth the season-----10 and 2, dismaying but nothing to which to be ashamed. Hope all the Johnny players had a lot of fun. Cheers. — John
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From Bob Neis ’65, St. Louis Park, MN —
No Respect: On our drive back from Oshkosh, we were listening to the WCCO extended scoreboard with Steve Thomson and Eric Nelson. They were talking about the St. Thomas win and the St. John's loss. They thought it would have been great if St. John's would have won, so that Coach Glen Caruso of St. Thomas could have gotten his 100th win as a coach against St. John's rather than the Oshkosh Titans.
In another matter (Warning: another Vikings joke), our pastor at Good Shepherd, Golden Valley, started his homily as follows: “You probably noticed that there are three (a priest friend, deacon and himself) mature bearded men dressed in purple up here near the altar. My biggest fear is that we blow it in the last few seconds.”
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From Patti Good, mother of Jason Good ’06 and mother-in-law to Lindsay Novak Good ’06, Excelsior, MN —
Hello Bob, I wanted to thank you for another year of UUN entertainment. I so look forward to receiving these every week and can’t get that caliber of journalism anywhere else. They really are a highlight during the football season.
We won’t be at the Tommie game on Saturday, but will be listening on WCCO as painful as that is. Please whoop and holler for us! Regards, Patti P.S. Go Titans ~
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A Riddle From Lud —
(From John Lohmann ’64, St. Cloud, MN)
Bob, What’s red and white and has no imagination?
The St. John’s Offense.
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Battle of the Sexes, Newly-Wed Division —
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.
"I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."
The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."
* * * *
The Well-Deserved “Abuse For Leaving Early” Section:
From Pete Regnier ’65, St. Paul, MN —
I am surprised that you left early last Saturday. You must have been thirsty and wanted a front row seat at the La. Best ending of a game I have ever watched live.
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From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ—
In something like 1967, I went to Shea Stadium to see the Mets play the Giants. The Mets were in last place and had never in their history finished out of the cellar. The Giants were ahead by eight runs and I left after the 7th inning stretch. As I was crossing the parking lot to my car, I heard the crowd screaming from the stadium. I tuned in the radio to learn that the Mets had somehow come up with enough runs to tie the score. The game went into extra innings and I watched the Mets win from home, on TV.
That was when I formulated Conrad's Critical Commandment: Thou shalt never leave a game before the end. Never. Not baseball, not football, not basketball, not hockey, not tiddlywinks, not chess. Never.
Okay, true confessions time: I went to a football game this year. I left early in the third quarter, but it was raining, I was soaked and the score was 57-0. The final score was 72-0. Even though I was rooting for the winning team, the game was a yawn. Did I mention it was raining? I know I'm going straight to hell.
But that's the only time. Pat will tell you about the time I made her sit for two hours in a raging thunderstorm at Camden Yards until they officially called the game. What she won't tell you is that our seats were covered and we were safe and dry. She always goes for sympathy. Anyway, don't EVER leave a game early. Never. — Conrad
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From Jim Conn ’64, Alexandria, MN —
Bob - Both Anita and I found it a hoot spending time with you and Chris at the UW Oshkosh playoff game this past week - so that was highlight #1 for us.
Although the loss to a better team was not necessarily a highlight — being on and around and through the UW campus was impressive. They have a student body of around 14,000 suggesting to me that they have 3 to 4 times as many males from which to assemble a powerhouse football team which was then able to wear the Johnnies down in the second half. The Titans were really big guys!
Highlight #2 was the sportsmanlike nature of the competition with very few penalties on either side of a hard hitting game and I don't recall much in the way of injuries either —just good clean hits.
Highlight #3 as we watched the Titans take the momentum in the second half was the exciting thought that either team on the field was/is capable of beating the Tommies this coming weekend in St. Paul — and that gave me a real fuzzy!
Recalling the Johnnie 32-31 win over UW Platteville the previous weekend, I encouraged you to depart the Titan game with a similar 2:30 remaining but you wouldn't listen. I don't think that your readership and all of your abusive Johnnie "friends" realize that your talisman powers of absenting yourself from the Platteville game actually created that Johnnie come-behind win! (Editor’s Quick Note: Anyway that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)
With the Titan game finalized, your networking talent came to the forefront and a few of us red shirters ended up in a raucous pub of Titan boosters celebrating their win over the Johnnies. Their fans were cordial and inspiring in their win and we left their celebration for dinner after a couple of "bumps" and some good vibrations that these guys will be knocking off the Tommies this coming weekend! Regards. — Jim
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English Majors’ Corner, Bad Analogies Department —
(Found in High School Papers, from a much longer list)
"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."
"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
"McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."
"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."
"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."
"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."
"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."
"The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."
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Enjoy Those Extra Years —
(Contributed by Bob Olsen ’64, Edina, MN)
A 65-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
The Lord said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought You said I had another 33 years? Why didn't You pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?"
God replied: “Heck, I didn't even recognize you!!”
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Prep Christmas in the Twin Cities
December 8, 2016
Join us for a day of celebrating Christmas! SJP is heading to the Twin Cities to bring alumni/ae together for two special events.
18th Annual Saint John's Prep Christmas Standup
Join us at 11:30 on December 8 for the Twin Cities Luncheon benefiting the Fr. Germaine Loeber Scholarship Fund. Alumni/ae of all ages are getting together for a holiday meal at the University Club of Saint Paul. New Saint John's Prep Principal Pamela McCarthy will be the featured speaker at the luncheon. Headmaster Fr. Jonathan Licari, OSB and Abbot John Klassen, OSB '67 look forward to seeing everyone at this year's event. Please RSVP. Call Stephanie Johnson at 320-363-3332 ASAP
Holiday Happy Hour
Also on Dec. 8, join alumni/ae and faculty members for our Holiday Happy Hour at the Johnnie-Bennie-owned Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis, MN. This casual party will begin at 4:30. Light appetizers will be served. Once again, please call Stephanie Johnson at 320-363-3332 as soon as possible.
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Battle of the Sexes (A Continuing Series) —
Dan and Denise were over at the Mall of America doing some early Christmas shopping. Denise suddenly noticed that Dan was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone.
Denise asked, "Dan, where are you? You know that we have lots to do."
Dan said, "Do you remember the jewelry store we went into about ten years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would get it for you."
Little tears started to flow down Denise's cheek and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied.
"Well, I'm in the Hooters right next to that."
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FINAL WORD —
Two aliens land in Detroit, next to a gas station. The aliens waddle out of their spaceship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the gas pump. The two aliens approach.
The first one says, “Earthling, take me to your leader!" He gets no response.
That alien looks at his buddy, then addresses the pump again, "Earthling, I said, take me to your leader!" Still no response.
The first alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second alien replies, "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time,”Earthling, take me to your leader!" No response. The alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump...
After the explosion the alien gets up, dusts himself off, then goes down the block to his buddy. He then says to the second alien, "If you knew that was going to happen why didn't you warn me?"
The second replies, "I didn't know what was going to happen, but I'm not going to mess with anyone who can hang his pen*s to the ground, wrap it around his body twice, and can still stick it in his ear!"
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That’s it for Issue #16 …but always remember.
G O J O H N N I E S! ! There’s Always Next Year. (Or something like that.)
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Respectfully submitted,
Rob/Bob/Wick/Theo Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64, St. Paul, MN
651-699-4697; theowick@aol.com
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