After the Cobbers this should be nice... UUN #7-24
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Dear Nervous Johnnie Football Fans —
As Gomer Pyle would have said if he witnessed St. John’s’ narrow win at Concordia, “Sha-ZAM and GOLL-ee…we almost lost the game.”
In truth, if one was not emotionally involved in the outcome, it was a most entertaining contest, much like the 32-31 down-to-the-last-play #3 Oregon win over #2 THE Ohio State that a few of us witnessed sitting in a West Fargo hotel room later that evening.
But your editor WAS emotionally involved and I was figuratively tearing my hair out until the final incomplete Cobber pass into the end zone as time ran out and SJU brought home a 38-31 victory in front of nearly 2,500 pretty evenly divided fans. Gomer was right…we DID almost lose the game. Concordia’s former St. John’s transfer senior quarterback Cooper Mattern was simply outstanding and pretty much unstoppable until later in the game. When he wasn’t hitting his receivers accurately he was scampering away from our D-line and linebackers with impunity. I think he is by far the best quarterback we’ve seen this year. And he, like our quarterback, had a good line in front of him too.
Concordia played well enough to win, to upset the #3-ranked Johnnies. Almost, that is. The Cobbers generally play us tough; they, like so many other MIAC teams, view beating St. John’s a goal for the year, their Super Bowl, so to speak. Last year, though, we beat Concordia twice pretty convincingly. Maybe in the back of their minds our team thought things might be the same this time. But probably not. I think instead Coach Terry Horan and his staff not only had a great game plan going in, but convinced the team they could beat us; they left it all on the field. One thing is certain — they sure exposed the Achilles heel of our team — its secondary.
It seemed for much of the game the Cobbers and Mattern moved at will against us. It is, then, most ironic that it was Mattern himself that probably cost Concordia the game. Here’s how it happened.
To start the second half Concordia took the kickoff and marched right down the field in nine plays for a TD to take the lead 31-24. They looked like a well-oiled machine. They kicked off to us and we began a nice drive ourselves from our 22 yard line all the way to the CC 35 when we fumbled and lost the ball. There was a big Cobber penalty that took the ball back to their own 20. Then Mattern to Miller - 12 yards and a first; Mattern to Klang - 12 yards and a first; Mattern to Summers - 16 yards and a first on our 40. A penalty moved it back 5 yards. Then Mattern opened up with a nifty run for 12 yards and another first at our 33. It looked bleak…we couldn’t stop them. But then, after his run, which ended out of bounds in front of the Johnnie bench, Mattern couldn’t help himself…he taunted his opposition in a needless, selfish, undisciplined display of emotional smugness and lost it all. Moved back to the SJU 48, CC had a 3-yard run, two incomplete passes and punted. We then went on our own 87-yard drive and tied it. (Hate to be Mattern in the CC film session.)
Later on, with 1:46 left, senior quarterback Aaron Syverson threw a long pass to junior Dylan Wheeler, which he grabbed high in the air, landed, spun away from a defender and ran the rest of the way untouched to score the winning TD, a brilliant 76-yard effort. I was reminded then of our cheer back in the early ‘60s when the Cobbers were the scourge of the conference: “Hail Mary, Full of Grace, Put Concordia in Second Place…” (In those days we also chanted “Retard them…Retard them…Make them relinquish the ball”, allegedly borrowed from Harvard.)
Senior quarterback #6 Aaron Syverson looks to pass the ball during a game against the Concordia Cobbers on Saturday, Oct. 12, 2024 at Jake Christiansen Stadium in Moorhead. He hd great protection all day with no sacks allowed. (Photo by Anna Paige / The Forum)
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You can read the specifics in the linked Game Recap below, but to summarize quickly, senior quarterback Aaron Syverson once again was sensational, passing 29 of 39 for 399 yards and five touchdowns, including a clutch performance in the Fourth Quarter when he went 5-7 for 128 yards and two TDs. For his heroics Aaron was named to d3football.com's National Team of the Week. Syverson is currently second in NCAA Division III in completions per game (27.0), third in both completion percentage (.771) and passing yards per game (324.6), fifth in passing touchdowns (19), sixth in points responsible for per game (24.0) and 13th in pass-efficiency rating (187.4).
Catching two of Aaron’s touchdown passes was junior wide receiver Dylan Wheeler. He caught eight for 159 yards including the game-winner. (You can see his marvelous catch near the end of the “Mini-Movie” highlights linked below.) For all of this Dylan was named the MIAC Football Offensive Player of the Week for the second time this season. He has 99 receptions for 1,360 yards and 18 touchdowns over his last 14 games, including 45 catches for 612 yards and 10 touchdowns through the season's first five contests this fall. Dylan is currently tied for the NCAA Division III lead in receiving touchdowns (10), is fourth in receptions per game (9.0) and eighth in receiving yards per game (122.4).
Other Syverson targets included senior wide receiver Marselio Mendez who led SJU with nine catches for 132 yards on the afternoon. Junior tight end Joey Gendreau fell one yard shy of 100 on eight receptions.
SJU (5-0, 3-0 MIAC, 0-0 Northwoods) opens Northwoods Division play by visiting Carleton (2-3, 1-2 MIAC, 0-1 Northwoods) for a 1 p.m. kickoff this Saturday, Oct. 19, at Laird Stadium in Northfield.
Junior running back #27 Caden Wheeler ran for 128 yards on 21 carries for a 6.1 yards-per-carry average. He has rushed for 350 yards and two touchdowns on 56 carries (6.3 avg.) over the last three games (Photo by Josh Johnston).
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Thanks be to Jim Conn ’64, who sat in his car, audio taping the post game remarks by coach Gary Fasching ’81 over the Johnnie Football Network while I and other Red Followers ducked into Fargo Brewing Company, co-founded by Aaron Hill ’98? for some appropriate post-game refreshment. Here are a few nuggets Jim caught:
- Concordia is well coached, yardage was 538-SJU to 515-CC; said Gary, “I hate shoot-outs.”
- “We had a lot of work to do after Augsburg, and we worked on it, but we didn’t fix them very well.”
- On Cooper Mattern: “He was tough, makes plays, is dynamic…but this was one of the worst defensive games I’ve ever seen us play…we gave up big plays, didn’t tackle very well, at least until the fourth quarter when we settled down….We struggled to line up properly, thinking rather than reacting…we tried it all and still Concordia moved on us pretty well.”
- “I’m disappointed in the defensive backfield, there were bad reactions and we were out of control. We have the dome set-up on Monday…that would be a good punishment for the defense.”
- “Aaron was very good except for the poor throw for that initial interception. He had just a great drive [at the end of the first half] in 40 seconds. Offensively Joey Gendreau and Marselio Mendez really stepped up. Marselio had a good week of practice and you could see it in the game.”
- “I told the guys when you’re not playing well but still win the game on the road, it is a sign of a good football team.”
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Game Recap and Box Score:
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Additional Quick Videos —
SJU vs Concordia Highlights: The Mini Movie [Oct. 12th, 2024]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9Dv4XoUsbM (4:58 minutes, with intro talk by Denis McDonough ‘92)
SJU Football Recruiting Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVaY2as3fsQ (4:41 minutes.)
(Please show this to high school football coaches and any talented kids you know.)
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A Carleton Student’s Self-Description —
Overhead at the Sayles-Hill Student Center over a cup of coffee:
“I prefer to describe myself as a ‘Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer’ because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides….’stalker' is such an ugly word.”
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All About Carleton —
Carleton College is a private, heavily-endowed, liberal arts college in Northfield, Minnesota. Founded in 1866, the 200-acre main campus is located just east of downtown Northfield; it also included 800-acre Cowling Arboretum, which became part of the campus in the 1920s.
The college offers 33 different majors and 37 minors. Students also have the option to design their own major. Ten languages are offered; the academic calendar follows a trimester system in which students usually take three classes per 10-week term.
The average class size at Carleton is 16 students. Carleton is one of the few liberal arts colleges to run on the trimester system. Carleton typically enrolls about 2,100 students, with roughly equal numbers of women and men. Its endowment is $1.1 Billion. (Yes, you read that right...with a "B".)
Approximately 25% of the total student population are domestic students of color, 10.9% are among the first generation in their family to attend college, and 83.5% are U.S. citizens from out of state. 10.2% of students are international. Studying abroad is common at Carleton; about 75% of the senior class studies abroad at least once over their four years.
Admission to Carleton has been categorized as "most selective" by US News & World Report. The class of 2028 admittance rate was 17.9% of all applicants, making Carleton the most selective college in Minnesota. Carleton has a strong history of enrolling students who are in the National Merit Scholarship Progam in the nation. The class of 2026 included 38 National Merit Scholars.
The Carleton athletic teams are called the Knights. The college is a member of the NCAA Division III ranks, primarily competing in the MIAC since the 1983–84 academic year; the Knights previously competed in the MWC from 1925–26 to 1982–83. All students must participate in physical education or athletic activities to fulfill graduation requirements.
About Knights Football —
While Carleton might be richly-endowed and have a smart, diverse student body, their football team doesn’t usually rise to the same height of excellence. Last year, though, the Knights enjoyed a 5-0 record before coming up to Collegeville where they were dismembered 63-7. But they ended up with a very respectable 7-3 record. This year they are 2-3, 1-2 in the MIAC and it looks like a downward trend continuing in the future with SJU, Bethel and Gustavus coming up before they end with St. Scholastica. Still, they have some very capable players and, of course, pride in their school and a love for the game. So the Johnnies need to prepare well and show respect, sportsmanship…and watch the darn penalties.
The Knights are coached by Tom Journell, in his sixth season. Before coming to Carleton, Journell has been head coach at UW-Stevens Point and Elmhurst; he also assisted at UW-River Falls and Miami of Ohio. The poor guy has a very small squad, only 79 players, and only five of whom are Minnesotans. The rest come from all over the U.S. plus two from China. Massachusetts and California boast more team members than Minnesotans. As I said previously, they have some good players, but they just are not very deep, and I think many other teams just wear them down.
Offensively they are led by junior quarterback #3 Jack Curtis, but he left the game injured last week and so we may face junior back-up QB/TE #8 Nick Toole who seemed to do adequately in their narrow loss to cross-town rival St. Olaf 19-13. Chief passing targets are wide receivers senior #11 Nathan Streiff and junior #80 Tyler Diamond. Also getting a lot of action is senior TE #0 Ntense Obomo. Running chores go to sophomore running back # 25 Jaden Coleman.
On the defensive side, they have a host of active D-backs: seniors #5 Blake Neithart and #7 Henry Detmer; and juniors #9 Cooper Long, #4 Owen Detmer, and #24 Eric Lail. Cementing the linebacking corps is senior #39 Doug Pham. Two D-linemen to watch are senior #31 Kevin Xiong and junior #15 Luke Sugalski.
Bottom Line: There’s so much to enjoy about playing Carleton (or St. Olaf, for that matter) because Northfield is such a nice little town, there’s no charge for tickets at Laird Field (remember that endowment?), and Carleton has a quirky field announcer whose wry humor I’ve enjoyed over many years.
As far as a game goes, St. John’s should not have too much of a challenge…but wait! I said the same about Augsburg and Concordia. Yikes! Nevertheless, I expect we’ll be in the high 40s (50s? 60s?) and they will be in the low 10s…if they score at all. GO JOHNNIES! If you didn’t make Moorhead, try to make Northfield. It’s a nice, inexpensive outing for the family.
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The Fast Drinker —
A Carleton student goes into the trendy Reunion Bar & Restaurant in downtown Northfield and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
The Knight says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the young man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have, pal?"
Our Knight quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
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Pre-Game Celebration in Northfield —
SJU Alumni, parents, and friends are invited to a pre-game social before the St. John’s-Carleton football game that begins at 1 p.m. at Carleton’s Laird Stadium.
Thanks to Greg Heymans ’84, a restaurant partner, SJU fans have the upstairs bar at Reunion reserved beginning at 10:30 a.m. Enter the bar by taking the outside stairs. Food service will begin downstairs beginning at 11 a.m. when the restaurant portion opens. Food will not be served upstairs.
Reunion, 501 Division St. S., Northfield, MN 55057. (507) 366-1337
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Slip Slidin’ Away? —
From Patrick Tomczik, the UUN’s Southern Minnesota Correspondent, Northfield, MN —
Hi Bob, Here is a photo of Laird Stadium from June, under flood waters. The Carleton Athletic Director, Gerald Young, about to retire, was handed a mess. The last time the field was flooded, he told me, the insurance company told Carleton there would be no further coverage. Carleton said they didn't want to change the atmosphere or aesthetics, and they would not put up a berm. It happened again. No insurance coverage. But, the field will be ready on Saturday. Take Great Care. — Patrick
Paul Simon - "Slip Slidin' Away"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUODdPpnxcA (4:50 minutes)
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The Final Interview —
A Carleton Business major is interviewing for a job after graduation.
"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?"
"Certainly," replied the Knight applicant. "It means I don't get the job."
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, and KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, and Mike Carr ’77 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 26th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet (660wbhr.com).
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Listening via the Internet: https://www.660wbhr.com/wbhr-st-johns-sports
Viewing via live streaming: https://miacsportsnetwork.com/carleton/ (Free, begins at 12:45)
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2024 Football Schedule —
(All games begin at 1 p.m.)
Sep. 7 Carthage (WI) Collegeville W 49-0
Sep. 14 Wartburg (IA) Collegeville W 35-13
Sep. 21 Bye —
Sep. 28 Bethel Arden Hills W 45-20
Oct. 5 Augsburg Collegeville W 45-20
Oct. 12 Concordia Moorhead W 38-31
Oct. 19 Carleton Northfield
Oct. 26 Gustavus Collegeville (Family Weekend)
Nov. 2 St. Scholastica Duluth
Nov. 9 St. Olaf Collegeville
Nov. 16 MIAC Week Collegeville
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Battle Between the Sexes,
Aging Gracefully Department —
An elderly couple went together to their family doctor for their annual checkup. The doctor examined the old man first, and when he finished, he said to the man: “I’m amazed at your good health, especially at your age. To what do you attribute it?”
The old duffer replied in his shaky voice: “My good wife sees to it that we eat plenty of green vegetables, get good exercise, go to church often and we depend on the Lord to take care of us.”
“Oh” the doctor replied a little amused, “…and just how does the good Lore take care of you?”
The old man said, “Lots of ways. For example, when I have to pee at night, He even turns on the light for me.”
The doctor was somewhat puzzled, but attributed it to the man’s age.
He then summoned the wife, examined her, and found her in the the same excellent health. He asked her the same question he asked her husband earlier. She gave the same answer — good food, fresh air and exercise, go to church often, etc., and how they both rely on the Lord’s help.”
The doctor then said, “Your husband said the same thing about relying on the Lord’s help. And when out of curiosity, I asked him to give me an example of how the Lord helps him, he said the good Lord turns the light on for him when he has to go pee during the night."
The old lady grimaced, and said angrily: “Oh Lord, that old goat is peeing in the refrigerator again.”
(Contributed by Tommy Cebulla ’58, Andover, MN)
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Around The MIAC, Week 5 — Oct. 12
Hamline at Augsburg — (It’s not going to be pretty with the Auggies not in the mood to be nice—48-14.) The Auggies won, but not that handily 37-27.
Macalester at Bethel — (Yikes! Yet another slaughter by the Royals, probably in the 50s-0 range.) And that’s exactly what happened: Royals over poor ol’ Mac 59 to 0.
Carleton at St. Olaf — (At least the Knights won’t have to go far to get creamed 28-6.) Carleton made a game of it, losing a close one to the arch-rival Oles 19-13.
St. Scholastica at Gustavus — (Another one of those “Ouch” games, with the Gusties prevailing big time, e.g., 49-0) Yep, “ouch” it was, with Gustavus running roughshod 51-13.
St. John’s at Concordia — (We really don’t know which Cobber team will show up…and we really don’t know if the Jays can get their act together regarding penalties and taking Concordia seriously enough. Still, we all suspect a Johnnie win…maybe they can hit 45-20 three weeks in a row.) This easily could have been a loss for SJU, but they found a way to win 38-31.
Other Games of Interest —
#4 UW-River Falls at #11 UW-Platteville — (This one is gonna be fun; just as last week the “smart money” would have taken UW-La Crosse, that same money will take the #4 River Falls…can the Pioneers do it twice in a row? That would be cool.) YES! Platteville took down mighty River Falls 28-7. Wow! The Pioneers appear to be for real.
#12 UW-La Crosse at #20 UW-Oshkosh — (It’s doubtful the Eagles will let the Titans sneak up on them like Platteville did last week, but one never knows in the WIAC.) Oshkosh did, in fact, sneak up on the Eagles in the 4th Quarter and ended up a shocking 34 to 33 winner. Here are the highlights of this thrilling game: Oshkosh - La Crosse Highlights
#20 UW-Oshkosh vs. #12 UW-La Crosse Highlights | D3 College Football 2024
(P.S. I didn’t even list the Whitewater-Stout game as one to watch because it appeared to be a rout in the making; however, this being the WIAC with “Upsets-R-Us” every week, lowly UW-Stout stunned the former high-riding Warhawks 29-27. What a week in the WIAC.)
St. Thomas at Marist — (The up- and so-far-mostly-down Tommies fly out to Poughkeepsie, NY to visit the 0-5 Red Foxes so, unless the Toms put their shoes on backwards, they will come home a winner, maybe a big winner.) It took a great deal of effort at the end to emerge victorious, but UST did by escaping with a 39-32 win over winless Marist. The Toms are 2-0 in their conference, 3-3 overall.
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Upcoming Games, Week 7 — October 19 —
St. Scholastica at St. Olaf — (The Oles will win big, but not as big as the Gusties last week; let’s say 35-17.)
Concordia at Hamline— (It ain’t going to be pretty, with the Cobbers easily scoring in the 40s or higher.)
Augsburg at Bethel — (One would think the Royals will handle the chippy Auggies fairly easily, but I hope the latter gives them a game at least.)
Gustavus at Macalester — (What Gustavus did to the Saints last week they’ll do to Mac, only a little worse.)
St. John’s at Carleton — (The Knights aren’t as strong this year as last, but the Jays are ripe for a huge letdown, hoping that their talent differential will let them cruise to an easy victory.)
Other Games of Interest —
# UW-Stout at #UW-River Falls — (Stout might have snuck up on Whitewater last week, but it’s doubtful River Falls will let that happen at home.)
# UW-Platteville at # UW-Oshkosh — (As much as I enjoy Oshkosh’s moxie in downing La Crosse, I think Platteville’s on a roll that may take them to the WIAC championship.) Platteville not surprised by hot start
St. Thomas at Valparaiso (IN) — (Valparaiso is 2-4, 0-2 in the conference…the Tommies better feast on these teams while they can, but UST isn’t looking all that strong in their conference wins, so who knows? Last year they narrowly beat Valparaiso 16-10.)
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
A livestock truck overturned outside St. Joseph. A TV reporter was covering the accident with an on-the-scene broadcast and stated, "Two cows, Black and Gus, escaped into the nearby woods."
After the commercial break, the reporter corrected himself, "About that overturned truck, make those Black Angus cattle."
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Abbey Woodshop Tour – 1st Year Update —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4KR9w3YD9g
In this 7-minute video Fr. Lew Grobe, O.S.B will give you an updated tour of the Saint John’s Abbey Woodshop one year into operation.
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Scenes at (After) Concordia —
1965 Classmates Bill Blake of Detroit Lakes, MN and Bill Marrin of Dallas, TX recalled the Glory Years as they bellied up to the bar at Fargo Brewing.
Taking a pause from some heavy duty game analysis are (l to r) Jim Conn ’64, Billy Kauffmann ’88, and Doug Eli, father of former SJU All-American center and now assistant coach, Ben Eli ’16.
Just enjoying the day and each other are (l to r) Marie Eli, mother of SJU Ben and CSB Maggie, and a fixture at St. John’s for forty years on staff; Anita Conn, and Peg Marrin ’65.
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2024 D3football.com Week 6 Top 25 —
It’s a bit surprising that in Week 6 there still is so much shuffling going on; much of this is primarily due to changes in the WIAC’s top-rated teams…yes, there are still five WIACers in the Top 25 but rankings have switched a lot over the past three weeks. For instance, UW-Platteville started in the Top 25 poll way down at the bottom; on the strength of two grand upsets of much higher-ranked conference foes UW-P has jumped to #6 from #11 last week. Former #4 UW-River Falls slipped to #10. UW-Oshkosh climbed up to #16 from #20; #10 UW-Whitewater fell most satisfyingly to #19 this week. And finally UW-La Crosse has gone from #3 to #12 to currently #22; that’s particularly strict because the Eagles lost both games just by a two-game total of four points in the final seconds. Elsewhere Endicott and Wartburg both jumped up four spots to #11 and #12 respectively. #14 Whitworth also rose four points. All the rest is penny ante stuff. I might add that St. John’s retaining #3 is kind of a gift from the pollsters after our showing in Moorhead…but we’ll take it. If we had lost by even a single point we’d probably have dropped to #10 or worse.
Top 25 through Oct. 12, 2024:
D3football.com Top 25, 2024 Week 6
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We found the rattle...it was a marble in the ashtray.
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From Our Readers —
From Don Hall SJP ’55/SJU ’59, Minneapolis —
Wick, We appreciate the contortions you go through to get the mail delivered. It’s not fair. We readers just open it up and read it…free. Your time in Purgatory will be short. — Don
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From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
Great issue of the UUN (of course, they all are), and a terrific photo gallery!
I knew there was more than one Concordia University, but I had no idea there were so many of them (Concordia University (disambiguation) - Wikipedia). I wonder which one gets to emulate Ohio State and describe itself as THE Concordia University? — Conrad
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From Tim Graupman 76, Prior Lake, MN —
Thank you for this update. I'd be glad to pay for costs for emailing the newsletter to all if that would help. I hate to see it lose momentum it has taken years to build. Joe Butorac, Greg Miller, Brad Eustice all wondering what happened to their favorite Johnnie report. If this is just not practical we'll read it on the website. Thanks for the fantastic effort. — Tim
A joke for you: Lena and Helga are in the grocery store one Saturday. Helga looks at Lena and sees she is holding two Russet potatoes and crying. Helga says, “Oh, Lena, what is the matter with you?”
Lena replies. "Oh Helga, these potatoes remind me of my dearly departed Ole's balls."
Helga, incredulous replies, "Oh Lena, Ole's balls were that BIG!!!???
"No, Helga, that dirty!"
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From Tom Trosky ’67, St. Paul —
Hello Bob, The work you do on the newsletter is remarkable and enjoyed by so many. Athletics, history, humor, all put together in such readable fashion. Thanks for doing this. — Tom
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From Thom Woodward ’70, Sartell, MN —
A leftover from Homecoming:
Denis McDonough ‘92 (left), on campus to receive the Bob Basten Excellence in Leadership Award, and Paul Nakasone ‘86 visit with Paul Woodward, from Fort Worth, a Navy veteran and brother of Thom ’70.
(Editor’s Note: Denis McDonough currently is the U.S. Secretary of Veterans Affairs. McDonough served as chief of staff at the National Security Council from 2009 to 2010 and as Deputy National Security Advisor from 2010 to 2013. He then served as White House Chief of Staff or the full second term of President Barack Obama from 2013 to 2017.
Paul Nakasone is a retired four-star general in the U.S. Army who served as the commander of United States Cyber Command. He concurrently served as the director of the National Security Agency and as chief of the Central Security Service.
Intelligence Delivered: A Conversation with General Paul Nakasone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1bzZwFQUcI (9 minutes))
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From Lynn Youso Bormann SJP ’86, Baxter (Brainerd area), MN —
Rob, What a game! Having grown up watching Johnnie football, I know that the Cobber game is always a tough one, regardless. Saturday's game was one of the highest scoring games in our history of playing Concordia. The penalties (especially personal fouls) perplex me, as this is not Johnnie football. Practicing the "walk away drill" from bygone days may be one remedy for this. And I may be biased, but the reffing on Saturday, and in the previous couple of games, has been very frustrating and subpar. Never the less, I was proud of our guys for playing their hearts out, cheering on their teammates from the sidelines, and making plays when it mattered most, against a very talented and well-prepared Cobber team.
Peter and I enjoyed the opportunity to help host the pre-game tailgate. Thanks to everyone who stopped by, and thank you for getting the word out about the tailgate, as well as the online ticket sales in the last UUN. We appreciate your excellent work, week in and week out, in publishing the UUN. You are a gift and blessing to all of us! — Lynn
(Editor’s Comment: I actually did see one of our defensive men raise both his hands and walk away looking at the referee after a Cobber O-Lineman was pushing him well after the play, perhaps trying to get him to react…and get caught by the ref. And speaking of refs, you are correct in your suspicions about some questionable calls lately. What gets me is the inconsistency, calling things on us that they don’t call on the other team, or calling some infractions but letting identical ones go the next time…I’ve seen this happen to both teams.
About the tailgate, I have to give a call-out to the excellent burgers and brats that your hubby Peter and Al Christenson ’97 were doling out to the smaller than usual group gathered outside the stadium. Al works in I-A for Concordia, after working in Admissions for CSB-SJU after graduation.
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Ten Warning Signs You Need a New Doctor —
* The patient before you was a goat.
* Instead of anesthetic he has you watch PBS.
* He has an assistant named Igor.
* The local bar association named him "Client of the Year."
* Whenever he leaves the room his nurse makes duck noises.
* During surgery he has to keep repeating that "thigh bone connected to the knee bone" song.
* Mike Wallace and a film crew are hanging out in his waiting room.
* He asks you to turn your head and cough during an eye exam.
* You can beat him in a game of Operation.
* All his Medical books are from the Time-Life "Do-it-Yourself Series."
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
Wanna Strengthen Your Body, But Are Short on Time?
Here are four ideas you could work into any other current types of exercise you do. They are simple, convenient...but still difficult, if you know what I mean. And if you don't know what I'm talking about yet, try these...you'll see for yourself. By adding these four exercise elements to your health regimen, you will give your body what it needs to age with power, grace, balance, and not increasing infirmity.
Dead Hang — Start for a half minute and work to increase your grip and shoulder strength so you can reach a goal of two minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IymQ1VA3h2k
Squat Hold — If you haven't done these, start at 30-45 seconds and work your way up to two minutes. Many women find this easier to do than men.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnAMQMf9HuU
Plank — Simple enough, and really a terrific exercise. Work your way up to two minutes, but start with half that, if you can.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/plank-exercise-benefits
Rucking — Maximize the benefits of walking in your neighborhood (or hiking on a trail) with a knapsack with increasing weight in it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1yJFXZf-xc (6:23 minutes)
Article: A Beginner's Guide to Rucking Ruck Your Way to Fitness: A Beginner's Guide
All these exercises provide multiple bodily benefits; in fact, if you do these four simple exercises regularly, they can end up being the most important things you can do to maintain and build strength, taking precedence over other forms of exercise and body building that take much more time.
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Pre-Med Majors' Section, Diagnosis Division —
A man went into his psychiatrist's office and said, ”Doc, you've got to help me. Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari.
"Another night I dreamed I was an Alfa Romeo. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?”
"Relax," said the doctor. "You're just having an auto-body experience."
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The Final Word —
The Perfect Date
Suzie had a crush on Mikey since she was 15 years old. Mikey never paid Suzie any attention. Every year Suzie would try to get Mikey to notice her, but he just wasn't interested. Finally, when Suzie turned 18, she began to come of age, and sure enough, Mikey noticed.
Suzie looked so pretty and grown-up that Mikey asked her for a date for a Friday night!! She was so excited all that week, she could hardly wait for Friday. Finally, Friday came.
As soon as she got home from school, Suzie began getting ready for her date at 7. She spent four hours on her clothes, hair and make-up, wanting everything to be perfect for the night she had waited years for. Finally, 7 O'Clock came around. Looking out the window, she saw Mikey pull up in his shiny black car. She became so nervous and excited, that she opened the door before he even got to it.
"Hi Mikey!" she said, nervous as hell, and Mikey replied, "Suzie, you look beautiful!!"
Suzie was so pleased when she walked out the door — then IT hit her. Suzie realized in horror that she had to FART!! “Oh, my God,” she thought, walking along, “What am I going to do?” Being a quick thinker, Suzie got an idea: She would let him open her door for her, hurry in, fart, roll down the window real quick, and by the time he came around and got in, all would be O.K.
So they get to the car, Mikey opens the door, and Suzie gets in. He closes the door, then she really rips one! She rolls down the window, and sees that he's just getting around to his door.
Relaxing a little now, Suzie smiles at Mikey as he gets in the car.
Then Mikey turns to her, points to the back seat, and says, "Suzie, I'd like you to meet my brother Carl and his date.”
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So long, Amigos y Amigas. It’s time to head for Northfield and the modern 22-man jousting match known as MIAC/D-III football. It is completely appropriate to cheer on our boys; just do it loudly and in a faux British accent:
Unhorse The Knights!
(Or Something Like That.)
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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697
Website: Unofficial Underground News