Yikes! Time to Regroup. UUN #3-23
Dear Tearful Johnnie Fans —
Pfffffffttttt…That’s the sound of air leaking out of the newly-punctured “Johnnie Magic” balloon of last week. What a difference a week makes, a game makes.
About UW-Whitewater, I observed about them at the game’s beginning: “They might be big…but they’re fast.” The Warhawks didn’t appear to have any weaknesses, at least against our offense and defense.
However, the game wasn’t all bad for the Johnnies, despite us giving them a 21-7 lead late in the first half. Shades of last week against Trinity, the Johnnies came roaring back for two quick TDs to tie as the half ended. We had elected to receive for the second and, by Golly, we started with an effective running game, something we rarely tried in the first half. We marched right down for a quick touchdown and we fans, and I imagine the players, had visions of a commanding performance about to unfold.
Senior running back Troy Feddema running against a pretty fierce UW-W defense (Photo by Lisa Buck).
What unfolded, though, was a nightmare of five unanswered scores by the unrelenting Warhawks. Were they that much better, or did they simply want it more? I have turned to Giuseppe Verdi for the appropriate music to describe our feelings for the game’s second and determining half: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6cogix3cwQ (2:05 min, but the first minute will do you fine. Turn the volume up; and the lyrics, what there are of them, are readable.)
The result was a 56-28 whipping in front of 15,236 fans at UW-W’s Perkins Stadium. Now a word about some of those “fans" — there were a lot of them, and a huge crowd of students (as opposed to our home student body) were present, many no doubt in an impaired condition. That might explain the horrid, disrespectful and juvenile behavior of the yahoos, mostly male, in the large student section who, immediately—and I do mean immediately—after an announcement by a school authority reminding everyone about the importance of good sportsmanship both on the field and in the stands, began chanting “F**k, St. John’s” raucously and for an extended period. Then as our team came onto the field and our starting line-up was introduced, their names were totally obscured by a prolonged, booming “Boo.” Classy group, those guys. They continued throughout the first half, especially with the “Bullsh*t” chant whenever they didn’t like a call, until we pulled even with them toward the end of the first half and start of the second. After that, even as they pulled ahead, the boorishness lessened, probably because of the diminishing effect of alcohol and the strong sunshine sapping their enthusiasm. Although I didn’t see it, John Sipe ’61/’65 mentioned to me later that evening that a Whitewater player was thrown out of the game near the end for some major infraction. Maybe someone can tell us what it was. Hope the guy misses the first half of their game with UMHB this Saturday.
* * * *
Whitewater Quickie —
Did you hear about the Warhawk lineman that got fired from his summer job at the M&M factory?
He kept throwing away all the W’s.
* * * *
Sophomore wide receiver Dylan Wheeler gave SJU a 28-21 lead with this 29-yard touchdown reception early in the third quarter, but then Wisconsin-Whitewater scored 35 unanswered points (photo by Doug Sasse, D3football.com).
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Box Score (for those of you that can bear it.) —
https://gojohnnies.com/boxscore.aspx?path=football&id=8643
Warhawks Perspective (for those of you that can bear it.) —
https://warhawkfootball.com/f/random-thoughts-about-victory-over-st-johns
St. John's Highlights versus Whitewater —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyHNi1cz9m4 (a pretty short video...what can I say?)
* * * *
Whitewater Business Concept —
A UW-Whitewater football player has an idea for starting a business. To execute his plan he hires a teammate. He explains everything, “First, you secretly flatten people’s car tires. Then, offer our tire changing service through an advertisement. Got it?”
A few weeks later, after getting no customers, a few Whitewater cops show up at their off-campus apartment, placing them under arrest due to suspicious advertising. On the way to jail, the first Warhawk who thought up the plan asks his partner about the advertisement.
“Well, I had a great idea,” said the second Warhawk. “I realized we could save ourselves a lot of time by stabbing our flyer directly into the tire.”
* * * *
About the Game —
From Todd Mueller ’74, Arden Hills, MN —
Rob, I don't know if you had a chance to hear Gary Fasching's interview after the game, but it wasn't pretty. Gary's responses were short and his tone was a combination of being miffed and stunned. He stated that if current players can't get the job done, he'll put other players in. He said that players seemed to be confused about their responsibilities. When have you ever heard that from a Johnnie coach? He said he and his coaches assume as much responsibility as the players. When asked by Mark Lewandowski about rest during bye week, Gary said in absolute terms that for the Johnnies, there will be no bye week.
My question is - when was the last time we lost to any team by 28 points? — Todd
(Editor’s Pained Response: I don't know if it's the worst, but the only one I remember this bad was 37 years ago (the Saturday game after two Johnnies were killed in old Collegeville after sleeping on the railroad tracks Friday night and didn't hear an unscheduled train coming through.) That day (9/20/86) we played St. Thomas at home and were killed 56-21...a bit worse even than this past Saturday.)
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From An Anonymous Fan, Central Minnesota—
Streamed both the SJU and Bethel games last Saturday. If we don’t figure out some type of pass coverage in the secondary it will be a long year with no playoff hopes. Wartburg is a better than average offensive team and the defense is equal to last year, very quick. They shut down the Bethel run and, with their pass rush, limited Bethel to short pass plays. They [Wartburg] are a legitimate No. 3 rank and personally, after last week’s debacle, we don’t belong in the top 20. Could wind up being a .500 season. How can we be so pathetic in the defensive secondary is beyond me.
(Editor’s Take: I understand some of the emotions from fans, but I think we just need to be calm and regroup. We’re still a very good, but imperfect football team and, despite the shock of a particularly poor performance in the second half, I think we still are favorites to win our conference and make the play-offs again. How far we will go is another question, given your legitimate criticisms and our history the past two post-seasons. Let’s see how we do against Bethel before throwing in the towel.
By the way, here is what Gary Fasching had to say after the game. "We probably have to be a little more patient on offense when we fall behind. We maybe have a tendency to want to get it all back at one time. That means maybe we give up on running the football a little bit. It felt like we had to get it all back right now and that's never good when you try to do that.”
I really appreciate what Gary says here; but reading between the lines I think he’s putting his coaching staff and players on notice that this is his team, and the ultimate responsibility for decision-making lies with him. It’s commendable that he has respected and empowered his staff, and often delegated (relented) on calls/series that he wouldn’t ordinarily do. That’s fine until things don’t work. I think he should and will tighten the reins a bit for the near future.)
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From Pete Hill ’76, Fernandina Beach, FL —
Rob, it certainly must have been a long ride home for you and Chris today; sorry you had to endure that. Ironically, I was able to see the game live and for free sitting on the beach watching it on the Whitewater website!
If Johnnie fans were ever wondering if Jerry Haugan makes a difference being on the sidelines or not, they got the answer today. I have never seen a Johnnie defense that was unable to make a stop for the entire second half, five straight drives, five straight touchdowns by my count. Jerry’s doctor said he should not make the five-hour drive down to Whitewater after his hip replacement surgery this week, and he actually took his doctor’s advice, surprisingly. With the bye week coming up, Jerry is hoping to be back on the sidelines by the Bethel game.
There should be no shame in the Johnnies losing to a school with an enrollment of over 21,000 students, seven times what SJU/CSB have, but hey, we are Saint John’s fans, and we have high expectations. Sadly, they certainly were not met today. Go Johnnies. — Pete
After 40 years, Pete Hill ’76 and Denise Wyttenbach ’76 reconnect before the Trinity game two weeks ago.
(Editor’s Reply: Not to quibble, but Whitewater’s student info says they have approximately 11,500 students, very closely split between men and women. But your point is certainly valid: CSB/SJU combined have a student body of 3,621, close to four times smaller than UW-W.)
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From the Football Whisperer —
Trinity 31, Whitewater 56; that’s 43+ points per game average…and will not do it. Our only hope — Bethel only had a safety today.
(Editor’s Comment: Well, FW…you’re not alone in thinking/saying that. Gary Fasching said the same thing almost verbatim about giving up that many average points for our two games.)
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From the d3football.com Chatroom —
Bethel gets throttled at home and St. John's gets blown out on the road; looks like the MIAC won't be a factor again this season. It's years like this that I really miss the Tommies!
rumorsontheinternets to Pappy
I miss them too and I think they made the conference stronger overall, but it's weird to frame it this way when they were 1-3 against Bethel and St. John's their last two seasons in the MIAC. Saying the conference won't be a factor after losses to top 10 teams in week 2 ignores the lessons learned from preparing for games of this caliber. As a fan, I love the movement to schedule difficult opponents in non-conference games.
As a Johnnie fan, I obviously did not enjoy seeing my team lose that bad, but I have to give a lot of credit to UWW. They were effective offensively both running and passing (even with their starting QB out). They made adjustments quickly on defense when it looked like Saint John's was getting into a rhythm. Their special teams also consistently set them up with excellent field position. It's hard to see a weakness in that team if they play like this every game.
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The Uncasual Fan —
September 9, 2023, vs University of Wisconsin-Whitewater
Although it sometimes feels sad and disappointing to lose a game, we lost to a very, very good team and a very, very physical football team Saturday. As a matter of fact, we have started the season with two very, very good teams and our next game against Bethel we will be playing another very, very good football team.
That is kind of the state of the state for NCAA D-III Football these days. All the Top 10 or 15 teams must play each other to start the season because no one else wants to play them. So, there are not going to be too many undefeated Top 15 teams after the first three or four weeks because they all must play each other. The risk of not playing top ranked teams is to be left out of the playoffs if you do make it as an automatic qualifier. So, damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
OK, so what about the game?
If you had told me that we would have four passing TDs again I would have just taken that piece of information and said that sounds like a victory.
If you had told me that we scored 14 points in the last two minutes of the first half and then marched the opening kickoff of the second half straight down the field on eight plays and scored on a 29-yard TD pass, I would have said it sounds like a victory, but the game was unfortunately much different than that.
A simple summary might look like this:
· The UWW defensive front four harassed Syverson all day
· Too many three and out, or six and out, and seven punts
· The UWW offensive line was dominating
· We gave up almost 300 yards rushing
· We gave up too many big plays
Usually with a game like this you watch some film, look for some positives and correct your mistakes. Unfortunately, we did not have too many mistakes, we just got handled.
On the positive side:
· We had two good solid sustained drives – we need to leverage that
· We had four passing touchdowns with both Van Erp and Buck sidelined.
· One big punt and some other decent ones
We have the week off but against Bethel the following week, on family day, we are going to need our big dogs – whoever they may be - to step up and accept their roles and responsibilities.
Everyone have a good “bye” weekend. I am going to watch my granddaughters play some soccer and my grandson play some baseball. See you on family day. Go Johnnies!! —The Uncasual Fan
* * * *
Whitewater Scholarship —
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless freshman to his Whitewater remedial English teacher, "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other."
"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher, "But you only have two ears."
"You see, sir?,” replied the new Warhawk. “I'm no good at math, either."
* * * *
Scenes at Whitewater —
Happily gathered for dinner in Janesville, WI the night before the Whitewater game are (from l to r) are Denny Bracco ’75, Jeanne Findlay, Chris Scholl, Lynn McKasy, Jeff Norman ’78, Tom McKasy ’60/’64, Jim Conn ’64, Anita Conn, and Denise Wyttenback ’76.
Celebrating their own pre-game dinner in Madison, WI are (from l to r) Dan Marrin ’64/’68, Tom Bauer ’61/’65, Linda Marrin, Peg Marrin. ’65, Eileen Myles, Kris Bauer, John Sipe ’61/’65, and Bill Marrin 61/’65.
Under the SJU tent are (from l to r) John Young ’83, Denise Wyttenback ’76 and her husband Jeff Norman ’78, Mike Carr ’77, Chris Ditton ’86, Billy Kauffmann ‘88, Dave (Veek) Verkuilen, Max Stein ’04, and John Sipe ’61/’65.
A group of buds from the Class of 1987 (from l to r) are Dave Ace*, Scott Fenske, Dave Lang*, Tim Gallagher, Kevin Dailey* and Mary Fenske '88. *signifies over from Milwaukee.
Ready for the game are (from l to r) Tom Gottwalt ’82, Susan Weyhrauch, Charles Huyink ’75, Rick Baron ’75, Trevor Jager (father of senior D-Back Todd Jager), and Tom McKasy ’60/’64.
This mostly Stearns County crew takes it easy before the kick-off. (From l to r) Mike Weyrauch, Mike Mathiasen, Ev Weber ’68, Mike Poepping ’77, and Paul Radzicki ’75.
Relaxing together is this happy group whose names were not available. But they’ve got their “red" on.
Some more Red-Clad Johnnie supporters before the game.
* * * *
MIAC Standings —
Northwoods Division
Carleton 1-0
Gustavus 1-0
Saint John’s 1-1
Saint Olaf 1-1
St. Scholastica 0-1
Skyline Division
Augsburg 1-0
Hamline 2-0
Macalester 2-0
Concordia 1-1
Bethel 0-1
* * * *
Football Schedule
(All game 1 p.m., except Trinity)
Sep. 2 Trinity (TX) Collegeville W 34-31
Sep. 9 UW-Whitewater Whitewater, WI L 56-28
Sep. 16 Bye —
Sep. 23 Bethel Collegeville
Sep. 30 Augsburg Minneapolis
Oct. 7 Concordia Collegeville
Oct. 14 Carleton Collegeville
Oct. 21 Gustavus St. Peter
Oct. 28 St. Scholastica Collegeville
Nov. 4 St. Olaf Northfield
Nov. 11 MIAC Champ TBD
https://gojohnnies.com/sports/football/schedule
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Vacation Planning —
Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday, lads?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, hire a car, and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful Country...the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim? And we can't stand the English; they're so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
* * * *
Little Johnny's Equine Education —
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father, watching as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Looking worried, Johnny said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom!"
* * * *
Around The MIAC —
Week 2 Results — September 9
Macalester at Martin Luther College (Mac will soon be 2-0 after they lay waste to MLC.) Mac is putting up big numbers early on; they rollicked with MLC 56 to 27.
Wartburg at Bethel (Yikes! What a way for the Royals to start…I’m thinking the Warthogs but don’t know by how much yet. We’ll learn a lot about both teams.) What we learned, after BU's pretty close game with a national power, losing only 16-2, is the Royals may give us fits, especially on defense.
Pomona-Pitzer at Carleton (Eggheads clash in Northfield and, in a sense, who cares?) Most likely our Knights will prevail…and by a lot.) Our Knights showed 'em...and good — 45 to 24.
Pacific Lutheran at Concordia (Difficult for Far West Lutherans to beat Upper Midwest Lutherans on their home turf.) As it turns out Concordia prevailed, but in a too-close contest, 26 to 21.
St. Scholastica at Rockford (Have high hopes for the Saints but really don’t have a clue. Rockford who?) Well, it was Rockford Who? 38 to 37. A sad loss for our Saints.
St. Olaf at Luther (Is Luther as tough as Central of Iowa? St. Olaf will soon find out…the hard way.) Actually, there wasn't anything hard about it as the Oles walloped Luther 52 to 21, just like last year.
Hamline at UM-Morris (Mac beat Morris but I’m not sure that the Pipers can.) Hamline proved me wrong by easily handling Morris 49 to 28. Go Pipers!
Saint John’s at UW-Whitewater (Can the Jays repeat with another big emotional win? Can we beat the UWW home field jinx? Can we get our loose ends adjusted for Week 2? I say yes to all in a close win.) Guess what? The answer to all these questions is a resounding "NO!!" Back to the drawing board (or player portal) after the Warhawks unseemly thwacking of our beloved Jays, 56 to 28.
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Other Games of Interest —
UMHB at Trinity (A big game that’s not as quite as big as before…I’d bet on Trinity after seeing their QB in action.) Trinity 35-the Cru 16 before only 1,776; what’s wrong with those fans?
#6 Hardin-Simmons at #11 UW-La Crosse (If you believe the rankings, Hardin-Simmons should win.) And win they did, but it was close at H-S 28, UW-LC 21…and why would La Crosse drop 3 points the poll after coming so very close to a higher ranked team?
#19 UW-Oshkosh at #13 Wheaton (Ditto above; Wheaton over UW-O.) Here’s another expected final: Wheaton 30, UW-Oshkosh 21, this time UW-O dropping four points. I just don’t get it.
“Div-1” U. of St. Thomas at Div-1 FCS U. of South Dakota (The Coyotes will howl all over Glenn’s not-quite-ready-for-prime-time Purple boys.) And howl they did, before 6,126 fans in the Dakota Dome, 24 to Zip. The truth is, UST didn't do so bad considering they played against full scholarship lads and turned out the closest of their three games against these FCS teams.
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Upcoming Games, Week 3 — September 16
Bethel at UW-Eau Claire — (I see the Royals taking UW-EC by two or three TDs.)
Martin Luther College at Augsburg — (Yikes! Another game that shouldn't be played...the Auggies by 50...maybe 60.)
Crown College at St. Scholastica —(The Saints will be in the "win" column; probably one of the few such this season.)
Gustavus at UW-Stout — (The Gusties should prevail over one of the lower echelon WIAC teams. If they don't it looks bad for the MIAC.)
Carleton at UM-Morris — (Poor Morris continues to be a punching bag for the MIAC.)
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Other Games of Interest —
University of St. Thomas at Harvard University — (Glenn's boys will be out-classed in more ways than one by the Crimson, although I'd like to see the Toms play well against those Cambridge swells.)
UW-Whitewater at Mary Hardin-Baylor — (I can't see the Cru having much of a chance against the Warhawks, but I doubt they'll beat UMHB up as badly as they did SJU.)
UW-River Falls at Univ. of Northwestern, MN — (Whoever scheduled this abomination for Northwestern? UW-RF will grind them into the turf.)
Carthage College at North Central, IL — (The only reason this upcoming massacre is listed is because the game is ironically called a "Suicide Prevention Awareness Game." Someone should have prevented Carthage from playing this suicidal contest in the first place.)
* * * *
The Successful Tommie —
John O’Malley, a wealthy alumnus of the old College of St. Thomas, made his fortune in real estate and insurance. After he sold his businesses and retired, John and his wife Maureen also sold their large home in Dellwood, Minnesota and moved to Naples, Florida.
One night, as they are getting ready to go out to dinner, Maureen says, “John, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?”
John says, “I don’t care.”
A few minutes later, Maureen says, “Johnny, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?”
John says, “Your choice.”
A few more minutes pass, and Maureen says, “John, love, shall I wear my five-carat pearl diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?”
Our old Tommie says, “Maureen, I really don’t care what you wear, but if you don’t get moving, we’re going to miss the Early Bird Special.”
* * * *
2023 D3football.com Week 2 Top 25 —
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2023/week2
Well, it could have been worse...maybe even should have; we're speaking of St. John's fall from #4 down to #9. And taking our place, rightly at new #4, is UW-Whitewater, up four spots. Hardin-Simmons is up one to #5 and Trinity, despite winning big over UMHB, is down one at #6. UW-River Falls is up two to #7. Linfield is ahead of us at #8.
Some other rankings of interest are UW-La Crosse's fall from #11 to #14; Bethel's regrettable decline from #16 to #18 despite making a pretty good showing against #3 Wartburg; Mary Hardin-Baylor continues its decline from #4 to #12 to #19...they may be Top 25 toast after hosting the Warhawks this Saturday. Finally, UW-Oshkosh dropped #23 from previous #19.
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
Little Janie Huppertz of Sauk Centre, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Huppertz's daughter."
Her mother, Samatha, told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Huppertz."
One day Fr. Aloys Ebacher, pastor of Holy Family Parish and School, was visiting little Janie’s Second Grade classroom and said, "Aren't you Mr. Huppert's daughter?"
Janie replied, "I thought I was, but Mother says I'm not."
* * * *
’63 Camelia Bowl Team to be Honored —
Believe it or not, it’s been 60 years since St. John’s won its first national championship — against Prairie View A & M in Sacramento, CA. It was an unlikely win against an all-Black team with many all-stars; something like eight or more of that team went on to play in the pros, while SJU had one — John McDowell ’64 — who was drafted by the Green Bay Packers and played offensive tackle and guard with the Pack, Giants and the Cardinals for a year each, before ending his career after three years with the BC Lions in the CFL.
John McDowell, shown recently as a volunteer mentor of underprivileged kids in Las Vegas, NV.
On the weekend of October 6-9, members of the team and the Class of 1964 will meet for a brunch and brief program before the football game with Concordia. Team members will be introduced to the fans during the game.
The gathering of the ’64 alums may be likened to an unofficial mini-reunion, given that the school only holds actual reunions each summer. However, many of this class has desired to get together in the fall at a game for old time’s sake. Members of the Class of 1964, aka “The Greatest Class Ever,” are encouraged to come to this event, whether they plan to attend the real 60th reunion this upcoming summer. Team members of all years, plus members of the Class of 1964, should visit this link for more information and to see who is already registered as coming: connect.csbsju.edu/register/1963
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Fall New Student Enrollment Up at St. Ben's and St. John’s —
WJON.com -- More students are choosing the College of St. Benedict and St. John's University to achieve their career goals.
New student enrollment numbers for both institutions are up this fall. The newly enrolled student total at St. Ben's for this semester is sitting at 519, up 16 students from last fall. For St. John's, this fall they have 465 new students enrolled, which is up four students from the previous year. Combined the schools have seen a two percent increase from last year's total.
Seventeen percent of students in the new class are American students of color and four percent are international students.
St. Ben's total enrollment for fall semester is at 1,915 and St. John's is sitting at 1,706 students. The current student body comes from 39 different states and 21 countries.
The majority of first year students at both St. Ben's and St. John's are deciding to come back for a second year. Retention rates are up one percent from last year, with this fall's rate sitting at 88 percent.
College of St. Benedict and St. John's University's retention rates are about 15-20 percent higher than the national averages for public and private schools.
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
The wedding at Holy Cross Church in Marty was a beautiful affair and the reception across the highway at Pearl Lake Lodge equally well done. After the guests had all settled down with drinks in hand, a prayer by Father Anton Krebsbach was requested to begin the celebration.
Father Anton recited a beautiful prayer extolling the wonderful young couple and how hopes for a long married life would follow with many blessings of children. He also gave thanks for the bride and groom's parents, family and guests gathered, and for the food and drink they were all about to enjoy.
Then some of the bride's kin requested that the 95-year-old matriarch of the family, Geraldine Zimmer, give the first toast to the couple. Grandma Gerrie stood up somewhat shakily and asked in a reedy voice that all present "raise your glasses high." Then Grandma started, "One is sufficient, two at da most, tree I'm under da table, and four I'm under da host."
* * * *
Honors Keep Piling Up For Fiona Smith —
After a record-shattering performance in the season opening meet, Fiona Smith of the College of Saint Benedict cross country team has been named the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference (MIAC) Athlete of the Week.
In the announcement by the MIAC, Smith was recognized for breaking her school record in the 5,000-meter distance in 16:41.53 at the Toni St. Pierre Invite on Friday, Sept. 9 at the Boulder Creek Golf Course in St. Cloud. A senior mathematics major from Dhahran, Saudi Arabia, Smith broke her own school record of 17:21.3 (2022) by more than 40 seconds which she ran at the CSB/SJU Invite on Sept. 3, 2022.
Smith, a two-time cross country All-American, was honored as the cross country athlete of the week by the MIAC for the ninth time, including five in 2021 and three in 2022. Counting her MIAC Athlete of the Week honors in both track and field (13) and cross country, she has been honored 22 times. Also today, Smith was named the DIII Glory Days Runner of the Week.
A two-time defending MIAC and North Region champion, Smith bettered the field at the Toni St. Pierre Invite by over two minutes as she ran to her 22nd record and 48th individual title in cross country and track and field at CSB. She was part of a CSB team that have the top-five finishers in the competition and 14 overall student-athletes who had career-best performances.
Smith, a two-time CSB Athlete of the Year, was recently named the Chi Alpha Sigma National Scholar Athlete of the Year, was earlier this summer named the USTFCCCA National Scholar Athlete of the Year and named a first team College Sports Communicators Academic All-American.
At the 2023 NCAA DIII Outdoor Track and Field Championships, Smith was runner-up in both the 5,000 and 10,000-meter runs. In 2023, she also became the first CSB runner to win a national DIII title by capturing the 3,000-meter and 5,000-meter events at the NCAA DIII indoor championships. She has totaled 11 All-American honors.
* * * *
St. John’s Prep Connection To The Titanic —
My good friend and classmate, John Diffley ’64 of Stewartville MN, often entertains me with bits of interesting trivia and commentary he shares. The latest is a factoid about a little known connection of the Titanic tragedy to St. John’s Prep School.
Scroll down to Father Josef Peruschitz, OSB at this link: https://www.aquietsea.org/pdfs/TITANIC%20CLERGY%20LINKED%20IN.pdf
More on Father Peruschitz:
https://www.encyclopedia-titanica.org/titanic-victim/josef-peruschitz.html
Brief video about Titanic’s three heroic priests:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sviw-8I3p7Y (1:30 min)
* * * *
Virginity Test —
Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride was a virgin.
The doctor said, "Well, you need three things from a do-it-yourself shop. A little can of red paint, a little can of blue paint... and a shovel."
Paddy asked, "And what do I do with these, Doc?"
The doctor replied, "Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw, you hit her with the shovel."
* * * *
The Final Word —
(Contributed by Bob Malby ’64, Edina, MN)
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
“Fred,” he replies.
“Fred what?” the officer asks.
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
Then man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. “Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
The biker replies, “It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
“After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
“Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
“Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears.
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So, Issue #3 is out into the Johnnified ether. Many won’t receive it because (a) it was sent into their spam folder, or (b) because their name slipped off the mailing list through no fault of the UUN crack staff. Stuff like this drives me crazy. If you want to get on/back on the mailing list and see this by some chance, please go to https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/ , scroll down a bit and enter your name in the subscribe spot. Otherwise, keep the faith and
Cheer on our Johnnies!!
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Submitted by R.L. Wicker ’60/’64
2035 Eleanor Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55116
theowick@aol.com; home: 651-699-4697
Website — subscribe here:
https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/
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