Down to the Final Two (UUN #16-22)
Dear Faithful, if Still Disappointed Subscribers —
St. Benedict's Monastery this morning (Photo sent by Sister Lois Wedl, OSB)
We’re finally at the end of the Division III football season. There’s one more game. For some it’s “Thank God, I thought the season would never end.” Or “Who cares since St. John’s isn’t in it.”
For others, like myself for instance, I’m ready for the championship game— the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl — this Friday evening with hopes that it will be good, close, hard-fought game with lots of athleticism on display, good sportsmanship exhibited, and serious injury avoided.
Some of us in the Twin Cities, knowing how hard it is to access ESPNU for the televised contest, seek out a friendly watering hole in which to watch the game together. This year we have found a good-enough venue to be together with a few handfuls of SJU-CSB friends and aficionados of Div. III football, to raise a glass, gobble a cheeseburger, watch the game, kibitz about it, and close out the season together, comrades to the end… until next August when it starts all over again.
This Friday evening, December 16, all UUN readers so inclined are invited to the back room at Manning’s Cafe in southeast Minneapolis. The group expands and contracts yearly but usually runs from 15 to 25. All interested souls are invited, but we are asked by the restaurant management for a head count, so any of you coming or even seriously considering attending need to contact me by email or phone by Thursday afternoon, meaning tomorrow (or today if you open this on Thursday). theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697.
Manning’s is located at 2200 Como Avenue SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414. (Phone: 612-331-1053). One of the best ways to get there is to take the Como Avenue exit off Hwy. 280 and head west a half mile or so. Here are links to the Manning’s website and location map:
http://manningscafe.com/
http://manningscafe.com/location-hours/
Due to space considerations, please just don’t show up…call or email first so we can be sure there is space enough for all who come.
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So, Who’s Playing? —
Making the first national semifinal played at Benedetti-Wehrli Stadium [Naperville, IL] a memorable one with a masterful performance, #1 North Central Cardinals qualified for its third straight national championship game Saturday with a 49-14 dismantling of 2021 NCAA Division III national champion #3 Mary Hardin-Baylor.
#2 Mount Union Purple Raiders, who defeated #8 Wartburg 34-31 in semifinal play Saturday, has won 13 of the 21 Stagg Bowls it has played in, and last reached the Division III football championship game in 2018 and last won it in 2017. The Purple Raiders will face the North Central Cardinals in the national championship. The Cardinals defeated Mount Union, 26-13, in the national semifinals last season on the Raiders' home field.
The University of Mount Union, Alliance, Ohio, is 14-0 this season, including 9-0 in their conference. They were 8-0 at home at Kehres Stadium, 6-0 away. They skated through their schedule with large-margin wins with the exception of a 34-28 win against #22-at-the-time John Carroll, and a real squeaker 23-21 victory against Baldwin-Wallace. In the quarterfinals against #8 Delaware Valley (in an away game) they won comfortably 22-6, and in the semifinals last Saturday they barely made it by a tenacious #12 Wartburg 34-31 in a thrilling game. They are undefeated but I think they are certainly beatable, so my early money (oops, no betting, remember?) goes with their opponent.
North Central College brings an identical record — 14-0 overall, 9-0 conference, including 9-0 at home, and 5-0 away. During the season the Cardinals overwhelmed every single team they faced with the exception of #11-at-the-time Wheaton College, where they won only 33-20. In the second round of the playoffs they beat #15 Carnegie Mellon University only by 28-7, with the first round, quarterfinal and semifinal games being routs. Imagine taking defending champs Mary Hardin-Baylor 49-14 in the national semifinal?!
Both teams have been accused of playing in fairly weak conferences, but their performances as the top two-ranked teams in the d3football.com poll give their appearance in this Stagg Bowl a justifiable validity…the top two playing each other for the championship. I can’t help but think North Central, proving itself a colossal team, a Titan of the gridiron during the season and playoffs, will have little trouble chastising Mount “Onion”, who themselves will no doubt be the ones crying later But, you never know…As they always say, “That’s why they play the game.”
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(Editor’s Note: A cubit is an ancient measure of length, approximately equal to the length of a forearm. It was typically about 18 inches or 44 cm, though there was a long cubit of about 21 inches or 52 cm. You can learn more in the UUN by accident than from the mainstream media on purpose.)
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You Know What They Say About Curiosity —
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
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Updated Division III Bracket —
https://d2o2figo6ddd0g.cloudfront.net/0/3/2bllkg964jfnhn/2022-football-bracket.pdf
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Last Week’s Results —
15th Week, Saturday, December 10 -
Semifinals Round, NCAA Division III Playoffs
Wartburg versus Mount Union — If SJU had beaten Wartburg as we should have, I think we had the horses to beat Mount Union at their home field this year…but I don’t think the Warthogs, despite beating us, do unless UMU makes the kind of mistakes we did. Thus I’m looking for a Mt. Union win, albeit close, of about 28-20. Actually, our old Warthogs hung in there very well until the very end when Mount Onion did what they do best—make the other teams cry, this time eking out a 34-31 win.
Mary Harden-Baylor versus North Central — This should be an exciting replay of last year’s surprising second-half trouncing of the Cardinals by the Crusaders. Some might even say that this game is the real Stagg Bowl. UMHB is still very good but this year didn’t seem as dominant as we thought they’d be. Adding in the revenge factor, plus the fact that it’s a home game for North Central, I’d have to go with the Cardinals in another close one, in maybe a higher scoring shootout, 38-33. Actually, who would have thought that the N.C. Cardinals’ payback would have been so convincing, winning by a most one-sided “shootout” 49-14. Hey, Cru…karma’s a bitch, eh?
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Final Game This Week—
The Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl
At 7 pm (6 pm CST) on Friday, December 16 in Annapolis, MD; televised on ESPNU (good luck finding that channel):
Mount Union Raiders versus North Central Cardinals — Two long-standing Titans meet to slug it out for the national championship. Of course, none of us are betting people, but I nonetheless am betting on North Central.
(And here’s a quick, disgusted word from the UUN Attendance Czar, Larry Haeg ’63/’67 about one important game last Saturday:)
Look at the attendance at North Central today. 1,662. Whew.
(Editor’s Accompanying Mutual Disgust: The temperature was 39º and cloudy…no excuse for not supporting what may next be the 2022 National Champions. Their fans are not worthy of such a team.)
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Battle Between The Sexes, Birthday Celebration —
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce.”
"My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
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(Courtesy of Jim Weiss '64)
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From Our Readers —
From Wayne Hergott ’57, Edina, MN —
Thanks for another thorough Underground. Your fidelity to it is inspiring.
When Norm Lear was asked what he attributed to his calm and tranquil nature he replied. "Over and Next. When a program of mine is shown on TV regardless of whether it's a hit or a failure I never revisit it mentally and ask 'What If'' questions. It's OVER and I turn to what is NEXT." We Johnnie football fans may find our interior more tranquil if we followed Lear's philosophy. No matter how great the year was, and it was great, nor how awful the final game was, and it was awful, it's OVER. Let's turn to whatever is NEXT for each of us. Don't spend energy speculating on how we would have done against Aurora, Mt. Union and North Central.
Last week I proposed that the Division III playoffs be reduced from five to two or three games. I continue to support that concept for Division III. I now add another proposal: expand the SJU Hall Of Fame [Ed.’s Quick Correction: It’s called the SJU Hall of Honor] to also include students who have excelled in activities other than sports.
SJU had and has students who excel in non-sports activities who deserve to be in any Hall Of Fame of St. John's students. This year Cyril Paul (59) was inducted into the Hall because of his performance in track. He was good in track and deserves the invitation but he excelled more as an entertainer, a singer. Many nights I remember being in what is now Humphrey Auditorium which was packed with students, staff and monks who were there to hear Cyril sing calypso music. He was outstanding, almost as good as Belafonte.
Wouldn't it be appropriate for him to also be qualified to enter the Hall of Fame for his musical talent. How about the same for students like Dean Holt ’94 who was an outstanding actor at SJU or Bill Kling ’64 who with Fr. Coleman Barry started Minnesota Public Radio at St. John's. Wouldn't it be nice if the Hall was expanded to include students like them, students who excelled in various non-sports activities like the Men's Chorus, Student Government, Drama and other non-sport activities? Other schools are expanding their Hall Of Fame to honor not only athletic achievers but also non-athletic achievers. I propose SJU also does that. — Wayne
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From Tom Larkin ’64, Denver, CO —
Thanks Bob for keeping us connected and entertained for another year. — Tom
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From John and Pat Vos Krueger ’70, Rockville, MN —
Rob, As very long time season ticket holders and general Johnnie and Bennie fans, we want to thank you for the work you do to keep our Johnnie/ Bennie community alive.
We attend Johnnie activities because we enjoy them, but also because we appreciate the sense of community that exists at the events. Your newsletter is at the forefront of this aspect of community. Again, we thank you and wish you a Merry Christmas and very Happy and Healthy New Year. — John and Pat
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From Gary Kordosky ’64, Tucson, AZ —
THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER GREAT SEASON OF THE UUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!— Gary
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From Don Hall ’55/’59, Minneapolis, MN —
Rob, Very interesting to hear Ron Tomczik talk about Gagliardi and expectations. Another of his secret weapons, I suspect. — Don
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From Nellie Klein ’60, St. Cloud, MN —
Rob — Happy to read we’ll continue to get the Division 3 game results! Football season for the Johnnies is over! Was so glad to see you mention Johnnie basketball! (Loved the photo of Mitch Plombon…he and his family have been close personal friends forever.) I’ve followed Johnnie basketball since Gary was a student there (‘58) to today! Watched the win today over Hamline. Tell your readers it’s a wonderful filler sport until winter indoor track. ( I watch grandson Jack Genereau—a thrower)…then onto summer track and field (more throwing) One could say I need a life…and now with Gary’s death I guess I have a new life! — Nellie
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From Jim Nathe ’64, Waynesboro, VA —
Thanks for your newsletter, Rob. I enjoyed keeping up with the team and SJU throughout the season. I attended the Whitewater game (back visiting family in Sauk Centre) and streamed all the rest of the games. — Jim
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From Todd Mueller ’74, Arden Hills, MN —
Rob, Thanks for your many years of effort putting together this great newsletter. I've never missed an issue. Isn't it great that we have such a tremendous football program to give a damn about. What follows is another Tommie joke for your readers:
P.S. Was that you at Art Laliberte's funeral in Robbinsdale several months ago? — Todd
(Editor’s Response: Yes, Chris and I attended the funeral to honor Art’s memory and to support our friend Mike Laliberte and his entire family. In the UUN report on the funeral I mentioned all the Johnnies and Bennies present that the family identified for me…sorry if you were missed.)
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From Terry Fruth ‘60, Minneapolis, MN —
Rob, further to my last on Bennie sports: CSB sports is separate from SJU in every respect, including separate leadership, website [gobennies.com] and etc. Title IX is probably the reason. This is unfortunate for a number of reasons— including economics. SJU and CSB are Siamese twins—each dependent on the other.
The UUN has helped by heightening awareness [of the two programs]. Each should bask in the reflected glory of the other though they cannot each eat from separate ends of the same sausage.
John [Fruth ’66] says I use too many metaphors, but as a man of letters, you surely do not agree. [Ed’s Quick Interjection: Yes, I surely do not agree; to me, if not John, metaphors are the xylem and phloem of the UUN, the pungent spice of this wordy mélange.] Metaphors, analogies and other rhetorical devices are a big part of the trial lawyer tool kit—the entire kit sometimes—bad client, bad law, bad jury, bad judge. I look forward to next fall and your articles. — Terry
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From a Friend who played on the first National Championship Team —
As a correction to the reference in Ron Tomczik’s column about Otis Taylor, Taylor is not in the NFL Hall of Fame. The only Prairie View player in the NFL Hall of Fame from the 1963 Camelia Bowl is Ken Houston. Otis Taylor and Jim Kearney are both in the Kansas City Chiefs and Missouri HoF but not in the NFL HoF.
As a side note, I recently learned that Otis Taylor is suffering from Parkinson's and is being fed through a feeding tube by his sister. Jim Kearney is alive and doing well. Ken Houston suffers from CLL [Ed’s Note: a slowly progressing leukemia]. I was told this by a mutual friend and personally confirmed the information.
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The Tommie Golfer —
A Tommie and his wife decided to play golf one afternoon. The wife strolled ahead and walked down a hill to the women's tee. Not seeing his wife standing at the bottom of the hill, the husband smacked a grass burner that never got higher than a few feet above the turf.
Seconds later he heard a sickening thud and a loud moan and realized he had hit his wife in the head. The husband raced down to his wife, called for an ambulance and rode with her to the hospital.
After several tense hours, the doctor came out of surgery and explained to the Tommie. that his wife had suffered a severe concussion but was resting comfortably.
"Thanks a lot doc,” the greatly relieved Tommie said.
"But upon further examination," the doctor added, "we discovered a golf ball wedged between her buttocks.”
"Oh," the Tommie said, "that must have been my mulligan."
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
There were two guys on a motorcycle driving east on Stearns County 17 between Holdingford and Opole. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.
Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with the cold air hitting me in my chest."
After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. So they were driving down the road and they came around this curve at high speed, hit some sandy pavement and wrecked. Willard Wilmesmeier, a retired farmer that lived near the scene of the accident, called the police and told them what happened.
The police asked him, "Are either of them showing any life signs?"
Willard said, "Vell, dat first one vas 'til I turned his head round da right way.”
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Three Safety Tips For Your Fireplace At Christmas —
Although winter weather increases the desire for real wood fires in your fireplace, it’s especially nice at this time of the year — when a nice, warm, inviting fire adds to the Yuletide ambience — when you may want to set a fire more often, especially when guests and family are present. Here are three quick tips to keep your fire safe as well as welcoming:
- Burn only dry, dense wood to minimize creosote build-up and keep your fireplace as safe as possible.
- Avoid burning wrapping paper, Christmas trees and garbage in your fireplace. Burning these increase flammable creosote build-up and quickly raise flames within your chimney, thus increasing your risk of a chimney fire.
- Avoid using flammable decorations near your fireplace mantle to decrease the chance of a house fire.
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Meanwhile, Back At The La —
A French fry walks into the La Playette and says to the bartender “Hey, could I get a beer please?”
The bartender looks at him shaking his head and says, “No, we don’t serve food here”
(Badda Boom)
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How Family Religious Traditions Start —
Along with the sheep, cow and donkey, our nativity scene now has a new animal. A plump little teddy bear sits in the hay paying tribute to Baby Jesus.
Our children will tell you this addition is quite scriptural. As a beginning reader, Billy was thrilled to be able to read the Christmas story from the Bible for our family Advent devotions. Although the verses did not flow from one line to another, we enjoyed listening to him read.
One night Billy read: "Behold, a virgin shall be with child and bear..." "A bear?" my 3-year-old Nancy interrupted.
"We don't have a bear in our manger," 5-year-old Timmy said. "Here, use mine," offered Nancy, and she plopped her soft stuffed bear in the middle of the scene.
Then Billy continued to read: "... a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel.”
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And Speaking of Advent… —
Listen to one of our best Advent hymns. It is “My Soul In Stillness Waits” by Minnesotan Marty Haugen. In June 2017 Marty, together with Fr. Michael Joncas and David Haas, received the Pax Christi Award, Saint John’s Abbey and University’s highest award, for their longtime contributions to liturgical composition.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIHxYEmTDCA
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Dream Interpretation —
"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist.
"I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact, I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."
The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
Elderly Father Omer Schlumpberger, pastor emeritus of Assumption Parish in Eden Valley, called all the children up to the front of the church for the weekly Bible story at the 10 am Sunday Mass. Little Jimmy Oschwald listened intently to the story of Lot. Father Omer said, "Da man named Lot vas varned to take his wife and flee out of da city, but his wife looked back and vas turned to salt."
Very concerned, Jimmy raised his hand and asked, "What happened to the flea?"
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
Help Stamp Out Sarcopenia
Earlier this past fall, attendees at the Lunch Bunch (a gathering of “senior” Johnnies) had the pleasure of hearing from Justin Rost, Strength & Conditioning Coach for St. John’s athletes. In answer to various questions, Justin described his philosophy for keeping our players healthy, fit and able to utilize their bodies in the best and safest ways to contribute to their various teams. He didn’t say this but we’ve heard from many SJU athletes that Justin's mentoring is one huge reason why our teams are so competitive.
In answer to a question near the end of the session —“What advice do you have for us older men to stay healthy?” Justin said simply, “Lift weights. It’s the single best thing you can do.”
Typically weight lifting is thought of as an activity for the young and fit. In reality, though, fitness activities like lifting weights are a great thing for your health regardless of age. Studies have proven that weight lifting as you get older can help fight osteoporosis and sarcopenia. Evidence shows that activity which puts stress on bone strength helps improve the external structure of the bone itself. In addition, weight training activities help maintain your core strength and improve your health and longevity.
So following up on this advice, I’m offering a short video (5:37 min) that explains in a bit more detail why weight/resistance training is so important, beginning for people around 30 years old and certainly anyone 65 years and older. It falls into the “Use it or Lose it” category of health maintenance:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAC2g03_-2Y
Note: Sarcopenia is a condition characterized by loss of skeletal muscle mass and function. Although it is primarily a disease of the elderly, its development may be associated with conditions that are not exclusively seen in older persons. Sarcopenia is a syndrome characterized by progressive and generalized loss of skeletal muscle mass and strength and it is strictly correlated with physical disability, poor quality of life and death. Risk factors for sarcopenia include age, gender and level of physical activity. So listen to Justin if you won’t listen to me.
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Top Ten Reasons Older People Need To Lift Weights —
https://www.topfitness.com/blogs/blog/the-top-reasons-older-people-need-to-lift-weights
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Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Airline PA System —
- This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...
- It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.
- We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!
- Don't worry! That one is always on E...
- Get the parachutes ready...
- Drinks are on me...
- I'll have what the Captain's having...
- Hey cap’n, take another hit, man...
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FINAL WORD —
UUN Classic:
A Tommie and A Bennie On A Plane —
A St. Thomas alum and a St. Ben’s grad are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. Making some small talk as the plane prepared to take off, they learned that each other was from Minnesota and attended their respective schools.
Some time after take-off the Tommie decides to show this Bennie how intelligent he is. He leans over and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The Bennie just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Tommie persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains, ”I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The Tommie, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a woman and a Bennie that he will easily win the match. This catches the Bennie's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
Our Tommie asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Bennie doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Tommie. Now, it's the Bennie's turn.
She asks the Tommie: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The Tommie looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends emails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the Bennie and hands her $500. The Bennie politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The Tommie, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the Bennie and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, the Bennie reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!
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Goodbye for now…there’s one more UUN left for this season. While we’re watching Mt. Union and North Central go at it on Friday, we can state with great conviction…
GO JOHNNIES ! ! That Shoulda Been Us. . . (or something like that.)
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Sincerely submitted,
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64,
You can call me Rob, you can call me Bob, you can call me Theo or Wick…and I’ve changed my personal pronouns; they are “Tommies” and “Still Suck.”
St. Paul, MN; 651-699-4697
theowick@aol.com
https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com
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