Gusties Go Down and Out (UUN#9-22)
Dear Primed-to-the-Brim Johnny Supporters —
The Gustavus Adolphus Golden Gusties came to play, and play they did, especially in the first half, which ended with the Jays leading very narrowly 24-21 after a late touchdown. The first half was most entertaining if one could watch dispassionately, but no one wearing Red among the overflow crowd of 13,161 could be accused of that. We were worried — quite worried — because Gustavus looked very efficient on offense, especially in the second quarter when they scored with TD passes after two impressive-looking, balanced drives of 61 and 68 yards.
Our normally potent defense was porous and, at times, looked confused. The Gusties were well-coached and had a good game plan, which included, among other things, double- and sometimes triple-teaming #91 senior defensive lineman Michael Wozniak. The first of two field goals by sophomore Conor Murphy was the three-point difference in the very even first half.
You’re looking at a “Mike Drop,” so-called signature slam tackle, usually for a sack, for which senior #91 Michael Wozniak has become known and feared, particularly by opposing quarterbacks.
Adjustments were made at the intermission and we fans saw a remarkable second half of defensive football where our crew absolutely shut down the Gusties, limiting them to 12 yards on sixteen plays. Gustavus sophomore quarterback George Sandven, who looked invincible in the first half, was misfiring passes all over the place, partly because of new pressure developed by the half-time adjustments, and partly because the above-mentioned Wozniak absolutely flattened him two times, once for a sack and another almost. Young George arose tentatively after each of those “Mike Drops”, descriptive of a signature crushing tackle by Woz coined by radio announcer Mark Lewandowski, and I think he was hearing footsteps for the rest of the game. Concurrently, their effective first-half running game also turned up empty. Although SJU won the game somewhat decisively 41-27, it should have been even more so, since we gifted the Gusties an easy touchdown after misplaying a monster Gustavus punt and turning it over to them on our three-yard line. They missed their extra point, so that was a bonus.
By the way, this game was marvelously near-penalty-free, with only four assigned to each team. After all the foreboding about the Gusties’ chippy and sometimes thuggish play last year continuing into this game, there was no evidence of that at all on Saturday. Gustavus Coach Peter Haugen, said by some who know him, is a class act and no doubt corrected the physical excesses of some of his players but had his team ready to play hard-nosed football. Said SJU coach Gary Fasching ’81, "Gustavus is a really good football team. They're talented. They have a number of fifth-year guys who came back this season. We knew this was going to be a tough game and it was."
Senior defensive lineman #8 Metoriah Faoliu returned a fumble 35 yards for a touchdown on the game's fourth play from scrimmage (image courtesy of Nick Gilman).
Offensively, we scored less than a minute and a half into the game by a defense-caused fumble (by sophomore linebacker #3 Cooper Yaggie) that was scooped up by senior D-lineman #8 Metoriah Faoliu and returned 35 yards. That was fun. What wasn’t so fun was watching usually sure-handed receivers dropping balls or missing some poorly-thrown ones. This all added to our fans-in-the-stands-angst. Nevertheless freshman WR #2 Dylan Wheeler caught a 32-yard TD pass, and junior WR #11 Jimmy Buck caught one for 13 yards just before the half. In the third quarter senior tight end #8 Alex Larson caught two short passes for TDs, putting us up 38-21 until that gimme touchdown we gifted the Gusties. Our final three points came from Conor Murphy’s second three-pointer.
Teammates celebrate with senior tight end #8 Alex Larson following one of his two receiving touchdowns in the third quarter against Gustavus (image courtesy of Nick Gilman).
Later at the really swinging La Playette, my friend, classmate and frequent UUN contributor Jim Conn ’64 told me he wished he had taken a photo of the field immediately after the game because he was very touched by the scene of both teams melding into one mass with handshakes, hugs and many conversations going on in a most wonderful exhibition of sportsmanship and mutual respect; this before the teams separated and the fans and families entered the field. I missed that because with a few minutes left my old roomie Jim Senden ’64 and I had gone to meet up with Jim’s sophomore grandson Jack Senden to exchange vehicles and visit his dorm room before heading to the La.
Happy players are shown on the big screen visiting with happy (and relieved) parents, friends and assorted fans at the game's end (photo by John Sipe).
Discussion continues among longtime fans about how good the Johnnies really are. Some still think they may be over-rated at #4 in the nation because of recent lapses within either our offense or defense; others think were pretty good but not great because, mainly, of our lack of consistency in the running game, while others question are secondary. But many close to the team see us as able to play competitively with any team in the nation and that we tend to rise up (or down) to the level of our competition. Assuming we get by Bethel for the MIAC championship in a notable fashion, and barring any strategic injuries, we could go far in the play-offs, we’re that good.
Go here for the game recap and box score: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2022/10/22/football-no-5-sju-pulls-away-in-second-half-for-41-27-win.aspx
Go here for video highlights of the Gustavus game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA-Uy0xlYOA (1:21 min.)
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Kudos to these Johnny Players —
Woz Named As A Finalist For 2022 Campbell Trophy —
Saint John's University senior defensive lineman Micheal Wozniak was selected as one of the 15 finalists — and only one of three players from Division III — for the William V. Campbell Trophy on Wednesday, Oct. 26. This trophy is said to be the equivalent of the Heisman Trophy for academic achievement and leadership qualities as well as athletic prowess on the football field.
Each of the 15 finalists will receive an $18,000 postgraduate scholarship as a member of the National Football Foundation (NFF) National Scholar-Athlete Class. The finalists will travel to Bellagio Resort & Casino in Las Vegas for the 64th NFF Annual Awards Dinner on Dec. 6.
An accounting major with a 3.86 GPA, Wozniak was selected to the 22-man, 2022 Allstate American Football Coaches Association (AFCA) Good Works Team Sept. 19 and earned College Sports Information Directors of America (CoSIDA) Academic All-America first-team honors last fall. The three-time Academic All-MIAC honoree (minimum 3.5 GPA) was a 2022 Lindy's Preseason All-America and a 2021 D3football.com All-America first-team selection. Wozniak has 28 tackles (15 solo), including 10 for a loss and seven sacks, as well as two forced fumbles and four quarterback hurries in seven games this fall.
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Saint John's senior tight end Alex Larson named to the D3football.com National Team of the Week
Senior #8 Alex Larson caught six passes for 84 yards and two, third-quarter touchdowns in the Johnnies' 41-27 win over Gustavus Adolphus last Saturday. He currently leads the MIAC with nine receiving touchdowns, which are eighth-most in NCAA Division III this season. Larson is second on the team in both receptions (41) and receiving yards (540).
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Senior defensive lineman Metoriah Faoliu earns his second MIAC Football Defensive Player of the Week honor of the season
Senior #8 Metoriah Faoliu gave fourth-ranked SJU an early lead with a 35-yard fumble return for a touchdown in the first quarter in Saturday's 41-27 win over Gustavus Adolphus. He finished with six tackles, including 2.5 for a loss and a sack as the Johnnies held the Gusties to 228 yards of offense, including 12 yards on 16 plays (6:01 of possession) in the second half. Faoliu currently leads the MIAC with 11.5 tackles for loss and is second, behind teammate Michael Wozniak (seven), with six sacks.
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St. Scholastica Bonehead Biology —
The topic of CSS’s freshman introductory Biology class last week was Dolly, the sheep cloned in Scotland several years back.
The class discussed how scientists removed the nucleus from the sheep egg cell and replaced it with the nucleus from the parent cell. The students were fascinated. One, a lineman on the football team, was particularly entranced.
"This is amazing," he said. "I had no idea sheep laid eggs."
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St. Scholastica — Our Benedictine Kissin’ Cousins —
As most reading this already know, The College of St. Scholastica (CSS) is a private Benedictine college in Duluth, Minnesota. Founded in 1912 by a group of pioneering Benedictine Sisters from St. Joseph, Minnesota, today St. Scholastica educates almost 4,000 students (circa 2,500 undergraduates) annually from several locations and has graduated more than 29,000 alumni. The main college campus offers a liberal arts education and is located on 186 wooded acres overlooking Lake Superior, which means they have a great view, it’s quite tricky driving down the hill in winter, and it’s going to be cold as all get out in the winter.
CSS fields 22 athletic teams, including 11 women's (basketball, cross country, Nordic skiing, soccer, softball, indoor track & field, outdoor track & field, hockey, tennis, golf, and volleyball) and 11 men's teams (basketball, cross country, Nordic skiing, soccer, baseball, indoor track & field, outdoor track & field, hockey, football, golf, and tennis). The college's athletic teams are called the Saints. All teams, except Nordic skiing, compete in the MIAC, which is part of the NCAA’s Division III.
Prior to joining the MIAC a year ago the Saints were part of the Upper Midwest Athletic Conference (UMAC) where they completed very strongly for many years. Joining the MIAC, along with Macalester returning to conference football means that, after St. Thomas’ ouster, we now have ten teams again; this provides better scheduling and fewer holes in those schedules. For CSS, it provides closer travel, allows their athletes to compete at a higher level, receive more visibility for recruiting, and be more convenient for students, parents and fans.
What To Expect On Saturday —
The Saints, most regrettably, are one of three doormats in the conference along with Macalester and Hamline, who CSS narrowly defeated a few weeks ago. More recently they almost beat St. Olaf. But their losses have been epic, as in close to tragic: Sewanee (TN) 50-0; Augsburg 50-13; Concordia 77-7; and Carleton 56-20. Get the picture? Good thing that don’t have to play Bethel.
This game with St. John’s is most likely another morale buster for the Saints; with that record who wants to play a top-ranked opponent. But it’s kind of difficult for the Johnnies too. Gary and the other coaches may have a difficult task in getting the players to really prepare mentally for this game; the danger is they’ll go to Duluth and just show up, expecting to coast to victory without much effort, and then play sloppily and take inane penalties, making them more open for injury and developing poor habits. I realize Gary can’t do this for many reasons, but I’d sure wish he could leave the first string at home and start the second and third strings. Those kids would play hard for the experience and to impress the coaches.
But it doesn’t really matter who from St. John’s plays. The Saints will lose, and lose big. Gary’s the type of guy who will try not to embarrass the other team and will put the brakes on fairly early. Thus I’m hoping we will not score much over 50 points; we don’t need to pull a Glenn Caruso “run it up” moment for points in the polls. What I do hope for is another shut out. This will be good practice, especially for the secondary, and will give the entire defense a reason to fire up and stay fired up.
Looking at the Saints, we see a team that is majority Minnesotan (from all over the state) and northwestern Wisconsin. They also have a lot of Texas kids and a handful from Florida. They even have a player from Australia. They are not particularly big on either line, but they have some kids in the 290 range with two around 300 lbs, What jumps out at me is the youth of their line…so many freshmen. The rest of the starters or those with a lot of playing time are sophomores. So the Saints’ coaches are building for the future and I wish them luck. It’s gotta be hard because the kids they get are what’s left after St. John’s, Bethel, Gustavus, probably Concordia and maybe one or two others get their pick of the lot first.
Quarterbacking the Saints is, of course, yet another sophomore, #3 Donald Wyatt who looks imposing at 6’3”, 230. His main targets at wide receiver are senior #4 Wyatt Lahr and sophomore #10 Benjamin Hunter. Main running back is sophomore #21 Nick Schlender, with help from sophomore #80 Ricky Weber, who also handles punting chores.
Defensively, sophomore linebacker #11 Anthony Vo is the key. Last year, as a frosh, he was named to All-MIAC Honorable Mention team. Next to him is another sophomore #5 Antonio Bugni. Senior defensive back #15 Jake Kukowski is counted on not only for leadership but a lot of tackles. Another D-back, sophomore #27 John Bonner, has been very active for the Saints.
All in all, if our guys come up there, play hard, work substitutes in, and play for something, let it be for a shut-out with no injuries and virtually no penalties. If so, my prediction is 54-0 with very few passes in the second half…unless, of course, Aaron Syverson and his receiving corps look terrible and need more work.
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CSS Work-Study Grant Recipient —
A St. Scholastica student was given a work-study grant to work with the school’s Grounds Department. Giving the kid the department credit card, his supervisor told him to down the hill into town, buy a new chain saw, and return to cut down six trees quickly for a campus expansion project.
So our Saint walks into a hardware store and asks for a saw that will cut six trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line chain saw model. The Saint is suitably impressed and buys it.
The next day he brings it back and says, “This saw is defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all the gosh-darned day!”
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the Saint asks, “What’s that noise?”
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About Duluth, Pregame and After —
Our game with The St. Scholastica Saints will be played at Public Schools Stadium, 4405 W 4th St., Duluth, MN 55807. Phone: 218-628-4878.
For those more familiar with Duluth, it is adjacent to Denfield High School in the west end of the city. https://csssaints.com/facilities/public-schools-stadium/6
Our CSB-SJU alums are hosting a tailgate, which is free but they need a head count for food; you supply your on beverages and can bring a chair if desired. Please register here promptly: https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/DuluthTailgate
Another option for those who would prefer a more traditional sandwich and beer might try Players Sports Bar (very close to the field and has good reviews; opens at 11 am); 4024 Grand Ave, Duluth, MN 55807-2735, +1 218-624-7974
For after the Game:
There are several brew pubs in that general area, most notably Bent Paddle and Ursa Minor that are very close; there are others downtown and farther east. Here’s the site for the ten best breweries in Duluth:
https://www.yelp.com/search?cflt=breweries&find_loc=Duluth%2C+MN
More genteel dining:
All kinds of places in Canal Park https://canalpark.com/dining/
Other dining/drinking opportunities https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurants-g43018-Duluth_Minnesota.html
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AROUND THE MIAC —
Last Week’s Results —
8th Week, Saturday, October 22
Bethel at Macalester — So, should Mac even suit up? They asked for it coming back to the MIAC. Bethel 66 to 12. Actually, I really hit this one! Royals 63-13.
Carleton at Concordia — This is the Knights’ first real test of the season. They bring their 6-0 record against lower echelon teams up to Concordia, a team I think is nearly as good. But “nearly” won’t be enough as the hard-luck Cobbers lose another close one, 24-17. Actually, just when I was feeling good about myself, Concordia turns the tables on the Knights, winning 20-13.
St. Olaf at St. Scholastica — Good Grief! Not another blow-out of our Benedictine cousins to the North? What we did to the Oles last week, they’ll do to the Saints on Saturday, 49-10. (Maybe even worse.) Actually, gotta hand it to the Saints, who made it a real contest, losing only 33 to 28.
Augsburg at Hamline — The Pipers, who really should consider combining with Snelling Avenue neighbor Macalester, will catch no relief against the Auggies, who will emerge victorious 38-18. Actually, the Auggies won by 42-21.
Gustavus at St. John’s — This will be a rough & tumble game with a lot of emotion on both sides. The Gusties will score on us, that’s for sure. But I’m betting we’ll score even more, winning 32-20. Actually, the Johnnies won even more convincingly, 41 to 27…and the Gusties’ last TD was an accidental “gimme.”
Other Games of Interest:
St. Thomas at Presbyterian (SC) — After sort of scooching their way to victory over a surprisingly tough Drake, the Tommies must fly to the Deep South to take on 1-6 Presbyterian. Providing they don’t fall asleep or get dehydrated in the heat, look for another U$T victory in the 45-17 vicinity. I see attendance in the 1,100 range…because they are, y’know, in Div. I. Actually, the Tommies won very close to the prediction, 46-17, and we were pretty close on the attendance too, which was 1,346.
UW-Stout at UW-Oshkosh — Another drama in the cannibalistic WIAC, pits the 4-3 Stout Blue Devils against the ranked (#24) 3-3 Oshkosh Titans. Should be very close because the Blue Devils also received votes along with UW-Platteville after its upset of River Falls. Since I have to pick one, I’ll give the win to Oshkosh because they’ll be at home and they’re probably just a bit better. Titans 26-21. Actually, Oshkosh did indeed win a close one, 19-14.
And speaking of Platteville, by Golly, they did it again! Only bigger this past week by totally upsetting #3 UW-Whitewater 17-13.
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CSS Biblical Scholars —
A freshman Theology teacher at the College of St. Scholastica was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
"Next Monday," she said, "we are going to talk about ‘Lying and the Bible,’ and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."
The following week, at the beginning of the class, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."
About half the class rose and came forward.
"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."
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Quote of the Week —
I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they’ve never even seen one of his paintings.
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Games This Week—
9th Week, Saturday, October 29
St. Olaf at Bethel — Being charitable I predict the Oles will score a little on the Royals, but with Bethel winning big 45 to 10.
Macalester at Hamline — This could be called the “Who Cares Bowl?”, but since it’s at Hamline let’s go with the Pipers holding on to win 34 to 27.
Concordia at Augsburg — A possibly good, exciting game with two evenly matched teams. Normally I’d give the home team the advantage but my heart says the Cobbers will prevail 27-21.
Carleton at Gustavus — Unfortunately for the Knights, the air went out of their undefeated balloon last week at Concordia and it gets flatter this week when the Gusties roll over them 36-12.
St. John’s at St. Scholastica — Let’s hope the Jays work on their running game with the second and third stringers most of the entire second half to show our hosts a little mercy. Even trying to keep the score manageable, it’s SJU 54 - CSS 0.
Other Games of Interest:
San Diego at St. Thomas — After the 6-1 Tommies knocked off Davidson earlier in the year, San Diego was thought to be U$T’s next strongest opponent, but at 3-3 coming into this game I’m thinking that the Toreros will be toast, about 32-10. And with the weather being mild this weekend, the Toms may get around 4,500-5,000 fans…because they’re Div. I, you know.
UW-River Falls at UW-Whitewater — Whitewater will be really ticked from its loss and will take it out on River Falls, 36-17.
UW-Platteville at UW-Stout— Platteville came out of nowhere to knock off two higher ranked teams in successive weeks so I’m betting they’ll do it again, 31- 24.
UW-La Crosse at UW-Oshkosh— La Crosse is tough, tougher than Oshkosh, so I’m going with them to beat the Titans 38-22.
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D3Football Top 25 —
North Central and Mount Union remained #1 & #2, but all the teams from last week’s #10 on up to #3 jumped one place, while former #3 UW-Whitewater fell to the new #10 after their surprising loss to now #22 UW-Platteville. SJU moved from #5 to #4, with Mary Hardin-Baylor in the new #3 spot.
From #11 (Bethel) on down the list stayed pretty much the same. The WIAC still has five teams in the Top 25, with #21 UW-River Falls, #22 UW-Platteville, and # 24 UW-Oshkosh just hanging in there. UW-La Crosse and UW-Whitewater are #s 8 and 10 respectively.
Surprisingly, to me anyway, Carleton still received votes after losing to Concordia, who did not have any recognition.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2022/week8
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SJU 2022 Football Schedule
(All games are played on Saturdays, beginning at 1 pm)
Date Opponent Location
Sep. 3 UW-Whitewater Collegeville W—24-10
Sep. 10 UW-River Falls Collegeville W—37-34
Sep. 17 Bye —
Sep. 24 Bethel Arden Hills, MN L—28-24
Oct. 1 Concordia (HC) Collegeville W—35-28
Oct. 8 Augsburg Minneapolis W—45-0
Oct. 15 St. Olaf * Northfield. W—49-10
Oct. 23 Gustavus * (FW) Collegeville W—41-28
Oct. 29 St. Scholastica * Duluth, MN
Nov. 5 Carleton * Collegeville
Nov. 12 MIAC Champ. Wk. Collegeville
HC = Homecoming
FW = Family Weekend
* = Northwoods Division
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes, Mike Carr and Charlie Carr will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 24th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet.
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Listening via the Internet: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
Viewing via live streaming: https://team1sports.com/csssaints/?B=419336
(Note: It appears to be a freebie, but we hope to have some fans up there.)
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MIAC Standings —
(As of October 22)
Division MIAC Overall
Northwoods Division
Carleton 2-0 4-1 6-1
St. John’s 2-0 4-1 6-1
Gustavus 1-1 3-2 4-3
St. Olaf 1-2 3-2 4-3
St. Scholastica 0-3 1-4 2-5
Skyline Division
Bethel 3-0 5-0 6-1
Augsburg 2-0 3-2 5-2
Concordia 1-1 2-3 4-3
Hamline 0-2 0-5 2-5
Macalester 0-3 0-5 2-5
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
A traveling salesman walked into a restaurant in Freeport. The waitress came and asked him for his order. Feeling lonely, he replied, "Meat loaf and a kind word."
When the waitress returned with the meat loaf, the man said, "Where's the kind word?"
The waitress put down the meat loaf and sighed, bent down, and whispered, "Don't eat the meat loaf.”
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New Info, Tips Bring Attention Back to Josh Guimond Case —
Stearns County Sheriff’s Office asks for help:
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More On U.S. College Enrollment —
For the third consecutive year, college enrollment in the U.S. declined. Enrollment was down 1.1% in the fall of 2022 compared to last year. That follows declines of 2.1% and 3.4% in 2021 and 2020, respectively. The largest declines in 2022 were seen at public 4-year institutions, followed by private 4-year non-profit colleges. The smallest decline was among public 2-year institutions (community colleges and trade schools).
More: National Student Clearinghouse report.
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CSB-SJU Eases Process For Community College Transfers —
St. John’s and St. Ben’s have teamed up with ten other private schools in Minnesota and the Minnesota Private College Council to help ease the process for more community college students to transfer to a four-year school for the opportunity to earn their bachelor’s degree.
Under the new partnership, admission is guaranteed at the twelve participating schools for community college students who have completed an associate of arts degree and the Minnesota Transfer Curriculum (MnTC). Transferring students must meet eligibility criteria for the school they plan to attend.
The plan is aiming for clearer options, fewer worries and more time for transfer students to plan for what’s next. Of course, a boost is enrollment is one expected benefit for each participating school.
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The Uncasual Fan —
Date: October 2, 2022 vs Gustavus
I was calm and yet excited as I headed to Collegeville Saturday morning to watch the game with Gustavus. I had a feeling we were about to experience a very good game. I also wanted to take my newfound perspective that our current 5-1 record is a positive thing (initiated by my better half) and focus on the good things happening versus the things that may not be working as well as we all would like.
The drive was great – I avoided the construction slow down. The sun was out. The tailgate was hopping. I had one of the best burgers of 2022 (smash burger courtesy of Bryce and Max). I had a taste of a nice whiskey and a beer or two to wash down the burger. I got to talk with Father Don for a couple of minutes. I only needed one thing to make the day a 10. A good game. Not necessarily a win but a good game.
At the tailgate I was determined to see if people could join me in a positive view about the team. I was a little more mobile and chattier than usual as I moved from group to group and asked people for their perspective. I was surprised to basically find very few people shared my outlook. The best I got was a “I hope we play a complete game.”
When attending a game and looking forward to a good game versus a perfect win, the event becomes a better experience for everyone (players, family, friends, fill-in-the-blank). The players and coaches know what needs to be emphasized, fixed, or changed. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it takes a while.
OK – what about the game. It was a good game. It was a fun game. It had some great plays. It had some not-so-great plays. We had points in the game where we could have collapsed, and we did not. And, yes, it was a memorable win on a wonderful, sunny, fall afternoon on Family Weekend in Collegeville.
Game Summary:
· It was a great fumble return for TD (on the 5th play of the game) that may be second only to the 99-yard fumble return against UST.
· D comes up big – The Gusties only had the ball for 16 plays and 12 yards in the 2nd half.
· Coach Fasching stays perfect for the month October.. for his entire head coaching career at SJU – Holy Mackerel – that is amazing
· Offense unveils a couple of new swerves that could definitely help going forward – passing to the running back (great job) and QB-designed runs towards the end of the game with QB-2
Top players this week:
1. Metoriah Faoliu – Fumble return for TD and numerous hits and hurries
2. Tony Underwood – 7 passes for 69 yards. A lot on 3rd down
3. Alex Larson – 2 more TD catches
4. Zander Dittbenner – 5 Designated QB rushes from the shotgun position to take time off the clock. Good speed and awareness
5.The Defense in general
How about:
1. The 51 yard punt into the wind by Spencer Ell that reversed the field early in the game
2. Solid kicking by Connor Murphy on PATs, field goals and kick offs
3. Nick VanErp coming up with some big plays after a misplayed punt. He did not fold or collapse. He came back to be a positive factor in the game.
One more thing:
I am starting to feel a little sorry for #91 Michael “Woz” Wozniak. Is there another player in college football today that gets held more than Woz. I think the strategy by opposing coaches and players is to hold Woz on every play and make the referees numb to holding that occurs on critical passing downs. Michael Wozniak is another great story of a Johnnie player doing well on the field and making his mark off the field
Half Full or Half Empty – really full
My Final Rant – one of the best things that happened this weekend was seeing the student section completely full for the entire game. Maybe that was because it was occupied by parents and fans interested in the actual game. I suggest that school administration makes this a permanent change and move the students to some other area more appropriate for lower attendance groups or people who do not stay for more than one quarter (maybe under the scoreboard with a couple of 10-foot sections of bleachers with 5 or 10 rows.)
I know it is too early to think about next year but what about a 2023 season that includes:
· Jr QB Aaron Syverson
· Jr WR Jimmy Buck
· Sr WR Nick VanErp ( also punt and kick returns)
· Fr WR Dylan Wheeler
· Fr QB Zander Dittebenner
· JR RB Troy Feddema
· So K Conor Murphy
· JR P Spencer Ell
· JR RB Tony Underwood
Yes – I know we lose Alex Larson and Henry Trost and some linemen, but I like where we are starting from. My apologies to the big guys up front that are returning. We all know they are the most crucial piece to the puzzle. I will try and name them in the future as well as the guys on Defense.
We need to have fun, play a good game, and take care of business this Saturday up in Duluth. I am guessing a heavy dose of running with some longer passes sprinkled in. We should win and the Number Twos should get some playing time.
And finally - yes it was a great day, a good game and a very good win. 6-1 looks pretty darn good right now. Just ask our Rodent friends 70 miles southeast of Collegeville that are trying to row a sinking boat right now.
Go Johnnies! —The Uncasual Fan
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Quickie #1 —
It’s been a bit of a strange day! First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…
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Quickie #2 —
The three hardest things to say are:
1. I was wrong
2. I need help
3. Worcestershire Sauce
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Quickie #3 —
I'm taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
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Quickie #4 —
Police officer: “Pull over.”
Tommie Co-ed: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.”
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A View from the Field —
(By Ron Tomczik ’65, Medicine Lake, MN)
Gustavus After-Game Comments From Players and Fans
• Metoriah Faoliu was really happy with his Gustavus fumble recovery and running it in for a DL touchdown. But, I think he was more happy with his total game performance. He really produced! But he realizes that Michael Wozniak has been double- and sometimes even triple-teamed, giving other D-Line players more opportunities to excel. (Note: sometimes Wozniak’s jersey is so torn up from being held that he even has to change his jersey at halftime!)
• Many players felt we played the most “complete” game in a long time. This allowed some 2nd and 3rd Team players to get a few minutes of playing time in the 4th quarter.
• Center Charlie Folkens felt the O-Line performed better and they only gave up 1 quarterback sack
• Kicking game was again outstanding.
From Fans:
• Very concerned about possible injuries to Henry Trost and Troy Feddema. Our running game has to improve if we are to beat Bethel and advance after the 1st Round of the Playoffs.
• Suggestion to the Coaches—If they are not completely healthy, consider resting Trost and Feddema against St. Scholastica and Carleton.
Go Johnnies! — Ron
* * * *
SJU Basketball Ranked No. 25 in D3hoops.com Preseason Poll
Saint John's basketball team was ranked No. 25 in the D3hoops.com Preseason Top 25 poll released Wednesday, Oct. 26. SJU (23-5, 17-2 MIAC) won its second consecutive MIAC regular-season championship (10th overall) and third consecutive MIAC Playoff title (eighth overall) in 2021-22. The Johnnies made their fourth NCAA Tournament appearance in a row and ended the regular season ranked No. 24 nationally. For the rest of the story, go here:
https://gojohnnies.com/news/2022/10/26/basketball-sju-ranked-no-25-in-d3hoops-com-preseason-poll.aspx
Junior wing Ryan Thissen.
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Today’s Deep Thought by Jack Handey —
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Weekend News and Views —
Shoulder to shoulder fun and socializing somewhere at the tailgate (courtesy John Sipe).
Nothing like this at any other Div. III school (courtesy of Thom Woodward).
Jeanne and Lily '23 Peterson, mother and sister of SJU quarterback #18 Nick Peterson (Courtesy John Sipe).
These Rats may love their moms, but do their moms still love them after seeing this photo? (Courtesy John Sipe).
Robyn Ruschmeier Courchane ’99 is one of the College of St. Benedict’s greatest student-athletes. She was not only mostly an “A” student with an impressive 3.84 GPA, but she played and excelled in two sports: volleyball and basketball. Robyn was inducted into the St. Ben’s Hall of Fame in 2008. You just have to read her bio here to appreciate her achievements:
https://gobennies.com/honors/hall-of-fame/robyn-ruschmeier-courchane/28
Here Robyn is pictured enjoying the Gustavus game tailgate with her husband Chris Courchane ’99 and one of their sons, Will. Their other son, Nate ’25, is a student at St. John’s.
Michael Wozniak's two proud aunts, (left) Jean Wozniak and Veronica Wozniak Keneally, are sporting their custom-made "Beware of the 'Mike Drop'" jerseys.
Fr. Wilfred Theisen, OSB, happily waits for the crowds to clear the stands from "his place" in the Clemens Stadium before returning to the Abbey in his scooter (Courtesy Bob Neis).
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* * * *
SOMETIMES...
Sometimes...
when you cry,
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain,
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried,
no one sees your stress.
Sometimes...
when you are happy,
no one sees your smile.
But fart just ONE TIME!
* * * *
From Sayings of the Desert Fathers —
An old man (Desert Father) was asked by a certain soldier if God received a penitent man.
And after heartening him with many words, he said to him at the last, "Tell me, beloved, if thy cloak were torn, wouldst throw it away?"
He said, "Nay, but I would patch it and wear it."
The old man said to him. "If thou wouldst spare thy garment, shall not God have mercy on His own image?"
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Battle Between The Sexes, The "Golden Years" Department —
An elderly lady was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 60 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names."
The hostess hung her head, "I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about ten years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old jerk what it is."
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Wicker’s Health Rant —
8 Tips for Eating Healthy on the Cheap
Adopt these tips to get better nutrition for less.
If you’ve noticed your grocery bill steadily creeping up, you’re in good company. From bread to eggs to meat, food prices have been on the rise in the U.S. In fact, grocery store and supermarket prices increased 1.1 percent in just one month this year (from September to October) and are 5.4 percent higher than they were in October 2020, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA).
It’s a concerning trend, but it doesn’t mean you have to choose between eating healthy and staying within a budget. You can score better nutrition for less with a few simple tweaks to how you shop and prepare food at home. It may require a bit more planning, but we think you’ll find it’s worth the effort. Read here for more info:
https://www.silversneakers.com/blog/8-tips-for-eating-healthy-on-the-cheap/
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From Our Readers —
From Tom Troskey ’67, St. Paul, MN —
You know what, Mr. Wicker? There are various awards, such as Oscars, Emmys, and Tonys but I do not know of one for UUNs. However, there should be and you would get it with unanimous consent. You do a terrific job week in and week out. Thank you — Tom
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From Tim Gallagher ’87, Plymouth, MN —
Wick: Love the write ups! Do me a favor and send this music suggestion to Woody [Thom Woodward ’70]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_R-KDThZeY Red Rain by Peter Gabriel. I often play it the morning of a game with my sons Keegan (’19) and Ryan (’21) – a former member of the Rat Pack. Go Johnnies! — Tim
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From Peg Marrin ’65, Dallas, TX —
A superb issue, my friend, even though you questioned my judgment about a joke's appropriateness. Anal humor passed muster decades ago in the Marrin family, so perhaps I let those kind of jokes slide.
You wrote a really nice tribute to the Bruesses, including details about the house, the menu, and the culinary staff and above all, the conviviality. Your work is a gift to all of us, as I am sure the new president and his wife already realize.
Since the weather looks favorable, I think I can talk Bill [Marrin ’61/’65] into going to the game. Pete [Conzemius ’65] invited us up to the box, but I am not sure Bill thinks he was serious. I hope to see you, even though we will miss Chris. Love Peg
(Editor’s Note: Confound it! I forgot to add in last week’s issue these two photos taken at the President’s Brunch for the Prep School silent auction.)
When Brian and Carol Bruess arrived in St. Joseph this summer they attended an SJP fundraiser and agreed to host a brunch for eight people as a silent auction item. About to enjoy the fifth course of this feast are, from left, John ’79/‘83 and Trude Kaz Sowada ’86; new CSB-SJU prez Brian Bruess; Jennifer Dean Dwyer ’77 (wife of Jim); Carol Bruess; Peg and Bill Marrin ’61/’65; Jim Dwyer ’75; Bob Wicker ’60/’64 and Chris Scholl; John Sipe ’61/’65; Rose Healy Dwyer ’75 (wife of Peter); Jon and Ann Nicklawske McGee ’86; and Peter Dwyer ’69/’73.
Fifth course: Teres Major...never heard of it myself, but it sure was tasty; read all about it here: https://completecarnivore.com/what-is-the-teres-major/
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From Wayne Hergott ’57, Edina, MN —
Bob, I once asked John Gagliardi what his feelings were after winning a game. To my surprise he said “Relief." That was my feeling after Saturday's game with Gustavus. They challenged us but our guys stepped up to the challenges even though sometimes first producing stress for our coaches and fans. There were times Saturday when I thought we were in big trouble but we have to applaud our players. They came through and prevailed. Like, John, I'm relieved.
On another subject, I am wondering if others object to how loud the audio from our scoreboard is between plays? It drives me crazy. Sometimes it drowns out the referee's explanation of a penalty, Timo's announcements of who caught a pass or made a tackle, and even interferes with conversation with people near me. Often when our opponents have the ball [loud music] continues right up to the moment before the center snaps it to the quarterback. That's not Benedictine hospitality. As clever as some of it is (e.g. the squirrel) the volume is irritating for me. Am I alone on this? — Wayne
(Editor’s Response: Running the scoreboard is one of those “damned if you do—damned if you don’t” scenarios. Last year people were complaining that they couldn’t hear the audio spoken via the scoreboard. I agree that the music goes on just a bit too long before both teams are about to center the ball. Whoever’s running the audio, whether on the scoreboard or just the loud music, should begin to fade it down and out about five seconds earlier than they do now. I’ve been told that the choice of music and volume is to enhance the experience of our students and younger alums. Wayne and I invite additional comments on this subject.)
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From Ev Weber ’68, St. Cloud, MN —
Rob, I didn’t receive this week’s UUN. Hope everything is going good for you! Will see you at the game today! Go Johnnies!! —Ev
(Editor’s Growing Frustration: Recently I also heard from Tom Stock, Mike Scherer ’67 and Nick Hayes ’69 also saying they haven’t been receiving the UUN. I don’’t know what’s happening, other than Mailchimp must have ultra-sensitive, unforgiving sending mechanisms that drops addresses easily when spam filters are set too tight, or when mailboxes are filled. Of course, some readers change their email addresses and don’t alert me. I always tell people to check their spam files and some times that’s where they find the UUN. The whole thing is a mystery and a headache for me when it takes so much time and energy just to get the darn newsletter out. At some point I hope to find someone at Mailchimp to discus this with, but I haven’t found a contact number yet. The way to subscribe to the UUN is to hit this link: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com/ then scroll down a bit and add your email address.)
* *
From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
Hmmm … I wanted to watch Caden Wheeler’s run but it requires a login to AOL. I know I left my AOL CD around here somewhere, I have about 30,000 hours left on it.
I was, however, able to view “Red Solo Cup.” Perhaps a bit less, uh, anthemic, I found this on the web:
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Doctor’s Orders —
A Tommie walks into a bar and says, “Give me a glass of your best Less.”
The bartender says, “I’ve never heard of Less. What is it? Some new imported beer?”
The Tommie says, “I don’t know either, but my doctor told me I should be drinking Less.”
* *
From Nell Klein ’60, St. Cloud, MN —
Rob - I’m sitting at home with “COVID leftovers” as I watch this Johnnie/ Gustavus game! Sooo not fun!! I assume I’ve beaten the world record for saying” damn it” near the end of the first half of a football game! Never like losing! Hope Fasching can change what needs to be changed when the second half starts!
One very positive note is to recognize the announcing staff on the TV coverage!! I’m always at the games so never hear Mark and team!! What a treat to have professional like announcers…much unlike the opposing MIAC boring amateur -like announcers!
Yippie! Love the touchdown!! Ok…24-21. Johnnies going into halftime is an “exhale moment”! I’m going to remain somewhat positive and will assume Johnnies win!
(Editor’s Comment: Nellie must have been one very happy Covid recoverer during the second half when our Big D totally shut down the Gusties.)
* *
From Michael Fiala ’69, Minneapolis, MN —
Thanks for introducing us to the tailgate scene at Johnnie games. What a treat. Great camaraderie, food, drink and fun. It was my first experience there. It definitely will not be my last. See you there again sometime. — Michael
* *
From Pete Hill ’76, Fernandina Beach, FL —
Rob, I really enjoyed the latest newsletter. Since you always put in a little tidbit about St. Thomas, and I apologize if you have covered this topic in previous editions I missed, ‘splain how UST gets by with claiming 35 straight HOME wins after their win over Drake?! They haven’t even played 35 games much less home games since getting trounced by St. John’s at the last ever meeting in St. Paul in 2019. Flummoxed in Florida. Pete
(Editor’s Explanation: Their last two losses to SJU were (a) at Collegeville) and (b) at Allianz Stadium...so they are counting all their MIAC games plus their games now with the Pioneer Football League played at O'Shaughnessy Stadium. Even though their loss to St. John's for the last game between these two rivals took place at Allianz, it still was listed as a "home game" for them at the time. So they are kind of walking the tight rope with the truth here, meaning — only counting games on campus rather than all "designated" home games. Just another reason to keep on holding your nose when talking/thinking/hearing about U$T. They still are Johnny Rejects even now that they no longer are direct competitors in D-III. )
* *
From Larry Haeg ’63/’67, St. Paul, MN —
Can’t help comparing:
Tommies in Clinton, SC today: 1,356
Johnnies vs Gusties, Collegeville: 13,161
Johnnies vs. Tommies home football attendance 2022:
Saint Thomas
Michigan Tech 4,768
Lincoln 4,359
Davidson 6,177
Drake 6,588
Total 21,892
Average 5,473
Saint John's
UW Whitewater 12,462
UW River Falls 9,104
Concordia 8,277
Gustavus 13,161
Total 43,004
Average 10,751
* *
From Mike O’Connor ’57, Burnsville, MN —
Hi, Rob - Here’s a photo of the great grandchildren of John Gagliardi and Mike O’Connor: Introducing my great grandson, Joseph John Benson (Joey), Jr. age 17 days (Born Oct 5th), as perhaps the youngest Johnnie fan in attendance ever. (Maybe I should call Guinness?). He was in attendance the entire game with his parents: my grand daughter Megan Lehman Benson CSB '12 and Joey Benson '12. Joey, Jr and his sister Annie are also great grandchildren of the late John Gagliardi. His father is Joey Benson, a former SJU quarterback and his grand father and grandmother are Jeff and Gina Gagliardi Benson, both '84. Even better news: little Joey shows all the signs of being an infielder, rather than a QB (maybe both?) Incidentally, my daughter Katie O'Connor Beckius, who sent you the photo, is a four-year Bennie, graduating in 1982.
Hope to see you on Nov 12th if I'm back in Minny. Nice result today, though some anxious moments. Was able to stream it while here in Arizona. Regards, — Mike
Here are the Benson kids, Annie and Joey, Jr., getting ready for the SJU game last Saturday. They are the children of Joey Benson ‘13 SJU and Megan Benson ‘13 CSB.
* *
(Editor’s Explanation: The following note is from my friend Frank Ziegler ’62, who is responding to my note of sympathy upon the loss of his wonderful wife Kathleen, who succumbed to complications of cancer surgery this past week. Kathleen was a fun, witty, caring St. Kate's alumna who also loved St. John’s and was a great fan of the Unofficial Underground News, to which she has been an occasional contributor but always loyal reader. Her funeral is next week with inurnment to follow at the St. John’s Alumni Cemetery in the space reserved for her and Frank.)
* *
From Frank Ziegler ’62, Lino Lakes, MN —
Wick, I've always said that the more pain you feel at a separation the more you attest to the value of the person missed. She was a great lady in so many ways to people of all ages, colors, creeds, genders, shapes, and capabilities...even tolerated her Tommy older brother. And she had a great love for SJU, and all the specifics such as the St. John’s Bible. We were both happy when we learned that the Cemetery was open to Alumni families.
No doubt you're right about her eternal reward but I have to interject a quote from the 19th century lawyer, writer and orator Robert G. Ingersoll, known as the Great Agnostic. Kathleen was first and foremost a proud Catholic active in choirs and teaching faith formation classes until the last weeks of her life. But Ingersoll's philosophy befits her as well as the way she approached our 55 married years together.
He said: "Happiness is the only good; the time to be happy is now; the place to be happy is here; the way to be happy is to make others so.”
Thanks for your beautiful tribute and sentiments...and know that she enjoyed the UUN and appreciated the hours and efforts you contribute week after week to the benefit of so many of us.
Also I know how lucky I was to find her 61 years ago (at a Johnny-Tommy outdoor hockey game in St. Paul on a late January day where she was rooting for her Tommy brother) and then to be partnered with her for 55 of the ensuing years. Many, many thanks. — Frank Z
Here’s Kathleen Koppy Ziegler visiting her resting place at St. John’s Cemetery last year. May she Rest In Peace.
* *
From Peter Donahue ’64, Milwaukee, WI —
Wick - Your health diatribes make my day. Thank you.
Now, I need you to help me get a hold of Frank Ziegler. I know Kathy died, and I need to make contact with him. Could you send me his email info. Thanks — Peter
(Editor’s Comment: Peter and Frank both served in the Peace Corps in Columbia in the 1960s and developed a fast friendship from those days.)
* *
From Mike Obler ’64, Hastings, MN who seems to be on the road again —
Mike Obler '64 and a very big goober.
The things ya find when not on the Interstate highway. Sitting quietly in front of Durant, Oklahoma's City Hall, the monument claiming to be the World's Largest Peanut is in fact dwarfed by other statues that are too modest to flaunt the title. Dedicated in 1974, the molded aluminum bean honors the peanut industry of surrounding Bryan County.
* *
From Colleen Lilly ’81, Edina, MN, whose greatest claim to fame these days is that she’s Michael Wozniak’s aunt; she’s always sending me cool tidbits that I’m pleased to share with all you loyal UUN readers —
Did you see the coin toss yesterday? Mike Zumwinkle ’86, who received the Bob Basten Award, is good friends of our family, and also General Paul Nakasone '86 was on the field. I noticed Michael shook both their hands as he walked off the field yesterday.
In case you missed it, this segment aired on WCCO-TV 4 tonight at 6 pm. Most likely again at 10 pm. Frank [Vascellero] and Amelia [Santaniello] have a son, Joey, on the team. Second team Offensive Line, sophomore, 6’3”, 290 pounds. https://www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/video/saint-johns-football-team-is-rolling-this-season/?intcid=CNM-00-10abd1h
Before the game on Saturday SJU aired the starting lineup on the huge video board! Since it was Family Weekend all the players introduced themselves and said, ”Thanks, mom and dad!” Not Michael Wozniak! He said, “Thank you, LeRoy Lilly, for finding St. John’s!” Most people don’t know LeRoy came back from the bitter cold Korean War battlefield and returned to his home town of Duluth. It was a priest who drove LeRoy down to SJU and dropped him off. Thus began the Lilly Legacy! That priest had no idea how many lives he would touch by this gesture!
Fortunately LeRoy got kicked out of the public high school for fighting and sent to the Catholic school - Duluth Cathedral! — Colleen
(Editor’s Explanation: The late, great LeRoy Lilly ’55 is the grandfather of Michael Wozniak and father of Colleen, Jr. LeRoy and Colleen, Sr. sent all their sons and daughters to St. John’s and St. Ben’s, and now grandchildren are attending or have graduated. LeRoy played on John Gagliardi's first team and also starred at baseball.)
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
Alfonse Unterreiner of rural Richmond sold his old mule to Ralph Reiterling, his neighbor. Not long afterwords Ralph complained that the mule would not plow a straight row.
Alfonse explained that whenever he had that problem with the mule he would insert a rubber hose into the rectum of the mule and blow really hard. A few days later Alphonse noticed that his neighbor was attempting to give the old mule the “treatment” without success.
Old Al got out of his car, walked over to his neighbor, removed the hose, turned it around, inserted into the mule’s rectum, blew really hard, and the mule plowed straight rows.
Ralph said, “I don’t know what I was doing wrong, but please explain why you turned that hose around.”
Alphonse replied, “Ya don’t tink I vas goin' to put my mouth on da same end of dat hose dat ya had your mouth on, do ya?”
* * * *
A UUN Classic - About Stamina —
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I work out at the gym, and then I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies. All the guys over at the gym know that.”
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?”
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves.”
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it'll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, “I can't believe everybody knows about this sh*t but me.”
(Compliments of Chris Kennedy, Chicago IL)
* * * *
THE FINAL WORD
From Garrison Keillor’s blog, October 18.
(Garrison Keillor was hired by Bill Kling ’64 in the early days of Minnesota Public Radio as an early morning classical music announcer. Keillor worked out of the first station in a studio located in the old library, Wimmer Hall, and lived in a rented farmhouse in Holdingford. It was living in rural Stearns County that gave impetus to his famous Lake Wobegon shtick. He nows has a free blog, with opportunities to upgrade for more of his work, that comes via email three days a week. This column appeared recently)
My friend Larry Josephson died in July in New York at the age of 83 and I miss him because he was one of the last people I knew who would run into me and tell me a joke. He had a good career in radio at WBAI but I was too busy doing my own show to listen to his but in later years I used his studio on 89th Street to record at and when I walked in, Larry’d say hello and then he’d say, “So Moses was talking to God and he said, ‘Let me get this straight. They get all the oil deposits and we have to cut the tips off our WHAT?’”
I used to know guys who told jokes, Arnie and Roland and Marty and Al, and it was part of normal male repartee, and sometimes one joke would lead to others. “Moses came down from the Mount with the tablets in his hand and he told the Israelites, ‘Okay, I managed to talk him down to ten, but I’m afraid adultery is still in there.’”
We were in our twenties, grad students, we reconnoitered in a booth at a bar, drinking beer, sometimes whiskey, and muttering about the layers of bureaucracy and the medieval rigidity of academia, but jokes kept popping up, and now I can’t recall the last person who told me a joke. Maybe it was Larry.
His beloved daughter Jennie wants me to speak at a memorial service, which I can’t, but if I spoke, I’d tell about the mine owner who hired an Italian to be the paymaster and a Russian to run the lift and a Japanese guy to manage supplies and all went well for a while until they ran out of supplies. The mine owner walked around looking for the Japanese guy and suddenly he jumped up from behind a rock and cried, “Supplies! Supplies!”
On second thought, maybe not. Times are changing and I can imagine that joke getting a chilly silence. Why risk the awkwardness? So the Zen master said to the hot dog vendor, “Make me one with everything.” So the vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in his pocket. “Where’s my change?” asks the Zen master. And the vendor says, “Change must come from within.”
Larry was safe telling Jewish jokes, being Jewish and able to get the accent right, whereas I’d be treading on the edge of anti-Semitism, so I tend toward Norwegian jokes. Scandinavian people have no sensitivity about jokes at all. (Maybe because they don’t get them.)
So Ole came home early from work and there sat Lena on the bed, naked. He asked her, “Why naked in the middle of the afternoon?” and she said, “I don’t have anything nice to wear.” Ole said, “Of course you do,” and he opened her closet. He said, “Look, you’ve got a nice yellow dress, a nice green dress, a nice blue dress, there’s Sven, a nice purple dress, a nice black dress …”
Some women might think that joke unfunny, so I should find a better one. Ole was dying and he lay on his deathbed, feeling horrible, and then he smelled fresh rhubarb pie from the kitchen downstairs, so he made his way painfully down the steps and into the kitchen and there it was on the counter, just out of the oven, and he got out a knife and started to cut it and Lena slapped him upside the head and said, “Leave it alone, Ole, that’s for the funeral.”
I told that joke once to an audience and the laughter was mostly soprano.
I can’t go to the memorial so this column is my farewell. I’m asking my readers to tell a joke this week in honor of Larry. It will be a great tribute.
So Moses had a wonderful time with God but finally he had to say, “Lord, I know you’re omniscient and everything, but the knock-knock joke doesn’t work if you don’t say, ‘Who’s there?’” At which point, a guy walked in with his hands full of dog turds and said, “Look what I almost stepped in.” It never gets old. Larry did, and God bless his memory, and if you’ll do as I say and tell a joke this week, you honor a good man. And next week you can tell another one.
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And that’s all she wrote, or typed, but at this late moment, who cares? Not many of you will make the trip up to Duluth, despite what appears to be prime fall football weather…but I can’t say I blame you. It’s going to be a rout…Still, you can stay in practice by yelling:
GO JOHNNIES ! !
Send the Saints to Purgatory (or something like that)
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P.S. For those that want to subscribe or resubscribe, please go to the website listed beneath my name in red. Yes, thanks to my daughter Caitlin we have an in-progress website.
Sincerely submitted,
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64,
You can call me Rob, you can call me Bob, you can call me Theo or Wick…and my personal pronouns are “he a Johnny” and “him a Johnny.”
St. Paul, MN; 651-699-4697
theowick@aol.com
https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com
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