Slogging our way to another big win (UUN #8-22)
Dear Forever-Hopeful Jays & Bees —
Okay…so it was a somewhat lack-luster, but impressively large 49-10 victory. After scoring on our first play with a long 58-yard pass to wide-open senior wide receiver #7 Nick VanErp that ate up all of 16 seconds, the offense took the rest of the first quarter and most of the second off, much to the consternation of the coaches and fans. Until, that is, the final few minutes of the first half when senior running back #5 Henry Trost pounded in from two yards out after a 13-play, 70 yard drive. A couple minutes later senior tight end #8 Alex Larson, for the first of a three-TD day, caught a 17-yard pass completing a nine play, 82-yard drive. And, with the score at the half 21-3, we all thought that, “YES! This is Johnnie football…finally.” (Except for our seven confounding penalties in the first half.)
Senior running back Henry Trost rushed for 79 yards and a touchdown in Saturday's win at St. Olaf. Here he is caught in mid-air dramatically jumping over a would-be Ole defender. This is the second time he has made such a move this season. (image courtesy of Capri Potter).
Then came the second half and our guys fell asleep again for most of the third quarter until freshman tight end #0 Joey Gendreau caught his first collegiate pass and scored his first collegiate TD all at the same time after an eight-play, 53-yard drive. Unfortunately St. Olaf scored on a 74-yard bomb a couple minutes later, making the score 28-10. Not to worry, however. Another couple minutes and Alex snagged his second TD pass ending the third quarter 35-10.
Teammates celebrate with freshman tight end #0Joey Gendreau following his first collegiate reception, and touchdown, Oct. 15 at St. Olaf (image courtesy of Libby Auger).
Somewhat surprisingly, senior QB #6 Aaron Syverson, who passed for 351 yards and five touchdowns, was still in during the fourth quarter when he hit Alex for his third TD, making the score 42-10. At some point freshman QB #3 Zander Dittbenner entered the game with instructions no doubt to keep it on the ground and grind out the clock. That worked just fine until, with one minute to go, freshman speedster #27 Caden Wheeler went around the right side, found a huge hole, cut back and outran the entire Ole team for a 68-yard score, bringing us to our final 49 points. (You’ll be able to download Caden’s impressive run in a bit below.)
Of special note, WR Nick VanErp finished with career highs in catches (8) and receiving yards (141), marking the first 100-yard receiving performance of his collegiate career.
Defensively, we saw another fine, shared effort with the exception of one St. Olaf TD bomb, a mirror of the one with which we opened the game. Seventeen players had two or more tackles with linebackers sophomore #43 Hayden Sanders (6) and senior #49 Erik Bjork (5) leading the way. Freshman defensive back #11 Noah Arneson and junior defensive back #10 Mateo Cisneros each made an interception, with Mateo returning his for 38 yards. Senior D-lineman #8 Metoriah Faoliu came up with two sacks, the only ones we had, versus none for St. Olaf.
As for the red-clad fans, who outnumbered the Ole fans by about three or four to one (the St. Olaf students had a long weekend explaining a bit of that), the game seemed to drag on interminably not only because of our total of eight and the Oles’ thirteen penalties, but due to St. Olaf’s peculiar way to taking nearly all of the time allowed before centering the ball each play. To be fair, the Oles were not really that bad — they even scored on us twice, Heaven forbid! — but lack of discipline, thoughtless penalties, two sacks, and dropped passes with 13 out of 30 completed with two interceptions, led to a lot of missed opportunities. I think in some way we may have played down to their level, especially in the first half.
The Johnny fans always travel well. That sure helps the hosting team’s coffers. The Oles used to have a senior ticket, but no more. Attendance was reported to be 1,141.
Even without a long weekend for students, there wouldn’t have been all that many more St. Olaf fans there.
Here’s what coach Gary Fasching ’81 had to say after the game: "We scored quickly, but then we had a bit of a lull where we weren't very good. We had a lot of penalties and some undisciplined stuff. But I was happy with the way we finished up the first half, and especially with the way we came out in the second half and took care of business."
Go here for game recap and box score: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2022/10/15/football-johnnies-air-it-out-in-win-over-oles.aspx
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About Caden Wheeler’s Scoring Burst —
From Bob Neis ’65, St. Louis Park, MN —
#27 Caden Wheeler had a 68-yard running TD late in the game yesterday. I haven’t seen that speed on the field! The coaches must see something in this freshman to have him in the game. I met Caden earlier in the season. He seemed very focused. I wished him all the luck in finding a role on the team. Anyone know more?
Reply by Vic Murphy ’92, St. Paul MN —
I don’t have anything more…but here’s a clip of the run if you were not at St. Olaf or watching the stream.
Caden Wheeler’s run: https://mail.aol.com/d/folders/4/messages/AHqKxC1z4g9RY072NgvTWLY0aMs
(Editor’s Comment: I was at the game and enjoyed that speed-demon run in person with less than a minute remaining in the game (so much for keeping it on the ground out of respect for the Oles), but I enjoyed it two or three more times via that video — thanks for sending. The quarterback who handed it off is #3 Zander Dittbenner, who played last week at Augsburg and made some good runs himself. Zander, also a freshman, was one of three new kids who entered the game against the Auggies. As was pointed out to me when I asked about a junior and a sophomore allegedly ahead of them who have not yet played, “The coaches put these frosh on the traveling team so that should tell you something about how the coaches see them in our team’s future.” Further Note: When you hit the above link, you’ll still have to download the video.)
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Record Crowd that wasn’t SJU-U$T —
At Whitewater, Wisconsin, the #3 Warhawks topped #19 UW-Oshkosh 17-3 in front of 18,951 fans last Friday night, the fourth-largest recorded crowd in Division III football history and the largest crowd for a D-III game held on campus. Although I think a 19th-ranked team holding a 3rd-ranked team to a relatively close score should not have been punished too much, Oshkosh nevertheless fell to #24 in the latest d3football.com rankings.
Here is an interesting link showing just how many times the St. John’s - St. Thomas game filled their respective stadiums. https://www.d3football.com/notables/top-single-game-attendance
Ranked #3 in Div. III attendance history, the 19,508 red and purple fans that jammed into Allianz Stadium in St. Paul saw the Johnnies dominate the Tommies in what became the last game between these two schools. And how sweet that was, watching so many formerly vocal and excited Tommie fans silently disappear as it became apparent that their team was to lose to the Johnnies for a second straight year.
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Weekend News and Views —
Going to Carleton or St. Olaf games in Northfield is always fun because it’s such a pleasant little city. This year we had the occasion, for the third year running, to meet at Reunion, arguably the finest restaurant in town. It helps that Greg Heymans ’84 is part owner of the place. We got there just a few minutes before it opened and already there was a line of Johnny supporters waiting for the doors to open. Standing in some sunshine to keep warn in the morning chill we visited with the parents of senior linebacker #47 Joe Rossebo. They had come down from Woodbury for the game. Unlike previous years, the restaurant had staff seating us individually or in groups. Since several of us knew each other we requested to sit together necessitating the moving of two tables together. The staff wasn’t too keen on that at first, but in the end relented.
At our table it seemed we had a Stearns County board meeting with Ev Weber ’68, Mike Mathiasen, Mike Weyrauch, and John and Pat Voss Krueger, both ’70, all coming down from either Richmond or St. Cloud. Joining them were Dick Wilke, Chris Scholl, Bob Wicker ’60/’64, Ron Tomczik ’65, (all from the Cities) and Pat Tomczik from right there in Northfield. Seated at the adjoining table were Colleen Lilly ’81, Dave Wendt ’63, and John Sipe ’61/’65 from the Cities, and Jim Bassett ’58 from Randolph. Looking around the rest of the restaurant we saw lots of red clad camp-followers, but also some in St. Olaf sweatshirts, a bunch of townies, and some parents from Carleton, which was having Parents’ Weekend too. It was a very crowded place. I bet Greg cried all the way to the bank. I should add it was wonderful food and super service. Laurie, our server, lives in town but has a daughter at St. Ben’s and was quite happy to be waiting on us. At the game we were very pleased to meet Pat McDonnell ’67 and his wife Pam Johnson of Lilydale, MN as we entered the stands. We also visited a bit during halftime with John ’58/’62 and Julie Ditzler, and Frank Ziegler ’62, all down from the Cities.
Fully charged and raring to cheer for the Johnnies are (left front row) John Krueger ‘70, Ev Weber ‘68, Mike Weyrauch, Colleen Lilly ‘81, and Pat Voss Krueger ‘70. Behind them are Mike Mathiasen, Dick Wilke and Dave Wendt ‘63.
After the game a few of us gathered together at Pat and Dee Tomczik’s Northfield home for some pizza and beer and especially to rehash the game. We did that until the “professionals”—The Voices of the Johnny Nation: Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, and Mike Carr ’77 — arrived to set us straight. In an ongoing celebration of my birthday, the Tomcziks presented me (and us since we all ate of it) a wonderful cake (shown below) with the name Theodosius in the icing. Pat loved the story behind that name and wished to commemorate it. Basically, Theodosius is long for “The” as in “The Wick”, and a short form is “Theo” as in “Theo Wick.” It stemmed from an argument I had with my old prefect on 2nd Mary as a sophomore when I was campused for three weeks in a row for talking after 10 p.m. (Yes, kiddies, life was much harder under the in loco parentis practices of olden years.) I happened to mention, in a rather loud voice, to Fr. Brice (John) Howard OSB after he refused to relent, that nobody defecated on The Wick (or words similar). People who overheard wondered what “The” stood for and I explained, after seeing the name on a Greek Orthodox calendar in the room of the Christofilis twins from the Bahamas, that “The” was short for St. Theodosius. The carrot cake was delicious.
A thoughtful gift/cake from Patrick and Dee Tomczik.
The next morning (last Sunday) John Sipe came over and the three of us drove up to St. John’s to attend the community Mass before attending a Prep School-related brunch afterward. The presider was Fr. Cyril Gorman, whom we have gotten to know recently in his main job as Guest Master at the Abbey Guest House. We noticed Tom Joyce ’61, Jim Platten ’70/’74 in his trademark Bermudas, and Jim ’65 and Katie Smith of Rice Lake, WI, who told me that the celebrated Bennie cross country and track super star, junior Fiona Smith, is their granddaughter. George also said that they have a ton of kids and grandkids who have attended SJU or CSB but he was the one that started it all.
Those mentioned and several others attending the Mass were all part of a group of Oblates of St. John’s Abbey who were there for a meeting afterward. Oblates, for those who are not familiar with the term, are men and women, friends and neighbors outside the monastery who want to be affiliated with the work and prayer of the monks. These individuals are often married, have family obligations, and employment. They live outside of the monastery but offer themselves to God, dedicating their lives to the guidance of the Rule of Saint Benedict as oblates. The word “oblate" comes from the Latin oblatus, which means someone who is offered up or dedicated to something.
Oblates, along with the monastic community, are co-holders of the Benedictine tradition. Saint John's Abbey has approximately 500 oblates who pray with the monks, volunteer around the abbey, visit the Abbey to nourish common friendship together, and live their authentic, Benedictine vocation where they are in life.
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After Mass we hurried over to the St. Ben’s campus and Renner House. The Renner House is the College President’s place of residence, located across the street from the main entrance of the College. The challenge of constructing and furnishing the president’s house was to create the privacy of a home with a need to provide public hospitality. Being able to host 70 people, the house was needed to serve as a reception hall, guest house, and dining facilities for visiting dignitaries, as well as a home. Out of the 5,000 square feet of space that the house offers, only 1,800 square feet is for personal living space.
Newest residents of Renner House are CSB-SJU president Brian Bruess and his wife Carol. The couple has been close friends with Head of Prep School Jon McGee ‘84 and his wife Ann Nicklawske McGee ‘86 for twenty years or longer. When the Bruesses arrived in St. Joseph this summer they attended an SJP fundraiser and agreed to host a brunch for eight people as a silent auction item. The winning bidders were Jim ’75 and Jennifer ’77 Dwyer. Jim invited John Sipe ’61/’65; Bill ’61/’65 and Peg Marrin; his brother Peter ’69/’73 and wife Rose ’75 Dwyer; John ’79/‘83 and Trude Kaz Sowada '86; and Bob Wicker ’60/’64 and Chris Scholl. Also present were Jon and Ann McGee.
We were met at the door by the warm, charming Carol Bruess who was holding onto George, her young but large Bernedoodle, which is cross between a Bernese Mountain Dog and a Poodle. George needed to greet each guest and then, having made friends, went about his business. Carol said he is undergoing training so he can be a therapy dog in a year or so, to visit with students and others in the Saint Ben’s community.
After a short time visiting, we gathered around a dining room table to begin a long, leisurely 2-1/2 hour meal. And what a meal! Just incredible. Here’s the menu:
1st Course — House made croissants with lemon curd and fruit preserves
2nd Course — Fresh pears poached in red wine, served with candied walnuts
3rd Course — Poached egg served over lox and fresh watercress with hollandaise
4th Course — Mascarpone stuffed French toast, served with local apples
5th Course — Pan seared teres major served with wild mushrooms and demi-glace. (And what is teres major?, you may be asking. It’s a delicious, tender and rarely used cut of beef because it’s difficult for many butchers to produce.)
Dessert — Petite carrot bundt cake.
Each course, with just the right amount of food, was introduced by Sous Chef Zak Townsend of the College of Saint Benedict Dining Service. At the end of the meal he also introduced Chef Rita Poepping and Culinary Chef Manager Phil Paulson. Catering Manager Cynthia Oxley and student assistant Grace Baumler served us. The chefs told us how pleased and excited they were to plan, prepare and serve this meal since it’s the first time in many years that they been able to try something special, due to covid interruptions and interim presidents not using their capabilities. They are like splendid race horses able to stretch out and run free after having been confined to narrow paddocks for several years. They are artists finally able to create…and they presented us with their masterpiece.
Brian and Carol are exquisite hosts, welcoming, skilled with groups, and very down-to-earth. They led our conversation in such a way that all contributed anecdotes and personal history about our attachment to Prep School, St. John’s and St. Ben’s, as well as other wide-ranging subjects. John Sipe mentioned that he planned to have a T-shirt made that proclaimed in the front: “My wife lives in Florida” And on the back: “She won’t tell me where she is.” His wife Eileen is down in Naples, FL now and John will come down after football season. Brian noted, “Funny, but nobody at this table laughed at that…we all knew exactly what it meant.”
Brian said that football at St. John’s “is a thing,” part of being a Johnnie for many and part of the brand. Another “thing” is our strong networking system by alumni for students and each other. He said that St. John’s and St. Ben’s offer impressive outcomes, such as a very high retention rate, student satisfaction, and scoring #1 and #2 in job placement after graduation over all the other state schools; but our message is not being heard satisfactorily, that we need to be more active in getting the word out about our schools because we have been losing market share. One reason is we’ve had six presidents in the last four years between the two schools and have not been focusing of our positive outcomes for students. Brian also said we will remain strong Catholic, Benedictine and residential colleges but also leverage technology to augment what exists, not to replace in-person teaching.
Since this brunch was part of a fund-raising effort of St. John’s Preparatory School, here’s a short video on this wonderful school of which I’m proud and grateful to have been part of so many years ago:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU1hhaPDVXk&t=34s
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Did you hear about the Gustavus lineman that planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant?
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About Gustavus —
A few words about our opponent on Saturday: Gustavus Adolphus College (GAC) is a private liberal arts college in St. Peter, Minnesota, located about an hour’s drive south of the Twin Cities and thirteen miles from Mankato, Minnesota. It was founded in 1862 by Swedish Americans and is affiliated with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Gustavus gets its name from the real Gustavus Adophus, the King of Sweden from 1611 to 1632. Its residential campus includes a 125-acre arboretum, a tall-grass prairie, wetlands, coniferous forests, and deciduous woods.
In October 1876, GAC opened at the location that still stands today. It is the oldest of several Lutheran colleges founded in Minnesota. It was founded as a college of the Augustana Evangelical Lutheran Church. In 1962 it became affiliated with the Lutheran Church in America, when the Augustana Synod merged into that body. The Lutheran Church in America merged in 1988 to create the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. (Are you following all that?)
Old Main, the first building completed on the GAC campus in 1876, is said to be haunted by two deceased Gustavus security officers, Harley and Barney, seen occasionally wandering its halls.
It has about 2,500 students and a full-time faculty of 170. The school’s nickname is the “Golden Gusties”, stemming from their black and gold colors. For many years it had the reputation as kind of a country club college for upper middle class kids of Swedish Lutheran background with student-athletes excelling in intercollegiate golf, swimming & diving, and especially tennis for many years. Back in the ‘50s and ‘60s the Gusties also were the cream of MIAC football. More recently the GAC women have excelled nationally in hockey.
In recent years Gustavus, like so many state and private colleges, has seen a diminishing enrollment; making matters worse, the ratio between men and women was moving to a 40-60% split and the administration didn’t want to be branded in the future as a “women’s college,” so an anonymous donor gave $40 million to bolster scholarships for men to reinstate gender parity and to strengthen men’s athletics. How’s it working? We’ll see more on Saturday, but we’ve heard that, like U$T before them, GAC has been “buying” potential students away from SJU with generous scholarship and other financial assistance. Like St. Thomas, “ya gotta do what you gotta do” to survive these days.
On March 29, 1998, the college's campus was hit by a mile-wide F3 tornado that broke 80 percent of the windows, leveled nearly 2,000 trees, toppled the chapel’s spire, and caused more than $50 million in damages. This is considered one of the most expensive college disasters in history. There was only one death (not a Gustavus student) despite the tornado's widespread path, most likely because most students were away on spring break at the time. Hundreds of volunteers worked to get the campus back into a condition where the students could return after a three-week hiatus. Still, some classes were held in FEMA trailers as some campus buildings were too severely damaged.
Take a quick look at Gustavus nowadays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nATxSzCJsPw
As an aside, the year 1998 marks the birth of the UUN, which prior to this tragedy, was mostly a tasteless joke-sharing email to classmates and other Johnny friends. My dear friend and classmate, the late Dick Martin ’64 and his wife Kathleen, lived adjacent to the GAC campus where Dick was a Psychology professor for most of his career. Gathering information on their well-being after the tornado from their son John ’91, I was able to pass on the news of their safety and that of their home to the nascent readership of the Underground News. The UUN grew from there. That was nearly 24 years ago. With the oversight of Chris Scholl and Peg Marrin, the humor portion of the UUN has become [a little] less objectionable.
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Battle Between The Sexes, Romance Department —
(Contributed by Peg Marrin ’65, Dallas, TX…so obviously this must be less objectionable.)
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied. “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
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What About Saturday? —
It’s certainly our hope that the Golden Gusties leave Collegeville in a severely chastened state, but — make no mistake — they are on the rise and our guys need to shake off their lackadaisical, uneven play of recent games and stayed tuned in for the entire game. Although our last regular season game against undefeated (so far) Carleton will not be a walk in the park, it’s this game that will decide whether we proceed to the play-offs. In other words, this is a pre- postseason game.
The unranked Gusties (4-2 total) are tied with us 1-0 in our Northwoods Division, and 3-1 in the MIAC. Their only loss came via highly-ranked Bethel, who Gustavus nearly beat, losing only 30-27. Now perhaps the Royals were down emotionally after beating us the week before, but still…Gustavus is no slouch team. Their other loss, also by three points to UW-Stout, was against another at-the-time ranked team. Otherwise they’ve romped over their other four opponents. A word to the Johnnies: take these dudes very seriously.
The Gusties are very physical; last year down in St. Peter some of that physicality turned into near thuggishness by a few, who misinterpreted their coaches’ exhortation for domination, toughness and intimidation as an okay for late hits, piling on, and elbows to the helmets of our quarterback and others carrying the ball after or during being tackled; they were openly targeting our QB. The referees didn’t call half of the infractions. Aaron Syverson had his leg broken and Chris Backes stepped in admirably to lead us to a satisfying victory. I expect a tough game again, and I hope the refs are more tuned into poor sportsmanship and deliberate attempts to injure our players.
Having said all that, Gustavus is more than the excesses of a few bad apples. They are fast, strong and run a balanced attack — marks of a solid squad. Most of the team is from Minnesota with the next largest contingent hailing from different parts of Texas. Then add a few players from Florida, Colorado, California and random other places. The Gusties are a seasoned crew for the most part, starting lots of juniors and seniors. Their quarterback is, of course, yet another sophomore, #6 George Sandven, 6’5”, 207. His top target is senior wide receiver #29 Dalton Thelen (from Cold Spring). Another WR is senior #15 Matthew Carreon…I worry about his safety: he’s listed as 6’1”, 154 lbs. Sharing the backfield with Sandven is freshman running back #44 Tanner Rennie. Another RB is junior #34 River Wood who also handles kick and punt returns. This all happens behind a very imposing O-line, weight-wise at least. The main starters are in the 290s to 300 pound range with the largest being senior #74 Mitchell Borchardt at 6’4”, 320. As they say in St. Peter, “Uff Da.” It will be hard to keep this crew off the scoreboard.
Defensively they are stout and yield yards and points sparingly; however they gave up 28 and 30 points to the better teams they faced, so if we can establish a balanced attack of our own we should do at least the same. GAC has two experienced senior defensive backs who are quite effective: #33 Ezekiel Sundberg and #27 Graham Nistler (from St. Cloud). Their leading linebacker is burly junior # 13 Carson DeKam, 6’3”, 233. Anchoring the D-line are senior #16 Zach Jakes and junior #95 Javier Gratacos.
In our previous six games, SJU has averaged nearly 36 points of offense against around 18 points against us. In two of those games — River Falls and Concordia — we had the teams on the ropes for 3/4 of the game and let up on them in the fourth quarter only to be threatened with a loss. Allowing big plays and a loss of intensity are the reasons. In our narrow loss to Bethel we allowed a couple late “big” plays to do us in, not to mention a horrible missed pass interference call against the Royals that most likely would have changed the result. If we are to win Saturday we must eliminate those as much as possible, and watch thoughtless, undisciplined penalties, while keeping up defensive pressure the entire game. We need to play with controlled passion, something we haven’t seen much of since we took it to Whitewater in the first game. If we can do that, and our line can protect our quarterback, we should beat the Gusties by 32-20.
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Gustavus Frosh Class Need History Work —
A report we just obtained says that incoming GAC First Year students aren't very good with American history. It's pretty shameful. On a recent placement test, a majority of freshmen thought Lincoln's Gettysburg address was ALincoln@gettysburg.com..."
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Listen my friends and you shall hear ...
(From Thom Woodward ’70, Sartell, MN)
The sixty-minutes of football at Clemens Stadium are the attraction in Collegeville on Saturday afternoons in the fall. For those starting at the tailgate, it's more like four or five hours of lively entertainment of one sort or another. Think of the Rats' sweep through the dorms and parking lot. The CSB Dance Line. The video board.
In a recent conversation with Jimmy Gagliardi, the video board maestro as the SJU director of athletic marketing, we discussed adding Johnny B. Goode to the music mix. He's also lining up the Lamont Cranston classic Upper Mississippi River Shakedown and Red Kingdom, a Kansas City Chiefs' anthem. Fun, and games! Sample a bit of upcoming music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzGwqHk6Lkk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwvgCVA0c3k
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Re Tailgating: Never done it before —
From Michael Fiala ’69, Crystal, MN —
Would like to experience it. What’s the protocol? Thanks in advance for your counsel/response. — M
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Greetings, Michael. Thanks for writing. I'm going to answer you but also put this info in the next UUN since I realize many probably share your question about tailgating protocol.
The tailgate area is down by the soccer field/baseball field/tennis courts and you walk over there by following the crowd (up the hill north of the Palaestra and down into the "circus") and it will no doubt be crowded; for some who find walking troublesome and/or older codgers like myself, there are students running around in golf carts that will gladly give you a lift, and they are generally found near the main entrance of Clemens Field.
As a newbie you really don't have to bring any foodstuffs to contribute, but often some visitors bring a small supply of their favorite beverage to consume and share; at most tables/tents/open tailgates someone can give you a Red Solo Cup* that the administration encourages for adult beverages. Food is available by the regulars at no charge...I'd just explore first and check out the various offerings, and just ask the host if you may sample something when you see something worthwhile. Benedictine hospitality writ large!
Some find it easier to come with a friend, but many just walk around until they see someone they know; even more fun is to just shoot the breeze with some people, any people — talk Johnnie football, the weather (which is supposed to be terrific again this weekend), the food you're eating, meet parents of players, or engage in conversation with many Johnnie and Bennie students — and revel in your Johnnie-/Bennieness. The farther you go into the tailgate area (near the tennis courts, e.g.) the more young it gets, both in class years and with students. Hours generally are from 10:30 am to 12:30 pm, with it really swinging from 11:00 on. The parking spaces in the tailgate lot are rented for the season and participants must have their vehicle in place by 10:30 am or they will not be admitted; most arrive between 9:30 and 10 am to set up.
* This reminds me that I have not yet linked readers to the Red Solo Cup anthem this season. Be forewarned though: The lyrics and activities represented here do not in anyway conform with the behavior and drinking habits expected of Johnnies and Bennies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKZqGJONH68 It's merely a fun song.
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More Scenes From Stearns County —
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by Herbert Metzger, an elderly Stearns County farmer. Herbert’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The farmer only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the Justice of the Peace in the back room of the town’s general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered Herbert and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the farmer agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After Herbert had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling him, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
Herbert replied, "Vell, I'll tell ya, young feller, I vas a little worried about winnin’ dat case myself, because dat durned bull came home dis morning.”
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AROUND THE MIAC —
Last Week’s Results —
7th Week, Saturday, October 15
Augsburg at Macalester — The Auggies will be on the rampage after getting skunked last week, so look for an Augsburg win of 34-17. Actually, Augsburg won big 42-21.
St. Scholastica at Carleton — The poor old Saints can’t catch a break on the schedule as the Knights roll to 6-0 record by something like 52-9. Actually the Saints showed a little moxie, only losing 56-20.
Concordia at Bethel — Expect the Royals to plaster the Cobbers, 39-22. Actually, the Royals held them down pretty well, winning 45-7.
Gustavus at Hamline — I hope it’s not the Pipers’ homecoming because it will be spoiled big time by the Gusties, 50-15. Actually, Gustavus triumphed as expected 44-7.
St. John’s at St. Olaf — The Oles are running into a ripsaw named St. John’s, with a possible 42-0 score. Actually, SJU coasted to victory 49-10 without their hoped-for shutout.
Other Game of Interest:
Drake (IA) at St. Thomas — See if Glenn can keep his squad up from a huge letdown after their monumental game last week. The Drake Bulldogs aren’t terrible; although 0-6 they’ve been close in three or four of those games. So, a trap game for U$T? Naah…Tommies should cruise 36-14. Actually, the now 0-7 Drake Bulldogs put up a pretty good fight, keeping the score close at the half, six points down 20-14, and allowing U$T a mere six points in the second half, losing 26-14. The Toms (5-1, 3-0 conf.) are now in first place in the PioneerFootball League. It was Tommie Homecoming and there were 6,500 fans for the game.
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A Suitable Send-Off —
(A classic multi-media contribution by John Danielson ’60/’64, Lakewood, CO)
Pasquale Pagnucci, a wealthy mob-connected businessman in Queens, NY, died. In his will he had provided for an elaborate $40,000 funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Angelina, turned to
her oldest and dearest friend, “Ah, Pasquale would be pleased," she
said.
"You're right," replied Maria, who then lowered her voice and leaned
in close. "So, go on, how much did this really cost?”
"All of it," said Angelina. "Forty thousand dollars.”
"Aw, No!", Maria exclaimed, "I mean, it was a very grand affair, but $40,000?”
Angelina answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the
church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went
for the memorial stone.”
Maria computed quickly! "Mama Mia! For the love of God, Angelina,
$32,500 for a memorial stone? How big is it?” Click here:
https://www.charlesrivercc.org/images/dynamic/getImage.gif?ID=100000704
* * * *
Quote of the Week —
If you insist on getting a tattoo on your neck, have it read, "I'm not getting the job, am I?"
* * * *
Games This Week—
8th Week, Saturday, October 22
Bethel at Macalester — So, should Mac even suit up? They asked for it coming back to the MIAC. Bethel 66 to 12.
Carleton at Concordia — This is the Knights’ first real test of the season. They bring their 6-0 record against lower echelon teams up to Concordia, a team I think is nearly as good. But “nearly” won’t be enough as the hard-luck Cobbers lose another close one, 24-17.
St. Olaf at St. Scholastica — Good Grief! Not another blow-out of our Benedictine cousins to the North? What we did to the Oles last week, they’ll do to the Saints on Saturday, 49-10. (Maybe even worse.)
Augsburg at Hamline — The Pipers, who really should consider combining with Snelling Avenue neighbor Macalester, will catch no relief against the Auggies, who will emerge victorious 38-18.
Gustavus at St. John’s — This will be a rough & tumble game with a lot of emotion on both sides. The Gusties will score on us, that’s for sure. But I’m betting we’ll score even more, winning 32-20.
Other Games of Interest:
St. Thomas at Presbyterian (SC) — After sort of scooching their way to victory over a surprisingly tough Drake, the Tommies must fly to the Deep South to take on 1-6 Presbyterian. Providing they don’t fall asleep or get dehydrated in the heat, look for another U$T victory in the 45-17 vicinity. I see attendance in the 1,100 range…because they are, y’know, in Div. I.
UW-Stout at UW-Oshkosh — Another drama in the cannibalistic WIAC, pits the 4-3 Stout Blue Devils against the ranked (#24) 3-3 Oshkosh Titans. Should be very close because the Blue Devils also received votes along with UW-Platteville after its upset of River Falls. Since I have to pick one, I’ll give the win to Oshkosh because they’ll be at home and they’re probably just a bit better. Titans 26-21.
* * * *
Updating the Church —
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that Rock'n'Roll Gospel Choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony with youths.”
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new youthful ideas.”
"All of these ideas have been good," said the elderly priest, "But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the Drive-thru Confessional.”
"But Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began.”
"Yes," replied the elderly priest, "and I appreciate that, but the flashing neon sign, 'Toot'n'Tell or Go to Hell,’ cannot stay on the roof of the church."
* * * *
D3Football Top 25 —
By this point in the year there aren’t too many changes to be made in the first half of the Top 25, so it doesn’t surprise us that #1 through #13 remained pretty much the same, with Saint John’s still residing at #5 and Bethel at #11. #6 Linfield exchanged places with #7 Trinity, most likely due to the latter’s weaker schedule.
The biggest change in the Top 25 came with UW-River Falls (despite QB Kaleb Blaha’s heroics) dropping all the way to #22 from #14 after their very close, unexpected loss to UW-Platteville. That, however gave Platteville some votes. And, excitedly for them, I’m sure, the Carleton Knights got some votes as well. Still, and I can’t figure this out, Gustavus got no votes after losing to high-ranked Bethel by only three points, and earlier losing to then equal-with-votes UW-Stout by another three points. Everyone else the Gusties have dominated, while — no offense intended to the undefeated Knights — Carleton has only played patsies thus far.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2022/week7
* * * *
SJU 2022 Football Schedule
(All games are played on Saturdays, beginning at 1 pm)
Date Opponent Location
Sep. 3 UW-Whitewater Collegeville W—24-10
Sep. 10 UW-River Falls Collegeville W—37-34
Sep. 17 Bye —
Sep. 24 Bethel Arden Hills L—28-24
Oct. 1 Concordia (HC) Collegeville W—35-28
Oct. 8 Augsburg Minneapolis W—45-0
Oct. 15 St. Olaf * Northfield. W—49-10
Oct. 23 Gustavus * (FW) Collegeville
Oct. 29 St. Scholastica * Duluth, MN
Nov. 5 Carleton * Collegeville
Nov. 12 MIAC Champ. Wk. Collegeville
HC = Homecoming
FW = Family Weekend
* = Northwoods Division
* * * *
Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes '87, Mike Carr '77 and Charlie Carr '03 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 24th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet.
* *
Listening via the Internet: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
Viewing via live streaming: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
(Note: It’s gonna cost you ten bucks so you might as well come up and see it in person…real good weather predicted.)
* * * *
MIAC Standings —
(As of October 15)
Division MIAC Overall
Northwoods Division
Carleton 2-0 4-0 6-0
Gustavus 1-0 3-1 4-2
St. John’s 1-0 3-1 5-1
St. Olaf 0-2 2-2 3-3
St. Scholastica 0-2 1-3 2-4
Skyline Division
Bethel 2-0 4-0 5-1
Augsburg 1-0 2-2 4-2
Concordia 1-1 1-3 3-3
Hamline 0-1 0-4 2-4
Macalester 0-2 0-4 2-4
* * * *
New Additions To Flynntown —
Last Friday Saint John’s University dedicated the new Flynntown Village Townhomes, a new student housing complex on the other side of Lake Watab, (aka Stumpf Lake) which wraps around the west side of campus.
Abbot John Klassen blessed both the housing and the Tom and Elizabeth Nicol Bridge which crosses the lake. In keeping with the mixed weather of the day, a sudden burst of sleet and cold rain saw the celebration move indoors. We’re wondering if Tom Nicol will be standing on “his” bridge this Saturday collecting tolls…I sure would.
The Flynntown Village Townhomes will consist of two buildings totaling just over 45,000 square feet. The buildings will have single bedrooms totaling 94 beds, an increase of 14 beds from the now-disappeared Seton Apartments. Most of the apartments will house six students with a living room, small kitchen area, and two bedrooms on the first floor and four bedrooms on the second floor. I’m not sure, but I bet the closets in this new place are larger than our entire room on 3rd Floor Benet freshman year I shared with Mike Obler.
Go here to see artist renderings of the apartments and pedestrian bridge: https://wjon.com/st-johns-university-building-new-housing-bridge-on-campus/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral
* * * *
Today’s Deep Thought by Jack Handey —
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
* * * *
Still Thinking Ahead to Duluth —
Last week I sent some ideas for eating, imbibing and staying over in the Twin Ports before and after our game with St. Scholastica on October 29 that, by the way, will be played at Public Schools Stadium, 4405 W 4th St., Duluth, MN 55807. Phone: 218-628-4878.
For those more familiar with Duluth, it is adjacent to Denfield High School in the west end of the city.
https://csssaints.com/facilities/public-schools-stadium/6
Earlier this week Adam Herbst ’99 sent us this link announcing a tailgate before the game in the Denfield parking lot; it’s free but the CSB-SJU alum hosting it need a head count:
https://connect.csbsju.edu/register/DuluthTailgate
Another option for those who would prefer a more traditional sandwich and beer might try Players Sports Bar (very close to the field and has good reviews; opens at 11 am); 4024 Grand Ave, Duluth, MN 55807-2735, +1 218-624-7974
For after the Game:
There are several brew pubs in that general area, most notably Bent Paddle and Ursa Minor that are very close; there are others downtown and farther east. Here’s the site for the ten best breweries in Duluth:
https://www.yelp.com/search?cflt=breweries&find_loc=Duluth%2C+MN
More genteel dining:
Tavern on the Hill
1102 Woodland Avenue, Duluth, MN 55803
Black Woods Grill & Bar
2525 London Rd Duluth, MN 55812
Map identifying locations of the above restaurants: https://www.tavernduluth.com/contact
Or all kinds of places in Canal Park: https://canalpark.com/dining/
Other dining/drinking: https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurants-g43018-Duluth_Minnesota.html
* * * *
The Uncasual Fan —
I was not sure what to expect about the game with the St. Olaf last Saturday but basically, I was thinking that:
1. We probably wanted to try and own/put pressure on St. Olaf the entire game.
2. We needed to try and establish a running game and some balance to our offense.
3. We needed to have no mental lapses on defense.
4. We needed an energetic football team looking to put their best foot forward.
5. We needed a complete game.
After watching the game, I realized that what was wrong with the season so far this year was not anything with the team. What is wrong so far this season are my expectations.
I keep wanting to see a team that:
· Dominates from the start of the game to the end
· Has no weaknesses and any that are identified get fixed the next game
· That plays with endless enthusiasm and energy
· That plays like professionals but enjoys it like children
What I need to do is appreciate what is happening at SJU and enjoy it for what it is and not look at it from a sky is falling perspective
We are 5-1 and have beaten some pretty good teams. We have not always looked pretty but we are 5-1. We have not scored a touchdown on every possession, but we are 5-1. We have not pitched a shut-out every game but we are 5-1. We have not yet played a complete game but we are 5-1. We do not play with 100% energy the entire game but we are 5-1.
I am not going to anxiously wait for the entire team to find its groove. I am going to accept the good, the bad and the ugly. We are 5-1 and still in this thing.
On a Positive note:
1. I still like our punt game!!!!
2. Another 300+ yards passing and a bunch of touchdowns
3. The defense held the St. Olaf to something like 2 of 12 on 3rd down
4. We were 5 for 5 in touchdowns in the red zone
Game Summary:
· We won the the 1st two minutes and the last five minutes of the first half and St. Olaf won the rest
· We won the 2nd half
Top players this week
1. Aaron Syverson 26 of 41 for 356 yards and 5TDs. Not a lot of pressure but St. Olaf was only rushing 3 and dropping 8
2. Nick VanErp - 141 yds receiving and 1 TD
3. Jimmy Buck – 7 receptions and 93 yards
4. The Defense
Thinking about the Gusties – This is a big game for both teams, and we can expect a tough game. This is kind of simple this week, I think. We need to absorb the first punch because it is coming and then fight back the rest of the game. The team that makes the fewest mistakes and has the fewest turnovers is going to win. Our punting and kicking could be the difference
Half Full or Half Empty – 3/4 full
My Final Rant – enjoy what is looking like a nice Saturday for football
Go Johnnies! — The Uncasual Fan
* * * *
* * * *
Not Quite There Yet —
A Gustavus student walked into an insurance office down the hill in St. Peter to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. In filling out the application one question confused him: "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
"I've got a kickstand," the Gustie told the clerk. "Is that the same thing?"
* * * *
A View from the Field —
(By Ron Tomczik ’65, Medicine Lake, MN)
St. Olaf After-Game Discussions
• With a Johnnie Center: He has to call the OL assignments while walking back from the huddle. A critical OL task—“not allowing ANY quarterback sacks.” Very seldom does the center or other O-Lineman get the recognition they deserve, they are crucial to our Offense.
• Our tight end who had a super game and is having a great season: Knew he could beat his defender because of his height and “our quarterback’s great throws.”
• So many penalties, why?: “Boring bus trip, not an exciting place to play, no built up excitement for the game -- guys just not into the game.”
• From a D-Line star: “Prepared for this game the same way I prepared for Whitewater.”— he is a professional! Per him, a key to his success is the coaching/training he received from our Athletic Trainer/Strength and Conditioning Coach, Justin Rost, “who doesn’t get the recognition he deserves.”
• Quarterback Aaron Syverson, who had a great game day, celebrated with his large extended family—including holding his baby niece dressed in a cute bunny suit with large ears. His parents and brother graduated from St. Olaf. I told him that it still makes me nervous when he runs, he can’t get hurt—per Aaron—"You sound like a coach.” An extended conversation with his sharp brother, who played baseball for St Olaf and has not missed a Johnnie game this season, included comparing St. Olaf and SJU in many areas. For sure, he believes SJU is a fine school with a great sports tradition and that Aaron made the right decision in enrolling in SJU.
Finally, a question to a member of our crack Radio Team— how far can this Team go? Without a moment’s hesitation—“All the Way.” Go Johnnies! — Ron
* * * *
Ethics Education, Tommie Style —
Michael Doyle, a proud U$T grad, took his 12-year-old son to his jewelry store one school holiday, thinking it was time the young man learned a little about the business. He showed him diamonds, emeralds, watches, bracelets, the working of the cash register, and the proper attitude toward customers. The son absorbed it all.
That afternoon, a fellow came in who exhibited interest in a $70 ring, which he wound up purchasing for cash. But the customer unwittingly gave Michael two one-hundred-dollar bills stuck together, which Michael realized only after the customer had just departed the store with his change and purchase.
"Well, now you can learn another lesson. You can learn about business ethics," Michael expounded to his son.
"You mean, do you chase after that man and give him his other hundred-dollar bill back?" the son asked.
"No," replied the Tommie, pocketing the hundred. "I mean, do I tell my partner?"
* * * *
Wicker’s Health Rant —
* * * *
From Our Readers —
From Tom Rocheford ’75, Nisswa, MN —
Rob, Always look forward to receiving & thoroughly enjoy reading the UUN…especially the pictures you included of your trip to Red Wing/Winona.
I am sure I will not be the only Johnnie who would love to know where Jeremiah Eisenschenk bought the SJU neon sign…classic.Thanks, — Tom
(Editor’s Note: Jeremiah said that his sign was made to order and he contacted Tom with the name of his supplier.)
* *
From Larry Haeg ’63/’67, St Paul, MN —
Good morning, Bob: Thought you’d be interested in this. Many thanks for today’s UUN. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow in Northfield, and a belated Happy 80th! — Larry
(Editor’s Comment: Apparently CSB-SJU are not the only Minnesota institutions seeking a way through changing times in academia. I need to return to SJU-CSB Provost Richard Ice’s comment of a couple issues ago: “…higher education is at a turning point, and there’s a lot of disruption in higher education. And if we don’t continue to innovate and continue to update our pedagogy and our curriculum, then we’ll be in trouble.” Other than St. Thomas, I’ll bet just about every other college in Minnesota, public or private, is facing similar difficulties.)
* *
Meanwhile: ACT scores fall: The average ACT score for the high school class of 2022 was 19.8, the lowest level since 1991 and down from 20.3 in 2021. Moreover, 42% of all ACT takers failed to meet the College Readiness Benchmarks in any of the four subject areas (math, science, reading, English), compared to 38% in 2021. See here for more info on average ACT scores by state.
More: About 35% of all high school graduates took the ACT in 2022.
* *
From Jim Conway ’58/’62, Wayzata, MN —
Hey, Rob. Just back from a seriously tough case a couple hours south [Ed’s. Note: Jim is a retired attorney who still handles arbitration cases, mostly for the NFL], and return to find your latest. What a way to end the day. I cannot imagine the effort that goes into your production of this missive, much loved by all Johnnies, I'm sure. Best, — Jim
Jim took a quick, surreptitious photo of some of his table mates at a recent Nicollet Island Inn get-together: (from left) Your Editor ’60/‘64; Mike Murphy ’61 (retired attorney, active poet, and composer of the Cretin-Derham Hall anthem); and retired Appeals Court judge Jim Randall ’58/’62.
* *
From Jim Randall ’58/’62, Center City, MN —
Rob, great detail – ten more pages and the UUN would be in “The Great Books of the Western World.” — Jim
(Editor’s Reply: Wait until you read today's even longer issue.)
* *
From Terry Kotnour ’64/’65, Our Man in New York City —
Especially good joke about a Royal Flush beating a Pair….thx — Terry
* *
From Greg Heymans ’84, Edina, MN —
Rob, Thanks for the excellent Johnnie weekly updates and plug for the pre-game gathering at Reunion. I am a 25% partner in Reunion. Go Johnnies! — Greg
* *
From John Diffley ’64, Stewartville, MN —
Bob, My intention was to get in at least one game this year and Northfield is the closest for me. Yesterday l tested positive for Covid and all its works and prompts. Maybe next season somewhere. In addition to your glowing description of St. Olaf, l wonder if it’s the only Protestant college in the US named for a canonized saint in the Church. l’m discounting institutions named after the four evangelists (MO and WI synods) and maybe some saint’s name from the Episcopalians. If there is any evidence contrary to my observation, it would entail combing through the lists of D3 church-affiliated schools…probably not worth the time. Thanks for your consistent efforts in your “bright-spot-of-the-week-publication.”— John
* *
From Pete Hill ’76, Fernandina Beach, FL
Hey, Rob/Bob, just a quick note to say I indeed got the newsletter and enjoyed reading it immensely. It reminds me of home so much. I loved your trip to Winona (where my mother was born in 1917) and hope to follow your trail of sight suggestions one day. That said, as far as Minnesota goes, “Let Rome in Tiber melt, and the wide arch of the rang’d empire fall. Here is my space!” -Anthony & Cleopatra. This is especially true now that I seem to have taken the warm weather back home with me to Florida.
An update on Jacksonville’s starting left guard and former Johnnie Standout, Ben Bartch; he is out on IR for at least four weeks due to a knee injury sustained in the Jaguar’s loss last weekend to the Texans. Also, did you already post about Jackson Erdmann winning the European American Football Championship?
All the best to you and Chris, all y’all come on down to Dixie ya hear! Pete Hill
(Just in from Pete: Rob, just a quick update on Ben. Sadly, his knee injury will keep him out the rest of the year.)
(Editor’s Note: Chris and I enjoyed a nice, leisurely brunch with Pete before the Augsburg game; he was up here for his 50th high school reunion and worked in an SJU football game, even though he was a rugby player for SJU. His wife, Barb Stein Hill ’76, stayed home. Pete told us how, in the South, they’ve worked out all this pronouns business: a single person is called “y’all” and two or more are referred to as “all y’alls.”)
Selfie at Augsburg: (left) Pete Hill and windblown Rob/Bob. Note Pete’s ball cap with “Johnnie-O” on it. He needed something red for his journey north and found this one on Amelia Island from a surf board & clothing business.
* *
From Mike Obler ’64, Hastings, MN —
Hi Bob, Great job. Especially enjoyed your travelogue as Norma and I have made that circuit several times. 'Twas good to be reminded and to see pictures of the sights/sites. For UUN readers who might be inspired to make a similar tour, they really should take in the National Eagle Center in Wabasha. I highly recommend traveling The Great River Road beyond Winona. The driftless area of northeastern Iowa/southwestern Wisconsin (and southeastern MN) has magnificent scenery — northeastern Iowa has been dubbed "Little Switzerland" — and there's a plethora of quaint river towns. Dubuque/Galena (Illinois) is an interesting area to explore. The National Mississippi River Museum and Aquarium in Dubuque is a must-see.
There's far more to be said but you get the idea. . . Oh, I found traveling after the leaves have fallen was a unique experience since there was no foliage to block one's view while driving. — Mike
* *
From Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ —
Your birthday trip sounds like a blast! I’m so glad you had a (well-deserved) good time! You had me at maple long johns, cinnamon rolls, cookies and rye bread. Also a blast was the St. Olaf’s game. Too bad you blew it so badly on the prediction. 42-0 vs. 49-10? What were you thinking? — Conrad
A Tommie offensive lineman said to me, “I have the body of a Greek god.”
I had to explain to him that Buddha was not Greek.
* * * *
Pre-Med Major’s Corner, Alternate Careers Division —
A gynecologist who had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork decided to give up practicing medicine. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, so he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.”
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I've never seen done in my entire career.”
* * * *
Life’s Little Complications —
Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play nine holes of golf. Both men are playing excellently but were often held up by two women in front of them, moving at a very slow pace.
Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about 3/4ths of the way, stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is.
Joe said, “Well, one of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress.”
Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women. He was determined to finish his round of golf. He was prepared to ask the ladies to hurry their game. He too stopped short and turned around.
Joe asked, "What's wrong?"
“It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired."
* * * *
THE FINAL WORD
Rubbing the Lamp — A UUN Classic
(Compliments of Mike Obler ’64, Hastings, MN)
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please" The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big a$$ and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
* * * *
Wow! Another issue done; it's a long ‘un…Thank Goodness it’s out! And just in time for all you faithful Johnnies’ fans to practice hollering:
GO JOHNNIES ! !
Take the Gusto Out Of The Gusties (or something like that)
* * * *
P.S. For those that want to subscribe or resubscribe, please go to the website listed at bottom in red. Yes, thanks to my daughter Caitlin we have an in-progress website.
Sincerely submitted,
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64, You can call me Rob, you can call me Bob, you can call me Theo or Wick…and my personal pronouns are “he a Johnny” and “him a Johnny.”
St. Paul, MN; 651-699-4697
theowick@aol.com
https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com
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