Carleton: We're coming to get ya (UUN #11-21)
Dear Expectant Readers —
The playoffs are nigh, just one game remaining before we face Bethel once again — at Bethel unfortunately — for the MIAC championship and, if we win, the automatic bid to the NCAA Division III playoffs. And if we happen to lose a close one, chances are very good that we would receive one of the five at-large invites.
All this speculation comes after an embarrassingly outsized win over hapless St. Scholastica 81-0 and before this weekend’s game at Carleton, which also promises to be outsized but not as great as over our Saint cousins from Duluth. (See my prediction further down in this issue.)
Graphic evidence of an unseemly trounce. Coach Gary Fasching ’81 did what he could to limit the destruction, using six quarterbacks, more than 170 players, and telling the Saints’ coach that SJU would not be throwing any passes in the second half. (Photo by Jim Conn ’64.)
The Johnnies really rolled on offense, earning an average of 9.1 yards per play, and scored two defensive touchdowns in that 81-0 win over St. Scholastica on Oct. 30 in Collegeville before 4,638 fans in another perfect day for football. The shutout was the fourth in the last five games for SJU, which also set a program record with 41 first downs in the victory. SJU – which used a total of six quarterbacks – finished with 643 yards of total offense, while the defense held the Saints (0-6) to a total of -2 yards in the first half.
"It was nice to get a lot of new faces in the game," said senior running back Henry Trost in the game report, while the Johnnies had over 170 players see action. "It was a good game to give everybody some experience.”
The problem with that is that the new kids want to make the most of their chances too, further pounding the by-then exhausted Saints defense. My prediction was a hoped-for 59-0 victory, and without the two defensive TDs, the offense-only score would have been 67-0, somehow not as heartless sounding. I just don’t know what we can do about such mismatches in the MIAC, except treat those teams with respect and try not to rub their faces in that imbalance, unlike that former team and their coach that used to be in the conference. I suppose we could try to not throw any passes at all, but we’ve still got to run some of those plays for timing and practice under game conditions.
Go to this link for the game recap and box score: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2021/10/30/football-backes-makes-first-start-a-good-one-as-no-5-sju-rolls.aspx
Senior wide receiver #3 Ravi Alston celebrates with sophomore wideout #11 Jimmy Buck following Buck's five-yard touchdown reception Oct. 30. Those two receivers each caught a TD pass in the game. Note the blue jerseys…the guys like them but only get to wear them in “throw-away” contests. For important games it’s gotta be the “Big Red.”
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A Quick Report From The Field —
By Ron Tomczik ‘65
Bob: Here are a few comments picked up on the field after the St. Scholastica game regarding losing Aaron Syverson for the season and miscellaneous subjects.
*Per an Offensive Johnnie Coach: "We will be OK. Chris knows his job and the players love him.”
*Per a Defensive Johnnie Coach Re the D-Line: "We now have the Best Defensive Line SJU has ever had.”
*Per Ravi Alston—the guy who makes impossible catches: "We will be OK.”
Makes you just want to declare success, fold your tent, and go home…BUT WAIT—we have seven more games to play! Go Johnnies!
Senior offensive linemen #57 Nick Neumann and Jarod Fike congratulate #10 senior backup quarterback Chris Backes after one of his four touchdown passes against St. Scholastica. Chris was 14-16 and his replacement sophomore #8 Cooper Downs was 8-8 with one TD in the first half. There were no passes thrown in the second half.
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Here are some great football quotes, sent in by Dick Virden ’63 and Jim Weiss ’64.
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
- Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
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"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking." - John McKay, USC
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"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne, Notre Dame
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Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words.”
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SJU 2021 Football Schedule
(All games are played on Saturdays, beginning at 1 pm)
Date Opponent Location
Sep. 4 Aurora Collegeville W 39-33
Sep. 11 Bye
Sep. 18 Martin Luther Collegeville W 55-7
Sep. 25 Bethel Collegeville W 31-25
Oct. 2 Concordia Moorhead, MN W 49-0
Oct. 9 Augsburg Collegeville W 50-0
Oct. 16 St. Olaf* Collegeville W 56-0
Oct. 23 Gustavus* St. Peter, MN W 37-7
Oct. 30 St. Scholastica* Collegeville W 81-0
Nov. 6 Carleton* Northfield, MN
Nov. 13 MIAC Championship Week TBD
(* With St. John’s, these teams are also part of the MIAC’s new Northwoods Division.)
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MIAC Standings
MIAC All
Northwoods Division
St. John’s 6-0 8-0
Gustavus 4-2 6-2
St. Olaf 3-3 4-4
Carleton 4-2 6-2
St. Scholastica 0-6 0-6
Skyline Division
Bethel 5-1 7-1
Augsburg 4-2 4-4
Concordia 2-4 3-5
Macalester 1-5 2-6
Hamline 1-5 3-5
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AROUND THE MIAC —
10th Week, Saturday, November 6
St. Olaf at Gustavus — Gusties 36-9.
Concordia at Hamline —Whatever the Cobbers did to the Auggies last
week they’ll do to Hamline worse. Something like 42-12.
Macalester at St. Scholastica — As much as I’m pulling for the Saints, they got nothin’…Mac 33-16.
Augsburg at Bethel — If the Auggies thought last week was an eye-opener, wait til the Royals skim ‘em 48-18.
St. John’s at Carleton —The good news for the Knights is they ain’t the Saints; the bad news is it’s still another shutout, SJU 55-0.
Other Games of Interest:
St. Thomas (4-2) travels to Davidson College (5-0) this Saturday. Davidson is affiliated with the Presbyterian Church and has about 2,000 undergraduate students. It is located in Davidson, NC, around the middle of the state. Despite their respective records I’d still bet on the Tommies to win a close one, if for no other reason than to avoid Glenn calling them out publicly again, or boasting how his halftime scoldings turned the tide last week. Here is a link to the Pioneer League standings: https://www.pioneer-football.org/standings/2021/
#1 North Central plays Washington University of St. Louis who, with Wheaton, holds second place in the CCIW conference. However they’ll lose by three+ TDs since North Central is unstoppable; Conference standings: https://cciw.org/standings.aspx?path=football
Lakeland University hosts Aurora University this week. Although there is little doubt about who will win, Aurora may find a closer game than their usual fare. Northern Athletic CC standings: https://www.naccsports.org/sports/fball/2021-22/standings
In the WIAC, one of the best and most important games in D-III has #3 UW-Whitewater hosting #12 La Crosse. Both are undefeated in the WIAC, but La Crosse has one non-conference loss. Wish it wouldn’t be so, but this looks like another win for alte wildwasser.
https://wiacsports.com/standings.aspx?path=football
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Last Week’s Results —
9th Week, Saturday, Oct. 30
Augsburg at Concordia — Auggies win 34-26, and the world continues to turn upside down for the Cobbers. Actually, and I’m pleased to be wrong here, the Cobbers stomped the Augsburgers 44-21…maybe there’s life in Concordia after all.
Gustavus at Carleton —Carleton’s having a pretty good year but the Gusties are too tough…GAC 28-17. Actually the Gusties won 24-9.
Bethel at St. Olaf — Bethel will roll over the Oles 37-12. Or more. Actually Royals 35-14.
Hamline at Macalester — The Pipers should take Mac for a satisfying victory, 40-20. Actually, I’ll be darned! Mac beat the Pipers 23-14.
St. Scholastica at St. John’s — Oh, dear…do we even have to play this game? The biggest challenge will be to keep the score under 60. So, how about 59-0. Actually it was a Halloween nightmare for the Saints, 81-0.
Other Games of Interest:
St. Thomas (4-2) hosts Marist College (3-3) this Saturday. I’m betting on the Tommies to prevail at home. Actually they did, 27-7. U$T is now 4-1 in the Pioneer Division, 5-2 overall.
(Note: Larry Haeg ’63/’67 is keeping track of U$T attendance: “This past Saturday Marist @ UST: 3,215; St. Scholastica @ SJU: 4,638.” D-I must be very exciting since that’s about 1,200 more than they usually drew against D-III foes that weren’t named St. John’s.)
Aurora plays Benedictine and should win fairly big, probably closer to last week’s rather than in the 70s. Actually, Aurora won 63-41, lots of scoring, little defense there.
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D3Football Top 25 —
By this time in the season the Top 25 is pretty much settled…at least within the first dozen or so; there is some minor jockeying in the bottom half of the rankings but not too much. One team, John Carroll, dropped out and RPI took their place.
Something I don’t understand is why Mount Union remains at #4, one ahead of us, after narrowly escaping an upset by unknown Ohio Northern 42-35 in the last minute; Ohio Northern (4-4) is not in the Top anything, even now. That’s akin to Augsburg or St. Olaf, both 4-4 themselves, almost knocking us off. If I were on the ranking panel I would have voted to knock the Mount down two or three places.
Next week we’ll see what happens to either #3 UW-Whitewater or #12 UW-La Crosse after their game this weekend. If La Crosse really challenges Whitewater then they should move up a bit even with a loss. And if, however unlikely, they should defeat Whitewater, then they both should be ranked somewhere between where they are now, like #6 and #7.
https://www.d3football.com/top25/2021/week9
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All About Carleton —
(From Patrick Tomczik, Northfield, MN, who sent me the Game Day program from the Carleton-Gustavus game this past weekend.)
Hi, Bob - I went to the last part of the Carleton-Gustavus game last Saturday. Carleton is getting some BIG guys from a lot of different states so their program is really getting more interesting and, I think, on the upswing. Thought you would like the line-up. — Patrick
Editor’s Comment: Until their 24-9 loss to the Gusties last week, the Knights of Carleton were, for them, having a dynamite year. Currently they are 6-2, 4-2 in the MIAC and will no doubt finish 6-3, 4-3 for the regular season. Certainly this is a solid foundation for building an improved program and I’m really pleased for Carleton — they’ve always had the financial resources but never the institutional will to commit to a solid football program. Let’s all hope this is no longer the case, and we’re seeing a new resolve for respectability. Would that be the case with Mac and Hamline.
Looking over Patrick’s game program, I see what he’s referring to: Of their 69 players, only six are from Minnesota, as opposed to Gustavus, St. John’s or Bethel whose teams are heavily composed of home-grown Minnesotans. So where do the Knights hail from? Many are from California, Michigan, New Jersey/New York. And the size he refers to: Well, the coaches have been recruiting some beefy young academics. Three first-year Offensive Linemen weigh in at 6’1”-320 (Annapolis, MD); 5’11”-280 (Hammond, LA); and 6’4”-275 (Seattle, WA). Two new kids on the Defensive Line are 6’3”-345 (Kansas City, MO); and 6’1”-285 (Gladstone, NJ).
Furthermore, they have seventeen freshmen and seventeen seniors, so — with the sophomores and juniors — they have a pretty young team. With Carleton’s early success this year, that bodes well for their next few seasons. This year they won decisively over non-conference patsies like UM-Morris and Crown, as well as the MIAC have-nots, lost to St. Olaf in a respectable 23-14 showing, won an exciting OT contest with poor Concordia 28-27, and were overwhelmed by Gustavus last week. They didn’t play Bethel just as SJU hasn’t played Macalester or Hamline.
People to watch: On offense, junior quarterback #14 Jonathan Singleton has thrown for 20 touchdowns this season against one interception; he’s from San Martin, CA. Primary receivers are freshman #0 Ntense Obomo (Lawrence, KS) who has 4 TDs with an 11.6 yards average; and senior #12 Beau Nelson (San Diego, CA) with 2 TDs and an 8.6 average per catch. Primary running backs are sophomore #21 Oryon Hamlin, 6’2”-228 (Inglewood, CA); and junior #9 Aiden Chang, 5’11”-165 (Palo Alto, CA). They both average a little over 4 yards per carry.
Defensively, their leaders are sophomore D-lineman #66 Michael Carey (Haddonfield, NJ); junior linebacker #55 Isaac Simons (Oconomowoc, WI); and senior D-lineman #6 John Witte (Wessington Springs, SD). Interesting: not a Minnesotan amongst the entire lot of team leaders.
The Knights will play us with pride and heart, but they, too, like so many others in the MIAC, will just get worn down by our speed, power, skill position talent, and depth. Probable outcome: SJU 55-0.
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Two Lost Knights —
A couple of Carleton College first year defensive linemen get lost on campus. They find a map, which has a big red arrow saying, “YOU ARE HERE.”
One says to the other, “Wow! How do they know that?!?”
(Compliments of Conrad Macina, Landing, NJ)
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Carleton Pregame in Northfield —
Hear Ye, Hear Ye — the next Pre-Game Gathering of The Red Clad will be held at the Johnnie-owned Reunion, 501 Division Street South, Northfield, MN. Doors open at 11 a.m. The owner is Greg Heymans ’84 and he is grateful that all of us Johnnies will be coming back. Hope to see you there.
We are lucking out yet another weekend with temps around 60º and mostly sunny. God is good…and just may be a Johnnie!
https://reunioneatdrinkgather.com (Scroll down to the bottom for a map and location.)
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes, Mike Carr and Charlie Carr will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 11 a.m. and the pre-game show at 11:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 23rd season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet.
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Listening via the Internet: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
Viewing via live streaming: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/carleton/
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Carleton Student Goes To The Doctor —
An exhausted looking Carleton student dragged herself into the the college’s health center. Explaining her plight to the staff medical attendant, she said, “There are dogs all over my neighborhood near my apartment. They bark all day and night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”
“I have good news for you,” the nurse practitioner answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”
A few weeks later the Lady Knight returns, looking worse than ever and she seems to have lost a lot of weight. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”
“I don’t understand how that could be,” said the nurse practitioner, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”
“That may be true,” answered the co-ed wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one, it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill.”
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The Reel 2021, Game #8, SJU-St. Scholastica HIGHLIGHTS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqU9DfPypCY
Johnnie Question of the Week // Season 3, Episode 8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb3uK6S6S0E
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Odds & Ends —
Fiona Smith Named MIAC Athlete of the YEAR!
Named MIAC Athlete of the Week five times this year, sophomore Fiona Smith secured herself a spot in the MIAC cross country history books this past weekend, and headlined the College of Saint Benedict cross country team's all-conference honorees following the 2021 MIAC Championships.
Fiona – the 2021 MIAC individual champion – earned MIAC Athlete of the Year honors for finishing first on Saturday in Northfield. Her win also earned her a spot on the All-MIAC First Team – the Bennies' first since 2018. This is Smith's first All-MIAC cross country honor.
The sophomore is the Bennies' third MIAC Athlete of the Year and she joins Leah Wurm and Morgan Pierce, who won conference cross country titles in 2004 and 2018, respectively.
Fiona ’24 is the daughter of Katie [Breen] and Michael Smith, both ’94. She has two siblings, Connor ’20 and Brigid ’22 and several of her family members - including both parents and siblings - have attended CSB/SJU. She is majoring in math and minoring in computer science and Hispanic studies.
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Gagliardi Legacy Fund
We continue to receive donations as we seek to wind up this campaign to strengthen St. John’s football program in the face of ever-growing expenses and reduced income due to the pandemic and smaller student enrollments.
One thing that will help us is for those with the pledge brochures to return them to St. John’s. Several people have asked if they can pledge now and give after the first of the year. The answer is ABSOLUTELY. Others may wish to get their donation into the Fund before the end of the year for tax purposes. You can pledge now and get your donation in sometime before the end of next month. — Bernie Weber SJP ’63/SJU ’67
(Please Note: Everything given to the Fund is used exclusively for the benefit of the team and its many expenses. Please consider making a tax-exempt contribution by sending a check to St. John’s University in care of St. John’s University, PO Box 7222, Collegeville, MN 56321. Be sure to note in the check memo that your tax-deductible contribution is for the Gagliardi Legacy Fund. If you would prefer to make your contribution via a credit card, please call 320-492-0851. Or go to this link for Giving at St. John’s and put Gagliardi Legacy Fund in the “additional comments” area. Use Pay Pal or credit card. https://securelb.imodules.com/s/1433/gid3/form.aspx?sid=1433&gid=3&pgid=397&cid=1052 )
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Dennis Bracco Selected For AOA Hall of Fame
Dennis Bracco ’75, Oak Park, IL, was selected to be inducted into the Athletic Officials Association (AOA) Hall of Fame. Denny became a high school official in 1977 and immediately joined the AOA that same year. Denny worked collegiately in the CCIW and the NIIC starting in 1983 and was assigned his first Division I college game in 1984. Denny would officiate at the Division I level for the next 28 years, including the Mid-Continent, Horizon, Sun Belt, Ohio Valley, Big Ten and Conference USA. Highlights included working his first NIT game in 1999, his first NCAA Tournament game in 2000, and working both Division II and Division III NCAA Tournaments three times each. Now retired from officiating, Denny continues his involvement with the AOA by participating in Zoom meetings the past two years. Congratulations to Denny on his great achievement.
(A note from Denny: Thanks to my college coach Jim Smith who told me I’d do really well as an official when I came to him to ask how I could get into college coaching — guess that was his way of telling me I would make a lousy coach!)
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The Earthy Suzie Gooding’s Back —
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Annual Veterans Day Salute —
During the St. John’s - St. Scholastica football game, Saint John's provided its annual Veterans Day Salute. The tribute comes in advance of Veterans Day on Nov. 11. Leading up to the half-time event, the Fighting Saints Battalion leadership, Lieutenant Colonel Doug Serie, Professor of Military Science for the Fighting Saints Battalion, and Master Sergeant Dave Wasierski, Senior Military Instructor, provided the coin toss. At half time all veterans present were asked to stand up for recognition of their service to America and its many freedoms. The following statement was read before those present in the stadium watched the video linked below:
Developing tomorrow’s leaders today. That’s the mission of the Fighting Saints Army ROTC Battalion at Saint John’s University, the College of Saint Benedict and Saint Cloud State University.
The Fighting Saints continue to excel in regional and national competitions against programs from far larger schools. Most recently, both the nine-person and five-person teams took first place in the Task Force Ranger Challenge held at Camp Ripley earlier this month. Find out more about the history of the battalion and its continuing tradition today on the videoboard.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jX8L4WDADprADFleeWhxl2keXjgKYy0v/view?usp=sharing
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UUN Musical Interlude of the Week —
A few years ago an Irish priest, Father Ray Kelly, sang his version of Hallelujah for a couple at their wedding that went viral. A singer from a young age, friends encouraged him to enter Britain’s Got Talent show in 2018. Here is his moving song that propelled him to the next level:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqjNMmzX2b0
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The Mislaid Pills —
A young man asks his grandmother, “Granny, have you seen my pills; they were labelled ‘LSD’?”
Granny replies, “Screw the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen!?!”
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A View From The Field —
From Ron Tomczik ‘65
(Editor’s Note: Ron’s copy below was lost in his computer and thus missed insertion into last issue regarding the Gustavus game. Ron goes down to the field after every game to chat with the players; he then shares tidbits of those conversations with us. We are very pleased to include his remarks and views of the Gustavus game in this issue.)
Gustavus --A Tale of Two Halves
At a beautiful Gustavus campus, on a wonderful Fall day, with a pumped up Gustavus team, who were obviously attempting to obtain an upset of the #5-rated Johnnies. By halftime their team and fans were loudly cheering, making it sound like they had accomplished their goal.
This game really had two completely different halves. Halftime score: 10-7 SJU. Our offense was inept with questionable play-calling and execution. The Gusties’ TD were the first points scored scored on us in 13 quarters. Our Defense — especially the Defensive line — was super, with the only major error being a slip-up in the second quarter when our secondary allowed a long Gustavus pass completion and TD.
Among my questions: Why did we go for a field goal in the second quarter? Coaches wanted some insurance? Practice for the playoffs? While there was some late hitting, our D was holding Gustavus. And we were near their goal line--we thought we could punch it in--even though they were making late hits And way too many penalties. And some Gustavus players were chippy (actual language used by our players after the game was more colorful) and with some of our players forgetting John G's rule--you walk away from altercations which can result in penalties on us.
Second Half: our Dee Line came out very strong with back to-back quarterback sacks by Wozniak and Morem. These two plays really fired up the team and our fans. But more penalties and poor offense execution continued. Then on a third and 18, Aaron Syverson, our quarterback, was involved in a running play — up the middle. Then total fan silence, while Arron was laying motionless on the turf. Actually, there was some noise--from me saying "sh__, sh__, sh__". My seat neighbor, Chris Scholl, told me to watch my language--there were kids present. I looked around our seats--there were no kids within 20'. Later, Chris had more "colorful" words herself for the Gusties' late hits, etc.--but not printable.
As two MDs examined Aaron, who was not moving at all, then later as a golf cart type vehicle came onto the field, my heart — as well as many others —sank. How serious and what are the repercussions?
Chris Backus, who had been told many times by his dad, Brian ’87, “You are only one play away from being the quarterback" came in and threw some passes that were amazingly caught by our All-American Ravi Alston. Recall — Ravi has told me a number of times —“My job is to catch the ball and help us win.” With a Dee pass interception and run back by Kyle Kornovich for a TD and three TDs from Henry Trost, we scored quick points. When I was speaking with Henry at game’s end, I asked him how many TDs he had, Henry said, he “didn’t know; it was just important we won the game. The O-Line opened holes for me.” What an amazing rusher/humble guy!
I also spoke with #3 quarterback--now #2—Cooper Downs and his mom who came to the game from Ames, IA. She said the three-hour drive was actually much shorter than going to SJU. Cooper said he is very happy at SJU!
Walking to the parking lot someone called my name. Of course I had forgotten her name and D-Line alumnus son from some years ago with his Bennie girlfriend RN who is considering going back to St. Ben's for a PhD degree. Wonderful folks, who had been at Pat's home after a Northfield game. And, as usual, brother Pat marvels at how nice/friendly our current and former football players, parents, friends etc. are! Go Johnnies! — Ron
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Department of Ooops! —
How lovely you look, my dear!" gushed a wedding guest to the bride. And then she whispered, "Whatever happened to that ditzy blonde your groom used to date?"
"I dyed my hair,” replied the bride.
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English Majors’ Corner, Proper Punctuation Quickie —
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, 'Duck, eggs’.
I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma,” and then it hit me!
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From Our Readers —
From Bob Neis ’65, St. Louis Park, MN —
In the late 1950's or early 1960's, I played golf against George 'Showboat' Fisher at the Sauk Centre Country Club. All I remember was that George took every opportunity to spit tobacco in my putting line.
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From Todd Mueller ’74, Arden Hills, MN —
Hi Rob, Thanks for your ever expanding Underground News. Gotta say it’s a must read. What do you know about the D-3 football championship game being played in Canton, Ohio this year? Why would they play at such a northerly venue? — Todd
(Editor’s Barely-Qualified Reply: That’s a good question…why would they? Somehow there must be money in it for them. After NCAA Div. III left Salem, VA, where the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl had been ensconced for many years, I recall reading something about the officials wanting to receive bids and not just keep it in one location. I think I heard the championship game would be played in a new locale maybe for two years and then other cities would be allowed to bid for a chance to host it. Perhaps a reader with more information (or correct information, if I’m all wet) would be good enough to send us a note.)
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From John Chromy ’64, Washington, DC —
Bob—A clarification needed, please: are UUN Readers and Joke Scanners two separate specifies or just variants/mutations of Johnnie football fans? — John
(Editor’s Response: John, believe it or not, there are subscribers to the Unofficial Underground News who care not a whit about SJU football or even much about other information painstakingly gathered and edited each week during football season. Those persons, mainly but not exclusively of the feminine gender (can I still say either of those two words?), like the jokes and just scroll through each issue for them. In the past I’ve even had readers ask me to gather that week’s humor and put out a separate e-pub so they wouldn’t have to search through all that other copy for the jokes. So, in answer to your question, joke scanners are a separate entity…a group I cherish nonetheless because I capture all their subscription fees whether they read about Johnnie football or not!)
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(Here’s another note from John to Karen Backes ‘87, CSB-SJU Admissions Director, whose son, senior quarterback #10 Chris Backes, had to step in last week when our starting quarterback was injured:)
Karen, please convey to your son my congratulations on his outstanding performance under duress at St. Peter last Saturday. His long wait behind two "recruited" (from Division I teams) quarterbacks, and his "stepping up" when needed is to be admired as the best of Johnnie Football. I am sure his Grandpa, Dave Sieben, is or would be proud of him. Warm regards — John
(Editor’s Note: Chris Backes’ grandpa, Dave Sieben '61, is most proud of him…I saw Dave in the crowd down at St. Peter where he witnessed firsthand Chris’ fine performance in relief of Aaron and greeted him in person at the tailgate before the St. Scholastica game.)
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(And yet another note from John after the St. Scholastica game.)
Wow, 170 Johnnie players got into the game against St. Scholastica. That must be an NCAA record.
Johnnies’ MIAC scoring record this year: St. John's 323 points, all other MIAC opponents 32. how soon do you think the MIAC presidents and athletic directors will vote to ask St. John's to leave the conference? All good cheer — John
(Editor’s Note: YTD for all games: 398 points [average of 50] a game scored versus 72 against [average of 9]. The truth of the matter is that there is such an imbalance this year between SJU and the rest of the conference that Gary Fasching has taken great pains to keep the scoring down so as not to embarrass most of the competition (Bethel and Gustavus being two other teams that are competitive.) Beyond football, there is much parity between CSB-SJU and the rest of the league in other sports.)
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From Bob Christensen ’62, Minneapolis, MN —
Hi Wick…After watching the UST vs Marist game yesterday, where the Tommies beat the Red Foxes both figuratively as well as literally, it dawned on me that there are at least 3-4 MIAC teams who could beat Marist. In fact, I think the Pioneer League is pretty weak.
Before the game I was chatting with a father of one of the Marist football players who told me he thought the league championship game was probably played last week between Moorhead State and Marist, both unbeaten in the league at the time, and where Marist lost in the last 1-2 minutes of that game.
Well, let me tell you, he had trouble understanding just how outclassed his team was yesterday against the Tommies. Actually, St. Thomas didn’t play that well yesterday…They gave Marist the ball on the 2 yard line after their center hiked the ball over their punter’s head; and another time Marist blocked a quick kick by the UST quarterback giving Marist the ball on the UST 28 yard line and Marist couldn’t score.
I really expect UST to win the Pioneer League Championship this year!
The Tommies play Davidson next week (which barely beat Moorhead State yesterday), and then they play Moorhead State, both away games for UST; and then at home on Nov. 20th the Tommies play Presbyterian which has not won a league game this year.
Apparently there is not a post regular season playoff structure available to the Pioneer League Champion….Good to hear our Johnnies played “Johnnie Smart,” and committed few penalties yesterday!…Chris
(Editor’s Note: Bob is a retired surgeon who was a lineman for John Gagliardi back in the day. Regarding Bob’s comment about our penalties against St. Scholastica, we had three for 45 yards, and one of those was mistakenly called for taunting — it shouldn’t have been called. This was a huge improvement from the 15 penalties called at Gustavus.)
* * * *
Acts of God —
A Tommie and a Johnnie were fishing in the sunny Caribbean. They were discussing their great vacations when the Tommie said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
That is quite a coincidence," said the Johnnie. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The Tommie, quite puzzled, asked, "How do you start a flood?"
* * * *
From Bernie Weber SJP ’63/SJU ’67, Minnetonka, MN —
Wick, You win. You guessed attendance at 4,500 (actual 4638). I guessed 2,500…way off. What a fun time with you and Chris. I hope we get to do it again during the playoffs. See you two Saturday. — Bernie
(Editor’s Comment: Once a year some of us are invited to watch the game in the President’s Suite; Chris and I generally ask for the last home game since the weather often is colder then; not this year — every game has been on a mild and beautiful day! We sat along the right side window row with Bernie and Barbara Weber and Wayne '57 nd Marge Hergott on one side of us and Tom ‘75 and Bonnie Brever on the other; their son Nathan ’04 is the Johnnie team physician. Tom is the law partner with Bob Foster ’72; I saw Bob and his wife Linda (Mohs) Foster ’72 at the tailgate where the Class of 1972 was holding their annual judged chili cook-off. Bob and Linda won last year so he was judging this year’s contest. I mentioned I was sitting in the President’s Suite for this last home game and he mentioned that his partner Tom was too; he told me to tell him he’s up there this last game because he is a woose. ( did.) Among the three contestants, I only sampled Bernie and Linda Touhy’s chili with steak pieces — Man-o-man, I’m not going back to regular chili any time soon! Also present with their chili offering were Steve [SJP ’68/SJU ’72] and Susan Zimmerman. Susan presented her chili while dressed for the occasion of Halloween Eve; her special added ingredient — a spoonful of Lucky Charms to each bowl of chili! I don’t know the other chili provider, but I do know there sure was a lot of Fulton Beer around, Fulton being a Johnnie-owned brew. We do take care of our own.
Susan Zimmerman casts a special "charm" on her chili.
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From Aaron Smith ’92-ish, Elk River, MN —
Bob - Top notch stuff! Emails and the website are looking great. The photos, formatting and stuff are now in keeping with the quality writing! I’m thinking back a few years and amazed at how this thing has evolved. Thanks for keeping it going. -A-
(Editor’s Reply: Thanks, Smitty. I (and all our readers) owe these improvements to my younger daughter, Caitlin, who directed me to mailchimp.com and held my hand from long distances, first from Queens, NY and currently from Sierra Madre, CA, until I could use the technology well enough to get it out by myself. I’m still having difficulty with the mail list from that resource, but Caitlin also helped us with that problem too.
For Christmas about three or four years ago she built and maintains a website for me that eventually will be a great site. Visitors to the site now can find past issues for this current season, and some of a season before that. Eventually I hope to empty my computer’s memory of all the past years’ efforts that are still somewhere in my own cyber closet. Caitlin will continue to post them as they are disinterred. The other, most important thing for so many readers/would-be subscribers is they can go to the site now and subscribe there…just scroll down a bit once there. Here it is: https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com )
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From Paul Radzicki ’75, Naperville, IL —
Rob, I always look forward to your weekly newsletter. Truly remarkable!
I am writing, though, to say that your Health Rant was SPOT ON!!! I hope everyone scrolled down far enough to read it and take it to heart. A very comprehensive guide to wellness. I have been following that guidance, especially regarding vitamin supplementation, for years. Great work, Dr. Rob! I know you wouldn't have funded gain-of-function research :( — Paul
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From Tim Ward ’78, St. Paul, MN —
Great newsletter as always.
" I haven’t witnessed such a blatant display of poor sportsmanship and thuggery since a game where St. Thomas purposely tried to (and did) get our quarterback, Nick Martin ’16, out of a game."
Actually, St. Thomas also knocked Jackson Erdmann '19 out on 9/24/16. Literally knocked him out. He suffered a concussion and did not play again until 11/5. It was clear the pussy cats were going after him. At least one personal foul, lots of borderline late hits.
After the game where the Tommies were going after Nick Martin I ran into him and Josh Bungum’16. Nick was hurting a lot. He took a real beating that day.
I've missed the past few games due to illness. Hope to see you and Chris tomorrow at the tailgate and/or game. By the way, I read your health tips with great interest. I'll be working on adopting a several of them. Best —Tim
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This is a view looking west from the tailgate area to the St. John’s Arboretum’s oak savanna, painstakingly restored by monks, students and volunteers over many years. (Photo by Chris Scholl.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oak_savanna
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From Paul Hamann ’63, Edina, MN —
When l was a freshman l was fortunate to be assigned to Lee Cook for my upper class contact. He was a class act then and l followed his career with interest.
About the Johnnie Fight Song. It sounds much better without four part harmony. I always appreciate the UUN. — Paul
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From Jane [Murray Marrin] ’64, St. Cloud, MN —
Hi Bob. So good to see you and Chris after the game Saturday. Thanks for including me and for being so welcoming to Joyce “Sunny” Davidson ‘64!
As you know, we attended the funeral of our 1964 classmate Kathy (Becker) Faust Lange in St. Paul last week. Our class turned out in a large way to honor Kathy’s life and support her family.
Present were: Joan Storm Rieble, Val Gyurci, Rita Hunn (and Chuck Frundt), Marilyn Pink (and John Wolkerstorfer ’64), Diane Riesdorfer, Liz Benda Anderson, Jane Strom, Jan Meyer Eiden, Louise Muggli, Lucy Dotte, Joyce Davidson, Jane Murray Marrin. We counted these two husbands as members of our class because they do everything with us — as did Jim! [Jim Marrin ’60/’64 is Jane’s deceased husband.]
See you soon. — Jane. May the road rise to meet you……..☘️
(Editor’s Note: Jane has been Chancellor of the St. Cloud Diocese through two bishops, both obviously ahead of their time and most of their hierarchical peers by appointing a woman to this important position. When she retires with current Bishop Donald Kettler ’66 she’ll no doubt be replaced with a “traditional” man, continuing the R.C. status quo. I spoke with Bishop Kettler during the game and learned that when his “papers” are finally accepted by the Vatican, he plans to retire to his hometown of Sioux Falls, SD, where he said there will be three bishops and one archbishop in residence — only one active though.)
From left, Jane Marrin and friends Bob Wicker, Bill Marrin, John Sipe and Joyce Davidson enjoy the relative peace and quiet of Fisher’s Club in Avon after the St. Scholastica debacle. (Photo by Jim Conn)
* * * *
From Dan McDermott ’84, Plymouth, MN —
Solemnity of All Saints— and all them Saints from Scholastica were pretty solemn. But Bob, on Sunday I had one of my 'great thoughts' that I was musing on while sneaking Snickers from the trick-or-treat bowl.
At my high school we were always kind of an Iowa football powerhouse. So as freshman they split us into 2 teams - the Blue and the Gold for our school colors. We played all the usual conference suspects and did well until consolidating as one varsity team.
So...what would a 2022 season look like with SJU Red in the Northwoods division of the MIAC and SJU Blue in the Skyline division? How competitive would both teams be?! Would they meet for the conference championship? Must be just too much Halloween candy for me...
Beat the daylights out of the Knights!! — Dan
* * * *
From Larry Haeg SJP ’63/SJU ’67, St. Paul, MN —
Good morning, Rob: No doubt you've noticed the Bennies play the Katies Saturday at 1 pm for the MIAC soccer championship and the right to go on to the national playoffs. Game's at Saint Kate's, starts at 1 pm. Since our daughter's a former Bennie soccer player, we've decided to attend the game and cheer on the Bennies…as much as I hate to miss the Carleton game in Northfield. Go Bennies! Go Johnnies! — Larry
In a tight, white-knuckle game the Bennies held on for a 3-2 win over St. Mary’s in St. Joe. Saint Benedict advances to the MIAC Championship game for the first time since 2013. The Bennies take on top-seeded St. Catherine University at 1 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 5, in St. Paul. The Wildcats beat Gustavus 5-0 in the other conference semifinal Wednesday afternoon.
The Bennies are riding a seven-game win streak and a 12-game unbeaten streak into Saturday's conference title game. The last team to beat Saint Benedict was the Wildcats. St. Kate's beat the Bennies 1-0 on Sept. 15 in St. Joe. St. Kate's is on a 10-game unbeaten streak heading into Saturday. Gonna be a thriller, that’s for sure.
* * * *
From Mike Obler ’64, Hastings, MN —
Hey Bob, Please add my high school friend and SJU seminary attendee, Jim Fox ’64, to your mailing list to receive the UUN. As per usual, the subscription check is in the mail.
Thanks ever so much. You sure are doing a SPLENDID job (as usual) but this year's issues have begun to look downright professional !! Excellent photos, too. All the Best. — Mike O
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All Souls' Remembrance—
By Abbot John Klassen SJP ’67/SJU ‘71
"In community, we call out the dead by name, recognizing our communion with those who have gone before us — the bond of affection, the tender quirkiness of individual human persons, the fragility of our lives, the incredible, amazing grace that has washed through our lives in these who were once in our midst. We recognize our unity with them and all the saints who live in God."
* *
Faithful Departed, November 2
The second of November is a Christian Memorial Day; we remember the dead. No matter how we look on it, this day reminds us of them and death. Unlike a fairly recent period in Christian history, we do not think primarily of the deceased as undergoing the pains of purgatory, away from the presence of God. Because of renewed attention to Scripture we are more inclined to trust that God has forgiven and taken to God’s loving arms those who, though imperfect, put their confidence in God's love.
With St. Paul in Romans we say: “If God is for us, who can be against us? Is it possible that He who did not spare His own Son but handed Him over for the sake of us all will not grant us all things besides? . . . I am certain that neither death nor life, neither the present nor the future, will be able to separate us from the love of God that comes to us in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:31-39).
It honors the love God has for us and lives up to the trust God asks if we confide the deceased to God's loving care. It further honors that love if we ourselves live in trust and confidence in God's forgiveness and love. Recalling those gone before us can arouse our thanksgiving for all they meant to us. Recalling that they have left our world urges us to live generously this short but precious time.
(From Daily Reflection by Fr. Don Talafous, OSB ‘48.
* * * *
Battle Between the Sexes, Home Invasion —
A robber breaks into a house and ties up the woman and man.
The robber asks where the jewels are and the guy responds with: "I'll give you everything! Please, let her go..."
Robber: "I only care about the jewels! I won't hurt you if you give me what I want..."
Guy: "I BEG you, let her go!"
Robber: "Wow, you must really love your wife..."
Guy: "What? Oh no, my wife is about to get home!"
* * * *
Battle Between the Sexes, Toy Store Explanation —
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.
The clerk replies, "We have Tennis Barbie and she's $28.”
The lady says, "Hmmm, anything else?"
"We have an Equestrian Barbie, and she's $28.”
The lady then asks, "Anything else?"
"Well, we have Divorced Barbie and she's $250.”
The lady replies, "I don't understand why Divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about Divorced Barbie?"
The clerk replied, "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff.”
* * * *
A True Lesson For Our Times —
(Subtitled: Trying to be ‘Green’ in Stearns County)
Preface from Kathleen Ziegler, wife of Frank ’62: Ask Frank why he missed his first Johnnie game today. Our house was packed with every kid and grandkid we have here, but off he went. The reason he didn’t make it is one you probably never heard before.
From Frank:
OK Wick, let me preface by saying my intention was to drive the used electric car we bought recently to Collegeville as well as to make a delivery in Cold Spring, pick up some sausage at Plantenberg’s in Richmond (or the former Plantenberg’s, get some Johnnie brats for various relatives at St. Joe Meat Market, and watch the game while reporting to my son from Ames as to the progress of one Cooper Downs at QB. I didn’t do any of those things and didn’t make it any further than Miller Nissan’s parking lot in St. Cloud. I was too naive about the availability of WORKING electric chargers for an older electric car. Here’s my message to my sidekick:
Sausage run a bust. Didn’t get to Roxie’s or Richmond or Collegeville or St. Joe Meat Market. Spent time in St. Cloud learning the vagaries of driving a purely electric vehicle in Stearns County. Learned also that the Goodwill store in Monticello has a reliable but somewhat expensive charger. Listened to some of Johnny game on phone.
My journey yesterday was really meant to be an experiment in driving our new used electric car for more than around town and it proved to be a less than successful experiment. I had only previously driven the car from the dealer, to handball, and then home, where I charged the battery up to about 85%. Now, as I passed the St. Augusta exit on 94 heading to the game, I told my dashboard menu to locate electric chargers in the area as I was down to 37 miles and wanted to charge before continuing to Cold Spring, Richmond and SJU. The menu responded by listing seven charging stations of which six were BEHIND me. The one other was at Miller Nissan in St. Cloud so I quickly pulled off on 15 and went into town. It was about 12:10 when I passed St Augusta. I had never used a public charger before.
I was greeted by the personnel at Miller and told where the chargers were and also where coffee and soft drinks were available. I pulled up to the chargers and plugged in. It was almost 10 minutes before I realized the charger wasn't working. Luckily there was another paired with it so I plugged into that one. The Miller charger is a Level 1 charger, I guess, because it is a slow charge. I had thought in the morning, when I didn't get away from home as early as planned, that it wasn't that critical to make the opening kickoff.
After a number of minutes charging I saw I had only added about four miles so I searched on my phone for a higher speed Level 2 charger. I drove over to Division and pulled up to a formidable looking device with heavy cords and connectors. I pulled out my magic card from this vendor that I had received in the mail earlier in the week. As instructed I waved the card at the device. No response. I then re-opened the app on my phone and waved my phone at the apparently dormant sentinel. A constant dark screen started darkening my attitude and outlook. So I punched in the company's 800 number on my phone. The usual "press 1...press 2…etc." instructions followed until I was told a customer specialist would be with me shortly. Then the usual music until you assume these 24-7 connections aren't really manned on weekends. But after a while a lady, apparently in Mazatlan, answered and asked me the problem. I gave her the number on the uncharging charger and she confirmed that it must be out of order. I asked for an alternate. She asked my zip code and I told her St. Cloud, MN. After a bit she said, "There aren't any." I Googled St. Cloud Electric Charging Stations and was told there may be one near the convention center on the river but it didn't say what kind. I was sporadically listening to the mounting score of the game on my phone and wishing my miles charged would ascend as quickly as the Johnnie points. It was into the second quarter when I decided to go back to Miller Nissan and charge slowly and at least make a sausage run while giving up on getting to the game.
I drove back to the dealership and again plugged in. I sat on my fender in the sunshine through half time and at one point visited with a fellow walking by who went to SJU in 1955 before leaving to fight in Korea. He wanted to know all about electric cars and I said I was not the one to ask. He thought he'd continue to drive his Lincoln through his remaining driving years but believed that electric was the way of the future.
As the afternoon waned and the mileage slowly crawled north of 42, then 46, I continued to research charging locations along my route home. I had now decided to head for the barn checking out chargers for future reference. Nelson Bros has a beautiful Tesla-only operation in Clearwater. I then located the Goodwill store in Monticello with a high-powered charger. I pulled up and read the instructions.There followed the usual routine of downloading an app, registering for an account, inputting credit card details, etc. Soon I was charging with a screen that gave me a miles and percentage figure. After about 20 minutes I was up to almost 80 miles and it was 3:30. I unplugged and found out that it cost me either $12 or $29 dollars and was operated by Shell Oil. I left and went to pick up my daughter and granddaughter in Arden Hills and then home. Arrived home with about the same 37 mile availability that I had upon arrival in St. Cloud about four hours earlier. A lot of time and tuition to get in on the way of the future. — Z
(Editor’s Observation: Just sayin’, all this green technology may be the wave of the future but I’m sure comfortable with my 30-year-old Margemobile and flip phone.)
* * * *
Auditioning at the Circus —
Auditioning for a job at a circus were a young man and a young woman.
The woman said, “I’ll go first.” She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion’s cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stopped dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawled up to her, and started licking her ankles. He continued to lick her calves, kissed them, and then rested his head at her feet.
The circus owner’s mouth was on the floor. He said, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turned to the young man and asked, “Can you top that?”
The young man replied, “No problem, just get that lion out of the way.”
* * * *
Wicker’s Health Rant, Parts 1 & 2 —
(Keeping in mind that everything we eat— or drink — either makes us sick or keeps us well, I present two articles that can be used as a starting point for those who would like to start cleaning up their food consumption act.)
Part 1
60 Percent of Our Diet?! Ultra-Processed Foods (and Better Alternatives)
https://draxe.com/nutrition/ultra-processed-foods/
Part 2
Dirty Dozen 2021: View the list of foods with the most and least pesticides
https://draxe.com/health/dirty-dozen/
* * * *
* * * *
THE FINAL WORD —
St. Peter's Book
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life."
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang.
"He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next. So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron.
"Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!'"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago.”
* * * *
Goodnight (or good morning)…Don’t forget to keep proclaiming this as the regular season draws to a close:
GO JOHNNIES ! !
(Beat the daylights out of the Knights!!…or something like that.)
(Sign-off courtesy of Dan McDermott ’84)
* * * *
Submitted while predicting another shutout.
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64, St. Paul, MN
651-699-4697; theowick@aol.com
https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com
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