One Down, Four to Go (UUN#13-22)
Dear Fervent Johnnie Followers —
Well, to the surprise of virtually no one who follows D-III football, St. John’s dispatched University of Northwestern rather handily 49-0 last Saturday in Round One of the Div-III playoffs. The score represented coach Gary Fasching’s desire for his team to get their work in without running up the score and embarrassing the opponents any more than need be.
Gary took his hand off the throttle early in the third quarter, removing junior quarterback Aaron Syverson along with many starters on both sides of the ball, and had the team concentrate on our running game and maintaining the shutout. With only 58 players allowed on each side for the playoffs, there’s a certain amount of imbalance built in and can’t be helped when two teams are so mismatched.
The mismatch became evident early as Syverson threw four touchdowns in his first half, including two in the second quarter to junior wide receiver Jimmy Buck who looked incredible in the game. Senior receiver Nick VanErp had a nice 41-yard catch/run early in the first quarter capping off an eight-play, 85-yard drive, and senior tight end Alex Larson added to his yearly total with another TD in the second quarter as well. Junior running back Tony Underwood ran for a four-yard touchdown in the first half also. At the half it was already 35-0.
Junior wide receiver #11 Jimmy Buck caught two touchdown passes in the second quarter, including this one in the back corner of the end zone with 46 seconds left before halftime (image courtesy of Graham Miller).
We had one rushing score in each of the second half quarters: a 33-yard scamper by freshman RB Caden Wheeler in the third, and a six-yard run by sophomore back Quinn Christoffersen. Sophomore kicker Conor Murphy was 7 for 7 in PATs. He also had eight kickoffs for 365 yards or an average of about 46 yards each. We played at least three quarterbacks and virtually everyone on the bench got in.
Our UNW opponents were not worthless, inept or without talent — they just didn’t have the talent, depth of reserves, discipline or luck. Our defense throttled their running game, allowing only six net rushing yards, but the Eagles, God bless their little hearts, kept the chains moving — 16 first downs, all but three by aerials — on a number of occasions with short but accurate passing, giving rise to the specter of them scoring on us. But every time that threatened down in our end of the field, something bad for them would occur, like a couple long sacks, interceptions (two), or a penalty that would end their march. And about those penalties? They had five for 30 yards, while we—in a great improvement— had only two for 10 yards. I liked the moxie and poise of their embattled freshman quarterback Caden Cantrell, the Snowflake grad. All in all, the Eagles played better, harder and more effectively than the score indicates. Oh, and we had five sacks for -46 yards. We gave up none.
For more information on the game and box score, go here:
https://gojohnnies.com/news/2022/11/19/football-no-4-sju-rolls-to-49-0-win-in-ncaas-first-round.aspx
Next Step —
Now #4 St. John’s (10-1 overall) hosts #12 Wartburg (11-0) in the Second Round of the NCAA Division III Playoffs at noon Saturday, Nov. 26, in Clemens Stadium. Beating them should be a non-factor, right? Not so fast there, Little Johnny. See the discussion of the Wartburg Knights a bit farther on in this issue. This will be a very tough contest. Those that can, please be there.
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Some Post-Game Observations —
From Ron Tomczik ‘65, who didn’t have enough material to warrant his usual column: Anyone notice how many of our players today played with no arm or lower lever leg coverings? Maybe because they were moving around so much they didn’t feel the cold?
Also, someone in the stands had a cardiac issue in the 4th quarter; a helicopter came after the game. Thankfully they were able to get a pulse! Observers thought he was a local Stearns County guy. The medical helicopter landed by the four-way stop by the Palestra—somewhat holding up exiting traffic.
(Ed’s Note: The victim was in fact a person well known and admired by the CSB-SJU community. He is Bill Patefield, recently retired director of Investments for the colleges. Bill is recuperating in the St. Cloud Hospital after surgery and now awaits recuperation from broken ribs and sternum from the emergency CPR treatment given to him at the stadium. Our prayers and best wishes go to him.)
John Sipe (left), my brother Patrick (rear) and I stopped in at the La Playette for some early morning Bloody Mary cheer before heading to the tailgate. There we snapped a photo with the owner, Anne Riesner. Ann comes to the La after nearly fifteen years in management roles at Granite City restaurants. She also sells real estate now in the greater St. Cloud area.
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Some additional random thoughts from your editor:
It was definitely cold up at Collegeville — 14º on the field with a 15-18 mph wind, giving the poor souls on the field, the sidelines and huddled in the stands a windchill of -5. And yet we still had 1,160 fans, abut 50 of whom were on the UNW side.
There were few students, but the ones who showed seemed to be having fun, especially those gathered at the south end zone. Those watching by livestream couldn’t hear the music but could see those students were dancing up a storm to some of those tunes. One way to keep warm, I guess.
Aaron Syverson really looked good; he was 19 for 23 in just over a half of play with 204 yards and zero intercepts. His opponent, Caden Cantrell, did pretty well too. For the entire game he was 23-32 and 207 yards, but with two interceptions. Jimmy Buck had a most impressive game; he had eight catches for 76 yards, but two or three of them were in the highlight film category. This Thanksgiving let us give thanks for Conor Murphy and Spencer Ell…when you get a kicker and punter of their quality it’s easy to take them for granted and we should never do that. I wonder how many points Conor has for the year? I think he’s only missed one extra point attempt all season and has a pretty fair percentage of the few field goals he’s been asked to kick. (Maybe someone can give us that information or direct us to the answer.)
As mentioned previously, the UNW Eagles played us pretty well at first, looking good on both sides of the ball, even as they began falling behind. Realizing that it was against inferior competition, still our running game looked good and we can only hope some things are beginning to gel now that we’re going up against a powerful defensive line with Wartburg. One further thing about the Eagles; they seemed to play fairly evenly against our second and third team players…but they still couldn’t score.
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Forcing It Out —
A Wartburg offensive lineman is sitting on the toilet. His roommate thinks he has been in there too long, so he knocks on the door to see what's up. His roomie is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every ten seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself a few times on top of the head with his right hand.
The roommate said, "Bill, are you all right? You've been in here for quite a while.”
Bill replies, "I'm fine…just haven't gone 'doody' yet."
The roommate said, "Okay, I was just checking to see if you’re feeling alright. But Bill — why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
The Knight player responded with a shrug, "Works for ketchup!"
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Scenes Around The Northwestern Game —
(Photos courtesy of John Sipe '61/'65)
There is life at low temp tailgates! Here Ron Tomczik (left) visits with Joe Wozniak '85, Pat Lilly '79, and Jack Wozniak '19.
Ah, the warmth of Johnnie companionship (glad there was some kind of warmth!). From left, Tina Blashack, Jason Blashack '98, Noelle Blashack '26, Rob Mohr, Emma Blashack '21, Alex DeVos '26, Jenni Mohr, and Matthew Frie '06.
(Note from John: I missed the best photo: new CSB/SJU President, Brian Bruess, enjoying one of Brad Johannes’s smash burgers. I think that he had two and was raving about the experience.)
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Top Ten Signs You’re Overdoing Thanksgiving —
~ Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
~ Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
~ You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
~ You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.
~ Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.
~ The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat!
~ You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
~ Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
~ You have five TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games.
~ Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
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2022 Division III Football Playoffs —
Last Week’s Results —
12th Week, Saturday, November 19
First Round, NCAA Division III Playoffs
#7 UW-La Crosse at #12 Wartburg — UWL plays in a tougher conference and has a much higher strength of schedule rating. Ergo, the Eagles take the Warthogs (or whatever they’re called) and visit Collegeville two Saturdays from now. Actually the Warthogs (aka The Knights) won a close, hard-fought battle and took the UWLC Eagles 14-6; they will be coming our way next Saturday. (Ed’s Note: So much for S.O.S.)
#25 Mt. St. Joseph at #23 Alma — Don’t know (nor particularly care) about either of these teams, but it should be a good game given their undefeated records and place in the standings. I’ll pick MSJ mainly because they are a Catholic university in Cincinnati and no doubt have God on their side (unless it’s a Jesuit school). But it doesn’t matter who wins because on the following week one if them must face Whitewater. At the Warhawks home. In that damn cold. (We know it all too well.) Actually, not only did Alma win 42-21, but they get to play Aurora at home instead of UWW in the Ice Palace! Wow!
#8 UW-Whitewater hosts poor Aurora — At least Aurora’s bus ride is only a couple hours away…it will just seem longer on the way home. Actually, either Whitewater was looking past unranked Aurora…or they are not that good this year, but Aurora upset the #8 Warhawks 33-28, and that’s a good thing. Double Wow!
#13 Bethel at #15 Wheaton — Even without Roste, Bethel’s greater strength of schedule should allow them to play pretty evenly with their hosts; with Roste, Wheaton’s toast. Let’s pray for Roste’s quick healing so he can suit up and get in there. Actually, Roste did play and it was still close, Bethel moving on 34-32 to play at Linfield. Go Bethel!
University of Northwestern at #4 St. John’s — Oh, dear…it’s going to be another horrible mismatch. Let’s hope no one on either side gets an injury, especially on our team. Actually, there’s no surprise here, with the Johnnies cruising to a 49-0 win and staying home to face a defensively-tough Wartburg team.
Other Game of Interest:
St. Thomas at Butler (IN)— Hope it will be warmer in Indianapolis than it will be here this Saturday. The Tommies hope to wrap everything up in their impressive second year in the so-so Pioneer Football League. Butler is 7-3, meaning not necessarily a push-over, although they played in close contests to teams that U$T either creamed or handled fairly well. The Toms should emerge victorious 32-12. Actually, congrats to the Tommies who not only defeated Butler 27-13, but also captured the Pioneer Football League’s Championship in only their second year in the conference. The 8-0 Toms aren't eligible for the 2022 FCS playoffs as a second-year Division I university in transition to full membership, thus Davidson, who edged Dayton 24-23, claims the Pioneer's automatic berth into the FCS playoffs. Those teams finished tied for second at 6-2, two behind St. Thomas.
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Round Two, Division III Playoffs —
Football Bracket Here:
https://d2o2figo6ddd0g.cloudfront.net/b/w/g52zkzgykzqmlt/2022-football-bracket.pdf
What a kick the first week was. The Top Four were not only victorious, but each turned in shutouts as well:
#1 North Central 50 - Lake Forest 0;
#2 Mount Union 51- Salisbury 0;
#3 Mary Hardin-Baylor 54 - Huntingdon 0;
#4 St John’s 49 - Northwestern 0.
But what was more exciting were the upsets and the close games between really good teams, the biggest being:
- Unranked Aurora edging past #8 UW-Whiterwater 33-28;
- #6 Trinity barely besting #9 Hardin-Simmons 14-7;
- #13 Bethel just getting past #15 Wheaton 34-32.
It’s the playoffs, Baby! Anything can happen.
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Games This Week—
13th Week, Saturday, November 26
For some teams, the going gets real rough immediately while a few others will skate through to the Third Round. First, here are the real rough games where that so-called “anything” can happen:
#12 Wartburg at #4 St. John’s — Wartburg is a serious contender and will present different challenges than did Bethel at our last “big” game; still one has to place their bets (just an expression…we know that’s against NCAA rules) on the Johnnies.
Aurora at #23 Alma — Two pretty much unheralded teams raising eyebrows, in a good way. However, if I was a betting man (oops, there I go again) I’d have to favor Aurora because they took down mighty #8 Whitewater in their own den of sorrows. Which should be humbling to all front-runners still in the chase. If Aurora wins and SJU does too, then we’d face Aurora at Collegeville the following week.
#3 Mary Hardin-Baylor at #6 Trinity — Have to pull for Trinity but it’s doubtful they have the horses to keep up with UMHB now that they seem to be getting serious.
#13 Bethel at #5 Linfield — As Tim the Tommie says further down in the “Readers” section, it’s time for Bethel to “expose” Linfield. With Jaran Roste still ailing but playable, there’s always a chance the Royals will upset the high-flying (but pretty much untested) Wildcats. Although we’d like to see a Bethel win, it’s a long shot.
#16 Randolph-Macon at #14 Delaware Valley — On paper this appears to be a close game, but I’m leaning heavily toward Delaware Valley.
Next, we have the less-competitive games:
#19 Carnegie-Mellon at #1 North Central — The NC Cardinals will lay eggs all over Carnegie-Mellon.
Springfield at #10 Ithaca — Ithaca should have no problems.
Utica at #2 Mount Union — Oh, would that Utica pull an Aurora on UMU, but, face it, that’s never going to happen twice in one year.
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Trinity Tragedy: The Story of Roy Hampton —
Remembering Our 41-39 Loss To Trinity in the 2002 Semi-Finals;
Here’s the Rest of the Story —
“Cops collar Trinity QB on Riverwalk”, read the headline of the sports section of the San Antonio Express News the morning of December 16th, 2002, then continue on with the right arrow.
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Watch This: Trinity University Miracle Lateral Play —
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7oF4ZDigjM
(Some say this is the most improbable play in the history of collegiate football.)
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Simple Deduction —
(Compliments of Peg Marrin ’65, Dallas, TX —
Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. "Watson" he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson.
"And what do you conclude from that, Watson?"
Watson thinks for a moment. "Well," he says, "astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Uh, what does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”
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SJU 2022 Football Schedule
Date Opponent Location
Sep. 3 UW-Whitewater Collegeville W—24-10
Sep. 10 UW-River Falls Collegeville W—37-34
Sep. 17 Bye —
Sep. 24 Bethel Arden Hills L—28-24
Oct. 1 Concordia Collegeville W—35-28
Oct. 8 Augsburg Minneapolis W—45-0
Oct. 15 St. Olaf* Northfield W—49-10
Oct. 23 Gustavus* Collegeville W—41-28
Oct. 29 St. Scholastica* Duluth, MN W—56-6
Nov. 5 Carleton* Collegeville W—45-16
Nov. 12 MIAC Champ. (Bet) Collegeville W—28-10
Nov. 19 NCAA Rnd 1 (UofN) Collegeville W— 49-0
Nov. 26 NCAA Rnd 2 (Wrtb) Collegeville
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Johnnie Radio Network —
Saturday’s game can be heard live on WBHR-660 AM across central Minnesota, KDIZ-1570 AM in the Twin Cities and KOWZ-1170 AM in Waseca, which covers most of southern Minnesota and into western Wisconsin. Mark Lewandowski, Bryan Backes ’87, Mike Carr ’77 and Charlie Carr ’03 will call all the action, beginning with Johnnies Magazine at 10 a.m. and the pre-game show at 10:30 a.m. The game will also be broadcast on the SJU football website via Stretch Internet. This is the 24th season SJU football can be heard worldwide over the internet.
The game begins at 12 noon, CST.
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Listening via the Internet: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
Viewing via live streaming: https://portal.stretchinternet.com/csbsju/
(Note: All NCAA games are streamed for free.)
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(Compliments of John Danielson ’60/’64)
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Wicker's Health Rant —
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Holiday Thought of the Week —
Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.
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All About Wartburg —
Wartburg College is a private Lutheran liberal arts college in Waverly, Iowa. It has an additional campus, Wartburg West, in Denver, Colorado. Wartburg College was founded in 1852 in Saginaw, Michigan to establish a pastor training school for German immigrants from Bavaria. The location of the college moved many times between Illinois and Iowa until permanently settling in Waverly in 1935. Also in 1935, St. Paul Luther College of the Phalen Park neighborhood of St. Paul, Minnesota merged into Wartburg College.
The college is named after Wartburg Castle in Eisenach, Germany, where Martin Luther was protected during the stormy days of the Reformation. Student and alumni groups often travel to the castle, and the Wartburg Choir has performed in the castle several times. Waverly and Eisenach are sister towns, and they often swap foreign exchange students. The college is proud of its German heritage, and celebrates an annual student-declared one-day holiday Outfly, a deliberately mistaken translation of the German noun Ausflug, which I think means outing, trip or party. You get the idea, anyway.
Campus buildings are named after places and people in Wartburg's history, including Grossmann (founder), Luther (former Catholic monk), Saginaw, Galena, etc. The college is nearing the end of a long-term effort to unify the architectural appearance of the campus, with new music, library, stadium, cafeteria, and science buildings over the past 15 years, a building spree that in 2008 almost busted the school financially. An array of skywalks and building corridors now allows students to walk from one end of campus to the other without having to go outside.
Wartburg has as academic staff of 83 full-time and 60 part-time instructors. As of this year the college has an attendance of 1,563 students. They are actually known as the Knights, as opposed to my pet name for them, the Warthogs. Their school colors are orange and black. Their biggest rival is in-state co-religionist institution, Luther College.
Wartburg College teams participate as a member of the NCAA’s Division III. The Knights are a member of the American Rivers Conference (ARC), formerly known, until 2018, as the Iowa Intercollegiate Athletic Conference (IIAC). Conference schools, beside the Warthogs, include Buena Vista, Central, Coe, Dubuque, Loras, Luther, Nebraska Wesleyan, and Simpson.
Men's sports include baseball, basketball, cross country, football, golf, soccer, tennis, track & field and wrestling; while women's sports include basketball, cheerleading [this is a sport?], cross country, golf, soccer, softball, tennis, track & field, volleyball, wrestling, and lacrosse. In the spring of 2012, Wartburg's wrestling and women's track and field teams led Wartburg to become the only school in NCAA history to win two national team championships on the same day. Wartburg has had an individual or team national champion for 28 straight years including Wartburg wrestling winning the 2022 NCAA DIII Wrestling Tournament. The men's wrestling team has a NCAA DIII leading 15 NCAA national titles. [Eat ya heart out, Augsburg.] Wartburg's softball team appeared in two Women’s College World Series in 1971 and 2003, while the baseball team has also played in two College World Series, coming in 2000 and 2005.
The Football Team —
The #12 Football Knights are 11-0 for the season and they’ve had an impressive run through it so far; the only close conference games they’ve had were against Central 35-28, and Coe 19-14…just about everything else has been a romp [https://go-knights.net/sports/football/schedule]; in the first game of the playoffs, where they hosted #7 UW-La Crosse, Wartburg remained undefeated in a 14-6 squeaker. They will be coming up to Collegeville to prove to themselves and the world that they are as good as they think they are. They’ll be sky-high.
And they are good, especially on defense, with a nearly impregnable defensive front seven. Knowing how one-dimensional we are, with a sub-par running game per se and now with our leading running back slowed by a knee injury, the Knights will be bringing everything they have at us to disrupt our passing game. It will be most interesting to see how our coaching brain trust develops a plan to (a) keep Wartburg’s defense a little honest with some kind of running attack, while (b) protecting our quarterback from a Vikings Kirk Cousins-like seven sacks last Sunday.
Our defense is also very good, which could mean a low-scoring contest not unlike Wartburg’s game against La Crosse. The difference is in our passing game…no one’s really stopped it, including some highly-ranked teams, so the Knights also have some worrying to do, too.
This will be quite a game…unfortunately Chris and I will be watching it from my daughter’s computer in Sierra Madre, California. The last time — in 2014— we watched an SJU-Wartburg second-round post-season game, we were in Brooklyn, NY, the Johnnies were in Waverly, and the result was not good…we played them even but lost in the final minutes 21-10. Ours now is a better team than that one…time will tell if the Knights are also better than eight years ago.
Who To Watch —
The Knights are loaded with talent and seem well-balanced, yet it is their defense that is getting the raves. The star on that side is junior linebacker #44 Owen Grover. Then there are two brothers, senior linebacker #37 Preston Rochford, and sophomore defensive back #14 Parker Rochford who are also singled out by their coach as performing at high levels. Cementing a tenacious defensive line are seniors #55 Riley Konrardy, #61 Donaven Juarez and #34 Jordan Downing, along with junior #42 Justin Grieff…another good name for an effective D-lineman.
Wartburg’s junior quarterback #8 Niles McLaughlin has been efficient, effective, but not overly prolific as a passer during the season. Sharing the backfield rushing chores is star running back junior #24 Hunter Clasen, with freshman RB #28 Bricen White. One large target [6’5”, 230] is senior tight end #81 Thomas Butters. Then there are a couple sophomore wide receivers to worry about: #4 Drake George and #10 Carter Henry. The Knights’ offensive line is average large, probably comparable to others we have seen this year. They do have one kid on the roster, a sophomore who is 5’10”, 350 pounds. Reminds me of Bill Cosby’s Fat Albert, if you recall that character. However I don’t know if he plays or not.
I suspect we’ll win in — for us — a lower scoring game of maybe 27-13. It could be that our superb young kicker, Conor Murphy, will have a large role to play in this game. We’ll have to be prepared emotionally as well as physically, stay focused throughout the entire game, avoid fumbles and interceptions, and keep disciplined, especially with penalties. Having said that, we have to remember that, first and foremost, it’s a game, it’s on our field, and our guys need to have fun and stay loose.
GO JOHNNIES!
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An Appeal For Fan Support —
From Denny Bracco ’75, Elmwood Park, IL —
Wick, I have to tell you that I am extremely concerned about this upcoming game vs. Wartburg. This seems like a pretty dangerous team, and although the ARC and its conference members weren't as highly ranked by the D3 media who seem to anoint these teams; maybe they were too enamored with the usual subjects...Mount Union, UMHB, North Central down here in Chicago, the WIAC, and even our humble little MIAC.
I have a feeling these kids can play...and can't wait to get up here and prove it. Hoping we get a crowd (Johnnie Students!) that doesn't leave at half-time, and stays in it for 60 minutes. Take a listen to the Head Coach at Wartburg, discussing his team's defense. Mike Carr just told me that they worry about their ability. Let's get a CROWD to this game.
https://www.d3blogs.com/d3football/2022/11/21/atn-321-seasons-craziness-continues-in-first-round/
As my dear old Irish Catholic Mother, Katherine Cecelia Coughlin Bracco - RIP) always used to say when we were inconvenienced or in minor pain, "Offer it up for the Poor Souls in Purgatory!" GO JOHNNIES! — Denny
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From Vic Moore ’72, Woodbury, MN —
Dennis, not many students on campus during the Thanksgiving break. We will be relying on our alums to lead the way. Wartburg is a good team, but so are the Johnnies! — Vic
(Editor’s Further Comment: The weather is moderating with a high near 40º, partly cloudy and winds 10 mph from the WSW, so you won’t have to offer up too much discomfort for the Poor Souls. The Johnnies need a boisterous crowd that stays engaged the full game. Please come in person, if you possibly can, with your “red” on to support our team with your presence and your loud encouragement and praise. Remember: The game starts at noon. $8 for adults.)
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Wartburg Knight Measures Well —
A Wartburg assistant football coach was walking in downtown Waverly when he noticed one of his players standing on one leg in front of the ATM machine outside a bank.
Confused, the coach asked him what he was doing?
The player said he was just checking his balance.
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A Thanksgiving Salute to UUN Contributors —
This is the time of the year when we particularly think about gratitude. Readers of the Unofficial Underground News (and its editor) wish to thank the various persons whose input and contributions have made the UUN the number one unauthorized e-pub of the St. John’s-St. Ben’s community. We’re all very grateful for your support.
Staff Photographers: Chris Scholl; John Sipe ’61/’65 (with additional thanks to all those other photographers whose work we pick up)
Staff Humorists: Denny Bracco ’75; Tommy Cebulla ’58; the earthy Suzie Gooding; Conrad Macina; Mike Obler ’64; Don Hall ’55/’59; Marilee Giere; (the late Mike Gerbich ’63)
Staff Grammarian and Decency Arbitrator: Peg Marrin ’65
Staff Columnists: “A View from the Field” - Ron Tomczik ’65; “The Uncasual Fan” - Scott Edstrom ’77
UUN Games Attendance Czar: Larry Haeg ’63/’67
UUN Chief Promulgator: C. J. Lyngen ’92 (With thanks to the late Joe Pilon ’62/’66 and late Fr. Michael Byron ’81)
SJU-CSB Stringers: Thom Woodward ’70; John Taylor ’58; Adam Herbst ’99; with southern Minnesota correspondent Patrick Tomczik; (and the late Al Eisele ’58, at-large correspondent)
Vital Info Suppliers: Colleen Lilly ’81; Vic Murphy ’92; Dan McDermott ’84; Paul Hamann ’63; Bob Neis ’65 (who also is our contact with “The Football Whisperer” who is absent this season)
Beloved Frequent Contributors: Jim Conn ’64; Nellie Klein ’60; Sister Lois Wedl OSB ’53; Wayne Hergott ’57; Terry Fruth ’60; John Chromy ’64; Gary Kordosky ’64; Drake Dierkhising ’59/’63; John Danielson ’60/’64; Tom Bauer ’61/’65; Bernie Weber ’63/’67; Ev Weber ’68; Jim Weiss ’64; Tom Weiss ’66/’70; ‘Steve May; Jeremiah Eisenschenk ’01/’05; Tony Sandeen ’94; Jim Conway ’58/’62; Terry Kotnour ’64; Bob Malby ’64; Frank Ziegler ’62 (and the late Kathleen Ziegler); John Diffley ’64; Pete Hill ’76; John Forsythe ’77;
UUN Poet Laureate: Mike Murphy ’61
UUN Ecclesiastical Authority: Soon-to-retire Bishop Donald Kettler ’66/SOT ’70 would send the UUN to his soon-to-retire Chancellor/Censor Deputatus, Jane Murray Marrin ’64 for her Nihil Obstat before granting it his Imprimatur IF the said e-publication wasn’t already designated as unauthorized, unofficial and underground. So everybody lucks out.
Introducing part of the UUN crack staff covering the Northwestern playoff game: (from left) Principal photographer John Sipe ’61/’65; Ecclesiastical Authority Bishop Donald Kettler ’66/SOT ’70; Columnist Ron Tomczik ’65; and southern Minnesota correspondent Patrick Tomczik.
(Ed's Note: Yeah, I know their pictures are in this issue a lot, but one takes what one gets...and is grateful for it.)
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SJU’s Wozniak & Fasching Honored, 15 Johnnies Named All-MIAC —
Senior defensive lineman Michael Wozniak was named the MIAC Defensive Player of the Year, Gary Fasching '81 was named the MIAC John Gagliardi Coach of the Year for the fifth straight season (and sixth time in his 10-year tenure), and a program-record 15 Johnnies earned All-MIAC honors when the 2022 MIAC Football Awards were announced earlier this week. All but three are Minnesotans — A South Dakotan, a Wisconsinite, and a Californian.
SJU's 15 All-MIAC honorees:
-Senior linebacker Erik Bjork
-Junior wide receiver Jimmy Buck
-Senior offensive lineman T.J. Duerr
-Junior punter Spencer Ell
-Senior defensive lineman Metoriah Faoliu'
-Senior offensive lineman Joe Jaeger
-Senior cornerback John Kohler
-Senior tight end Alex Larson
-Senior offensive lineman Cameron Murphy
-Sophomore kicker Conor Murphy
-Senior safety Ethan Stark
-Junior quarterback Aaron Syverson
-Senior running back Henry Trost
-Senior defensive lineman Michael Wozniak
-Sophomore linebacker Cooper Yaggie
Go here for the entire story: https://gojohnnies.com/news/2022/11/21/football-sjus-wozniak-fasching-honored-15-johnnies-named-all-miac.aspx
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Gagliardi Trophy semifinalists announced —
Our own Michael Wozniak, senior accounting major and defensive lineman, is one of 15 semifinalists nominated for the 2022 Gagliardi Trophy, an award presented by Jostens and the J-Club of St. John’s University to the most outstanding football player in NCAA Division III.
The 40-member Gagliardi Trophy national selection committee reviews the credentials, ranks the candidates 1-15 and casts their votes. Fan balloting, which is available on D3football.com, accounts for the 41st ballot, and is being conducted on D3football.com for the 12th consecutive season. Fans will be permitted to cast one ballot per device, through 1 p.m. ET on Dec. 2.
Go here for the entire story, names of nominees, and links to vote:
https://www.d3football.com/notables/2022/11/gagliardi-semifinalists-announced
REMEMBER: Be sure to vote for Michael when you are able; only one vote to a device. Once voting is open, we have until 1 PM ET (Noon our time here in Minnesota) on December 2 to cast our ballot.
Here is the announcement/story on gojohnnies.com:
A bit more on Michael:
The national distinction is the third of the season for Wozniak, who was selected to the 22-man, 2022 Allstate American Football Coaches Association (AFCA) Good Works Team Sept. 19 and was named a finalist for the National Football Foundation's Campbell Trophy Oct. 26. He earned MIAC Defensive Player of the Year honors with his second-straight All-MIAC honor on November 21.
An accounting major with a 3.86 GPA, he earned his second consecutive Academic All-District honor earlier on November 22 and achieved College Sports Information Directors of America (CoSIDA) Academic All-America first-team honors last fall.
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NCAA DIII cross country: CSB, SJU —
College of St. Benedict junior Fiona Smith set several program records at the NCAA DIII Cross Country Championships Saturday in Lansing, Michigan.
Smith finished second out of almost 300 runners with a 6K time of 21:49.6, the best finish ever for a Bennie. The previous record had been held since 1994, when Missy Petersen finished third at the national championships, according to a press release from CSB.
"It was a painful race today and I left it all on the course," Smith said after the race
Smith finished fifth last year, and her consecutive top-five finishes at the national championships are also a program first for St. Ben's. She's the second CSB athlete to earn back-to-back All-American honors, according to the college, and the first to obtain seven All-American honors (two in cross country and five in track).
SJU junior Lloyd Young also competed at the NCAA DIII Cross Country Championships, finishing 40th with an 8K time of 25:37.2.
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Abbey Memory Test —
Three retired monks residing in the Abbey’s Care Center were driven to the doctor's office in St. Cloud for a memory test. The doctor asks the first monk, "What is three times three?"
"274," is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second monk, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second monk.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third monk, "Okay, Father…your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third monk
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," the monk says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
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From Our Readers —
From Jim Conway ’58/’62, Wayzata, MN —
Re your last: You qualify as a rascal. Sincerely appreciated. Beautiful edition, as always. Do not know how you do it.
The days are not long enough, the nights are not long enough, and life slips by like a field mouse, not shaking the grass.
I think Auden had it as "full enough," but who the hell is the editor here? — Jim
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From Conrad Macina, Close Follower of St. John’s, Landing NJ —
What a season for the Johnnies! I’m looking forward to seeing it continue this week! My prediction: after the game, the “Eagles” will change their name to “Bogies.”
Two Tommie football players are walking down a dark alley when a mugger demands their money. They pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, the linebacker hands the QB a bill and says, "Here's that twenty bucks I owe you."
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From Jim Conn ’64, Alexandria, MN —
As an Alexandria, MN native I happen to be a personal friend (and customer) of Jaran Roste’s dad, Jeff Roste, who owns and manages a small but very successful family design/communications/marketing business (a la Rob Wicker in his earlier years). Jeff Roste was our lead designer over a two year period helping my veterans group build the Veterans Memorial Park in Alexandria - a stunning and nationally acclaimed tribute to veterans!
I’ve always made it a point to share the UUN with Jeff whenever the Royals and Johnnies meet on the gridiron. I am able to do so based upon the high standards set by your editorial board whereby extreme negativism is reserved solely for the U$T coach and its football team.
By contrast, your positive comments regarding the Royals, and Jaran Roste in particular, make it easy to share the UUN with the Roste family no matter which team wins or loses.
You are a winner Bob, in all of our eyes, based upon balanced UUN coverage, insightful pregame analysis, and an as always entertaining and informative newsletter uniting generations of Johnnies around the world. Well done, my friend! — Jim
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From Jeff Roste, father of Bethel’s Jaran, in response to a link to a nice article about his son that I sent to him and Jim Conn — [ https://www.bethel.edu/news/articles/2021/november/jaran-roste ]
I hadn't even seen that article yet... thanks for taking the time to share with me. We did see the half page article in the Pioneer Press. Thanks for the great relationship and the one with the Johnnies also. It’s been pretty neat.
Wouldn't it be cool if we could meet at the end in the championship game? Long shot, but you never know. — Jeff
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From Tim “The Tommie” Barrett, St. Paul, MN —
Thanks for adding me, Bob. Great reading. Fun to see the Wisconsin squads both took a loss in the 1st round. Has to be decades since they didn’t have a team make it to the 2nd round. Wartburg hasn’t played a team of our caliber. I say 10-14 point victory, then easily into the Final 4 with the Whitewater upset. Hopefully [Jaran] Roste is healthy so they can expose Linfield.
I passed your info on to a good friend, Christian Brother Bill Clary. I met him when he worked at UST in the ’80’s, then he spent the ’90’s at SJU before he retired, so he has plenty of ties in C’ville.
Didn’t realize till just now you’re almost a neighbor. I live on Dayton Ave just up the street from St. Mark’s in Merriam Park. Keep up the good work and I’ll keep giving Malby [Bob ’64] a hard time! — Tim
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Tommie Man-On-The-Spot —
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a University of St. Thomas graduate emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right, honey, I've had a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as the Tommie took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
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RIP: Father Rene Thomas McGraw, OSB —
Monk of Saint John’s Abbey
Born: 19 June 1935
Professed: 11 July 1956
Ordained: 2 June 1962
Died: 20 November 2022
Father Rene, a former popular Philosophy professor, and prefect, died on Sunday, 20 November 2022, in the retirement center at Saint John’s Abbey. The monks, family, and friends will receive the body at 7:00 pm on Friday, 25 November, and celebrate the Mass of Christian Burial for Father Rene at 10:30 am on Saturday, 26 November, in the Saint John’s Abbey and University Church, with interment in the Abbey Cemetery.
Obituary: https://saintjohnsabbey.org/father-rene-mcgraw-osb
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Last Rites —
A little boy and his friend found a dead robin and decided to give it a nice burial. They dug a hole, created a leaf bed, and then lowered the bird and prayed over it as they had heard so often. “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and into the hole he goes.”
(From Don Hall '55/'59)
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Who Would Have Ever Thunk It? St. Joseph Getting Some Class —
Summer in Joetown
https://www.facebook.com/JoetownMNcvb/videos/811914372852976/ 1:30 min.
Holidays in Joetown
https://www.facebook.com/2192177641093427/videos/594135228543531/?__so__=permalink 2 min
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Christmas At Saint John’s/St. Ben’s, December 3 —
CSB and SJU Music Department: Christmas with Saint Ben's and Saint John's
The time-honored tradition of Christmas with Saint Ben’s and Saint John’s (formerly Christmas at Saint John’s) returns at 7:30 p.m., Dec. 3, with a single on-campus performance in the Abbey and University Church at Saint John’s University. This annual concert celebrates the seasons of Advent and Christmas through traditional and contemporary music. Purchase tickets
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Married Couples Retreat , February 10-12 —
Real Presence in a Virtual World: Keeping Marriage Real
Despite an increasingly digital, Zoom-impacted world, married couples can remain grounded in their sacramental covenant and truly be present to each other. The Eucharist shows us how. Presented by Jim and Maureen Otremba. Learn more and register
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(Compliments of the earthy Suzie Gooding)
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The Christian Horse —
A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out.
The horse’s owner said, “It’s easy to ride him. Just say ‘Praise the Lord!’ to make him go and ‘Amen!’ to make him stop.”
Bill got on the horse and said, “Praise the Lord!” Sure enough, the horse started to walk.
“Praise the Lord!” he said again, and the horse began to trot.
“Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!” he yelled, and the horse broke into a gallop. Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn’t notice the cliff he and the horse were about to go over. Bill shouted “AMEN!” at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.
Relieved, Bill said, “Phew! Praise the Lord!”
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THE FINAL WORD
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 13-year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?" asked John at dinner.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this is a lie detecting robot, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.” The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
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We’re moving in the right direction…let’s keep us going with a big win accompanied by a huge crowd of rabid Johnnies a-hollering…
GO JOHNNIES ! !
Checkmate the Knights (or something like that)
Or Better Yet…
Detusk the Warthogs
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P.S. For those that want to subscribe or resubscribe, please go to the website listed at bottom in red. Yes, thanks to my daughter Caitlin we have an in-progress website.
Sincerely submitted,
R.L. Wicker SJP ’60/SJU ’64,
You can call me Rob, you can call me Bob, you can call me Theo or Wick…and my personal pronouns are “he a Johnny” and “him a Johnny.”
St. Paul, MN; 651-699-4697
theowick@aol.com
https://www.unofficialundergroundnews.com
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